Wonkette
Have you checked out TimPawlenty.com today yet? Oh, please do! Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, who self-identifies as TPAW, has made up some new thing called “Tim Pawlenty’s Freedom First PAC.” It sounds like a mid-range BBQ place on a highway somewhere, but it is not! It is, according to TPAW, an “organization dedicated to putting freedom first again in America. By helping candidates and translating our ideas into policies that everyone can relate to and support, we can turn back the growth of Washington and renew the promise of freedom.” As you can see, this is markedly, markedly worse than a BBQ place.
It is also not FreedomFirst.com, a previously established credit union that predates “TPAW’s Freedom First PAC” and differs from it in that the former is existing and real. So anyway, how stoked are you guys to tell TPAW all about your personal relationship with freedom? N.B.: Your epistolary TPAW fan fiction could be just the opinion scoop document that’s needed to LITERALLY WIN the Washington Post’s pundit mid-term election competition!
“TPAW”? Isn’t he some kind of furry rapper?
Buttercup: Westley, what about the R.O.U.S.’s?
Westley: Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.
[Immediately, an R.O.U.S. sets up an exploratory Presidential committee]
T-Paw puts the Dumb in Freedom!
We know this isn’t going to end well.
Judging Pawlenty’s record, I’m guessin’ the first freedom is the freedom from gravity and the 2nd freedom is the freedom from being associated with falling highway bridges.
I’ll just keep calling him TP, thank you.
Freedom means to me keeping government’s nose out of me buying my candy apple flavored dip and not hassling me for smoking dope with a prostitute.
TPAW IS a furry rapper that’s gonna eazy-e all our problems with the sweet, sweet robotic hymns of autotune.
Has TPAW written a book yet?
I’m withholding my money until I read it.
That’s where Timmy went. We’ve been missing a Governor in the wonderful state of Minnesota. Not that he really has been doing anything when he is here.
This guy started as a moderate Republican. Remember those? As he gets closer to declaring his run for POTUS his wingnut pandering has become more extreme. Last week, he switched from his past views and joined the global warming conspiracy crowd. Next week, Pawlenty the birther?
Jesus fuck, these chicken-diddlers can’t take a dump without using the word freedom. FREEDOM BOWELS: CAN YOU FEEL THE EVACUATION!?! TPaw makes him sound like he’s got a mangled monkey appendage for a right hand. This dull midwesterner is 2012’s Fred Thompson. Doorknobs excite a crowd more than Gov. Milquetoast. Zzzzzzzzzz…
FMA: Isn’t Tpaw some Vulcan grandee?
And didn’t T’Pau have that song Heart and Soul? That was the middle-school roller-skating jam back in the day! As for Captain Crumbling Infrastructure here, feh.
“TPAW! im really happy for you, and imma gonna let you finish, but Hopey Obama had the best campaign of all TIME!
Is Paul Reubens TP(wee)’s body double?
Good luck, TPAW! Please bring us “hope” and “change”.
You know how like old people, in the eyes of teh youngz, are lame purely by the nature of their advanced age, right? Like, mom and dad will never, ever be cool. Sorry. Game over.
So these fucks, these politician fucks, it’s like they’re your parents trying, without irony, to be cool. And just like your lame parents trying to be cool, they are just as fucking clueless about how idiotic they look.
Tweeting utilizing worse grammar than a 13 year old schoolgirl? “TPAW?” Motherfucking “TPAW?” I mean, are you kidding me?
It’s like a goddamn circus of ignorance up there. They are trying to do what all the cool kids are doing, and failing about as hard as you can fail at it.
Jebus Christ.
I liked their original name better. “Freedom at Some Point Down the Road Maybe PAC” just rolls off the tongue.
norbizness: And don’t you make me beg for more!
TPAW/SkoalRebel 2012! Restoring idiocy to Amerikkka, one dip at a time.
TimeCubist: no, Ithink that was the woman Spock was supposed to marry. And Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose
I can’t wait to download “I am TPAW” for iPhone!!!
This guy better get some plastic surgery and a makeover, becasue he sure don’t look presidential.
TPawing. Sounds like another term for teabagging.
Renew the promise of freedom? Like under G.W. Bush?
