Wonkette
While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their boat into very huge rocks late last night. And lo, “Twitter person Bob B.” has sent us this photo of the wreckage, in which he thinks he has spotted the smoking gun: a keg of beer. It looks a little too skinny to be considered such in our estimation. Probably just a trash can. (They were throwing away the tree.) (While drunk?) [Twitter]
Pretty clearly a plastic garbage can. Two guys, one keg is pretty hardcore, even for boaters.
It’s a potted plant (or a pot plant). Why did the potted plant drive the boat up onto the rocks?
Wonkette Prayer Hour on a Friday night? Oh, you poor, poor boy.
Isn’t getting drunk and crashing a boat into the land the EXACT OPPOSITE of getting drunk and crashing a car into a lake? If so, perhaps this is some kind of performance art tribute to Teddy K.
I don’t understand — it looked so easy in the James Bond movie.
That keg is back….and to the right. Back…..and to the right. It should have gone up…..and to the left. Up….and to the left. Denny is being set up. THere were probably tequila shooters on the rocky knoll. Someone call oliver stone.
First “taps” is an adjective, now there’s such a thing as a cylander? Why is Wonkette so insensitive to Pedant-Americans?
There’s a body in there.
Black plastic garbage can? Obviously there was a spodi goin’ on.
Also, cylindrical. That’s a hell of a drunk you have going, Newell. Slainte!
Also on board, the state’s Senate Majority Whip, two staffers and an unnamed fifth person. Please oh please let it be a furry.
Costco-sized barrel ‘o lube.
Jamie Sommers: You know who else has a prayer hour on Friday?
MUSLIM TERRORISTS FROM HELL WHO WISH TO DESTROY US ALL.
Just sayin’, Jim. Is there something you would like to share with us?
Thats not a keg. Its a vat of K-Y, Super DeLux Economy Size.
It would appear that the force of the collision ejected Oscar the Grouch from his trash can.
Night tracking the elusive wild Oscar the Grouch by boat.
Looks like a stand-up ashtray. Maybe they were motoring in to get rid of the roaches. And missed, evidently.
Also, best comment on that Montana News Paper story so far:
Posted by:H F Davidson 2009/08/28 03:55:56 AM
I’ve boated in and out of that bay dozens of time after dark in my 22′ motorboat and never had a problem telling rocks from water even when I had been drinking.
y’know what a garbage can like that is good for? putting some ice in for to chill your pony keg.
Gopherit: Notable that the comment was made at 4AM and is surprisingly coherent considering the hour.
Probably a bear canister. Does Meghan Stapleton still not know her boss’ whereabouts?
dippinkind: Bingo. Also, garbage cans like that are great for voming in before, during, and after you drive your boat 100% out of the water onto giant fucking boulders.
Where’s the ejaculate drippings, Perez?
How did the Fish, Wildlife and Parks people know to leave a trash can in that exact location? Spooky.
BTW Rehberg apparently only has two R’s.
This is a lovely post and all, Jim, but it’s pushed the Barack K. Smith story to page 2. Could you please put a thumbnail somewhere on p. 1 for easay access to the Wonkette Birth Watch updates?
And what Drudge-like siren can you concoct to be adequate to announce the impending news, which we all wait with bated breath? (Heh, I said bated.)
Gopherit: did you look to the right of the comments? One of the top emailed articles was about Senator Tester (D) NOT promising to vote for health care reform. Come on cowboy, vote for health reform.
It’s definitely a trash can. What you can’t see in the photo is that it’s full of dismembered body parts of all the old people Obama killed via his “death panels.” (It’s being sent to the Slim Jim factory, with the others.)
I’m joining your prayer circle to ensure that Sarah Palin was the mystery fifth person in that damn boat.
hockeymom: Gopherit:
Though the most emailed article was entitled “Wolves Devastate Rancher’s Sheep.” Also, the most commented on. Also.
