Wonkette
Variations of this new Starbucks ad have been on the television recently, for some new coffee dongle. Essentially, “now you can pay a shitload for our instant coffee too!” But town halls are dead, is the point. They’ve been dead for a month or so, and now they are dead-dead. [YouTube]
Chicago was a test market for that shouty instanty coffeey stuff. Sure, it was fun.
I HAVE A DIFFICULT TIME MODULATING MY VOICE. ALSO OBAMA IS HITLER.
so the message here is “you can’t tell our coffee from instant”?
Does this mean we get to bring assault rifles to Starbucks?
Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”
*sigh*
Satire FAIL.
Crank Tango: No, they can’t tell the difference between Kenyan and Hawaiian.
Do wingnuts hate Starbucks for being liberal fascist, or do they love Starbucks for being corporate megla-gods?
How will this be Obama’s fault, is what I am askin’?
I like my shouty town halls extra foamy.
RoscoePColtraine: The metal chairs aren’t groaning at the joints. Realism FAIL.
Needs more racism.
This ad played, without irony, during Morning Joe. All that whoring for starbucks that Mika does, and she couldn’t even acknowledge it, despite her equivocating on the appropriateness of shouting. So much better when she was “afraid to voice her opinions on television”.
SayItWithWookies: zing!
Then again when you think of it, maybe kenyan IS hawaiian? I mean has anyone ever seen kenya and hawaii in the same place at the same time?
american mutt: AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW. AND A LITTLE BIT SOFTER NOW.
At last. coffee I can snort.
And no hand written signs…and no kinky street theater of Obama spanking an Old.
Of course they can’t! Why do you think they believe what’s coming out of Beck’s and Limbaugh’s mouths?
Click: But please use pure cream. Half & half is unamerican.
problemwithcaring: Regardless, this is great news for McCain.
Starbucks: espresso so lame, you can’t tell it from instant!
town halls are the heart of democracy. god help us. the enlarged, clogged, straining, oxygen-starved heart of democracy.
now, if it only had a brain.
That was funny.
Crank Tango: Kenya and Hawaii both are coffee-producing regions. Therefore, Starbucks is Obama is Hitler is Mwai Kibaki is King Kamehameha.
Starbucks has had this thing for a year. [Warning: one of the thousands of ex-employees. It's like the new-er, chic-er place to have had a first (or third..) job. Suck it, McD's]. AND I CAN TASTE THE DIFFERENCE.
I should be in that town hall meeting, is what I’m saying. So I could bite off a finger.
You mean Starbucks is going to start having Death Panels too?
NO MORE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN AND IRAQ!!11
SAVE THE FLIES!11
INSTANT COFFEEEEEEE!11!!!
RoscoePColtraine: Tsk, Roscoe. Yew call yerself a hillbilly? If yer gonna fix it, fix it all the way. That last bit should read I cain’t neither!
jasper f. krone: Not too old, not too ugly, and quite deferential to men, actually. Mika’s perfect for Morning Joe.
Is that Roz from Frasier doing the voice-over? Because of Seattle, or something?
“I can’t tell the difference! Birth certificate, Hitler, ACORN!”
Brilliant ad campaign, it targets Starbucks core demographic, overweight white people who will kill you if they think you’re trying to get in line ahead of them.
What’s the open casting call look like for an accurate town hall commercial: “Dyspeptic octogenarians with Tourette’s syndrome or irritable bowels sought to yell non sequiturs for the purpose of selling overpriced, overheated, shit-coffee”? In other words, too many youngs in this test run.
Not the same as the insane, untested missle-krusher dongle in Poland?
Need a bigger data set. More dongle pls.
Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Triple Venti Mocha
I would not trust those people to boil their own water.
KEEP STARBUCKS OUT OF MY COFFEE!!!11!!
Because pouring hot water into a coffee machine is too time-consuming.
bureaucrap: and Adolphe Stalin drank coffee!
Besides, isn’t coffee the opposite of tea anyway?
This will finally cure the internets of “you owe me a keyboard” and “you owe me a monitor”. Use the vacuum cleaner!
Srarbucks is evil. Didn’t you see the Spy who Shaged me.
Crank Tango: of course… the long sought after key to Obama’s citizenship mystery: THE COFFEE BEAN CONNECTION!!!!! DUH DUNH DUH DUNH!!!
OK, I’ll stop now.
“Shouty Town Halls Died the Day Starbucks Made An Ad About Shouty Town Halls”
-Ergo, we owe Starbucks a hearty round of gratitude for killing said shouty town halls. I demand they now make ads about Michelle Bachmann, Sarah Palin, Teabag Parties and Chad from the Alltel commercials, for starters.
Smoke Filled Roommate: In a recent survey of town hall coffeebaggers*, 73% said that they thought the birth certificate was Folger-y.
*Coffeebagger
noun
1. One who coffeebags.
*Coffeebag
verb
2. To place one’s anus on the mouth, or on or around the face, of another person.
The Horst Wessel Venti. If this new coffee will make Mika instantly take off her clothes I’ll not only buy the coffee, I’ll watch Morning Joe.
VIA? SBUX is starting their taste test of their VIA vs. Pike Place Roast in the next couple of days.
SBUX baristatron gave me a packet/sachet of the stuff this morning.
I tried it.
VIA? More like VIA DOLOROSA!
Click: Shit. What was I thinking? You never pour HOT water into a coffee machine. I guess that means instant coffee requires one extra step. Who needs that?
Crank Tango:
totally. it’s like the frozen white castle burgers; they taste like the real thing b/c both suck.
Why are there no women shouting in this ad? Women made for some of the best shouters (especially waving ziplock bagged birth certificates). You have to at least have one crying Puma, for god’s sake.
So… the screaming tards on the fake commercial Town Halls and the screaming tards at actual Town Halls were both sponsored by corporations?
Well, dip me in batter twice and call me “Extra Crispy!”
Extemporanus: You so punny!
Meh. If I’m gonna drink instant, I’ll stick with Folgers.
Monsieur Grumpe: Thanks, I wasn’t planning to buy this product, but now I’ll reconsider.
HedonismBot: I, too, hate Chad from the Alltel commercials, while I am neutral on the can-you-hear-me-now-guy. But it doesn’t matter since I am too old for their target demographic. Starbucks doesn’t care if I drink their instant, either, because I will be dead before they can extract their desired million $ out of me.
Next the Farmers of Argula and Snotty Cruciferous Intelligentsia-loved Salad Treats Suppliers [FASCISTS] will also produce an ad playing on the shouty town hall meetings and the right-wingers will have more evidence for their conspiracy theories.
“Sir, no, sir… No, no sir, please listen, sir, the taste test wasn’t meant to be between VIA and the contents of your colostomy bag, sir… You preferred which one, now?
Extemporanus: Coffeebagger. Priceless Win.
RoscoePColtraine: “Needed to be done in hillbilly. “I cain’t taste the difference! I cain’t either!”
Sorry; that had me rolling.
At least they got the color of the screamers right, but sadly, the ad needs more racism.