Here’s a tip, wingnuts: The fact that people haven’t been rounded up for attempting to incite riots or bringing weapons to Presidential events proves that we’re free.
How many of you have explained to TPaw that Freedom is Flavored dee-ip, Truck Nutz and no Jews in the Whitehouse.
I heard TPAW shot Biggy….*and* Tupac.
So does the wingnut pols Freedom include “freedom” to spy on any American citizen they damned well please? Or how about the “freedom” to steal everything that’s not nailed down?
They seem to have the bastardized the definition of “freedom” to mean “doing what ever the F*** I please and mowing down everyone else who disagrees”. Yay free-dumb!!!
They probably think “TPaw” sounds hip and totally with-it. It sounds more like some half-wit goomer who can usually be found sitting on a porch step drinking from a jug and whittlin’.
Why are we supposed to give money to obtain Tim Pawlenty’s freedom first? How about we arrange for everyone else’s freedom, then we can turn to freeing the Paw?
hobospacejunkie: Monkey appendage? TPaw is Bob Log III? God, I hope not. I love “Boob Scotch” and I will be so pissed if I have to scrub that video from my hard drive.
No thanks, I’ll wait for AGray to set up his PAC.
Yoyoyo T-Paw!! Know what freedom means to me, homes? Big butts!! i LIKE BIG BUTTS AND i CANNOT LIE!
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. Everyone knows that.
Oooo yay! I was looking for an opportunity to fuck with someone today. Too bad it’s not more direct. But anyway: should I go full retard in my freedom essay? Or go the more subtle route?
WHAT AM I SAYING? LULZ! They don’t get subtle. Ok then, full tard it is.
::skipping merrily away, forgetting all common spelling patterns, usage rules, and logic!::
Our values and principles are being tested. What we believe as conservatives is being tested.
Reality’s tough that way, TPAW. But don’t worry, we’ve evolved to handle it. Oops, sorry about the e-word — didn’t mean to challenge what you believe as a conservative.
I’m pretty sure the “TP” stands for “toilet paper”. Still working on the “AW”.
Anyone know how to send a turd on-line?
Does Michelle endorse TPAW? In that case, count me in. If not, not.
WadISay: Ass Wipe, natch.
Link:
http://timpawlenty.com/
What does freedom mean to you?
“More free cheese. Few Mexicans.”
Ducksworthy: In his video, Timmeh looks much like Mark “Gov. Luv” Sandford. Separated at birth? If so, I hope painfully.
Tim “Anagram of TWAP” Pawlenty and Rick “Santorum” Santorum ‘12!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=twap
Freedom first, Norm Coleman second.
Come on TPAW, grow the mullet back!
WE WANT THE MULLET, DAMMIT.
The only reason this fool is Minnesota Governor is because he was up against a Democrat and a tree/hugger in both 2002 and 2006. He always got less than about 46% of the vote, and only about 1% more than the Dem. Don’t Minnesotans know that we are not Europe, and that it confuses people when they have to choose between a douche and two douchebags? In America its always one douche, and one douchebag. Alas, Minnesota is the same state that gave us Michelle Bachman. How’s that turning out for you, children of Rose Nylund?
Since I lost so many freedoms–and my job–during the last ill-fated reptard’s reign, I have nothing left with which to enrich this one. Kristofferson was right.
Whatever “weening” is, it sounds gross. From his site:
Minimum government intervention in our lives. Having a balance budget…No forced govt programs. Fix existing programs and start weening people from govt dependency…
Andrea Graham Duluth, GA
GROSS ANDREA. THIS HERE’S A FAMILY SITE.
See, that’s why I’m not a Republican. They’re such pervs.
If TPAW is what Steele meant by making the GOP hip to the children of America, then I have to say it: Epic Dumbshit Fail.
I would rather donate to repair Minnesota’s decaying bridges.
WadISay: Toilet Paper Ass Wipe…..
norbizness:
Good shout out for T’Pau, the band
With their slapper of a singer, Carol Decker
I had her once you know
A back alley in Liverpool
China in Your Hands
That was one of theirs
“Our values and principles are being tested. What we believe as conservatives is being tested.”
I would say when cars started falling in the Mississippi of the I35 bridge, that your “values and principles” were indeed tested and found quite lacking.