What’s up with the wolves, today?
Also hospitalized was state legislator Greg Barkus, a Republican state senator from Kalispell; his wife, Kathleen; and two Rehberg staffers, Dustin Frost and Kristin Smith.
It seems like theres a hidden message in the “also rans”. Anyone spot it?
R2-D2?..
Nooooo!!!
*sobsobsniff*
It could be a depth charge. If the boat is PT-109.
hockeymom: they have something in common with the rammin gov to be. He hates wolves because they et his farmed elk. canned hunters are scum. And, you know, cry me a river if your sheep get eaten. We ain’t a socialist society, boy.
Maxine of Arc: The Cylans were the bad-guys in “Battlestar Galactica”.
Jim is implying that Iceberg’s boat may have been shot down by alien toasters from space.
Big Ass Repub Buttplug.
*Huckabee-sized buttplug.
i’m trying to get excited about the mystery cylinder, but i can’t tear my rapt attention away from just how incontrovertibly that boat has been run aground. gilligan himself could not have more convincingly demonstrated the meaning of fubar.
slappypaddy: A fateful trip, indeed.
dippinkind: I was thinking the same thing, and it was what we used to do in college (without the boat, of course).
Regards,
Tengrain
widget09: tin men.
hockeymom: Sarah Palin had been brought in for wolfpack control, which is why she was in Montana…riding in Denny’s boat…as the mysterious Passenger #5.
I pray for beer on Friday night, especially to the Chimay Gods.
also.
Gopherit: He’s not drinking, just sharing the epidural with Sara.
V572625694: Not for Montanans. The standard phrase for a Montana driver about to spin out in a snow storm is “hold my beer and watch this”.
Can’t rule out keg! I’ve been to parties where the keg is kept in a trashcan like that, packed with ice.
I suspect the good ol’ boys were trying to use the rocks as a ramp for a totally awesome jump.
“Watch this!”
For some reason, I keep thinking of Hanna Montana now…
I wonder if the 6th person ran away on foot?
blinky_twinkie: Racism
And you know what you do with kegs? You tap them! Not like charlie crisp tho. Just with a tap.
Jamie Sommers:
I know, I keep telling him he needs to meet a nice girl. Or a pair of naughty ones.
What do you do with a drunken Representative,
What do you do with a drunken Representative,
What do you do with a drunken Representative,
Earl-eye in the morning!
CHORUS:
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Way hay and up she rises
Earl-eye in the morning
Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Shave his belly with a rusty razor,
Earl-eye in the morning!
Sung to the tune of “What DO You Do With Drunken Sailor”.
Spreading the word here, because this site has always been kind to me.
http://marmel.com/2009/08/utah-says-its-okay-to-discriminate-against-gays-its-time-to-boycott-sundance/
I’m sure these idiots in the boat would have agreed with the idiots in Utah, so it’s not COMPLETELY off topic.
Boycott Sundance.
……two staff members in the crash were state director Dustin Frost and health care policy adviser Kristin Smith.
Marmel: lol and next to Utah is Nevada, where blogwhoring is legal!
This is the late-Friday data dump?
We are stuck pondering this damn rock-parking-cum-trash-can-beer-bong all weekend?
One of you (Jim?) is praeggers and all, but c’mon!
Fortunately, as federal employees they’re covered by socialist medicine.
Marmel: Could move it to Sundance, Wyoming for less of an LDS white,
…or just move it down here to the OC, Laguna? Dana Point?, where people can actually get to the damn thing.
LISTEN UP SHEEPLES!!!
OBVIOUSLY IT IS THE NEW OBAMA DEATH TUBE — THE AQUATIC DEATH PANEL!!!
Marmel: Oh look, the blog whore is back.
About that guy whose sheep were eated — you know that rugged western individualist’s first call will be to the govt to reimburse him for his loss. Because he is a rugged individualist who hates govt intervention in the lives of rugged western individualists. Who are totally independent.
hobospacejunkie: I heard they eat therefore they hunt. Or, was it the other way around ??
