stop being mean to dick cheney

Al Franken Saves Ladies From Rape! Republicans Upset

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Al Franken is like the best Senator ever, maybe. Here he talking for seven minutes yesterday about his amendment to a defense appropriations bill that would defund KBR (Halliburton) or any other contractor that forces its employees to waive their rights to criminal or civil cases when they get abused or — as was the case of one KBR employee in Iraq — gang-raped by their co-workers. The amendment passed, 68-30! Thirty Republican males voted against it. They thought Al Franken was just being mean to Halliburton because of Dick Cheney and politics. DID YOU KNOW THAT AL FRANKEN USED TO BE A COMEDIAN, AND NOW HE’S A SENATOR? It’s true. [Think Progress]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • gurukalehuru

    You go,Al!

  • hobospacejunkie

    He’s only trying to de-fund Halliburton so the govt checks will instead be made out to “me, Al Franken.”

  • Hopey dont play that game

    Won’t someone think of the poor rapists? Where is there justice for them? This is a feminist conspiracy.

    Hold on, Fox News is here with a dump truck full of money for my new show…

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    In the future, all comedians will become congressman and visa versa.

  • PrairiePossum

    Republican Senators believe being gang-raped by a co-worker is a job requirement – not a crime and not a civil rights violation.

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    In addition to being elected as senator of the state of Minnesota and fighting corporate concealment of employee gang rape, Al Franken also once asked Jerry Garcia if he had any drugs in-between sets at a 1980 dead show at Radio City. Even though Jerry said “no” it still shows that Al’s not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions.

    Franken looked pretty high.

  • Hutch

    Al, hey man, lighten up.

    “Freedom’s untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.” –on looting in Iraq after the U.S. invasion, Rumsfeld added, “stuff happens.”

    KBR just did a few bad things.

  • MARCdMan

    I’d love to hear the arguments against this.

  • Sussemilch

    I’m surprised. I was sure that more than thirty Republicans would be in favor of gang rape.

  • slappypaddy

    mercenaries have no legal rights. when they are apprehended, they will be shot. order will be restored and justice will be served (piping hot, though bloody around the edges).

  • SayItWithWookies

    When will the socialism stop? Next they’ll be requiring Halliburton to bid on contracts, like plain rabble.

  • MLHencken

    Go get ’em, Al. You’re good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, we like you.

  • One Yield Regular

    Too bad Valerie Solanas isn’t still alive. I have a list of 30 names I’d like to send her.

  • Gorillionaire

    And Senator Vitter voted…

  • BeWoot

    God bless Stuart Smalley. He’s good enough, he’s smart enough and, gosh darn it, I like him.

  • TGY

    Franken redeems the entire state of Minnesota. Mostly.

  • Cicada

    30 brave men, standing up for rapists in the face of Socialist Tyranny.


  • sezme

    Former comedian, my ass! That was the opposite of funny. But good on him.

  • Cicada

    By the way, this vote also makes it even more obvious how stupid NOW going after David Letterman is.

    Fucking priorities.

  • Extemporanus

    The Republicans who voted against the ammendment simply wanted to put her in her place.

    And by “her place”, I mean “a shipping container for at least 24 hours without food, water, or a bed.”

  • problemwithcaring

    Doesn’t every credit card company and major bank in the US have mandatory arbitration clauses? Hell, I think Sprint, my cell company even has one.

    …Not that they rape me in any way other than figuratively, though…

  • the public option

    That’s “therapist” Shawn!

  • Jukesgrrl

    [re=428903]Monsieur Grumpe[/re]: You have excellent ideas and I would like to subscribe to your publication.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=428917]One Yield Regular[/re]: I have a Randy Whore Wall with each of them on it.

  • Downtheroadapiece

    [re=428925]TGY[/re]: He’s always going to be in the deficit on that as long as Bachmann’s in the House. Or in the state. Or drawing breath.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=428909]MARCdMan[/re]: It denigrates the efforts of firefighter?

  • DeLand DeLakes

    When the Franken/Coleman death match was still in its infancy, the Repugs circulated flyers depicting a smirking Franken homunculus in a beanie, warning that he was going to tell rape jokes to all our children. Clearly, rape is no joke to conservatives: it is a very serious and useful weapon to be deployed only when the bitches insist on, you know, occupying public space.