Stare deep into those beady eyes and you will know that this miserable rodent has struggled all his life with questions of sexual identity.
x111e7thst:
Homer: Oh, Marge, my loyal wife, of course not. [Lisa walks up] And Lisa, my little princess. [Bart walks up] And who could forget dear Ratboy?
Bart: Ratboy? I resent that. [starts chewing the door frame]
Marge: Bart, I told you before, stop gnawing on the drywall.
glamourdammerung: Indeed. ‘What they believe as conservatives’ is that we can eliminate all taxes and Jesus will magically hold up all our bridges.
glamourdammerung: fuck’em. they need to learn that sooner or later them bridges are gonna fall down, those were the last ones we were ever gonna build, and they have been wiened off of government dependency, for freedom. I suggest they go back to using ferries made of log rafts. Free market freedom bitches!
Bit of advice tho, from the immortal words of Chris DeBurgh “don’t pay the ferryman, until he gets you to the other side” for freedom.
x111e7thst: I thought the same thing! You can tell it’s been a struggle, too, given Timmy’s deep-set smile lines and Grand Canyon-esque crow’s feet, which no gay man would ever allow to be that visible.
Yes. Herein I say it. Freedom means 44,789 dead Americans a year.
Sincerely,
Peggy “PNoon” Noonan
Freedom means not having to wear a tie with a sport coat in a campaign add shilling to the rubes who would support TPAW’s pathetic candidacy.
TPAW = The Patriotic Ass Wipe
Yeah BOYYYYYYYYYYYYZZZZ!!!!!!11!!
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/99848010-TPAW-INDA-HOUUUUUSE-
the problem child: (Single-ply, and scratchy as hell).
Weaned. Just say’n
T-Paw. Sounds like a basketball player desperate for some attention. Does Minnesota have basketball? Is T-Paw an octaroon?
Freedom first? Back-translated from Republicanese, that means French First.
He’s a secret French-Manchurian candidate, we’re all going to have to speak French!!!11! Oh, and free cheese…
He’s got that “aw shucks/duh” look down pat.
I just sent TPAW a love note and told him I think his little blue bird should be a little red bird. The whole thing is color-coded so the wingnuts send thier war bonds to the right goddamn freedomer.
Mike Steele is going to help “TPaw” relate to the hip hop generation. A little bling and some phat rhymes and he’s got this thing sewn up!
JSDC007: Not to get all “uppity Minnesotan” or anything, but we also gave you Keith Ellison.
saralovesyou: and Franken and Wellstone (and Ventura, so I guess, never mind)
Let’s just get this out of the way: T-PAWN
“…who self-identifies as TPAW” ….the ghey’s acronym is too long already and now they’re adding four more letters? They just won’t stop until they’ve gayed up every letter of the alphabet!
This should silence all you Michael Steele RNC naysayers. Remember, they laughed at Fatty Arbuckle, too.
TPaw-tay like it’s 1899! How about freedom to grow one’s own medicinal herbs there, Sparkay? Should save Medicare a couple billion a year now and many billions more in the very near future.
So many Minnesota turd-weazles, so little time.
TPM says that T-Paw has hired Rove aide (and US Attorneys scandal key player) Sara Taylor to run his PAC.
Looks like he’s gone Full Retard.
He seems to be someone who takes the fall for Republican fuckery a lot; I wouldn’t be surprised if they let him run in ‘12. Ironically, if McCain had picked him in ‘08, the past election would have been a lot closer.
badmuthagoose: I don’t think subtle is the way to go. Remember, your competition is probably SkoalRebel and his northern cousins.
TPaw, I’m feeling really backed-up lately, so freedom to me would be a good dump. Do you recommend Colon Cleanse? Good luck to you.
Jukesgrrl, Tucson, AZ
Yeah, it’s all about freedom. My freedom to speak in opposition of your freedom to fuck us sideways.
Freedom means not cutting off your mullet for anything or anyone. For shame Tupac, for shame.
Geez what a gay photo— friggin’ spritzer looks like a cross between Jim Naybors and Kenneth the Page
I so opposite of heart him. He is free to roam the country, but seems to have an aversion to actually attending to state business. What a DPaw-bag.
We just call him Timmy…Timmy the mullet head.
Interesting combination, this phony sack of shit. He’s both ex-Catholic and ex-Polish.