Wonkette
When Rush Limbaugh saw that sexy Barney Frank video last night, the rough outline of a joke came to him instantly, as if from God. After 574 pages of scrapped drafts, two pots of coffee, and nine amber bottles of hydrocodone, he finally reached an iteration suitable for his radio program this afternoon: “But the killer for me was, here’s Barney Frank saying, ‘What planet do you live on?’ to this woman. Isn’t it an established fact that Barney Frank himself spends of his time living around Uranus?” HEY-O! Get it? Because he’s a Jew? [TPM]
I sincerely doubt Barney Frank spends that much time around Rush.
Rim shot!
Rush Limbaugh–you should be fired, taken off the air, flown to Aushwitz, placed in one of the old cells there for a little while, and given time to think just how frickin’ lucky you are that you can be on the radio and spew such hatred, bigotry, ignorance and non-journalism and actually be paid for it. You are anti-Semitic, homophobe, racist and a moron.
Because it’s pronounced like “urine-us” and Barney Frank is a man who… urinates?
Rush would know, having glutes the size of Deimos and Phobos.
Don’t quit your day job Rush — oh, shit.
Barney Frank has already made the world better. He’s managed to put Rush Limbaugh in the position of defending LaRouche supporters.
…the killer for me was…
Oh Rush, if only.
Does this guy ever talk about anything but teh buttseks? It’s either Barney Frank and hisanus or constant references to bending over and grabbing his ankles.
Actually, that’s probably the funniest thing ever to come out of Rush’s mouth. I know, low bar…
You can’t say Rushbo doesn’t know his audience.
thefrontpage: There some problems with your plan.
I doubt he would fit into the cell and he would just stink the place up. Besides, he would probably get a little pudgy erection and who wants to see that?
Oh Rush, we never tire of your Barney Frank jokes. You’re such a wag.
Did I say wag? I meant fat fuck.
It’s like a joke, only different.
…the killer for me was…
rectum? damn near killed ‘em!
A better, free-market solution for dealing with Rush would involve taking him to one of those countries without a government (like what he advocates for here) and selling him by the pound for cattle feed and human consumption. I nominate Somalia.
You’re a laugh riot, Jabba the Limbaugh. A 4th-grader might snicker at that one.
He spends his time on Jewpitur, duh.
Hey does NOT live around My anus, I thank you very much, Mr. Limbaugh. Now, you rather large anus and assorted fat cells may have a mass sufficient to exert a gravitational pull on nearby objects, but somehow I think that Barney Frank has far to great a taste in men and other things to be caught anywhere near your field of gravity. (still not sure which pull is greater, the mass of your fat ass or that of the black hole of your mind and soul)
I don’t know why this sad pustule of a sentient lifeform can’t take his cue from Bob Novak.
I was wondering why I heard a thundering chorus of “Whooooo Hoooooo, that thar was funny!” throughout Central Arkansas a little while ago.
I like Barney Frank and all, but sorry, Rush, not my anus.
Also, Rush, I think the last time I thought a ‘Uranus” joke was clever, I was like, 11 years old?
Yeah, and Rush spends a lot of time around Costa Rican boys uranui. Is it urani when plural?
glamourdammerung: You’re saying Rush is fit for human consumption?
Fry: “Hey, as long as you don’t make me smell Uranus.” (laughs)
Leela: “I don’t get it.”
Professor: “I’m sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all.”
Fry: “Oh. What’s it called now?”
Professor: “Urectum. Here, let me locate it for you.”
Country Club Jihadi: AWESOME.
If talking to that feeble little LaRouchette twit was like talking to a dining room table, then Rush Limbaugh would be like talking to an old, overstuffed Lazy-Boy rocker - with pork rind bits, and inadvertently crushed viagra tablets stuck inside the cushion. And 94 cents in change a “Kiss Me, I’m a Redneck” button, also.
What piece of double-wide trailer trash furniture do YOU think Rush is most like?
Limp dick Viagra boy made a funny.
Woo.
He wasn’t this nasty back when he was on the dope. His his former maid/drug mule still available.
dum librul:
“Does this guy ever talk about anything but teh buttseks?”
