Wonkette
IN WHICH WE LIVEBLOG YOUR DEATH, TONIGHT: Hello friends. The President, Barack Obama, would like to speak to his nation of douchebags this p.m. You will report back here at 7:30 ET for “pre-game” liveblogging, followed by speech liveblogging, followed by liveblogging of whichever loser is giving the GOP response. For now, however, your Wonkette is dreadfully tired and must go take a nap in the trashcan, with the rats. If you go to the Huff Po you should be able to find about 10 billion “WHAT OBAMA MUST DO IN HEALTH SPEACH” articles (all by Alec Baldwin) from which you might arm yourself with Knowledge.
I, for one, will read commentary by Stephen Baldwin, thus arming myself with pure idiocy and failure.
How do I get myself appointed as an “expert” to one of these Death Panels? Hurry, I’m getting older.
I’m speachless.
Noes! If you watch it, within a week the Def Panel will keel you!
needs more Jindal.
I don’t….I mean…so you think can dance its a really good show.
It’s not going to interrupt Top Chef is it? Because then I will be pissed and will not support Czar Nobama.
Who’s performing the half-time show?
I WILL NOT WOTCH THE PRESIDENT’SA FONEY PRAWPAGANNDA
I will be SO glad when this particular news cycle is freakin’ DONE.
Cheap wine? Check. Lazy-boy recliner? Check. Kimono? Check. Incense? Check. Cat for lap? Check.
LET’S DO THIS COMRADES
Greetings from Central European Time. Wouldn’t trade with any of you, but I’ll just have to wait until morning to participate in this one. Try not to be too messy.
jetjaguar: You forgot eyepatch underwear.
Are you going to be liveblogging the frenzy after the Republican rebuttal, where TheFoxNation and RedState are up in arms because their guy didn’t once mention death panels, women giving birth in hospital corridors, Nazis or the plot Glenn Beck is uncovering to put bas-reliefs of Mussolini in a chariot on all government buildings? That part should be the most fun.
jetjaguar: dementor:
And the crack cocaine. I won’t get through this without the crack cocaine.
jetjaguar: dementor: Fap fap fap fap fap.
Hooray! My Blingee! I <3 U JIMMEH!
SayItWithWookies: Boustany will likely leave out the part about the bas-reliefs. After all, he’s a student of the Kingfish, who carved his own likenesses all over the state capitol building in Baton Rouge.
I HATE ALL OF YOU. Firstly, for being on the East Coast and making it so I cannot a) pre-funk and 2) watch the damn communist manifesto uprising Bolshevik revolution speech. HATEFUL BISHES.
According to the punditocracy, just the fact that Obama needs to make such a speech and hasn’t passed Obama-care already just proves his presidency is toast. Oh, if he can somehow hang on until 9/11 then perhaps he can achieve greatness, but right now it doesn’t look too promising.
dementor: Check!
dementor: WE GO COMMANDO OR WE DON’T GO AT ALL.
In fact, I think queeraselvis v 2.0 is already there… (and yes, I get your reference)
SUCK IT thatonegirlsays! EASTCOOOOOOOAST!!!!1
shortsshortsshorts: SHORTS!! I’ve missed you. Will you watch it with drinkys?
Yay! What are the drinking game rules? I have only good beer on hand.
shortsshortsshorts: Where have you been? It’s been so lonely here without your all caps wisdom, I’m getting misty eyes at the sight of your screen name. Not really but it’s nice you’re posting on wonkette again. Or something.
PS: When did HuffPo go all Drudge-y? Why is there so much 72 point red font?
In my mind I fantasize BO saying something like, “we know there’s no cure for stupid.” And then the camera cutaway zooms in on Inhofe.
Scooter: And they’re so right, those pundits. Bush would’ve just bought everybody health insurance with Pentagon funds, if he’d actually given a shit about anybody besides himself and his handlers. That’s why Obama’s a total failure, and his presidency is over, and he’s no more likely to get reelected than Bill Clint….okay, bad example.
Seeing as I am on the Pinko coast of ‘Muricka and will still be at my job giving gay marriages to white children at 5:00 p.m., I will go to the Commie headquarters CSPAN.com to stream live my Martian Kenyan Muslin Overlord as he tells me to which FEMA Death Camp Trailer I have been assigned and to which I must report for tentacle rape and mandatory abortions. Yay!
Or maybe http://www.c-span.org/ .