Marmel: Who gives a shit? I don’t live in Utah.
Kinda reminds one of the Minnow, don’t it?
It’s a pipe from Super Mario Bros.
I just returned from a week in Wyoming. I traveled (appropriately dressed, I assure you) down the Snake River on a white water raft with six of the state’s eleven registered Democrats. We saw beaucoup wildlife and managed not to crash the damn thing. What is these peoples’ problem?
Rehberg & Bro were enjoying some Glacier Select Oktoberfest (O’zapft is, bitches!) and pulled a Joe Hazelwood (note spill containment booms).
Flathead Lake is now the newest Superfund site…
These boys are superstars.
V572625694:
Duh! You keep a keg in a plastic trash can full of ice! You guys must have gone to private schools or something.
So stupid they forgot to put the boat in the water?
The cylAndrical object looks just like a half barrel to me. (I’m takin bonus point for pic with tiger, half barrel AND water as part of composition.)
Trash can either contains: (1) keg (2) lethal mixture of Hawaiian Punch and Everclear, plus random cigarette butts, styro plates with queso and chips caked onto them (3) 100 empty Coors cans.
I vote for (2), because you only need the Hawaiian Punch concentrate and the booze, and could use river water to fill to the right concentration. Plus it looks like they were leaving it, whereas with a keg you’d want to get the deposit back.
Whatever it is, it was obviously mistaken for a navigational marker by the boat operator. (Wait…isn’t it “red right returning”?)
We need Denny Rehberg and his cheesy moustache. Watching him in Congress makes me feel like I’m watching Burt Reynolds in “Lassiter.” He has the bearing of a true statesman.
It could be a keg inside a trash can full of ice. All the college kids do that to keep their beer cold.
Menino- “Micky Come Ova Fo a Potty!”
it’s a luggable loo full of beer! yes and I shit in the woods and can see Canada from my popup,also
Is cylandrical like a cylinder that’s an android?
what would ted kennedy say about this
Scandalabra: You didn’t eat any o’ them Dimmycrats, did you? Are you related to Alferd Packer? He was from Colorado, which is just a Molotov Cocktail’s throw from Wyoming.
So ahhhhh how’s that American health care, eh? Aboot time these asshats in Washington tested it oot.
BTW, if this happened in Britain at least one of the four would be dead.
Mary Jo Kopekne.
Upper left: Rehberg swimming away.
Mystery solved.
Obviously, Obama set this guy up. When Secret Service was in Montana for the Inaugural Death Panel, Obie dispatched an agent to fray the brake line, hoping it would fail late at nite.
Add this to the Obama Murders List. Though, as with most affirmative action hires, he has a ways to go before matching the output of a better qualified white hire. (By that, I mean the Clinton Murders List.)
Finally, it’s here … WAKE UP, SHEEPLE - The Song
Warning, it’s real and real funny.
Gopherit: I’ve boated in and out of that bay dozens of time after dark in my 22′ motorboat and never had a problem telling rocks from water even when I had been drinking.
I thought telling rocks from water WAS drinking.
Or maybe that’s bartending.
Uncertainty Vice-Principal: Cylandrical–whispers from the rocky knoll..
To get the boat that far up the rocks they must have been going like 50 MPH in the dark. Probably late for their Mensa meeting.
Any respectable Montanan would fill the trash can with ice and cans of domestic beer. A keg would take too much planning. Also, this could all be a mustache ride gone horribly wrong.
Probably just a trash can. - Not according to Colin Powell.
Scooter: “To get the boat that far up the rocks they must have been going like 50 MPH in the dark. Probably late for their Mensa meeting.”
Each person thought the person next to them had the night vision goggles on. ROFL.
Paul Tardy: Fuck you, you elderly killing son of a bitch.