Yeah, we need Professor Ivory Tower to analyze that bimbaugh uranus statement ad nauseum.
bimbaugh is from jupiter, the fattest most gaseous planet.
Is this the rethug freedom works genius response to a brilliant man who finally did what needed to be done to the whack fringe flawlessly? Again, bimbaugh is the gutter nonintellectual leader/spokesperson/first responder of the neanderthals/rethugs. Proof that they won’t win an election for decades.
Oh yeah, Rush. More jokes about Uranus. Don’t forget the part about launching anal probes to explore your vast, globulous, uninhabitable and densely hairy cyst-em…
Said the gassy giant.
Is it just me or does this woman look like a claymation character? Please folks, it’s lunch time where I live. Rush’s fat ass? Best diet aid ever!
Barney Frank : Woody Allen’s joke with Marshall McLuhan in Annie Hall :: Rush Limbaugh : sociopathic 7-year-old sticking a firework in a cat’s ass.
He has an obsession with “anal poisoning”, “butt sex”, etc.
whose anus? his listeners’ collective anus? don’t get it.
Salon.com has repeatedly run articles on Rush’s anal fixation. When they actually counted up all the incidents it was downright creepy. Link: http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2009/05/21/limbaugh_obsession/
dum librul: That’s what I thought as well. His many, many wives must have had any number of vile strap-ons*.
*Also, a huge amount of self hatred.
Uncertainty Vice-Principal: stole. my. thundah.
This’ll just make it more fun when Rush is finally caught in a Tallahassee hotel room with a dead boy, a Big Gulp-sized bottle of Viagra, fifty feet of nylon cord, the economy-sized jug of massage oil and the Backstreet Boys box set. And please let it be soon.
SO ORIGINAL AND PITHY
Who is this “MeMe,” and why doeth she tweet?
Lascauxcaveman: Sorry, Fry, astronomers changed the name of that planet in 2261 to put an end to that stupid joke once and for all. Now it’s called Urectum!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I… Huh?
My punchline for Rush is “I’m sorry, the tumor is benign and very aggressive. I’d say you have 3 months at most. Start begging forgiveness from everyone you’ve ever defamed.”
“Speaking of Satan, I was watching Rush Limbaugh the other day… Doesn’t Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him?
Can’t you see his fat body in a tub while Reagan, Quayle and Bush just … [pee noise] Just standing around pissing on him, and his little piggly-wiggly dick can’t get hard. ‘Ooh, I can’t get hard. Ronnie, pee in my mouth’. ‘Well, how’s that, Rush?’ He still can’t get hard, so they call in Barbara Bush.
She takes her pearls off, shoves them up his ass, squats over him, undoes her girdle. Her wrinkled, flaccid labia unfurls half way to her knees, like some ball-less scrotum. ‘Uhh…. uhh…..’ She squeezes out a link into his mouth. Finally, his tiny dick gets half-way hard. ‘uhh-Oooh!’ A little bubble forms on the end of his dick, with a little maggot inside. The maggot pops the bubble, and goes off to join a pro-life group somewhere.
Am I the only one that sees that? Thank god I had the insight to notice Rush Limbaugh is a scat muncher; he munches scat.”"
- The late great Bill Hicks
Methinks the fat lady doth protest too much. I mean, anyone who takes a big bottle of blue pills on a boys trip to the Dominican Republican has probably ridden the vein train to Uranus a few times himself.
Just sayin’ …
glamourdammerung: “…pudgy little erection”? Not if we take away his Viagra.
Politely requesting that someone make a edit of ‘Centipedes? In MY vagina?’ meme. Barney Frank? In MY anus?
Oh, and Rush is a secrete Jew. Pass it on.
Rush just hates the world; he can’t help it. When he was a kid he was like so fat as to make up three normal sized kids. And Rush sweated a lot and stank and his parents didn’t care. And Rush picked on the other little kids until one day a little kid with lisp and funny accent named Barney punched Rush in the stomach and Rush threw up and cried and cried and threw up and everyone make fun of him and now he hates the world and Youranus and Jewpiter. The end.
