COCKTOBER  1:18 pm October 8, 2009

by Jim Newell

JESUS CHRIST, THIS WAS OLD NEWS: YES FINE OKAY TIPSTERS, Levi Johnston is going to be nakey in Playgirl, according to the new story that is the exact same thing as the story from several weeks ago. See? Lauri Apple even did an illustration back then and everything! But anyway, Levi is working out six days a week now and will look super hot. [AP]

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Hola wonkerados.

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shypixel2 October 8, 2009 at 1:21 pm

Family Values, also.

facehead October 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm

When will this guy stop selling his nuts?

chascates October 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm

What tripped me up was the phrase ‘father of Palin’s grandchild’ which seems really convoluted. Although Palin’s almost son-in-law wouldn’t work either.
How about Palin’s daughter’s baby daddy?

Screw it, the whole bunch are just horny grifters.

PrairiePossum October 8, 2009 at 1:24 pm

The boy’s GOING ROGUE.

Gopherit October 8, 2009 at 1:25 pm

And the gay men of the world applaud…..because women don’t read playgirl

SayItWithWookies October 8, 2009 at 1:25 pm

Holy crap — this is why your mohel shouldn’t have Tourette’s.

shadowMark October 8, 2009 at 1:29 pm

Lauri is very cool but is it really art with mouseovers? And closeups? I seem to recall a lot of teh Wonkett thinks Levi is nubile-icious and would appreciate mouseovers doing closeups of his, in this pic, moose parts.

Monsieur Grumpe October 8, 2009 at 1:31 pm

What about the great articles?

magic titty October 8, 2009 at 1:32 pm

So is he going to pose or what? Haven’t heard enough updates about this…

And if they don’t call the pictorial Goin’ Five-Hole they might as well not even publish it.

populucious October 8, 2009 at 1:32 pm

Good lord, I didn’t even know Playgirl still existed.

hiphophitler October 8, 2009 at 1:33 pm

Personally, I hope they show him with a strap-on moosehead in front of his junk, just like Lauri imagined. Some things just can’t be improved on.

RoscoePColtraine October 8, 2009 at 1:35 pm

Well I hope he doesn’t get all crazy and try to bulk up too much. That look is soooo ’90′s. And please, please, if he’s going to be keeping his drawers on, don’t put him in one of those nelly speedos. The Levi I have come to love, adore and fap to wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of those.

Extemporanus October 8, 2009 at 1:37 pm

[re=429615]shadowMark[/re]: This Levi Johnston spread (posted near the very end of the last Levi thread) oughta be more to your liking.

No alt-text or mouseovers (Shortpacked?), but it does tastefully desecrate the stud in all his beefcake-on-a-bearskin-rug, no-nuts-or-pink-parts-but-maybe-vaguely-NSFW(?) glory.

Have a fappy afternoon!

mephistopheles jefferson October 8, 2009 at 1:37 pm

I’ve never been to Alaska, but something tells me the women read Playgirl up there. It’s cold, barren and lonely, and they never see more skin than the neck up. The sexual frustration of your average Alaskan check-out girl is probably too staggering to quantify.

BobTheBuilder October 8, 2009 at 1:41 pm

Levi Johnston has already achieved the impossible: making us feel a little bit sorry for Sarah Palin.

Joshua Norton October 8, 2009 at 1:41 pm

I heard he was going to pose in his tighty whiteys. And I’ve seen pictures of him shirtless. Where is he working out? At a gym with an all-you-can-eat pudding bar?

you cannot be serious October 8, 2009 at 1:42 pm

I love that the former Mr. Alaska is helping him train for the shoot. I thought Todd wasn’t allowed to speak to his grandbaby daddy anymore.

rambone October 8, 2009 at 1:43 pm

That’s it Wonkette . . . bend to the will of the mob! Muahahaha

Next we shall force you to blog about this malaise thing I hear is all the rage nowadays.

freakishlystrong October 8, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=429631]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Well I wouldn’t say sorry for her Bob. Were it not for Walnuts caving to wingnuts we wouldn’t know who Levi Johnston is. I’m sorrier for us.

Flanders October 8, 2009 at 1:45 pm

[re=429623]hiphophitler[/re]: well, mouse-overs would nice.

