Wonkette
It’s not Iran, but the Washington Post editorial board should be pleased to know that we’re bombing the dickens out of something: “NASA’s going for full impact Friday, firing a bomb-laden missile at the moon in a dramatic search for water. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration is sending its Lunar CRater Observing and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) on a mission to fire a missile into the south pole of the moon as twice the speed of a bullet.”
You know what the point of bombing the Moon is when it’s not even going to kill any humans? There is no point, except to be really really gay. “Ooh, look at me, I’m gay, the only reason I bomb things is because I want pwecious water, for drinking, through my butt, because I’m gay, wah wah wah.”
But who knows, maybe there are a few Muzzies camping at the bottom of a crater? And they’d get hit by the moon bomb? Shit like that?
NASA to Bomb the Moon Friday [NBC Washington]
If they’re really looking for a moon river, maybe they should send Andy Williams.
NASA is firing a Buick at the moon?
I got arrested in college for shooting the moon. I suggest they consult legal.
Looks like Jackie Gleason has something in his eye there.
This will solve everything.
So that’s where Bin Laden has really been hiding out!
yeah, ok fine… but what do we do AFTER we bomb the moon? think it through
Join NASA and you’ll investigate cosmological phenomena, visit interesting places, explore new planets…and bomb them.
Also, only the US government would test for water by bombing the shit out of it. Osama bin Wa-Wa?
Okay… so now NASA is just taking ideas from Dismemberment Plan lyrics.
We’re earthlings, let’s blow up earth things. P.S. That’s Spongebob as the narrator and old astronaut.
HoboNutz: As usual, there is no exit strategy.
After the bomb hits, will it dream?
This could end nicely if the moon’s still made of cheese.
Bombing the Moon: vigilant action in the War on Werewolves
We have the technology. The time is now. Science can wait no longer. Children are our future. America can, should, must, and will blow up the moon!
Can the put Betsy McCaughey inside the missile? Because I would definitely support that.
norbizness: Damn my slow trigger finger.
HoboNutz: the mobile infantry?
Have Krauthammer or the Kagan clan weighed in on this, ‘cuz this sounds like something they’d be for, whether it serves any purpose or not. Heck, they’d back it even if it were a disastrous idea — especially then!
Don’t do it, NASA. The Moon’s crazy. He’ll be all showin up at your house when you’ve got friends over, (maybe even another one of your “tricks,”) and your life will just be hell. And don’t even try telling him that your interested in that Mars guy, Moon will just go over there and fuck him up. LEAVE THE MOON ALONE.
How can the speed of a bullet be twice the speed of a bullet?
Haven’t I seen this how already?
Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong and the explosion is a wee bit larger than anticipated, thereby sending a rather large chunk of old Luna spiraling down to earth, killing us all? Because Obama is going to need a hell of a speach if that happens.
When the bomb “finds” water, NASA will embark on a program to send empty rockets to the moon, fill them up with water, and fly them back to earth, or maybe to the immensely useful International Space Station.
Why would NASA want to this? To save their jobs, of course.
Ron the Paultard and the Blimp of Fail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Space Invaders, Defenders, Scramble, and Gorf. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Ann Coulter has a adam’s apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let’s play Armageddon, let’s play Doom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
See you on Moonbase Alpha if you make the list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy, are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
If you believed that they’re gonna blow up the moon, blow up the moon
If you believe in building the biggest bome, then nothing is cool
The missile is meant to leave a crater shaped like the Obama logo, so that wingnuts may gaze upon it and despair.
Serolf Divad:
Yes, but it was British. This is the US American Version.
yeah, there’s no water on earth. time to move on.
That pic comes from the 1902 film A Trip To The Moon by George Melies. I only mention that because last week for reasons too boring to recount here I spent hours trying to remember this very factoid in one of those horrible George Costanza situations where you think you have something very clever to say and then only remember the crucial element hours or days later and you want so badly to find the right moment to bring it up again. Thank you Wonkette.
Ha, ha, ha! Noobama reveals his true colors. The nuclear charge will blast away most of the moon mass, leaving it permanent crescent. Get it? Permanent muslim crescent moon. In the muslim sky. From our muslim president. It’s all so clear.
I know where some water is. It hasn’t stopped raining for the last week.
shoot skoalrebel to the moon. he’s fuckin gay, pisses me off and should be inpeached
Bill Kristol will complain that bombing the moon doesn’t go far enough and will demand Mars be bombed soon after.
