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[New York Times]
CRUCIAL MILITARY STRATEGIES
So Here’s The Plan:
Read More:
1:31 PM
on Wed October 7 2009
By
Juli Weiner
1750 Views
“so who wants to get his mustache dirty?”
This would all have been so much less of a headache if the Taliban had elected to blow up Ronald McDonald rather than the giant buddhas of Bamiyan.
Very clever disguise, Bin Laden!
Clowns scare me too.
The Pakistanis are wise.
They came for the fries but they stayed to learn of Ronald’s plan for democracy.
J C Penney pose!
Ronald is just distracting them with photos while Mayor McCheese orders Birdy conduct an air strike on their sister’s terrorist gathering/wedding reception.
Hey- “gaza unlimited” snacks are only 99 puls apiece! The clown statue should be bombed though.
Who cares about Reagan, this is the true Ronald that represents America.
since when does ronald mcdonald look so mad? (re: down slanting eyebrows). forced photo-op, i assume.
Perhaps if we called it McAid with cheese, they’d find it more appetizing?
Also, ever since Mayor McCheese got caught-up in that gay sex scandal with Grimace, McDonaldland has totally gone to hell. I mean seriously, look at those Fry Guys—they’re too greasy, overcooked, and totally unedible!
The bold primary colors and the “M” for Mujahadeen is gonna make life as a drone operator a lot less challenging.
Pakistan Aid brought to you by McDonald’s Monopololy! Tis the season!
Ronald is forcing Democracy up their poophole.
Looks a little like Michael Jackson putting his paws on some young Pakistanis. No wonder they hate us.
The Burger King is the better choice to project soft imperialism to Pakistan, not to mention the kind of sweating nightmares where children scream themselves awake.
I knew McDonald’s was caving to terrorism when I had (really bad) mini samosas at a London McDonald’s.
And now, the recently re-christened Aidburglar, sponsored by Blackwater!
The guy in the middle is clearly Scottish and as such will have a hard time blending in when working with the other two.
Oops. I mean paise. Anyway these guys probably just saw “Killer clowns from outer space”, just give ‘em a couple weeks and they’ll probably stop thinking that the US is gonna wrap them in cotton candy death cocoons and then drink their blood with a crazy straw.
It’s our secret plan — make the Taliban so obese that they won’t be able to move. Brilliant!!!!
That Ronald McDonald looks like the type who’s trying a little to hard to get the kids to sit in his lap.
hobospacejunkie: Don’t sell Newell short—the dude has skillz!
You totally pulled that picture of Ronald’s Manhunt profile, didn’t you?
So, which one of those other two guys is Sully?
If I were one of those two guys, I’d cut Ronald’s head off and videotape it.
They’re right to be wary. Initially appealing and cheap, U.S. aid makes you lazy, obese, and possibly riddled with E. Coli. You’ll at least get a crappy toy, though.
Why so Wary?
bureaucrap: At least they’ll only be able to blend in enough in the South to actually pull anything off. And, really, what is there in the South to care about, other than more McDonald’s?
bureaucrap: They don’t call it a ‘fatwa’ for nothing.
finallyhappy: What figurine did they give away with them? ‘Imam Samosa’?
These are the dark days of Darth McDonald.
Dear Wonkette,
I clicked the link expecting to be taken directly to a thoughtful analysis of how Ronald McDonald is saving the world from terrorism, killing all the terrorists through nutrient deprivation. Instead, I was overwhelmed with trillions of delicious NYT articles and stories whereupon I got distracted and lost. Please refrain from such negligence and keep in mind that
mostsome Wonketteers cannot handle sensory overload of this magnitude.Very truly yours,
Roscoe P Coltrain
finallyhappy: I just stopped by a McDonald’s in Chinatown.
The Happy Ending Meal was actually pretty good, and it even came with a really cool Where the Wild Things Are toy cock ring that’s shaped like Emil. The toy next week is a Bernard butt plug—I can hardly wait!
Don’t disparage Sarah Palin’s grand strategy. The candidate who will get the wingnut’s support in 20012 will win with the slogan, “Elect me and I will eliminate the job.”
the war is as good as won
One of these things is not like the other…
Had this been video footage as opposed to a still, we would have seen an ambush. The Hamburglar rushes Ronnie, removes both of his clown shoes and throws one at the clown’s head. Mayor McCheese is named interim President.
