Advertising Inquiries:
wonkette@blogads.com
Tip Your Wonkette:
tips@wonkette.com
Editors:
Ken Layne | Email
Jim Newell | Email
Sara K. Smith | Email
Juli Weiner | Email
Intern:
Riley Waggaman
WORLD NEWS ANCHOR CHARLIE GIBSON IS QUITTING. Someone at ABC will now go to the Good Morning America studio, find Diane Sawyer, and shuffle her down the hall to replace him. Sawyer can probably just stay seated in whatever chair she uses over there during this exciting transition process, provided it’s one of those rolly ones. [ABC News]
11:50 AM
on Wed September 2 2009
By
Juli Weiner
952 Views
Wonkette
‘Quitting, in what respect, Charlie?’
You’re retiring? In what respect, Charlie?
Texan Bulldoggette: We heart our low hanging fruit.
I know what you’re thinking, but recycling that catch phrase here will not be perceived as witty and original, but as wearing a big DUMBASS tattoo on your forehead.
Looks like the heat from the Sarah Palin interview just got too hot for ol’ Charlie to handle. Being responsible for destroying US America by getting Obama elected seems to have destroyed Charlie from the inside. I hope he can someday forgive himself.
I thought I heard a million voices screaming in despair earlier. Now I know why.
The Palin interview didn’t make up for the hack job you did as a Primary Debate host. And now you’re off to ask other folks in the retirement community about lapel flag pins.
user-of-owls: *sigh*
It was probably the bloody wolf head he found in his bed the other morning that finally drove home the “quit or die” message coming down from the great white north.
user-of-owls: Big DUMBASS tattoo on your forehead in what respect, Charlie?
Noodle Salad: exactly. “Senator Obama, are you or have you ever been a Muslin secret agent”? “Senator Obama, do you want to lose the Iraq war?” “Senator Obama, when are you going to kill the old peoples with health cares?”
Easily the douchiest peer-over-the-glasses glance of anyone on TV.
Your douchebaggery will be missed Charlie … in all respects.
The might Palin Political Juggernaut is finally exacting its revenge. WATCH YOUR ASS, COURIC!!!
Sorry, what? Charlie Gibson…? and what website is he on again?
In an age where television doesn’t fucking matter anymore… will Wonkette note when Brad Friedman and Markos Moulitsas announce their retirement? I mean, shit… they’re getting old too, y’know.
Thus ends a long tradition of ABC News anchors leaving feet-first. And I still have nostalgic adolescent hots for Diane Sawyer from back when she was on 60 Minutes.
Sure, he could serve out the rest of his contract and go enjoy himself on some junket to Europe, but that isn’t what the viewers voted for when they turned their televisions to Charlie’s nightly newscast. He can have a much greater impact in disseminating the news as a private and unaffiliated citizen. Now how ’bout, in honor of Hollywood starlet Diane Sawyer, ya’ll quit makin’ stuff up!
I nominate Paul Reuben as a replacement.
SayItWithWookies: And how do you feel about the Diane Sawyer that used to work for Richard Nixon, HENGHNGH?
trickyrick: Just imagine some of the questions he could ask now! “President Obama, which Mombasa hospital were you really born in?” “President Obama, when is your newest version of Mein Kampf coming out?” “President Obama, is it true that, right before this interview, you personally signed the death warrants of twelve grandmas?”
This is Glenn Beck’s big chance, his moment to shine!
Go for it, Glenn… since the MSM is dying off anyway…
There are still network news broadcasts? Who knew?
Ah, Charlie. I for one will always remember the primary debate most of all:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/04/16/abc-hosts-heckled-after-d_n_97124.html
“OH…” he declares, hands raised in defense. “The crowd is turning on me, the crowd is turning on me.”
Kind of surprise that an educated man would use such flawed grammar though. It’s “the crowd is turning ME ON”, not “turning on me”, sheeesh.
The re-animated corpse of Peter Jennings would have been better than this ass-clown.
Retiring and moving to Carolina ASAP!
“The program is now operating at a very accelerated, but steady, cruising speed…..” Gibson’s letter to ABC News Staff
How can you have “accelerated and steady speed”…in what respect, Charlie?
V572625694: Oh my goodness — now I feel dirty. And that doesn’t usually happen before 6pm on weekdays.
Chuck spoke at my college back in the day. It was supposed to be a serious get-your-shit-together-real-life-is-tough kinda thing, but instead Charlie tried to be hip and yakked about the “keggers” the night before and name checked a few local bars and was generally very douchey. I heard later that one of the public speaking classes watched video of this presentation as a “WTF happened here” kind of educational thing.
V572625694: Her work for Nixon is a good thing. It proves she’ll do teh anal.
World News Tonight? What’s that?
Charlie Gibson got Bush Docrined right outta there!
I like Charlie. He’s living proof that all the assists in the world can’t save Sarah from herself.
you were right about diane sawyer. Announced it before the corpse was cold.
I’m not sure how to properly bid farewell to an anchorman with the personality of soggy Wonderbread, so I guess, bye and thanks for the very few memories I have of you and your newscast? I think I’ll remember Ted Kennedy’s funeral mass, in which you repeatedly told me which moments were “poignant” because apparently I am an utter moron and can’t figure that sort of thing out for myself, most of all. And of course all the respect you have for things, or whatever. Yeah, sure, that works.
Now then. Diane Sawyer? Really? Ugh. Someone reanimate Dan Rather’s corpse and get him in that seat pronto.
(I meant Peter Jennings but typed Dan Rather by mistake. Either way.)
Um. I’ve always liked the name “Charlie”. There. I said something nice.
I guess now we know who really knocked up Bristol.
Thank you fucking Jebus!!!
Canada is the great white north and snowbilly is not from here.
good day to you sir
In the film version of this heartwarming drama, they’ll be played by Brit Hume and Ann Coulter.
And Charlie still don’t surf.
I hear he’s got a little crush on Jenny Sanford. Just saying.
Min: ABC? What’s THAT??!!??
ABC? Isn’t that Jimmy Kimmel’s network? Maybe they could use Jimmy’s side-kick Guillermo. He’s definitely network anchor material. And Uncle Frank could do special reports explaining things to the teabag crowd.
ABC is owned by Disney. Disney have just bought Marvel. Therefore Sawyer must only be a temporary replacement - soon we’ll have the nightly news presented by SPIDERMAN!
I’ve already heard some folks, today, already complaining about whether she’ll have ‘gravitas’. You know, it’s the same concern trolling of any woman taking over for a man. What it really means is whether or not Diane has a penis, a strap-on, or will act like she has one.