When I was a boy, blowing up the moon was just a beautiful dream…but now, it’s science fact!
Can we watch this on pay-per-view? Is there a public option?
ChernobylSoup v2: speech speech
We already have water.
Obviously, the brains at NASA never saw the 2003 remake of The Time Machine.
magic titty: Well sure, we have earth water, which is comprised of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom. Moon water, on the other hand, is comprised of one oxygen atom and two hydrogen atoms, and that is an entirely different proposition. Hard to believe this isn’t obvious to everyone. Thank goodness we have NASA to teach us these lessons.
What did the Moon Maidens do to deserve this?
I await the Blackwater run detention center on Mercury.
I get it. We have to bomb the moon because there are WMDs on Uranus.
Thank you very much. I’m here all week. Try the veal and remember to tip your bartenders.
Watch it Mars, we regularly fuck up Meters and Feet, so this one may hit you.
nasa is now taking it’s cues from chairface chippendale i see.
norbizness:
I just rewatched that episode. So, weird. Bob and David are prophets.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Csj7vMKy4EI
Bottled Moon Water ™
Only $19,999,999.99 per liter.
It’s da bomb!
This is a small bang for man, a large BOOM for Mankind.
Please pass the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator.
Heavens! Didn’t they see “Space: 1999″?!? My God, what are they doing?!?
NASA is sending a Buick LaCrosse into space? What, is that part of Nobama’s socialist stimulus package?
Finally something neocons can be proud of - the doctrine of preemption is alive and well in a democratic administration. Who’d of thunk it would be expanded beyond invading countries? Which agency will be next to apply it?
The precious moon waters will be returned to earth and painstakingly decanted and vacuum-sealed into Ben-Wa balls fashioned of artisanal Venetian glass, which will be given out as party favors at the next $100,000-per-plate RNC fetus barbecue.
I’m no scientician, but I was a kid in the ’80s, so this is disturbingly reminiscent of the beginning of Thundarr the Barbarian. I’ve got to get me a Sun Sword.
Mark my words: The Moon will be Obama’s Vietnam.
Oh my god. Billion dollar idea here.
BOTTLED. MOON. WATER.
Holy shit holy shit let’s do this.
Remember when NASA used to be really good at naming stuff? LCROSS is pretty weak. Surely there’s some story in mythology about some god or other hammering the moon. Lit majors?
Only one question: if they don’t find any water, will Rush Limbaugh jump for joy?
And this is going to happen on which sound stage?
Monsieur Grumpe: I hear it’s even yummier than Fiji water. Flown in from fucking Fiji, also. Makes about as much sense.
What to call it though?
Lunaqua?
Spring of Tranquility?
ChernobylSoup v2: LCROSS?
Wow. NASA is totally run by otaku.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macross
Here is what they are hoping DOESN’T happen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx8C_gt-tE0&NR=1
pondscum: loquaciousmusic: Yes. And we’re firing a Mercury at Saturn next.
Will Major T. J. “King” Kong be straddling the bomb as it speeds towards the icy lunar surface?
Take that, Crater Face!
el donaldo: That would undoubtedly result in waning support for Obama.
ChernobylSoup v2: Use a Greek god’s name for a government project? We have a fucking war on Xmas!!!1!!1! Happy Holidays is an affront to JEEBUS. How this country ever stood for all that Apollo and Gemini business is AN OUTRAGE.
The president has taken his eye off the ball here — the real enemy is the Sun. Destroy the sun!
Are we going to sink all of the moon’s dreadnoughts that are floating in this so-called “water”? I hope we don’t awaken a sleeping giant and fill it with a terrible resolve.
Climb Mt Niitaka 1208
HoboNutz: I am glad someone is thinking ahead…
They did strike first. Why does the moon hate our freedom? http://1percent.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/mooninites_terror.jpg
This isn’t about the moon, it’s about sending a message to the Sun.
RoscoePColtraine: Now that you mention it, it wouldn’t surprise me to find W ordered NASA to quit with the paganism already.
SomeNYGuy: Perfect
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Csj7vMKy4EI
Cape Canaveral is going to feel really dumb when they blow up the moon and the rising tides drown them all to death.
SmutBoffin: That would be SO fucking cool.
The most hilarious part of the linked article is the Instapoll next to it, that reports local San Diegans as 40% furious at this NASA plan to bomb the innocent moon.
Andy Sullivan once bombed a moon for 12 hours … or so
Andy Sullivan once bombed a moon for 12 hours … or so I heard.
We have to fight the water up there so we don’t have to fight it down here.
