OUR FLOURISHING ECONOMY  3:44 pm August 20, 2009

by Jim Newell

IT’S LIKE A RECOVERY, BUT WITH NO EQUITY, SAVINGS, CONSUMER SPENDING, JOBS, RETIREMENT ACCOUNTS, INNOVATION, STRONG CURRENCY, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE, BASIC SHELTER, OR LONG-TERM PROSPECTS FOR A COMPETITIVE MODERN ECONOMY: “The housing market continues to threaten signs of an economic recovery, with new data released on Thursday showing an all-time high of Americans falling behind on loan payments and the rate of home foreclosures unlikely to peak until late in 2010.” But the stock markets are up! Everyone in America owns bundles of good stocks, right? Right?? [The Hill]

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Sussemilch August 20, 2009 at 3:47 pm

The good news is the next recovery will be even faster because we’ll have less to recover from.

Humpback August 20, 2009 at 3:50 pm

Personally, I’m making a bundle by painting signs like “Jobless men keep going”.

gurukalehuru August 20, 2009 at 3:50 pm

I reckon Marian Robinson’s got it right. Time to start sacrificing a few chickens. What have we got to lose?

CorkPopper August 20, 2009 at 3:51 pm

But Wall Street bonuses are back! That will trickle down and fix everything, right? I mean, for the people who matter.

GreatOldOnesParty August 20, 2009 at 3:59 pm

“Jobless men keep going”

Going where?

rambone August 20, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Good thing I don’t have to pay royalties for masturbating and crying, ’cause I’ll be engaging in those activities extensively for the foreseeable future.

Then again, if I did have to pay some sort of fee, the economy would probably recover lickity-split.

SayItWithWookies August 20, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Relax everybody — things might look bad, but that’s just because the economy is a lagging indicator.

Dave J. August 20, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Um, point of order, Jim, but I believe the economic doom and gloom thing is Ken’s beat. At long last, sir, have you no shame?

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 20, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Oh, we’re “in recovery”. I get it.

So it’s like rehab, right?

Is this where the world kicks us out for not playing by the house rules after catching us sneaking around doing derivatives and mainlining huge bonuses again?

The Station Manager August 20, 2009 at 4:01 pm

I don’t know about the rest of you chumps, but my invisible portfolio is doing invisibly well.

Trace August 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm

I wish you guys would stop re-using pictures over and over again in your stories. The only reason I come here is for the pictures.

ManchuCandidate August 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Considering that most of the money “made” by Wall St, was courtesy of Timmeh Geither’s relaxing of certain accounting standards to cover up a few trillion (guesstimated) in toxic assets (ie: shitty mortgages), the notion of a Wall St recovery is about as real as a Bernie Madoff stock transaction.

slappypaddy August 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm


we don’t need no stinkin recovery.

bureaucrap August 20, 2009 at 4:02 pm

If the top execs of Goldman Sachs are getting theirs, it’s a recovery.

Fox n Fiends August 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm

WAKE UP SHEEPLE: Hitler brought prosperity to Germany = prosperity is fascist nazi socialism!!

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm

[re=391793]rambone[/re]: for masturbating and crying,

Must be where the term “sad sack” originated.

tbogg August 20, 2009 at 4:04 pm

As long as my extensive Beanie Baby collection holds its value, I’ll be living large.

sowbelly August 20, 2009 at 4:05 pm

Whither yacht sales? Americans want to know!

SlipperyDick August 20, 2009 at 4:07 pm

[re=391793]rambone[/re]: ObamaCare will tax masturbation and crying.

Nerdalicious August 20, 2009 at 4:11 pm

Barney Frank town hall in full on C-Span now! 4:25pm est

shadowMark August 20, 2009 at 4:14 pm

The good news is the government will raise extra cash soon because some big Swiss bank will turn over information about more than four thousand accounts from wealthy Americans stashing cash overseas. The bad news is that Kenyan guy in the White House now has four thousand Lex Luthor types really pissed off at him.

