Wonkette
- BEST LINE SO FAR, FROM ‘ACCOMPLISHMENTS’ SECTION: “Operation Iraqi Freedom ousted the dictator from power and liberated more then 23 million people.” [GOP.com]
THAN WE HAD A CANDY THEN HAD BIG POTTY
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6:37 PM
on Tue October 13 2009
By
Jim Newell
1431 Views
But, but… then 23 million people WHAT?!?! (Just to get that out of the way…)
And how many people were in Iraq before the war?
Hmmmm…where’s the “yadda…yadda…yadda…” that goes in the middle of that sentence?
Reminds me of a Germany Army press release, say around the Summer of 1942:
“Early today, our victorious troops arrived at the hilltop just west of Stalingrad . . . .”
And the rest, as they say, is history . . . .
Check out the RNC’s friends on Facebook at the bottom of the page. Favorite public figure: God. Favorite non-profit: The RNC.
i just had a brilliant idea. We could all befriend them. I am sure they would love my profile pic of jesus holding a baby dinosaur.
Actually, the URL for the “Accomplishments” page just says “accomplishment,” singular. I guess that refers to getting the site up and running at last?
Mission Accomplishment!
http://gop.com/index.php/learn/accomplishment/
Note, it’s not accomplishments.
Wow, that’s some list of impressive accomplishments. Abe Lincoln was a Republican; true that.
Does anybody know how the Democratic Party, which was a white, southern party up until around 1964 managed to clean out all the racists and basically trade membership rolls with the Republicans, meaning, that while technically Lincoln was a republican, ideologically he might have been a democrat? Shit. Now I have a headache.
It’s not very up-to-date…
2008: The Republicans queefed.
2009: (sound effect of babies crying)
Bruno: People? I think you meant ‘targets.’
Or, to quote them accurately, “Operariom Irawi Fteedon”
C’mon GOP, no need for modesty. How about, fucked up war, fucked up economy, turned surplus into deficit, which led to democratic takeovers of house, senate and whitehouse.
eyegoneblack: “…then 23 million people steadily became somewhat fewer than 23 million people, with an estimated 600,000-1 million dead, 2.2 million becoming refugees in neighboring countries (including more than a million in Iran), and 2.7 million becoming internal refugees displaced from their homes. Today, approximately 100,000 Iraqis a month flee the country.
Let freedom reign.
RoscoePColtraine: Well, the Republican party of the late 20th century would be almost entirely unrecognizable to any republican voter of the 19th. And not just on race issues, but mostly notably on, uh, Republicanism, which at first meant strong, federal government and opposition to things like slavery categorically, a contrast from the party of “states rights” bullcrap that exists today.
I really love how many of these are about race. It’s almost as if they’re overcompensating for something!
Hey, everyone, it’s the Republican fan fiction site! Let’s all contribute!
And than Jim goaded the grammar stasi, but than they didn’t inveigh…
Mad Brahms: Yeah, and the Civil Rights Act of 1957??? I notice they’re strangely silent regarding the more famous one of 1964, at which time Lyndon Johnson said “we have lost the south for a generation.” He didn’t know how correct that would turn out to be.
Hey, whoever did that Cthulu-Jesus painting? Has the GOP got a new project for YOU.
teebob2000: The GOP’s sexual peccadilloes are far beyond anything that can be attained by mere fanfic. Bet you won’t see them on the “achievement” page, though.
RoscoePColtraine: When Lyndon rammed the Civil Rights Acts through Congress in the mid ’60s, he knew it would mean the death of the Dixiecrats as they were voted out of office. [read Robert Caro's Master of the Senate for details.]
It was also the start of the Long Hair Inversion, where having long hair went from meaning you were cool for peace ‘n love to meaning you voted for a 2.0 GPA fratboy for preznit.
2008. A cratered economy, a financial system about to implode, two wars without end going, trillion dollar deficits as far as the eye can see, automobile manufacturing a fading memory, foreclosures so commonplace that mortgage holders don’t bother completing them, a functional illiterate on the national ticket; all leading to the election of the first African-American as President by a nation of racists - that’s how bad it was just a year ago. Now that’s “accomplishment” you can believe in.
germansteel: “Operation Iraqi Freedom ousted the dictator from power and liberated more then 304 million people.”