This from the Mayor of Fatfucktardistan. How precious.
Oh, his listeners are simply going to hate that one.
orange:
Sorry.
Oh by the way I keep meaning to ask, can you check and tell me my mobile account balance?
The next time that pompous douche opens his gaping maw to spew some more of his patented hate-filled prejudice, will someone PLEASE, OH PLEASE insert a penis.
Uncertainty Vice-Principal: The gassy giant made a joke about the gassy giant. HA! I like that. Might steal it too.
Health care debate:
“You’re a neener head!”
“No, YOU’RE an neener head!”
Repeat ad infinitum.
It’s all scat, anuses, and Hitler with that tub of shit.
“AAhhh, I can’t get hard, Reagan pee in mouth.”
Now that Moldovan scientists from the Taitz Institute have invented the spam-and-velveeta-flavored diet pill, Rush has been losing a lot of weight lately…but he’s also lost what little was left of his mind. I predict a spectaular heart attack or stroke in the near future, which will of course by blamed on Obama brownshirt death squads.
Secretly, Rush wants to be the bottom for Barney’s top.
Time for a thurough Wonkette investigation into why all three of Limbo’s marriage’s failed (after producing no children). Baseless rumors should be included.
Oh, man. Watch out for a boycott from his advertisers, and an exodus of his gay listeners!
Wait.. oh.. Nevermind.
Come here a minute: Well played.
RoscoePColtraine:
Might steal it too.
Hey, hands off, I already stole it fair and square.
I don’t remember if it was here or elsewhere. The blog post was actually about Rush and also used the phrase gassy giant, and someone wrote “I’m not sure I’d use the term gassy giant if I were Rush” just seconds before I was going to do the same.
Uncertainty Vice-Principal: That’s my cousin.
What am I waiting for? Can we remember? A Sanford resignation, A Palin Divorce or the death of a Fox media whore. Right now, I vote for number 3. And when Rush keels over- I am going to buy myself a $4 dollar Georgetown cupcake to celebrate.
Has anyone ever seen Lisa Lampenelli and Rush in the same room? Just asking (the subtle senses of humor, the ample profiles, the Proustian sensibilities…).
I would have gone with, “Barney knows what it’s like to be face-to-face with a table because he has spent so much time bent over one”.
It’s funny because he is a homosexual.
stew: no rumours needed - Rush is a classic closeted homosexual, seething with contempt and hatred of what he fears most about himself = his slavish love of man seed.
Here’s one for you Rush: What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly your pudgy little prick into a Puerto Rican prostitutes ass.
what a sad, pathetic excuse for an adult. he is beneath contempt. i know, because contempt is a stone at the bottom of the gully that cuts through the poorest part of town and you can go there and lift it and scurrying around in the muck underneath it you will find this pale, bloated imitation of a human being, this rush limbo.
orange:
Oh sorry. You two always looked alike. I think it’s the coloring.
She talks funny though. Or well, or you do, depending on one’s perspective.
When will Rush and Glenn Beck team up for a comedy tour of America? FOR FREEDOM!
lawrenceofthedesert: Lisa is on record that she blows black guys. Rush will never admit that (though I’m guessing his ex-wives have some photos they kept for settlement purposes).
Straight to the A
Did his listeners even get the punch line or did they all run out to the prarie with telescopes in hand.
finallyhappy: when Rush Limbaugh keels over I am going to quote Christopher Hitchens on Jerry Falwells demise:
“If you gave the man an enema you could bury him in a matchbox”.
the end.
He’s poop-esque!
Someone should advise Jabba the Limbaugh that the less he makes people think about his anus, the better it is for everyone concerned. He may think he’s punking Barney, but all I can see is his cellulite ridden, fish-belly white, fat ass cheeks bouncing off the back of his knees.
Is there enough liquor in the world that would get someone to look at that and think “Hawt sex!!”
Limbaugh followed up this cutting remark with a sound and thoughtful “Neener neener.”
Wait, did Rush just call all of his listeners gay?
There’s a (Freddie) Mercury joke here that’s just not jelling.
