Wonkette
- SHE REALLY REALLY WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT: [We're out of absurd descriptions for her] Michele Bachmann unintentionally revealed yesterday, while yelling about Democrats, that she thinks about running for president 24/7: “They want to make sure no women, no woman becomes president before a Democrat woman and so they’re doing everything they can to, I think, sabotage women like Sarah Palin, perhaps women like myself, or similarly situated women, to make sure that we don’t have a prominent national voice.” Hey, Michele, GOD WILL DECIDE which lady gets to be lady-president first, so stop bothering him and be patient okay? [TPM]
I really want Sarah Palin to be the nominee, but Bachman will definately do the trick. Maybe we can reanimate Kitty Harris for VP?
“Welcome to the 2012 GOP Convention. This year’s theme is Highlander in US America.”
“Tonight’s deathmatch is between Sarah “I quit” Palin vs Michelle “Overdrive” Bachmann.”
“There can be ONLY ONE! You betchya!”
“Let’s get READY TO RUMBLE!”
Oh Sweet Zombie Jeebus make this happen!
[We're out of absurd descriptions for her] Michele Bachmann
Need suggestions?
“Hey, Michele, GOD WILL DECIDE which lady gets to be lady-president first, so stop bothering him and be patient okay?”
That’s right, if god wanted a girl person to be our president he would have given her a penis…and she would have made one of those popular intertube videos so we would all know it!
It’s Democratic woman, you raving lunatic. Woman.
re: “[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]”
How about: “Duck-billed crazysaurus”?
Misongynists!! PUMAs, behold thy mother.
On a serious note –and I’m guessing it was Limbaugh — but who was the originator of using “Democrat” as an adjective (e.g. Democrat Party, Democrat woman, &tc.) in lieu of the correct but evidently too democratic sounding “Democratic?”
AMERICA’S GREATEST BLOG-MATERIAL RESERVOIR
Now that’s just crude. (You did mean “blog-material” as a synonym of semen, right?)
The Democrats are saboting Michele? I won’t believe that until she quits and starts ranting on Facebook.
Didn’t god already decide that women shouldn’t question men anyway?
I guess God has a funky fashion sense, what with telling her to wear necklaces on her wrists and all. Or gasp– is that to cover up the making of a covenant?
It’s very interesting to me how white Republicans only seem to care about discrimination when they feel that they are the victims.
Ludicrous guano-Vampyress Michele Bachmann (?)
It’s actually harder than it seems…
WHERE’S THE PICTURE DAMMIT
Ugh. This shit is only funny provided that you did not grow up around the troglodytes who actually elected this woman, twice. I miss the days when my county was primarily famous for unusually high rates of inbreeding.
SwanSwanH: Bob Dole would tell you that Bob Dole was the foremost user of “democrat” as an adjective.
re: “[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]”…Vengeful Malamute-eyed harridan? “Harpy” is always nice, too.
V572625694: Makes me think of “Medusa”.
Whom the gods would destroy, they first send to Minnesota.
“[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]”
How about: “foaming at all orifices”, “Jeebus-tweaker and C-Street House Mother”, “Suicidal Birther-Deather”, “Trying desperately for a Trugg of her own”
V572625694: Thanks. I gather that he now prefers the adjective “engorged.”
New poll out: Bachmann trails Darryl Dawkins 46-43 for President of Lovetron.
Why isn’t she at the State Fair, like all other self-respecting Minnesota politicians? Even offical State Troll and Bridge Saboteur Carol Molnau has been seen slithering around.
It’s probably just as well — if Bachmann’s Dark Energy collides with Al Franken, I’m afraid the space-time continuum will implode.
the problem child: “The lesser of two Palins”
[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]
Thorazine Regimen Hopeful
How about “Bezerk Bible Belcher Bachman?”
I’m a fan of alliterations.
Bachmann keep tying herself to Palin, not sure that’s a winning strategy.
the problem child: One cannot forget that she is a birther: “Bezerk Bible Belching Birther Bachman?”
She’s right, you know. The lack of a prominent platform for right-wing lunatics like Bachmann, Beck, Limbaugh, O’Reilly, Coulter, Palin, Hannity etc is truly a tragic by-product of the liberal way we live today in America. IF ONLY THEY HAD A PLATFORM AND THEIR VOICES COULD BE HEARD!!