And 2 apple pies, please.
hiphophitler: Hah! That was an absolute Pearl of a comment!
why is pakistani ronald a hundred times more creepy and menacing-looking than the already pure evil american version? no wonder they hate us.
We’re gonna supersize ‘em?
It’s kind of like sayin’
Eat shit and die Pakistan.
hiphophitler: Any more pearls of wisdom?
Having a “Gaza Unlimited” snack seems….weirdly cruel.
“Hey, Pakistanis, show your solidarity with the Palestinian cause by spending your money on overpriced American fast food!”
It’s like wearing a kaffiyeh with Uggs.
Harold & Kumar Will Now Be Going to White Castle
user-of-owls: hiphophitler: Cut it out.
Maybe it’s time you both condsidered switching to decapinated, don’t ya think?
The plan is to tag-team with Pizza Hut and KFC (yep, we have them here, too), and kill the Taliban with high cholesterol.
On a slightly serious note:
A) The “..aza” is “maza” or “fun” in Urdu.
B) “…should be bombed.” Funny enough, though it wasn’t a bombing, someone did shoot down a huge inflatable Ronald McDonald, when the first McD’s opened in Lahore, Pakistan…
Does Wendy have a burqa?
RONALD MCI.E.D. WILL FUCKIN’ GIT YOU TALIBANNEES.
Yes, Amurka’s most lethal weapon comes in Biggie sizes. America, killing terrorism one congested heart at a time.
It’s all fun and games until someone has to kill their daughter for allowing Ronald’s plastic hand to graze her shoulder, bringing shame upon the family.
For those afraid of the NYT home page (I frequently am),
http://atwar.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/07/pakistanis-view-us-aid-warily/
See? It’s a war blog, just like Wonkette.
(And I like the new look, and there’s nothing obnoxiously intrusive about it.)
FORGIT NUKIN THE MIDDLE EAST AND MAKIN IT A GLASS GOLF COURSE, GIVE EM KFC. SMOKE EM OUT WITH KFC DOUBLE DOWN!!
“It’s like wearing a kaffiyeh with Uggs.”
Never mind the politics, that’s just….wrong.
They look like they’re about to make a Ronald sandwich - clown on chapati.
This is why the French hate us.
Arkestra: I give you: THE SMARTEST WOMAN IN TEH WORLD.
That clown is the calmest suicide bomber I’ve ever seen.
AnnieGetYourFun:
Ah, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie: you’ve never failed me, yet. :\
To drain the swamp of anger where terrorists are recruited, couldn’t we just cargo drop several billion Happy Meals?
Actually, our secret command to eat MOR McCHEESE is more like a ‘fartwa’.
The strategy is to molest the Taliban with clowns?..
TGY: That’s the reason I make my wife wear a burpa.
Debbie tries too hard. She’ll never be a first-call lunatic until she learns to just let the wingnut flow.
RoscoePColtraine: It was a koan. If you had read this one, you would have seen that it was *that* theme that Our Editor may have been trying to impart.
Is this in Williamsburg?
Obviously our 6.6 billion in military aid was a great investment for someone.
AnnieGetYourFun: I don’t get it- so the guy in the second photo wearing uggs? Plus the model in the first picture looks like the blogger(all of those blond haired white women look alike to me). And the kaffiyehs I saw in Israel were made in China and my daughter says they are called Uggs because they are ugly. Is this all confusing enough now?
I didn’t post this earlier due to the fact that I suffered minor brain damage after being head butted by Wesley Willis at the urinal of a bar in Chicago (I still have the lump on my forehead to prove it!):
Rock over London, rock on Chicago, rock on W.W.
And while we’re at…rock Sadam Hussein’s Ass!
Those guys are awfully skinny for regulars at McDonald’s!
One Yield Regular: They only did that because stupid foreigners whined and complained so much.
The guys were disappointed with their Ronald McDonald experiences. They had great expections
Why does the guy on the right remind me of John Stamos?
Why does the guy in the middle have blood on his mouth? I thought we were fighting the terrorisms not the cannibals.
Today, a hostage tape was released showing America’s beloved Ronald McDonald, visibly nervous and agitated, reading from a prepared statement. He assures his family that he’s safe and healthy, but implores the “imperial occupiers” to leave the country. Asked for comment, the Pentagon released a statement saying that they will do anything to save him, and will free him “Jessica Lynch-style” if they must. In McDonaldland/stan, Mayor McCheese, too distraught to speak, declined comment.