By 2009, Republicans had made the world safe to criticize the President without emboldening our enemies.
Liberated? I think the people “liberated” by the wisdom and nurturing hands of Blackwater and the Coalition Provisional Authority beg to differ.
“What’s that in the road a head?”
What was the year when they became the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, moral party that had God on its side? I always forget.
And in 1948 they blamed the Dems for losing China. (Repeat ad nauseum)
Fans, remember, THE eternal, primary goal of the Republican party is to cut taxes on the rich.
But it’s not really a goal…..
Jeezus, you folks are really glass-half-empty types, aren’t you?
If it weren’t for the GOP, there would never have existed a movie depicting puppets defecating on each other in the name of freedom. So they’ve got that going for them.
Perhaps liberating millions of US citizens from their jobs by creating a shitty economy should be added to their list of “accomplishments”.
One Yield Regular: Cthulhu is the face of the GOP.
I was going to add some blood, but then I realized that the whole fucking website is one giant pool of it. No sense gilding the lily, right?
Operation Iraqi Freedom
1. Oust Dictator
2. Liberate 23 Million
3. ??????
4. Profit!
I am sure this is simply an oversight; they included Leland Stanford, Sr., Republican Gov. of California and founder of Stanford University, but his wife was an influential activist in the suffrage movement.
Pretty ladies voting and such have been a thorn in the side of good conservatives evra since.
Anyway, aside from being on a GOP site, the history lesson was fun.
Progressive have really done a lot of shit for this country. Go socialism!
Extemporanus: Very nice! And yes, blood everywhere, already.
I love that they make sure to mention the contract with America, and point out that it ensured that members of congress are subject to the same laws as the rest of us. Because prior to that Congressional Immunity meant these bastards could kill you just to watch you die, come into your house and take your women or young boys, piss in your conrflakes, etc, and you had zero legal recourse. Those were dark days. Thanks GOP!
Mad Brahms: “a contrast from the party of “states rights” bullcrap that exists today.”
You mean like the measures this same party passed, like conducting illegal wire taps and other measures to infringe personal rights so the federal government can have information, or consistently voting for the the federal government to control things like marriage or abortion or what the schools teach or…
oh yeah, I forgot they’re also known as the party of “do what I say, not what I do and for jeebus sake get your grubby fingers off my money, underagehotboyass and diapers!”
Oh my lordy. Which one of you did this? (Seriously NSFW)
http://our.gop.com/ImaVagina
Whoever did that gets an iPhone cookie.
They totally forgot to mention their heroic war on WMDs. Or how they liberated 100,000 Iraqis from their pesky living bodies.
Downtheroadapiece: shit it’s not available. I wonder if I can post a super closeup of my asshole and call it michael steal. I am sorta surprised this site doesn’t require a credit card…
Forgotten accomplishments:
1921-1929 - Created a booming economy that only benefited the wealthy based upon unsustainable speculation. Eventually crashed; plunged the world into economic catastrophe.
2001-2008 - Did not learn from history. Repeated it.
“A Republican President Appointed the First Jewish Cabinet Secretary…”
Bullshit. Everyone knows that the first Jewish cabinet secretary was Judah Benjamin, who was the Attorney General of the CONFEDERACY. Also.
The site is all crickets after 1957 until St. Ronnie. Nothing about the Southern Strategy?
Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!
Crank Tango: I mentioned in an earlier thread that I started to make a goatse version, but I just couldn’t do it.
Perhaps after a few (dozen) drinks I’ll feel numb enough to continue.
Oops. Ignore previous post.
I’m intrigued by this comment: http://img246.imageshack.us/img246/1456/screenhunter01oct141117.jpg
Help? I’m thinking blowjobs.
Oh yeah, like living under a brutal dictator beats being half a cadavar in a ditch! And what about all the new martyrs, think about all those former virgins finally getting ‘em some peter up in heaven. Sounds like progress to me…
Extemporanus: Drinks are on me, I think Newell went home already.