My favorite joke:
What is the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg?
One is giant, flaming, nazi, bloated bag of gas……. and the other is a dirigible.
Thank you and drive safely.
norbizness: You beat me to it!
So between Rush, his listeners, his callers, and the Republican party generally, who among them isn’t a self-loathing, closeted homosexual? I thought the whole set-up was just a game of perverse homo-erotic kabuki like wrestling, football, “The Virginian” or old Audie Murphy westerns, with a heavy sprinkling of racism added just for fun.
Sweet Jesus, please send me an amber bottle of hydrocodone.
Country Club Jihadi > Limbaugh
Wait, how the hell can Rush judge where anyone’s from when he’s so pilled and coked up he probably doesn’t know he’s in his studio half the time?
I’d like to see Rush’s Long Form birth certificate to make sure he’s from Earth.
Ur-anus seks jokes. It’s great how Rush tries to boost the intellectual level of his listeners.
Rush’s conservative religious fans must have laughed a lot, and then written Larry Craig for an autographed picture.
Beavis is more erudite.
To Rush Limbaugh
Rush, man will land on Uranus in our lifetime.
Can someone make an Epic Neil Armstrong(ish) statement?
Rush got filthy rich on what is, apparently, a drastic shortage of five year olds to get jokes from.
Well, anyway, it’s a relief to have the opposition’s keenest argument against health reform out on the dining room table at last, courtesy of mean tubby sweaty ol’ Rush.
Pity poor Rushbo.
Has dreams of Barney’s anus.
Dildo must suffice.
But Uranus is too far to travel to? I don’t get it? Are we supposed to scream to see Barney Frank’s birth certificate now because he is an alien or something? Rush probably wasn’t joking about this.
“The Drug-Addled Pedophile”, if you please. I refuse to acknowledge the gas-bag any other way.
I just don’t get much opportunity to post here, but after reading all these comments, all I can say is, I’m touched. Crying, even. What moving, heartfelt, and fitting tributes, what beautiful bromides to that gargantuan privy midden.
I love you all.
On just a basic joke-telling level, it would have been a better line if he said,
“Barney Frank himself spends MOST of his time living INSIDE Uranus”
instead of:
Barney Frank himself spends of his time living around Uranus
queeraselvis v 2.0: Hai-5 on the Haiku!
Why is Baron Harkonnen still on the radio?
Careful Mush, Bob Novak is lonely and has secret powers.
Can someone please for the love of humanity find out what this fat fuck was doing in Costa Rica with an overnight bag full of Viagra? If he was trolling the teenage boy sex trade, I think we owe it to his devoted listeners to expose him.
I don’t think anyone has been more in need of getting out of the closet since Liberace.
Fox n Fiends:
Like Karl Rove
widget09: “That’s one small step for man. One giant leap for FUCK! I stepped in something. Aw man! and not a hose in sight.”
I know, lame, but it’s the first thing that came to mind.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: or elian gonzalez! hey-yo! yes!
Lionel Hutz Esq.: What? Liberace was gay? I just thought he was fastidious and flamboyant.
widget09: That’s one small dick for Rush, one giant ass for Rush-kind.
dum librul: Mr. Limpballs is gay. Ergo his fascination with tushies.
NopantsMcGee: LOL!!
If there was any doubt that Hillbilly Heroin causes brain-damage, it’s gone now.
Oh, but the original story gets “better”: those stalwart champions of journalistic quality over at FOX NEWS used their “artistic license” to re-edit the tape of Frank Versus Madamoiselle Ilsa von Bugfuck-Insane, so as to make it seem as though Frank was just randomly insulting anyone who asked him anything whatsoever … mmm boy, that right-wing media sure loves them some hot Wingnut-on-LaRouchie action - from calling them “Democrat plants” to covering for them outright.
WendyK: Exactly, thank you! I for one am eagerly anticipating the eventual news that he was caught with a young male prostitute. I would elaborate on the hilarious scenario, but I just ate and I don’t want to puke.
The only thing scarier than that bloated fartsack is the fact that he has an audience.