Al Franken is like the best Senator ever, maybe. Here he talking for seven minutes yesterday about his amendment to a defense appropriations bill that would defund KBR (Halliburton) or any other contractor that forces its employees to waive their rights to criminal or civil cases when they get abused or — as was the case of one KBR employee in Iraq — gang-raped by their co-workers. The amendment passed, 68-30! Thirty Republican males voted against it. They thought Al Franken was just being mean to Halliburton because of Dick Cheney and politics. DID YOU KNOW THAT AL FRANKEN USED TO BE A COMEDIAN, AND NOW HE’S A SENATOR? It’s true. [Think Progress]

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  1. Won’t someone think of the poor rapists? Where is there justice for them? This is a feminist conspiracy.

    Hold on, Fox News is here with a dump truck full of money for my new show…

  2. In addition to being elected as senator of the state of Minnesota and fighting corporate concealment of employee gang rape, Al Franken also once asked Jerry Garcia if he had any drugs in-between sets at a 1980 dead show at Radio City. Even though Jerry said “no” it still shows that Al’s not afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions.

    Franken looked pretty high.

  3. Al, hey man, lighten up.

    “Freedom’s untidy, and free people are free to make mistakes and commit crimes and do bad things.” –on looting in Iraq after the U.S. invasion, Rumsfeld added, “stuff happens.”

    KBR just did a few bad things.

  4. mercenaries have no legal rights. when they are apprehended, they will be shot. order will be restored and justice will be served (piping hot, though bloody around the edges).

  5. The Republicans who voted against the ammendment simply wanted to put her in her place.

    And by “her place”, I mean “a shipping container for at least 24 hours without food, water, or a bed.”

  6. Doesn’t every credit card company and major bank in the US have mandatory arbitration clauses? Hell, I think Sprint, my cell company even has one.

    …Not that they rape me in any way other than figuratively, though…

  7. [re=428925]TGY[/re]: He’s always going to be in the deficit on that as long as Bachmann’s in the House. Or in the state. Or drawing breath.

  8. When the Franken/Coleman death match was still in its infancy, the Repugs circulated flyers depicting a smirking Franken homunculus in a beanie, warning that he was going to tell rape jokes to all our children. Clearly, rape is no joke to conservatives: it is a very serious and useful weapon to be deployed only when the bitches insist on, you know, occupying public space.

  9. Who the hell does KBR’s hiring? I’m guessing it’s Hedly Lamarr.

    Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
    Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
    Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
    Applicant: I like rape.

  10. [re=428934]problemwithcaring[/re]: The difference is that if a you worked for Sprint, and your co-workers raped and beat you, you would have legal recourse. Different than being a customer, who doesn’t have to face career damage/firing/etc.

    Oh, and you’re here in the U.S., where your rape and beating would be a legal matter pursued by the police and D.A.

    But yeah, those cell phone bills are criminal…talk about taking it up the ass! Amirite?

  11. It’s like my daddy always told me. When the girls say “No,” they really mean, “I hereby waive my right to adjudication by means other than a panel of foreign arbitrators to be named later at the employer’s discretion.”

  12. [re=428949]Johnny Zhivago[/re]:
    You mean where Haliburton/KBR holds the number 12 dance where they electrocute/poison the soldiers, rapes the shit out of the goats and women, and steal the oil?

  13. I see where my senator and arbiter of all things moral ensign has voted in favor of rape. I thought these guys were supposed to represent us?

  14. So the comedian turned out to be the most dignified senator of this congress. He is so smart, he can force (and with good manners!) Republics to vote on his legislation. He is truly for the people.

  15. ACORN teaches a pimp how to fill out tax forms = Defund them! Prosecute them! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!!

    KBR persecutes rape victim = Whoa, whoa. Let’s not be too hasty here. We don’t want some sort of witch hunt, do we?

  16. Yay Al! And take a look at who the 30 are. It’s like a who’s who of Senatorial douchebags. (Then again, don’t look. You can guess at least half of them without even really trying.)

