Wonkette
JON CORZINE IS TAKING “NEW JERSEY” SO LITERALLY: “Asked directly if he thought [Chris] Christie was fat, Corzine touched his bare head, smiled and said, ‘Am I bald?’” By default Jon Corzine is now automatically governor of eighth grade and certain parts of the South Shore of Long Island. [Ben Smith]
Mr Christie, you eat a good many cookies.
Then he touched his crotch and said, “Am I a needle-dick”?
That’s a really divisive message, Mr. Corzine. If you want to talk to Republicans in terms they feel is humane and egalitarian, you should hang Mr. Christie in effigy.
Christie’s weight is the “elephant in the living room” of NJ politics. Some people think its some kind of discrimination, anti-fat-fuckism, but there are legitimate issues here. For example, when you look at Christie, you just know he eats babies, and he has never denied eating babies (someone remind me to buy the domain name “christieeatsbabies.com). If he is elected, how do we know he won’t eat our babies? And when he is sitting around the Statehouse, is he going to be sitting AROUND the Statehouse? Serious questions.
Corzine goes for a joyride:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtC0Z68hrfY
This is New Jersey. Wouldn’t being a fat, lazy slob actually be a selling point?
Chris Christie. Would you want to sit next to him in a airplane?
Look, you can vote for either of these idiots if you want, but whatever you do, DON’T get into a car with them!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Actually, wouldn’t being a fat, lazy slob - with a lousy driving record be a selling point????
You see a whole lotta fat around here, but in all honesty, it’s nothing like the fat you see in Pennsylvania.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You’re thinking Philly.
Well, how many ways are there, exactly, to state the obvious? “Why, yes, Chris Christie’s body mass index is above the threshold value established by health-care professionals which delineate the regimes of ‘healthy individual’ and ‘lardass’.”
But us fatties stick together, so Corzine is toast.
Jon Corzine isn’t bald, his head is just on upside-down.
Humpback: Mmm, toast…and bacon, and eggs, and bacon, and bacon, and…
*drool*
Any politician who disses the obese is writing off the fastest growing voter bloc in America.
(Ominous music and insinuating voice over)
“How can Chris Christie be trusted to cut state pending when he can’t even cut his own food intake to 6000 calories per day?
Chris Christie. He’s a big, fat, disgusting glutton.
Be careful, New Jersey. He may be coming to eat YOU.”
Johnny Zhivago: Because if you do, you’ll either be crashed or crushed.
Lascauxcaveman: Chris Christie; he so fat, in the summer he sells shade. He has to wear two wristwatches, one for each time zone. He walked in front of the TV one time, and I missed three shows. It takes him two trips to haul ass. He has his own area code. His cereal bowl has a lifeguard. When he goes to a restaurant and looks at the menu and orders, all he says is “yes.”
Is it puzzling that a billionaire governor dressed in a nice suit should still look like a grizzled prospector from the Yukon Gold Rush?
user-of-owls: Look, if you don’t have a HORSE in this race, you shouldn’t even be formulating an opinion.
Prommie: Holy shit, where did you get the copy from Corzine’s new TV spot????
Chris Christie is in the pocket of Big Taco.
I think Corzine’s campaign signs are prettier. They are myriad mellow shades of blue. I think I’ll vote for him for that reason. Or because he’s not Chris Christie–one of those.
Judas Peckerwood: I noticed you didn’t say “the LARGEST voting bloc”.
Corzine: “look, I’m not saying he’s fat, but the picture taken of him last Christmas is still printing”.
“I’m not saying Chris Christie is fat, but his proctologist stuck a finger up his ass and William Howard Taft bit it.”
To be served at the next Chris Christie fund raiser:
moules marinieres, pate de foie gras, beluga caviar, eggs benedictine, a leek tart, frogs’ legs amandine and quail’s eggs, all mixed together in a bucket with the quail eggs on top and a double helping of pate, six bottles of Château Latour 1945, a double jeroboam of champagne, and half a dozen crates of brown ale
This is just Mr. Christie’s portion, alone.
schvitzatura: The bag of dicks. You forgot the bag of dicks! You trying to starve Chris Christie?
He’ll have to steal a UNICEF bowl if you’re in charge of the menu.
He really does look a lot like Mr. Creosote.
So if Chris Crispy gets elected will the state provide healthcare or is his fatself a pre-existing condition?
Oh, and I second all the previous comments about Pennsylvania…
A New Jersey gentlemen would answer this question with this:
“Why are you fucking asking me such a fucking stupid question, you fucking goomba?”
Instead, he answered it, at all.
My response would have been something to the effect of: “I don’t actually have any idea what Christie looks like. Who do you think I am to be checking out pictures of men all the time, Jim McGreevey?”