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IMPORTANT DEATHS

ROBERT NOVAK, WASHINGTON REPORTER FOR 666 YEARS, IS DEAD: Didn’t this happen like a month ago? Oh, that was Walter Cronkite. Hmm! Well, Robert Novak is dead now too. Sail on, sail on, sailor. [Huffington Post]


12:23 PM on Tue August 18 2009
By Jim Newell
3943 Views

  1. trondant says at 12:27 pm, August 18th, 2009

    SO the streets of D.C. are safe now?

  2. nbawriter says at 12:27 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I predict his hearse will run someone over at 17th and M.

  3. I understand he was buried in his cape (as requested).

  4. Inigo Montoya says at 12:27 pm, August 18th, 2009

    oh wonkette you think everything is funny

  5. Electric Zen says at 12:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Brain Cancer sucks, even harder than Robert Novak.

  6. OReillysVibrator says at 12:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    In a similar story, I went #2 in the bathroom this morning and flushed, never to see it again.

  7. SmutBoffin says at 12:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Last words: “Tell Begala that…I’ll love him…always

  8. JimNewell says at 12:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    trondant: nbawriter: That was even quicker than I expected.

  9. Serolf Divad says at 12:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    But who’ll out the CIA agents now?

  10. Inigo Montoya says at 12:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    will they spread his ashes in a crosswalk, from a black corvette?

  11. Texan Bulldoggette says at 12:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Well, at least he won’t be running over pedestrians on Earth anymore…or in heaven!

  12. Brendan M. says at 12:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Even Denby would be cool with you making fun of this asshole.

  13. snideinplainsight says at 12:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Geez, Satan, I mean Mr. Satan, that whole “Prince of Darkness” thing - that was meant to be a “metaphor”. We in the media, we have this think called poetic license, see? Noone really believes that you and I are related in any way whatsoever, and OF COURSE I’d never really presume to…

  14. Monsieur Grumpe says at 12:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Are we supposed to say nice things about him?
    OK, here goes.

  15. nbawriter says at 12:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Jim Newell: I actually got some urine on my pants in my rush to piss on his grave.

    Anyone have some stain advice for me?

  16. dum librul says at 12:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Worse hell for Novak:

    1) Sitting at a desk with nothing but James Carville and his insults for all eternity, with no exits to storm off the stage through.

    Or!

    2) Stuck in traffic next to a huge lineup of unsuspecting bicycle riders, but the cars just won’t MOVE!

  17. RoscoePColtraine says at 12:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Novak was a troll. Literally, a troll. Trolls live a long, long time, but they do eventually die. We lost an old troll today.

  18. Serolf Divad:

    Novak did a lot of damage and never acknowledged guilt. God rest his soul.

  19. Inigo Montoya says at 12:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Serolf Divad: tucker carlson, breifly, before he gets ripped by Jon Stewart. then they’ll just cancel the CIA outting thing for good.

  20. Tommmcatt says at 12:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Jeebus, his head was huge even back then.

    Sleep well in hell, our megacephalic friend.

  21. recharged95 says at 12:33 pm, August 18th, 2009

    In other real news:
    Former South Korean leader Kim Dae-jung dies.
    Jackson to be buried on his birthday.

    Stay in your homes today folks, it’s one of those days where they’ll be dropping like files.

  22. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:34 pm, August 18th, 2009

    trondant: Dang. I’ve been in training for a round of D.C. Dodgem’ for when I bring my kids over to Washington to see the museums and shit.

    I was looking forward to going up against Blindside Bob. A worthy adversary has swerved his last swerve.

  23. Well, to not speak ill of the dead, I will leave it at this: He was a devoted Terp.

  24. Hawaiiexpat says at 12:35 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He’d woulda been dead a long time ago if we had the same kinda health care system as England or Canada.

    Or if any number of Wonkette posters were employed on government death panels.

  25. Damn! I was so looking forward to waterboarding him at the re-education camp Obama is secretly building outside Wasilla. Damn you, Brain Cancer!

  26. bored with gravity says at 12:35 pm, August 18th, 2009

    At Cheney’s request, he’s now outing demons in Hell.

  27. Gorillionaire says at 12:36 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Sorry just can’t say anything nice about ol’ Dracula Cunt.
    Well, ok, he is kinda rockin that white suit in that pic from the 1800’s.

  28. De mortuis aut bene aut nihil, so… “Nihil.”

  29. Robert Novak to Take His Place at Satan’s Side After Lifetime of Faithful Service

  30. trondant says at 12:37 pm, August 18th, 2009

    nbawriter: Jim Newell: Ha ha, I already had my potentially-losing-the-public-option catheter in when I saw the news. Now, what to do with this bag of piss?

  31. norbizness says at 12:37 pm, August 18th, 2009

    His non-functioning heart may be that of blackened coal, but any time an old school conservative (and one who expressed a reporter’s skepticism at the Toby Keithisms being propagated to jump-start the Iraq War) passes away, and we’re left with Jonah Goldbergs and Andrew McCarthys and (shudder) Ross Douthats, it puts me in mind of our idiocratic decline.

  32. glamourdammerung says at 12:38 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Dear Bob,

    Please tell the CIA agents you helped murder “hello” for me. Also, remind Hitler he owes me five bucks.

    p.s. You really did not think you were going “up North”, did you?