  17. [re=429104]Jerri[/re]:

    That would make a great coffee table book “A Who’s-Who Of Senatorial Douchebags”. It could double as an emetic. as an emetic.

  18. Yikes! I think I’ll start reading those click-through EULAs.

    THIS SOFTWARE IS LICENSED “AS-IS” WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED. YOU MAY BE GANG RAPED AND LOCKED IN A BOX. I hereby acknowledge that I have read and understand the foregoing License Agreement.

  19. Hey libtards, dont let one rape make you forget the great work Halliburton has done wiring the showers for Merikas fighting men and women.

  20. [re=429012]June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: No kidding. Well done, Senator Franken.

    And the 30 Republicans are the most unfunny joke possible about this. I’d bet that they all fulminated quite nicely about Polanski and those “HOLLYWOOD LIBERALS!”.

  21. God, I want to say something sarcastic about government regulation, but I can’t bring myself to do it because this is so awful. For the eight last years we were apparently being run by robber barons, organized crime, and maybe the characters from Mad Men.

  22. Wow, Franken has sure turned into a wet rag, eh? He was so much funnier when he had his own portable satellite uplink. If this year is the Year of Al Franken, I think I’ll wait until the Year of Jim Imhofe.

  23. Voting against amendment:

    Alexander (R-TN)
    Barrasso (R-WY)
    Bond (R-MO)
    Brownback (Rapist-KS)
    Bunning (R-KY)
    Burr (R-NC)
    Chambliss (R-GA)
    Coburn (R-OK)
    Cochran (R-MS)
    Corker (R-TN)
    Cornyn (R-TX)
    Crapo (R-ID)
    DeMint (R-SC)
    Ensign (Mildly aroused by rape-NV)
    Enzi (R-WY)
    Graham (R-SC)
    Gregg (R-NH)
    Inhofe (Rapist-OK)
    Isakson (R-GA)
    Johanns (R-NE)
    Kyl (Rapist-AZ)
    McCain (R-AZ)
    McConnell (R-KY)
    Risch (R-ID)
    Roberts (R-KS)
    Sessions (Rapist-AL)
    Shelby (R-AL)
    Thune (R-SD)
    Vitter (Rapist-LA)
    Wicker (R-MS)

    “Republicans point out that the amendment was opposed by a host of business interests, including the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, and applies to a wide range of companies, including IBM and Boeing.”

    Yeah, wouldn’t want rape-reporting to spread to too many businesses. The Republicans are very good at controlling their brand image.

  24. I’m sorry, I’ve been fairly busy and so haven’t posted much of late, but I can not let this slide.

    I simply refuse to read any post on Al Franken unless it is headed by a photo of Al Franken in a diaper fucking a teddy-bear.

    Sheesh, Ken’s been walk-a-bouts for two weeks, and already the whole place ain’t right.

  25. As usual, the nay votes come from the States that have the highest rate of poverty, incest, rape, poor health, and the lowest rate of education. It’s a pattern you can bank on.

  26. [re=429147]EdFlinstone[/re]: No fucking doubt. Between that and the poisoned water, have they exceeded bin Laden for Americans killed/maimed yet? Or do we stay in Iraq until they do… is that why we are still there? Not enough little american army shaped decals on the Halliburton helmets?

  27. [re=429287]coastingdownhill[/re]: I just read the list, and you are 97% correct. But one of those 30 is Judd Gregg, Obama’s Secretary of Commerce. Come on NH, get your shit together.

  28. Actually, Al doesn’t get enough credit as a writer. The greatest two-word sentence in literature is considered to be “Jesus wept,” but Al is a contender for the greatest three-word effort in his “Operation Chickenhawk” chapter in “Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot.”

    “Limbaugh shat himself.”

  29. i am very proud of his statement and wrote him to that affect. I wish more people were doing their JOBS instead of jockeying for bullshit power. Losers.

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