Every time Hopey says something sensible (America shouldn’t lag behind other industrialized nations in life expectancy) and the Republican side sits on it’s hands, we all drink a shot.
Topics included will be: The Rothschilds, Bilderburgers, Trilateral Commision, Council of Rome, Fema Death Camps & associated Death Panels. The new steathy YF-22 gay fighter bomber, and tonight the “Illuminati” will be topping the bill.
DustBowlBlues: Valerie: Thanks, friendly people! Unfortunately Obama is such a racist however that West Coasters will be stuck at traffic while hopey mouths off at innocent Christians and sets grandma on fire as a sacrifice to his voodoo Kenyan ancestors.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Keep talkin. Just…a little louder.
The way he’s all “gotta do it” about health care reform, you’d think the WHO ranked the US #37 for health care or sumpin’.
RACIST ALSO… apparently wonkette works on cell phones now. HTML MAGIC.
jetjaguar: I’m with you on the cheap wine and the cat, but I’m going to kick back in my commie-fascist-muslin approved burkha. Under which I will be going commando, naturally.
RoscoePColtraine: “And then the camera cutaway zooms in on Inhofe”
And the proud citizenry of our state all stand up and sing “Oklahoma.” Except for those of us who would (if I could) make closeups of Inhofe or Spooky Doktor Tom the triggers for downing shots of bourbon. As for me, my hay fever is in warp speed with our weird, wet, pollen-ey weather so I’m doing prescription cough syrup. Which I totally do not consider, after 33 years of sobriety, slipping. I consider it fine, legal narcotics to make the live blog more fun.
Except I don’t need to watch. David Gregory, “host of Meet The Press” as he is now introduced with grandiosity, has told me what Barry is going to say. I would have passed along the info so we could live blog his five minute explanation (which leaves me plenty of time to watch Glee) but I was licking up the cough syrup I spilled on the counter. True story.
thatonegirlsays: Huffington Post has always been a Drudge clone. Both were launched by Andrew Breitbart.
ella: Hey, we’re still #1 in some things — especially per capita spending. Our insurance company execs have the best Armani suits that our money can buy.
All I can say is that Republic bitch better be done before 8:00 or he cuts into my Glee. Of course, this means I’ll miss MSNBC telling me what i just heard, but I can deal.
jetjaguar: Messy!
So who is going to be more pissed at the conclusion of this fandango - the left or the righ?
As for me, I’d just like to get a health care bill passed before the Fall TV Season starts. I don’t particularly care for that dancing show on Fox but if Barry has to come back to these idiots in Congress and explain it again and therefore pre-empts the new stuff, I’m going to be pissed.
Drinking game nominees:
“Misguided”
“Status quo”
“Unsustainable”
Tonight, at 8:00 PM: On ABC, NBC, CBS, CNBC, CNN, and MSNBC: Presidential Address. On Fox: So You Think You Can Dance.
Attn: Jim Newell
use this to make fun of funny guy doing the GOP knee-jerk reaction.
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/98617843-All-Hail-Princess-Boustany?offset=2&owner=czn939
Oh boy oh boy. Do we get to watch that inspiring fellow again, that Bobby Vindaloo, man he was so touching that last time.
Fucking West Coast. I’m stuck here at work until 9pm DC time. No drinkie for me. Someone let me know if there are any wardrobe malfunctions.
Will somebody please assemble a Death Panel for Jar-Jar?
RoscoePColtraine: Imhofe would probably think he’s getting an award and take a bow. Maybe the hopester should give him a presidential medal of idiocy.
ignatov: Kinda says it all don’t it.
geminisunmars: Just our luck he’ll make some crack about “something called Ultimate Destruction Impending DOOOOM World Eating Space Behemoth monitoring.”
I am not watching this until I find out who the Republicans are going to trot out after the speech.
Eh, I pulled the kids out of school for the other once, so why not let them watch this one.
SayItWithWookies: True dat. They don’t call us the Feel Good About Ourselves Country for nothing!
When are they gonna extend the congressional health plan to cum-dripping lobbyist skanks? Cos, ah, my friend would like to know.
geminisummars: what was Vindaloo touching, you say?
TheUptightMidwesterner: We already know. Congressman Boustany (R) LA
Now they’re sayin’ it won’t be a speech at all, instead Obama is going to show us his home movies from Burning Man.