  • ManchuCandidate

    Who the hell does KBR’s hiring? I’m guessing it’s Hedly Lamarr.

    Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
    Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
    Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
    Applicant: I like rape.

  • Cicada

    [re=428934]problemwithcaring[/re]: The difference is that if a you worked for Sprint, and your co-workers raped and beat you, you would have legal recourse. Different than being a customer, who doesn’t have to face career damage/firing/etc.

    Oh, and you’re here in the U.S., where your rape and beating would be a legal matter pursued by the police and D.A.

    But yeah, those cell phone bills are criminal…talk about taking it up the ass! Amirite?

  • Johnny Zhivago

    Hey, Halliburton has feelings too, you know.

  • Johnny Zhivago

    [re=428943]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I think you’re right, because isn’t a Number 12 we did to Iraq?

  • Aflac Shrugged

    It’s like my daddy always told me. When the girls say “No,” they really mean, “I hereby waive my right to adjudication by means other than a panel of foreign arbitrators to be named later at the employer’s discretion.”

  • ManchuCandidate

    [re=428949]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    You mean where Haliburton/KBR holds the number 12 dance where they electrocute/poison the soldiers, rapes the shit out of the goats and women, and steal the oil?

  • SayItWithWookies

    [re=428910]Sussemilch[/re]: Most of the bottoms voted for the amendment.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    [re=428910]Sussemilch[/re]: The rest were repulsed by the nature of the crime (woman victim).

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=428945]Cicada[/re]: Wait, work at Sprint? You can do that an not reside in India?

  • KilgoreTrout_XL

    [re=428951]Aflac Shrugged[/re]: Haha, well done dude.

  • hiphophitler

    Oh come on, Al. She was practically begging for it.

  • Jim89048

    I see where my senator and arbiter of all things moral ensign has voted in favor of rape. I thought these guys were supposed to represent us?

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Kellogg, Brown & Rape. But go after Polanski, first, cos his name sounds all foreign and whutnot.

  • GreatOldOnesParty

    Republicans: Obviously not the party of “No-means-No”

  • June Cleaver 2.0

    So the comedian turned out to be the most dignified senator of this congress. He is so smart, he can force (and with good manners!) Republics to vote on his legislation. He is truly for the people.

  • AggieDemocrat

    Gang rape? Come on. These were just people blowing off steam, like frat boys.

  • Tundra Grifter

    Defund ACORN – keep KBR gang-rapers on the payroll! So that’s the new plank in the Republican platform?

  • LittlePig

    [re=428937]Extemporanus[/re]: I have a Randy Whore Wall with each of them on it.

    FTW. Bravo.

  • AbstinenceOnly Ed

    Yes, but at least they weren’t drinking gay vodka from each others poop-chutes.

  • Hedley Lamar

    [re=428943]ManchuCandidate[/re]: I resemble that remark.

  • ScubaDew

    ACORN teaches a pimp how to fill out tax forms = Defund them! Prosecute them! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!

    KBR persecutes rape victim = Whoa, whoa. Let’s not be too hasty here. We don’t want some sort of witch hunt, do we?

  • funkyj

    come on folks, hate the rape, not the rapist.

  • barneyfunk

    This is the least funny rape joke I have heard this week.

  • AggieDemocrat

    Also, I’m a bit shocked no one has made a Clayton Williams reference yet…

  • Jerri

    Yay Al! And take a look at who the 30 are. It’s like a who’s who of Senatorial douchebags. (Then again, don’t look. You can guess at least half of them without even really trying.)

  • Tommmcatt


    That would make a great coffee table book “A Who’s-Who Of Senatorial Douchebags”. It could double as an emetic. as an emetic.

  • artpepper

    Yikes! I think I’ll start reading those click-through EULAs.

    THIS SOFTWARE IS LICENSED “AS-IS” WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. YOU MAY BE GANG RAPED AND LOCKED IN A BOX. I hereby acknowledge that I have read and understand the foregoing License Agreement.

  • EdFlinstone

    Hey libtards, dont let one rape make you forget the great work Halliburton has done wiring the showers for Merikas fighting men and women.

  • zhubajie

    How many of these Reptiles have at least one frat party gang-rape in their past?

  • BerkeleyFarm

    [re=429012]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: No kidding. Well done, Senator Franken.

    And the 30 Republicans are the most unfunny joke possible about this. I’d bet that they all fulminated quite nicely about Polanski and those “HOLLYWOOD LIBERALS!”.