Fundamental flaws in Bachanella’s rant:
1. The Dems want a woman president.
2. Wolfinator Palin has actually something left to sabotage.
3. The Demmos actually give a rat’s ass about Rep. Michele McCrazy (R-Bats Belfrey, Minn).
“Known vagina.”
She’s obviously ranting as her wrists bleed out.
“[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]”
Serial Lunatic Fairy
Which is it, Michelle? Slashing your wrists or running for President?
Area Woman?
Whether it be a televised debate, or a full-on whore squabble, I just can’t wait for her and Palin to butt heads in 2012.
*steps into time machine, watches 2012 republican candidate debates, comes back to 2009*
BWAHAHAHAHAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
ManchuCandidate: I prefer the “Thunderdome” mantra.
Two batshit bitches enter!
One batshit bitch leaves!
But that doesn’t always have to be the case as we’d be a lot more happy if neither left!
Smoke Filled Roommate:
Oh, yes. That was good, indeed.
“Alleged Sentient”
[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]
Teapotted Tempest?
CrazyPantsuit?
Devolved Battery Biter?
Slow Fish: Why show up at the state fair? Minnesota will never vote for her in a presidential race. She needs to go to state fairs in wingnut country where all of Al Franken’s fingers would have been bitten off as soon as he started speaking in complete sentences.
SwanSwanH: Seriously, I’ve heard recordings of Joe McCarthy using “Democrat” as an adjective. That’s the earliest use of that jibe that I know of.
McCarthy also railed against the “Civil Liberties Union,” refusing to call them the “American Civil Liberties Union.” He probably didn’t use the abbreviation because that would include America’s A, and no one would know what the hell the CLU is.
It might have started earlier; I really don’t know. But it’s been around since at least the 1950s, when that famous drunk saw communists everywhere.
“Tongue flicking over crazy-eyes”
“perhaps women like myself, or similarly situated women”
I actually do know a woman in a similar situation as her, only she has to wear a helmet and be supervised 24 hours a day for her own protection.
You’d slash your wrists too if your husband was a big screaming queen who spent his waking hours “de-gaying” (i.e., felching) confused Minnesotan farmboys with his “practical insights, biblical principles, and humor.” Pity Michele, and fear her frustrated insanity.
If either of them ever become the First Woman President, they will also become the Last Woman President! Should I learn Korean, Persian or Chinese first?
freakishlystrong: I kind of like the idea of taking the “ic” out of “Republican” in reprisal, –> Republan.
SwanSwanH: For some reason, I thought it was a Tom Delay or Dick Armey idea.
user-of-owls: You know, I like “Serial Lunatic Fairy” myself. Also user-of-owls’ suggestion of “Allegedly sentient”.
Come here a minute: Or something like
“Walking Botulinum Toxin Chemical Weapons Cache”
Until the Republicans cease to rely on voters who believe the Bible says that women shouldn’t be in charge of anything, she’s staying in the House, if she’s lucky. I’ve heard these loons say that the Bible permits women to serve in legislatures, but prevents them from holding executive positions. Nutball Christians in places like Mississippi and Utah would stay home in droves rather than elect a woman to the White House.
Bachmann could be elected president if only we’d had the foresight to let the Confederacy go when they wanted to. And if she weren’t batshit crazy. Apart from those two small obsticles, she’d be a shoo-in.
Bible Juice Inebriate
Medieval Villager Baiter
Toddler Beauty Pageant Judge
Hyperbolic She-Banshee
“Glenn Beck Tantric Sex Partner?”
WadISay: Heh… that’s pretty good. If they take our -ic, we’ll take theirs!
“Don’t hate me because I’m a crazy, stupid liar, hate me because I want to be president.”
Levi Johnston is a Democrat?
“Cutter”
“God’s Confidante”
“Re-education camp census-defier.”
“Food and sense deprived”
“Overpopulation enthusiast”
“Inverse intellectual”
“De-institutionalization poster girl”
Just how many Minnesotans do we have commenting on this goldarn site anyways, you betcha?
Harbinger of the End of America
America’s handmaiden
Suspected succubus
Oohh. I forgotz.
“Purported Manson Spawntard”
There.
We’re out of absurd descriptions for her
“Batshit” works just fine.
“Vaguely Sentient Walking Boob Job”?
gurukalehuru: perhaps there should be a poll on teh Intarnets.