GreatOldOnesParty: So disappointing it isn’t Vindaloo. Well, at least it is another Louisianian. Is Louisiana now the spokes-state-model for Republicans? Such a good repuglian state - they love them after all the repubs did for the state after Katrina. They are eternally grateful to that party.
FlownOver:
Redefine, Re-imagine, Restructure
geminisunmars: sorry for mistyping, I was understandably excited
ignatov: Think of FOX as the nursery. The babies need to be dropped off so the grown-ups can go to the meeting.
RoscoePColtraine: After downing a fifth in first 5 minutes, I’d probably just flip over to Dancing with Teabaggers
FlownOver: Are you familiar with the statutes related to Involuntary Manslaughter?
Holding Out for a Hero: I hope he’s not planning on using Bill’s Failed Teleprompter; that scenario’s got DOOM written all over it.
shortsshortsshorts: ‘RACIST ALSO… {redacted} HTML MAGIC NEGRO’ Fixed that for ya. You’re welcome.
Hey, reporting from the Left Coast (where we already saw the speech due to picking it up yesterday from Australian TeeVee)
In between flames and flamers…
jagorev: But for some reason her accent runs through my mind as I read the HuffPost
No sirens, yet.
I’ll just leave this right here:
GlennBeckRapedandMurderedaYoungGirlin1990.com
I’m SO EXCITED to be here for the liveblog! I got my eye-patch underwear and everything, so I’m all set!
ESPN 2
ESPN 2 and the tennis quarter-finals may be uncharacteristically distracting to me tonight. Fixed, dammit.
Pussy!
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/10/us/politics/10obama.html?hp
bitchincamaro: loquaciousmusic: I prefer the former.
After being compelled to at least hear whatever spewed forth from Jr. for 8 years, I actually look forward to hearing what Hopey has to say. Refreshing, being spoken to as an adult for a change.
loquaciousmusic:
We’ll see. Maybe he’s just saving it and will drop it in at the end for effect.
Also at that point, maybe John Cho will fly into my office in a speedo and whisk me away from my hum-drum life.
We will see.
nestor:
Oh my god, you are such a tease.
GreatOldOnesParty: Aw…not nearly batshit enough!
Tommmcatt: I can’t wait for Mr. Cho’s next film, Harold and Kumar Go To The Emergency Room, Where They Receive Socialized Medicine and Die! It’ll be a real laugh riot!
Cicada: Naturally, I approve of your decisions in life.
The frozen fries and hotwings are in the oven. And, BREAKING NEWS, I know have pie. I may cum early.
Hey–WHy don’t they move Kumar to the health reform thing, because he can do comedy as well as drama. (The Namesake). It would be, as my four year old granddaughter says, awesome to see Kal Pen selling this.
loquaciousmusic:
I would watch John Cho watch paint dry.
TheUptightMidwesterner: I’m sure his douchiness will compensate for his lack of batshittiness. Have faith!
Well, Nancy is there. She must of taken her super atomic jetliner from commie SF at hyperdrive…
Barrett808: “Will somebody please assemble a Loose Pussy for Jar-Jar?”
Following the Health Insurance Reach-Around debate by altering variants of “insurance” so they display bright red and wrapped in blink tags… not my first semiotic coping mechanism. The first time I heard about “death panels” I knew it was gonna linger like the mutant offspring of the Macarena and “Achy-Breaky Heart,” so I arranged to… alter its appearance on my screen, so I wouldn’t commit suicide with a clock mallet.
Thank you, Wonketteers. Every single time, EVERY time, it cracks me up. Trust me, rationed socialist Commie-care is much more sinister when loose pussies attack, lurk, stalk the chronically ill and slaughter handicapped and elderly persons like Virginia O’Keefe paintings armed with truncheons and machetes. I think this one-man running gag has saved my sanity over the last month.
loquaciousmusic: Looks like my TiVo drinking game needs a little work. One TABLEspoon of lite beer for every use of “insurance;” one TEAspoon of lite beer for every “all the bickering obscures the facts, for instance: Vlad the Impaler had a well-designed procedure that deserves to be considered in an atmosphere of civility” weak-ass cop-out. Forewarned is forearmed.
Hey–Somebody go wake up Jim. It’s time.
What percentage of seating upstairs is taken up by cum-dripping lobbyists?
O.K. Back to tennis.
Wheree’s the live blogging…is i tthese comments?