MARCdMan August 20, 2009 at 4:14 pm

I own bundles of good sticks, does that count? Oh wait, that’s literally fascist.

The Cold Sea August 20, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Debbie Downer

BlueStateLibtard August 20, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=391793]rambone[/re]: A good reason to invest in Kleenex tissue stocks!

Tommmcatt August 20, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Oh for fuck’s sake, just say it: Depression.

And, as much as I hate to say it, that is the glass-half-full way of looking at it. Half-empty would be describing it as “a long, slow crawl into anarchy”.

Chickensmack August 20, 2009 at 4:18 pm

[re=391799]Trace[/re]: It’s a fucking recession. It’s an egregious waste to bring out a new goddamn picture for you every time you hit F5. My God, man… think of recycling and Gaia and the children frolicking in the fucking trees that were miraculously saved before you demand new imagery!

Don Juanquete August 20, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Be all that you can be. Join the army. We will all have jobs and health insurance and all the drugs we need when we are all soldiers. Also, socialism will be eliminated.

Uncertainty Vice-Principal August 20, 2009 at 4:21 pm


ObamaCare will tax masturbation and crying.

And vice versa. If those are covered, anyway.

norbizness August 20, 2009 at 4:23 pm

As long as the superrich stay superrich or becoming progressively superricher, then all’s right in the world.

GreatOldOnesParty August 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm

[re=391804]Fox n Fiends[/re]: You know what else Hitler liked?

V572625694 August 20, 2009 at 4:24 pm

[re=391794]SayItWithWookies[/re]: I smell a tax cut!

snideinplainsight August 20, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Buy pork bellies in september, and you’ll never lose money.

snideinplainsight August 20, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Hey … guys, has anybody seen my wallet?

One Yield Regular August 20, 2009 at 4:33 pm

Remember when Dubya was going around the country waving around four one-dollar bills, taking one of them away to explain how we could get rid of just that one via tax cuts and we’d still have three-quarters of our huge surplus left to fund every necessity. I’d like to see video of that playing on a loop on every network, 24/7, along with his talks about having everyone invest their social security earnings in the stock market.

hobospacejunkie August 20, 2009 at 4:41 pm

Not to worry. If you ever had anything to do with Goldman Sachs, the govt will bend over backwards to fellate and enrich you. The rest of you poor slobs should’ve been execs at Goldman Sachs instead of chasing your dream of being a poor slob. It’s not like the writing wasn’t on the wall.

Prommie August 20, 2009 at 4:51 pm

[re=391827]Tommmcatt[/re]: And the inevitable end, cannibalism, as armed gangs of crazed starving people roam the countryside in scenes reminiscent of Mad-Max. I plan to take to the seas in a sailboat, seems the most survivable option, no need for fuel, subsistence fishing, the ability to travel by sea to remote and isolated areas which will be free from the crazed cannibal mobs. The places least affected will be the most primitive, poor places that still live a subsistence economy, the crash of the high tech first world economy will go unnnoticed to them, and from them, I will be able to learn how to survive without it.

Min August 20, 2009 at 4:52 pm

In the words of the immortal Mark Twain, “The reports of our recovery are greatly exaggerated.”

ALIVE! August 20, 2009 at 5:01 pm

[re=391844]One Yield Regular[/re]: Great effing idea.

cheeto_jeebus August 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm

I’m gettin a stall at the farmers market in front of the whitehouse to sell my apples. i’ll be fine. in fact so fine, i’ll expand to tissues and hobo beans for the swells.

desertwind August 20, 2009 at 8:41 pm

Please bring back the “Michelle’s mom is a voodoo queen and that’s only the half of it” stories.

Paul Tardy August 20, 2009 at 9:06 pm

But, Click throughs are at an all time high.

Thoughtfully POTUS Bush II left a few muslim countries to invade just in case the economy nose dived.

liquiddaddy August 20, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Given Wonkette’s brilliant business model, when is the public offering going to be?

Tommmcatt August 21, 2009 at 12:28 pm


Take me with you!!!!

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