Or maybe this will inspire you…
Keep America Safe will focus on issues like troop levels, missile defense, detainees, and interrogation, according to Liz Cheney, who is heading the group along with Weekly Standard editor William Kristol and Debra Burlingame, the hawkish sister of an American Airlines pilot killed in the September 11 attacks.
Since Lincoln was not a Republican in 1864 (since the Republicans did not back him at that point), I am thinking it is kind of sleazy for them to take credit for his work.
A million here, a million there, pretty soon they become real people.
Anybody notice that Republicans did almost nothing but help racial minorities between 1862 and 1938? Has anybody told Glenn Beck about these racist Socialists? Who wrote this list, some affirmative-action intern?
1863 Republicans let black guy make statue atop the Capitol Dome.
1864 First Hispanic governor is Republican
1864 Republicans free slaves
1866 Republicans guarantee Bill of Rights to all (e.g. darkies)
1866 Republicans send darkies to fight injuns
1867 Republicans give darkies their own college (to keep them out of white folks’ colleges)
1868 Memorial Day established to celebrate dead soldiers (ooh, a non-race-related accomplishment)
1869 Republicans guarantee darkies’ voting rights
1869 Republicans travel forward 27 years in time to oppose 1896 “separate but equal” Supreme Court decision
1870 Darkie elected as Republican Senator, through Deconstructionist disenfranchisement of ex-Confederates. No black Republican Senator has been elected in more than 100 years.
1871 Republicans ban the Klan
1872 National Parks created decades before oil companies come into existence
1875 Republicans pass Civil Rights Act that will be struck down by Republican-dominated Supreme Court eight years later (note, no Democratic president appointed any justices between 1860 and 1893)
1878 Republican drafts first womens’ suffrage bill (oh, what a mistake, fellas, amirite?)
1884 Token darkie chairs Republican National Convention
1887 Small towns elect Republican women as mayors
1888-1905. I think some guy named Roosevelt or something did some stuff. But GOP.com finds this not worth mentioning.
1906 Roosevelt finally quits goofing around and appoints a Jew to his cabinet. But not as Secretary of the Treasury — whaaaa?
1906-1924 Nothing much happens. Too classy to mention that Democrat War.
1924 Republicans make the few surviving Indians American citizens.
1928 Wetback elected Senator as a Republican.
1938 Chinaman elected Senator as a Republican.
1940 Republicans call for integrating the military. Since there are no Southern Republicans yet, this is pretty easy for them to do.
1940-1951. Two more Democrat wars that we won’t mention.
1952 Republican darkie goes to whitey college in Mississippi.
1954 Republican Earl Warren writes Brown v. Board of Education, is branded a traitor by conservatives.
1954 Republicans build interstate system to allow armies easy travel, addict nation to cheap gasoline.
1957 Republican pass 1957 Civil Rights Act, declare racial inequality to be thing of the past
1958 to 2009 Tax cuts, benefit cuts and Democrat wars.
glamourdammerung: Whatchootawkin’ bout, Willis? Lincoln helped found the Republican party in Illinois. He wasn’t a Republican, he was THE Republican.
Lazy Media: None of that changes the fact that Lincoln was not a Republican in 1864.
The “Accomplishment” section is actually more interesting than they intended. Look at the old, old stuff. Some interesting stuff here, no? What the heck has the party been up to lately? Defending the rich from paying taxes, for the most part, and claiming credit for invading a country under false pretenses. That’s a huge decline from emancipating the slaves and establishing the national park system, isn’t it?
Lazy Media:
This list was written under the supervision of an RNC chief who wants to appeal to minorities.
Lazy Media:
Anybody notice that Republicans did almost nothing but help racial minorities between 1862 and 1938? Has anybody told Glenn Beck about these racist Socialists? Who wrote this list, some affirmative-action intern
The Republicans stopped mentioning minorities after 1957.
I guess they leveled the playing field that year.
The Iraqis have been liberated… from this mortal coil…
And they left out that in 1980, Ronald Reagan opened his campaign for president by speaking in Mississippi on states’ rights.