In Minnesota that is how we park our boats, we don’t get hurt cuz we jump out 20 meters before the rocks aka the shore, and we are so shitfaced we’d fuck eurasian milfoil! harharhar errrr errrr
Tea parties and keg parties don’t mix, kids.
Larry McAwful: May I be forgiven for knowing this, but “Lassiter” was a Tom Selleck cat-burglar joint, and he was so heavily in character all the time that anyone who called him anything but Lassiter on the set was fired and thrown off the set in a single swift motion.
Yeah, kids, Magnum P.I. used to swing his mighty dork like Paul Bunyan’s axe, knocking down entire forests with a single sweep of his mighty tool. Let this be a lesson unto you — as time goes on, the number of people who couldn’t identify Justin Timberlake if you stuck on gun to their heads is only going to increase.
Drinking toast is former-soviet Kazakhstan, with Russians and Kazakhs? We should assume they were drunk by the Yeltsin standard. The garbage can undoubtedly held the vodka bottles! Generic vodka in Russia proper goes for perhaps 25 US cents a pint, and will knock you down, pick you and and knock you down again.
Zhu Bajie
Way Cool Larry: Maybe for mojo. Everyone brings a bottle of their favorite hooch, they pour all of it in a garbage can, mix it up and drink it! Great fun when I was in the Navy!
No Peggy Noonan?
dippinkind: That’s what i said!
El Pinche: Bob Roberts is poised for his comeback!
I see Talking Points memo picked up this story after Wonkette. Wonkette gets the scoop!
Wonkette– the hottest site for breaking news, on weekdays anyway.
El Pinche: Needs more cowbell
Way Cool Larry: Hell, I live in Montana and I first heard about this story on Wonkette! Also, how did they fit 5 people on that boat? Also, poor Denny broke his ankle and is canceling his townhall meetings on healthcare reform. These guys will do ANYTHING to get out of those townhalls.
No liveblog of Ted’s funeral?
El Pinche:
I gave him one star. If the youtubes had negative stars (blackholes?) he’d agotten 5 of them.
“Wake Up America
The media is sleeping with your President
Wake up Michelle
Reporters are sleeping with your man”
Uff Da.
Crash Crash Crash your boat
Set it on the rocks
Drink a beer, Have no fear
A vampire like you
Can see in the dark.
Transcript just before accident as released by the police.
Voice #1: OH #$@% I can’t work this thing.
Voice #2: Danny you’ve got the night vision on, I’ll take the wheel while you get me a beer.
Voice #3: Sure Shooting.
[loud noise]
Voice #1: @$# #^^$# $##$$#
Voice #2: ahhhh #$%$
Voice #3: My ankle hurts like hell, #$# %%%%
Voice #4: We back at the Marina? Where’s the keg? Where’s the boat? Where is everybody? #$@%
I propose this be called the Rehberg Chappa-stupid incident.
Actually a drunken accident is a fitting tribute to the late Senator Kennedy. I personally think TSA should put a Senator on the no fly list for old times sake.
SARA!!! WAKE UP AND FEED US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHERE IS OUR SKS BABY UPDATE???!!!!111!!???
Ladies and gentleman of Montana, meet your future senator.
hockeymom: Blingeed baby pics!
Can anyone take a screenshot of Bush (junior, of course) this morning? His face is red and I bet he’s been hitting the sauce.
This was obviously the work of the ACORN party barge. Those boys must have been taking mountain sheep on a pleasure tour again.
Yo Yo Ma is playing cello at Kennedy’s funeral. And CNN’s got a live feed to Arlington National Cemetery, for some reason. Also, their weekend crew can’t spell cemetery.
Oh, and those trashcans are kinda crappy for holding your keg and ice — they’re too narrow at the bottom. Most civilized places give you a proper tub with your keg.