AxmxZ October 8, 2009 at 1:48 pm

However much he’s working out, it’s not enough. Still got that baby fat on him…

hobospacejunkie October 8, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Levi will be photographed wearing a Speedo Lazer full-body racing suit, the one we are accustomed to seeing adorn the fastest dork in water, Michael Phelps. He will also be flashing an expensively bejeweled grille, like the other fast swimmer guy, Ryan Lochte, wears on Olympic medal podiums. The twist is that for the photos Levi will sport a raging boner (or “clue,” as per South Park) so we’ll be able to count the inches, or feet, should it turn out that he is, indeed, hung like a horse.

samsuncle October 8, 2009 at 1:54 pm

Hope he saves a copy of his Playgirl issue for Trip. The little fellow will be so proud of his dad when he sees it.

dementor October 8, 2009 at 1:56 pm

[re=429627]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: Lots more men than women there, so your average check-out girl’s odds are good, even in if the goods are odd.

I wonder if he’ll be wearing his protection from the pistachio ad in this spread?

YesWeKant October 8, 2009 at 1:56 pm

I’m fapping in anticipation of fapping to this.

ChernobylSoup v2 October 8, 2009 at 1:57 pm

Is it true that the camera adds ten inches?

RoscoePColtraine October 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=429633]Joshua Norton[/re]: [re=429646]AxmxZ[/re]: Bite your tongue! He’s flawless. His I’ll fuck you up attitude makes it so. Remember, Levi, no smiling at the camera, you’ll ruin it if you do!

Accordion-o-rama October 8, 2009 at 2:05 pm

[re=429606]PrairiePossum[/re]: Probably GOING ROUGE as well.

shadowMark October 8, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Yeah, here are pics of Levi in thirty years, just walking around naked…

Gopherit October 8, 2009 at 2:12 pm

[re=429619]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: All the classy women I know only bother with internet porn anymore, god love’em.

Flanders October 8, 2009 at 2:20 pm

[re=429656]samsuncle[/re]: Don’t you mean Trig?

nightshift October 8, 2009 at 2:43 pm

Lets hope Playgirl is the gateway to a gay porn career, if only to see the reaction of the right wing!

norbizness October 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm

Any way to introduce a virus that will cause all posts with the term “Levi” (-jeans) to die an agonizing death?

chascates October 8, 2009 at 2:46 pm

[re=429741]nightshift[/re]: The right is already pissed that Mary Cheney is having a second baby.

bitchincamaro October 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=429681]shadowMark[/re]: Ha!

Extemporanus October 8, 2009 at 2:54 pm

[re=429681]shadowMark[/re]: Those sure as all hell beat the pic I posted up-thread!

I knew that mine was missing something, and now it’s very clear what that something is: a day-glo hat.

chascates October 8, 2009 at 3:00 pm

[re=429681]shadowMark[/re]: Now I now why Basil Fawlty used to explain Manual by saying, “He’s from Barcelona.”

SomeNYGuy October 8, 2009 at 3:03 pm

[re=429745]chascates[/re]: Wow, Dad finished eating the first one already?

hiphophitler October 8, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Based upon considerable product research conducted among women in the early 1970s, Playgirl used to have a philosophy of depicting the male member in a state they described as “maximum tumescence in repose.” Let us hope for Levi’s sake that they have retained said philosophy.

Raymond_Marble October 8, 2009 at 3:07 pm

I predict that GLASSES! will soon have an abundance of paper cuts in and around her Drilling Platform.

BadKitty October 8, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Since I don’t care enough to actually purchase Playgirl (I’m also not a gay man who seem to be the only people buying Playgirl), I’m trusting Wonkette to post Levi’s pix when they come out. Or to at least provide a link to them on line?

PoignancySelz October 8, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Maybe this could accompany his CD release.
“Just a Wigga from Wasilla”
with the new single,
“Track, looky me bitch”

Lionel Hutz Esq. October 8, 2009 at 3:47 pm

But will he be wearing a condom like in his pistachio ads?

rocktonsammy October 8, 2009 at 5:17 pm

This isn’t going to end well for Alaska’s real “first dude.”

LowerdPeninsula October 9, 2009 at 2:30 am

[re=429821]PoignancySelz[/re]: Speaking of Track, notice how far-the-fuck away he’s stayed from his crazy family? Of course, the military will do that to you, but even McCain’s military children were more often seen and heard from than Track, who seems to have gone into self-exile.

zhubajie October 9, 2009 at 7:08 am

Com’on, he’s going to look like that guy carrying his gut in a wheel-barrow. Or that bearded guy, the “typical Wonkette reader.”

Zack Morris October 14, 2009 at 12:21 am

Levi’s 5.01 inches.

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