DISASTERS  5:19 pm September 1, 2009

by Jim Newell

Man, people went so insane back thenWE HATE TO BE LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WHO THINK A TEMPORARY GMAIL CRASH IS WORSE THAN HITLER & THE APOCALYPSE COMBINED BUT HONESTLY, IT’S JUST REALLY INCONVENIENT: As an actual monster once wrote, “Torture always is ugly. So, though, is the hole in the ground where the Gmail once stood.” Oh ho ho — but now it’s back up and working again? Thank you for keeping us safe, Dick Cheney!

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SayItWithWookies September 1, 2009 at 5:23 pm

My Gmail server was down today — now I know exactly what it’s like to be Helen Keller.

populucious September 1, 2009 at 5:24 pm

Thank God it’s working again. I was this close to surrendering to North Korea.

TGY September 1, 2009 at 5:25 pm

Scotch, Mr. Newell. It’s what’s for breakfast.

bored with gravity September 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

Well crafted, RedState, well crafted. A rapier to our heart.

mollymcguire September 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

In honor of our fallen heros, welcome to Costco. I love you.

WhatTheHeck September 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

A Temporary GMAiL crash is always good for cleaning out dirty laundry ’an pesky incriminating shit.

dementor September 1, 2009 at 5:27 pm

There was poetry in that ad copy that went unearthed: it’s Freedium Fries…for the troops!

Extemporanus September 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm

[re=400119]SayItWithWookies[/re]: No you don’t. She used Gbraille.

problemwithcaring September 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm

Thank MAGOG the AOL server is fine, so the flow of angry Wonkett hatemail and forwards about Obama’s birf certificate may continue unabated.

GreatOldOnesParty September 1, 2009 at 5:30 pm

[re=400122]TGY[/re]: quote of the hour.

the problem child September 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm

I was inconvenienced for a whole 4 minutes! What is this series of tubes coming to?

Sarjo September 1, 2009 at 5:31 pm

gmail down…now i know what it was like for that girl to be held captive for 17 years…

Mr Blifil September 1, 2009 at 5:32 pm

More and more the timeline is raising the question of why, if the torture was to prevent terrorist attacks, it seemed to happen mainly during the period when we were looking for what was essentially political information to justify the bombardment of Gmail.

CrunchyKnee September 1, 2009 at 5:36 pm

Gmail down? Now I know what it is like to face a death panel.

WadISay September 1, 2009 at 5:37 pm

The terrorist threat level has been elevated to magenta.

Mr Blifil September 1, 2009 at 5:39 pm

Gmail down on a fine late summer day with few clouds to bother the Eastern Seaboard. If feels very 9/11.

hobospacejunkie September 1, 2009 at 5:47 pm

Gmail down? Now I know how Poland felt exactly 70 years ago today.

The Mt. Wilson webcam (search, lazy monkeys) looks ominous. Hit refresh, it’ll produce a pic eventually.

Suds McKenzie September 1, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Good thing I send all my messages by Air-Gram.

Lazy Media September 1, 2009 at 5:51 pm

I believe a Gmail crash was predicted in the Revelation of St. John the Divine:

12And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood;

13And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.

14And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places.

15And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains;

16And said to the mountains and rocks, Fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb:

17For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand?

Yep, that’s pretty much what happened today.

Guppy06 September 1, 2009 at 5:56 pm

I was forced to actually be “productive” this morning rather than spend the time sending sexually explicit messages! I want my two hours back!

wordsmoker September 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Gmail was down for me all day until now which doesn’t count because it’s night now and anyway it was like losing both my legs in a helicopter crash if the helicopter was carrying a serum that could save humanity from the encroaching tide of Valley Fever that’s how bad it was until now.

Humpback September 1, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Gmail, or drinking. Gmail, or drinking. Meh. I’m drunk.

american mutt September 1, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Torture always is ugly. So, though, is the hole in the ground where the Marvel comics once stood.

hiphophitler September 1, 2009 at 6:26 pm

I’m going to support our troops with a nice bourbon-over. God, I love our troops. I love our troops much more than you do.

The Station Manager September 1, 2009 at 6:34 pm

[re=400119]SayItWithWookies[/re]: http://www.helenkellersimulator.com/

Canuckledragger September 1, 2009 at 6:59 pm

Downing gmail was just a beta test for taking down the whole fuckin’ inertnet, which is Hopey’s next step. Then, concentration camps, because we all have short attention spans.

WND has the real scoop on this, I’m sure…..

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 1, 2009 at 7:48 pm

Real Ammurricans are impervious to Google’s fickle service, because we have Nixon-approved GGordonLiddyMail, which breaks into your enemies’ inboxes and steals incriminating messages.

Athar September 1, 2009 at 7:52 pm

What the is Gmail, and why is it being down a problem?

AbstinenceOnly Ed September 1, 2009 at 8:18 pm

[re=400257]Athar[/re]: Suspected al Aqsa terrorist Gmail Mohammed Gibrani, a Syrian national suspected of smuggling RPGs and emoticons to Hizbollah. His being down means no emoticons, flirting with the cute receptionist, or weapons to fire at Sderot for us militants.

Quasi September 1, 2009 at 9:11 pm

That’s what I hate about the night shift.

Here’s another soul-crushing, civilization-ending, Armageddonish catastrophe that I’ve slept through.

Ye Olde Fap-Smith September 1, 2009 at 9:41 pm

Gmail was down for a couple of hours … I can now totally empathize with Terri Schiavo.

Long Form Def Certificate September 1, 2009 at 9:53 pm

Yes, but don’t try bringing that Kaiser blade on the plane…

Politicartoons September 1, 2009 at 10:00 pm

This was just an evil plan to justify the takeover of the internet by the Obama family. I read it on teh Twitter.

Athar September 1, 2009 at 10:29 pm

[re=400268]AbstinenceOnly Ed[/re]: Shit!

sezme September 2, 2009 at 12:50 am

Gmail was down. Now I know what it was like to be alive in 2003.

LoweredPeninsula September 2, 2009 at 4:31 am

Wait, people actually use the Gmail?

Gmail was down; now I know what it feels what it’s like to continue my average day, unabatted because I don’t use, nor have ever used, Gmail.

LoweredPeninsula September 2, 2009 at 4:32 am

[re=400362]sezme[/re]: Ok, you won.

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