  • glamourdammerung

    Gang rape is a pretty maverick thing to do, right?

  • AnSnarkist

    God, I want to say something sarcastic about government regulation, but I can’t bring myself to do it because this is so awful. For the eight last years we were apparently being run by robber barons, organized crime, and maybe the characters from Mad Men.

  • DangerousLiberal

    Wow, Franken has sure turned into a wet rag, eh? He was so much funnier when he had his own portable satellite uplink. If this year is the Year of Al Franken, I think I’ll wait until the Year of Jim Imhofe.


    Voting against amendment:

    Alexander (R-TN)
    Barrasso (R-WY)
    Bond (R-MO)
    Brownback (Rapist-KS)
    Bunning (R-KY)
    Burr (R-NC)
    Chambliss (R-GA)
    Coburn (R-OK)
    Cochran (R-MS)
    Corker (R-TN)
    Cornyn (R-TX)
    Crapo (R-ID)
    DeMint (R-SC)
    Ensign (Mildly aroused by rape-NV)
    Enzi (R-WY)
    Graham (R-SC)
    Gregg (R-NH)
    Inhofe (Rapist-OK)
    Isakson (R-GA)
    Johanns (R-NE)
    Kyl (Rapist-AZ)
    McCain (R-AZ)
    McConnell (R-KY)
    Risch (R-ID)
    Roberts (R-KS)
    Sessions (Rapist-AL)
    Shelby (R-AL)
    Thune (R-SD)
    Vitter (Rapist-LA)
    Wicker (R-MS)

    “Republicans point out that the amendment was opposed by a host of business interests, including the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, and applies to a wide range of companies, including IBM and Boeing.”

    Yeah, wouldn’t want rape-reporting to spread to too many businesses. The Republicans are very good at controlling their brand image.

  • aleks

    I’m glad I worked for your election Al, and I’m sorry I had my doubts.

  • Atheist Nun

    Republicans: WWJGR? (Who Would Jesus Gang Rape?)

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    I’m sorry, I’ve been fairly busy and so haven’t posted much of late, but I can not let this slide.

    I simply refuse to read any post on Al Franken unless it is headed by a photo of Al Franken in a diaper fucking a teddy-bear.

    Sheesh, Ken’s been walk-a-bouts for two weeks, and already the whole place ain’t right.

  • Jerri

    [re=429130]Tommmcatt[/re]: That would be quite the practical tome! And people say print is dead.

  • coastingdownhill

    As usual, the nay votes come from the States that have the highest rate of poverty, incest, rape, poor health, and the lowest rate of education. It’s a pattern you can bank on.

  • Bruno

    [re=428923]Gorillionaire[/re]: I was more curious about Gorilla rapes. Given your namesake, do you have a viewpoint?

  • Darkness

    [re=429147]EdFlinstone[/re]: No fucking doubt. Between that and the poisoned water, have they exceeded bin Laden for Americans killed/maimed yet? Or do we stay in Iraq until they do… is that why we are still there? Not enough little american army shaped decals on the Halliburton helmets?

  • Norbert

    [re=429287]coastingdownhill[/re]: I just read the list, and you are 97% correct. But one of those 30 is Judd Gregg, Obama’s Secretary of Commerce. Come on NH, get your shit together.

  • TGY

    Also, FRANKEN/WAXMAN ’12!

  • CaliforniaMike

    It looks like the 2010s will finally be the Al Franken Decade. Whatever happened to Tom Davis?

  • CaliforniaMike

    Actually, Al doesn’t get enough credit as a writer. The greatest two-word sentence in literature is considered to be “Jesus wept,” but Al is a contender for the greatest three-word effort in his “Operation Chickenhawk” chapter in “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot.”

    “Limbaugh shat himself.”

  • octupletsmom

    [re=429287]coastingdownhill[/re]: Except only one senator from Texas voted No. Ms. Hutchison apparently does not care for rape.

  • imissopus

    McCain? Really? Someone get his beautiful (and skinny) flower Megs on the phone and ask if she’s still proud to be a Republican.

  • jaycrib

    i am very proud of his statement and wrote him to that affect. I wish more people were doing their JOBS instead of jockeying for bullshit power. Losers.

  • Stradric

    John McCain supports gang rape. How about that. Graham, Inhofe, Vitter… not surprised.