I like these ones:
1983- President Reagan invades and frees very large and important Caribbean island from Communism, saving tens of American medical students
2002- No known Republican implicated in sex scandal
2006- Republican Party starts major initiative for the redevelopment and restoration of New Orleans
2008- Republican Party nominates first developmentally challenged candidate for Vice Preside
2009- Republican Party stands for fiscal discipline and small government by leading fight against President Obama’s stimulus package
2009- Republican Governors save hundreds of jobs and prevent poor people from losing government services thanks to lobbying effort of Republican Senators for money in stimulus package.
Marlowe: Yeah, because JFK and LBJ did most of the heavy lifting on the civil-rights end of things (besides King and the NAACP, etc.)… Birmingham Campaign, integrating the Universities of Alabama and Mississippi, Federal troops, U.S. Marshals, fire hoses and police dogs, Bull Connor, who got the Feds involved in those messes? Hint: it wasn’t Eisenhower, it was gay commie Kennedys.
Today’s GOPers are pikers compared to Ike, who unlike two of our three last Republican Preznits, saw ACTUAL COMBAT, IN REAL WARS, AND LED ACTUAL TROOPS, instead of hotdogging around on Texas ANG bases or doing Hollywood propaganda.
And these days, within 20 minutes of Ike’s “military-industrial complex” speech, Glenn Beck would have burst out into eagle tears on live TV while Michelle Bachmann would warn that this meant we were only days away from FEMA camps.
ALL-CAPS, also.
Operation Abstinence Only has put an end to teenage unmarried mothers.
Operation Just Say No has ended the drug problem and vanquished the criminals who profited from it.
1954: ‘The law provided $25 billion to establish 41,000 miles of highways.’
According to http://data.bls.gov/cgi-bin/cpicalc.pl that is $200B in 2009 dollars.
So the new GOP platform calls for a $200B transportation package? Awesome!
No longer would states have financial incentives to add as many people to the welfare rools as possible.
Site could use some copy-editing…
Usually, when US soldiers say they are “liberating” things, that means they are stealing them. (German soldiers “organize” I’m told.)
RoscoePColtraine: Does that mean that the only good republican is a dead one?
The Iraqi Ministry of Information ain’t got nuthin’ on the GOP. Baghdad Bob, eat your fuckin’ heart out.
RoscoePColtraine: It’s called Nixon’s “Southern Strategy.”
Evil Dr. Puma: Maybe they are hoping to match the Tories in the UK for massive, colorful, perversion! It’ll take some effort, though. No Rep(tilians) cabinet members have yet killed themselves scarfing.
Extemporanus: YES, GOP = Giant Octopus Party! The Party of Cthulhu!
Come here a minute: Remember, said dictator was a Reagan ally!!
President Beeblebrox: How about crediting Warren G. Harding as first “black” pres? True, he was a light-skinned mulatto passing for white, but given that his ace-of-spades-black aunts and uncles were around Marion, it wasn’t much of a pretense.
2003: Began making government-funded teevee commercials to tell America’s children to join the socialist military rather than enter the free market and start businesses or pay taxes, because being on the receiving end of socialism is “heroic.” While actually doing work that builds wealth using capitalism is “liberal and cowardly.”
2008: Looked like a bunch of deer in the headlights when they realized that military socialism had collapsed the economy, and all those youngsters who had chosen “heroism” over the “private market” would soon be coming home to a country without free market jobs. Capitalism: Use it or lose it, people.
>>”than we had a candy then had big potty”
Best. Tag. Ever.
Lazy Media: Dick. You owe me a new laptop because I just spewed coffee all over my LCD spasming with laughter.
Then?? THEN????????
Accomplishments 2009: Homophones were misplaced. There were no survivors.
RoscoePColtraine: I was wondering the same thing. There must have been a PBS special on just this topic at some point.
I like the old school GOP accomplishments. 1860 - Republicans Established the Transcontinental Railroad. That ruled. Mere mention of that will see some major Repub sweeps in 2010.
Could you imagine the Democrats posting about shit they did in 1890?
Did Laura’s vehicular manslaughter make it onto that list? And what about SUPERTUBERS?
Okay, this error is STILL up!
Neilist: This has been, what, then? The Russian winter of dumb ideas?