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JESUS CHRIST, THIS WAS OLD NEWS: YES FINE OKAY TIPSTERS, Levi Johnston is going to be nakey in Playgirl, according to the new story that is the exact same thing as the story from several weeks ago. See? Lauri Apple even did an illustration back then and everything! But anyway, Levi is working out six days a week now and will look super hot. [AP]

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47 COMMENTS

  1. What tripped me up was the phrase ‘father of Palin’s grandchild’ which seems really convoluted. Although Palin’s almost son-in-law wouldn’t work either.
    How about Palin’s daughter’s baby daddy?

    Screw it, the whole bunch are just horny grifters.

  2. Lauri is very cool but is it really art with mouseovers? And closeups? I seem to recall a lot of teh Wonkett thinks Levi is nubile-icious and would appreciate mouseovers doing closeups of his, in this pic, moose parts.

  3. So is he going to pose or what? Haven’t heard enough updates about this…

    And if they don’t call the pictorial Goin’ Five-Hole they might as well not even publish it.

  4. Personally, I hope they show him with a strap-on moosehead in front of his junk, just like Lauri imagined. Some things just can’t be improved on.

  5. Well I hope he doesn’t get all crazy and try to bulk up too much. That look is soooo ’90’s. And please, please, if he’s going to be keeping his drawers on, don’t put him in one of those nelly speedos. The Levi I have come to love, adore and fap to wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of those.

  6. [re=429615]shadowMark[/re]: This Levi Johnston spread (posted near the very end of the last Levi thread) oughta be more to your liking.

    No alt-text or mouseovers (Shortpacked?), but it does tastefully desecrate the stud in all his beefcake-on-a-bearskin-rug, no-nuts-or-pink-parts-but-maybe-vaguely-NSFW(?) glory.

    Have a fappy afternoon!

  7. I’ve never been to Alaska, but something tells me the women read Playgirl up there. It’s cold, barren and lonely, and they never see more skin than the neck up. The sexual frustration of your average Alaskan check-out girl is probably too staggering to quantify.

  8. I heard he was going to pose in his tighty whiteys. And I’ve seen pictures of him shirtless. Where is he working out? At a gym with an all-you-can-eat pudding bar?

  9. I love that the former Mr. Alaska is helping him train for the shoot. I thought Todd wasn’t allowed to speak to his grandbaby daddy anymore.

  10. [re=429631]BobTheBuilder[/re]: Well I wouldn’t say sorry for her Bob. Were it not for Walnuts caving to wingnuts we wouldn’t know who Levi Johnston is. I’m sorrier for us.

  11. Levi will be photographed wearing a Speedo Lazer full-body racing suit, the one we are accustomed to seeing adorn the fastest dork in water, Michael Phelps. He will also be flashing an expensively bejeweled grille, like the other fast swimmer guy, Ryan Lochte, wears on Olympic medal podiums. The twist is that for the photos Levi will sport a raging boner (or “clue,” as per South Park) so we’ll be able to count the inches, or feet, should it turn out that he is, indeed, hung like a horse.

  12. [re=429627]mephistopheles jefferson[/re]: Lots more men than women there, so your average check-out girl’s odds are good, even in if the goods are odd.

    I wonder if he’ll be wearing his protection from the pistachio ad in this spread?

  13. [re=429633]Joshua Norton[/re]: [re=429646]AxmxZ[/re]: Bite your tongue! He’s flawless. His I’ll fuck you up attitude makes it so. Remember, Levi, no smiling at the camera, you’ll ruin it if you do!

  14. [re=429681]shadowMark[/re]: Those sure as all hell beat the pic I posted up-thread!

    I knew that mine was missing something, and now it’s very clear what that something is: a day-glo hat.

  15. Based upon considerable product research conducted among women in the early 1970s, Playgirl used to have a philosophy of depicting the male member in a state they described as “maximum tumescence in repose.” Let us hope for Levi’s sake that they have retained said philosophy.

  16. Since I don’t care enough to actually purchase Playgirl (I’m also not a gay man who seem to be the only people buying Playgirl), I’m trusting Wonkette to post Levi’s pix when they come out. Or to at least provide a link to them on line?

  17. [re=429821]PoignancySelz[/re]: Speaking of Track, notice how far-the-fuck away he’s stayed from his crazy family? Of course, the military will do that to you, but even McCain’s military children were more often seen and heard from than Track, who seems to have gone into self-exile.

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