First of all, NASA needs permission from LA’s metro water district, because it already owns the rights to moon water (see the movie “Chinatown in Space,” to be released as soon as Polanski makes bail). Second of all, this is really all about angry Green Bay Packer fans wanting to harm the cheese that the moon is made of, to show their displeasure with the play calling during the Vikings game. No whey? Whey!
ChernobylSoup v2: Oh, if the space program was going today, we’d name all of our missions after the arch-angels and lame shit like that. Not so much the saints (too catholic), but heroes like Abraham and Joshua for sure. It would be so, so lame. And the world would wonder how in the hell we developed such technology. This is not an opinion, folks. We are really that lame.
ChernobylSoup v2: Chuck Grassley wants to name it, “Health Care Reform”.
(Ignore my misfire.)
Godot: Don’t care what they call it, as long as they bottle it in Moon Units.
rmontcal: No atmosphere to get between the bullet and its lovely destination.
Actually, given that most bullets are traveling anywhere from 500 to 1k mph and the fact that escape velocity (what it takes to reach orbit) is over 18,000 mph, only hitting at about 2k mph is really letting the moon off easy.
ChernobylSoup v2: Per chance, did William Safire leave behind a speach just in case things go horribly horribly wrong …
At first glance I thought it read “William Shatner.” Ok, everybody, elbows in, hands out with palms up, and in your best Capt. Kirk “Khan!” voice, “Moooonnnn!!”
Meanwhile John Cornyn and Kay Bailey Munchison have told Barry that NASA is underfunded to the tune of 3 billion, all of which Texas should get to protect Houston NASA from Mexicans and wild coyotes.
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/space/6653790.html
Johnny Zhivago: Rush Limbaugh couldn’t jump for a Klondike Bar, let alone joy.
HoboNutz: “… AFTER we bomb the moon …” we get this REALLY long straw …
I’d like to visit the moon, but I don’t think I’d like to live there.
rmontcal: In the bullet’s own inertial frame of reference!
So this is how the Chinese Moon Wars started.
nbawriter This, for me, constitutes TOTAL WIN for this thread. Bless you.
S.Luggo: SOCIALISM!
What are they thinking? They way they want to teach science down there, in a few years all the NASA employees will have to be imported.
Declaring war against the moon would be a win-win. Conservatives would be thrilled to get a war despite having that peace-loving SOB Obama in the White House; lefties would dig the low cost.
We’re earthlings,
let’s blow up earth things!
I’m flipping you off as hard as I can.
If it rids the world of the Washington Times, I’m all for it.
To quote Michelle Obama - for the first time in my adult life, I am proud of my country today
Look out moon,
America’s gonna git ya,
Gonna go kaboom,
Say nice to have met ya,
Cuz you don’t mess around….with God’s Amurricaaaaa….
This is long overdue. It’s been following us around for eons. Bastard.
Gorillionaire: But what caliber was the gun? That’s what I want to know.
bago: Orbital velocity is around 18,000 mph. Escape velocity is around 25,000 miles per hour. And the speed of “bullets” ranges from around 400 feet per second (pistol) to 3,000 feet per second. Any faster and the air friction would be a problem.
Gesh. I hate when liberals try to be “scientific” and stuff.
Cheney owns a water company now?
Why stop at the moon. I say we fly a giant-assed match right into Jupiter and light that fucker up, Sun style, so when the sun runs out, we’ll have a reserve sun. And, when that one flames out, we’ll light up Saturn and use its icy rings for water. And, while we’re at it, let’s use Mercury as target practice for our deep-space hellfire nuclear missles.
Neilist: If you’re not a liberal, what in the hell are you?
So they’re gonna blow up the studio out by El Paso where the NASA moon walks were filmed? That is like so last millenium.
No no, see, they’re going to ’shoot the moon’. Big fans of Tom Waits, they are, over there at NASA. Or Norah Jones, also.
Little known historical fact: in 1957, Edward Teller, inventor of the hydrogen bomb, chaired a committee that proposed, among other things, that an appropriate response to Sputnik would be to launch a nuclear bomb at the moon. Quoth the report: “Within 2 or 3 years with a crash program, it would be possible to develop a light weight atomic bomb which could be exploded on the moon and would give useful data about the composition of the moon’s surface.” So, it could be worse!
what the hell, what if they knock something loose and it counter attacks?
::secretly hopes that a huge chunk of moon breaks off and plummets to the earth, crushing all the republicans and blue dogs in congress::