WadISay: How about a quick delete of the “l” so we can call them “Repubicans”? They seem obsessed with naughty bits and their applications (both from an experimental sense and a regulatory sense) it just seems right to me…
Michele “Rack of Madness” Bachmann?
Rabid Beard
We don’t mind a woman President; it’s a lunatic President we don’t want.
user-of-owls:
“Rapture Ready”
“Sweet King Jesus Aficionado”
“Hallelujah Tap-Dancer”
“Parent to Circumspect Fuck-Ups”
“Trinitantenna”
Could someone line up all the “similarly situated women”? I want to meet them. Pictures, too, please.
And then there is the Bachmann / Lizzy Borden ticket.
Why does god only talk to the criminally insane?
“high heeled hoot fest”
“painted pawn of pernicious publicans”
“hysterical hep-cat of heavens hooligans”
when i called the rnc to bitch about her McCarthyesque call for investigations into “unamerican” congress people i was told “michelle is one of our most articulate spokesmen”.
sigh
if she ever went back and read the transcripts of her spew, her beady little eyes would explode.
The Station Manager: Close… I prefer to fantasize that her breasts are real.
The Station Manager: Perfect! I am a fan. Of yours.
re: “[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]”
Michele “Big Naturals” Bachmann?
But wouldn’t it be awesome to see her debating Obama in 2012 in three debates?!? I say we encourage her. Imagine all the screen shots of her rolling her eyes back like a shark, and threatening to slit her wrists and starve herself, and speaking in tongues. It would be hard on Hopey, yeah, like trying to speak rationally with a drunken psychotic aunt, but he could handle it.
DeLand DeLakes: Unrelated? I think not.
I think the old biblical term, “publican” would fit the GOP better. Especially since the meaning evolved in (I think) the 19th century …and was a descriptive term for what we now call “pimp”.
If she were a REAL conservative, she wouldn’t want a woman in office, would she?
Since all the good absurd descriptions were taken, I thought I’d try anagrams
Fun With Name Anagrams!
http://deanjackson.dj/nameanagram/index.php
Michele Bachmann: Man! Blame Chic Hen
Chuck Grassley: He’s Ugly Cracks
Ann Coulter: Unclean Rot
Sarah Palin: A Sharp Nail (quick - someone hit it on the head!)
Alberto Gonzales: Large Zealot Snob
George Bush: O, He Buggers
Donald Rumsfeld: Muddler of Lands
Osama Bin Laden: A Damn Alien S.O.B.
Michael Jackson: Manacle His Jock
Bristol Palin: Brain to Spill
Todd Palin: Pant Dildo
Willow Palin: Wail, Win Poll
Harry Reid: Hairdryer
Hillary Clinton: Only I Can Thrill
OK - I’ll stop now…
[We're out of absurd descriptions for her]
Oh, that was a mistake. You done messed up; you done messed up big!
- “Bridge of Chucky”
- “‘Minnesota Crazy’ advocate”
- “Orly Taitz devotee/Known Taitist”
- “Reich-reviving she-wolf”
- “conscience/intellect raping”
- “Belial spokeswoman”
- “crazy-train operator”
- “Realamerican”
- “sanity opponent”
- “Michele Bachmann (R-Narnia)”
- “Botched abortion”
- “Head Satan-slammer/sucker”
- “Human Ouroboros”
- “Christian jihadist”
- “Insanity admirer”
- “Director of the Second Coming/Apocalypse”
And, so many more…
Damnit! Bride of Chucky. Y mas…
- “Human contagion”
- “Mentally-compromised”
- “Harried hot mess”
- “Hellevangelist”
- “Conscience conquerer”
- “Palin the Lesser”
- “Lead emoist”
- “Ambien/Zoloft addict”
- “Sanity barrier”
BTW, “C-Street House Mother” was the best. Thanks the problem child.
All I’ve got is “Desiccated reptile”, which is what comes to mind every time I see Michelle Bachmann (R-Interzone).
If she’s really serious about female empowerment, she’d change her name to Michele Bachwomann.
Finally, the question of what Duluth’s slow-core favourites Low lost in the fire is answered: their sanity.
‘Cause you know those NOMROM “rockers” are total Bachmannologists.
Democrats are scared? Yeah, scared, terrified even, of having an bumbling rube in the presidency again. Not our fault, Michele, if your two example candidates happen to also qualify (with flaming colors) under that metric.
How about: early-model cylon.