Ugh — I’ve been to too many Catholic funerals to care to watch this for long. As much as fear of death is the wellspring of religion, it bores and grosses me out to see what they’ve done with it. I just want to see President Obama get these people on their feet.
liquiddaddy: Dubya hates anything solemn, and especially funerals. It gives me some pleasure to know he’s in hell right now.
Can we get a podcast of The Wonkette Prayer Hour?
SayItWithWookies: Y Yo is always good for these events. “Wake Up! Play Simple Gifts! Get back in the box!”
Teddy Jr.’s eulogy was great — funny, sentimental, slightly meandering, and ended on a high note.
Patrick, on the other hand, seems to think this is all about him.
Obama’s on now, if anyone wants to catch it.
Hi Orrin — glad you could make it. Healthcare healthcare healthcare.
Breibart is probably sitting a pool of his (and/or Ziegler’s) piss throwing poo poo balls at the telly right now .
Well that was a great eulogy — solemn and elegant, dwelling more on the tragedies of Kennedy’s life than Ted Jr.’s, but only to emphasize his resilience and the remarkable nature of his unending will to ensure that America is the most equitable and fair nation possible. I couldn’t help shedding a tear, though it was also colorful and funny. Adieu, Grand Fromage, et merci.
El Pinche: EDIT ..in a pool..
El Pinche: Speaking of which, when Obama mentioned that after 9/11, Kennedy called all 177 families of Massachusettsians who died, and that he then took families sailing, made sure they had access to grief counseling and remembered them on the anniversary, the camera cut to Dubya — who I don’t think has ever looked so small.
SayItWithWookies: Agreed. Pure class.
Thank goodness Shep is on FOX after the funeral coverage. He’s the only one there who will withhold the talking points for at least a little while.
SayItWithWookies: I totally forgot about that! So honorable and sweet.
Bill Russell on MSNBC right now. I had no idea he campaigned for Kennedy after his plane crash.
SayItWithWookies: That was amazing. And after two days of non-stop Kennedy coverage, I wonder if he had somehow figured out a way to add more hours to the day. So many stories of calls, visits, letters from Kennedy when people were at their lowest. How did he have the time?
facehead: YOU PEOPLE ARE WORSE THAN THE HELL’S ANGELS.
ccmask: Good point. Two couples plus Rehberg equals suspicious.
KalispellKathleenKristin…three prominent K’s, coincidence? I think Not!
hockeymom: Shep is their token human.
El Pinche: as opposed to dubya….a victim of partial mongoloids, shaken baby syndrome, and cocaine abuse. There, I wanted to complete that thought.
El Pinche: I listened to it.
Sounded like “blur blur blur blu blur, bla bla blur blur blur bla blur, bla bla blur blur blur blur blur, president…
I wanted to laugh. But did not.
dippinkind: Very True. Wonkette editors clearly have not spent enough time living in a trailer park to recognize the superior ice-holdin’/beer-chillin’ properties of your Dollar-Store plastic trash can. Get out there and live Life, people!
Driving full speed toward rocks in the dark seems to be the Republican way. And yes, in Montana we often put kegs in plastic trash cans,cut a hole for the tap and awaaay we go!
Another wasted opportunity for the republican party. In the spirit of true partismship, they could have offered the point position to senator Max Baucus. A true win-win position if ever one presented itself.
A spokesman for Rep. Rehberg now asserts that the Congressman was not in the boat at all. The spokesman said, “He always uses valet parking. The attendant ran over him while parking the boat.”
Where’s Judy Martz when you need him. Her? Whatever.
Gilligan gets a practical exam in physics - the rapid deceleration test.
It looks more like Oliver North’s lawyer, Brenden Sullivan.
He of the potted plant variety.
All this photo needs is a well fed crocodile.
“Hold my beer and watch me jump this boat onto the trailer !!!!!! “
“Let’s get some fuckin’ french toast.”
Cylandrical?? Cylandrical?!!1??
WTF. Sara leaves and nobody left knows how to spell check.