  33. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 12:38 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Did someone let light into his crypt?

    And why is it, deep on my soul, I feel that this means Dick Cheney has simply gotten stronger.

  34. nbawriter says at 12:38 pm, August 18th, 2009

    ph7: I’ll assume you meant demented Twerp.

  35. blinky_twinkie says at 12:39 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Can’t muster the tears for this guy. R.I.P., jackass, and please do better next time.

  36. patrickman says at 12:40 pm, August 18th, 2009

    This is good news for John McCain

  37. lulzmonger says at 12:42 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Mourn not, Wonketteers, for even though Novak’s body may have died, his soul was untouched - it’s already been sitting in a jar on Lucifer’s desk for years now.

    Damn, imagine being the guy that has to clean THAT headstone … dude’s gonna need a Level 5 HazMat suit.

  38. imissopus says at 12:44 pm, August 18th, 2009

    About 665 years too late.

  39. Come here a minute says at 12:44 pm, August 18th, 2009

    dum librul: Novak’s finest moment with music by the Clash.

  40. nbawriter says at 12:45 pm, August 18th, 2009
  41. Birdcrash says at 12:46 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He was in most respects superior to Charles Krauthammer.

  42. mookworthjwilson says at 12:46 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Hell’s newspaper just added a new columnist.

  43. AL HUNT YOU ARE NEXT. NO ONE CAN STOP MARK SHIELDS’ QUEST FOR TOP BILLING.

  44. El Pinche says at 12:49 pm, August 18th, 2009

    In a year from now, how will the wingnuts celebrate his memorial? Dead CIA agent pinatas?

  45. Gopherit says at 12:50 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Good riddance, Douchebag of Liberty. I hope Valerie Plame pisses on your grave before grass grows there

  46. Noodle Salad says at 12:50 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: “There can be only one.” Instead of decapitation, Cheney just uses tumors.

  47. The Station Manager says at 12:50 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Damn, what kind of fancy computer is that?!

  48. Tommmcatt says at 12:50 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Birdcrash:

    That isn’t saying much. Charles Manson is, in most respects, superior to Charles Krauthammer.

  49. Clinton did it.

  50. zenferret says at 12:52 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Terry: Novak had a soul? Are you sure?

    nbawriter: Damned meanies erasing my votes.

  51. Barrett808 says at 12:53 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Tommmcatt: “Momma used to call me her little water baby.” — Master Billy Quizboy

  52. Dashboard_Buddha says at 12:53 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Texan Bulldoggette: I’m guessing he’s a pedestrian in hell.

  53. freakishlystrong says at 12:53 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Well if you can’t say anything nice.

  54. glamourdammerung says at 12:55 pm, August 18th, 2009

    So, Novakula is dead and Celine Dion is pregnant.

    The prophecy is being fulfilled.

  55. Barrett808 says at 12:56 pm, August 18th, 2009

    GODDAMN NEO-CON ENABLER AND DOUCHE-BAG, YOU SHOULD BE BURIED IN AN UNMARKED GRAVE!

    I mean Rest in Peace, gentle knight.

  56. glamourdammerung says at 12:56 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Noodle Salad: I thought they used glory holes.

  57. RobPetrified says at 12:57 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Monsieur Grumpe:
    Sorry. I know I should say something nice, but I just can’t do it.
    Can’t think of a thing.
    OK, wait!
    He hit the pedestrian with his American made Chevrolet!
    Just goes to show, there’s some good in even the most smelly of assholes.
    Sometimes you just have to look really hard to find it.

  58. american mutt says at 12:57 pm, August 18th, 2009

    first michael jackson, now this.

  59. masterdebater says at 12:58 pm, August 18th, 2009

    A lesser person might make comments about the population of hell increasing by 1, or it could be worse, he might have taken someone worth while along with him… but not I. No, this special person leaves me with wonder. Like, I wonder if you really do regret, at the last moment, the evils you have done?…how long does that take (you know, for the average person)?…are conservatives immune to such feelings?…Why CAN’T we speak ill of the dead. I mean, this ass hole deserved it. All this heavy thinking has me spent…I shall repair to the bar and celebrate, I mean drown my sorrows, over his passing.

  60. teebob2000 says at 12:59 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Most fun was watching Crossfire to guess the segment in which he’d drool while jabbering on-camera and whether it would make it all the way down to his suitcoat before they cut away.

  61. Bearbloke says at 1:02 pm, August 18th, 2009

    freakishlystrong: “…”

  62. lulzmonger says at 1:02 pm, August 18th, 2009

    nbawriter:

    “laughing” = 33%

    PROTIP: “Freeping” polls is quite simple - find the cookies on your browser & delete the cookie/s associated with the website posting said poll, then hit F5. This can usually enable you to vote as often as you like.

    (Disclaimer: lulzmonger does not endorse or encourage Freeping of this or any online poll. Disclaimer void where prohibited by lulz.)

  63. loudensspam says at 1:04 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I can’t believe the vitriol… The guy is dead, defenseless and I’m sure somebody loved the guy. You can despise the guy for all that he did and be harsh in judgment from a historical perspective, but at least refrain from this kind of talk until the guy is buried. Give at least that amount of decency. You can do better.

  64. drpangloss says at 1:05 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Wow didn’t know he was sick I feel all broken up inside. Gotta pound on back at the bar for good ole gradpa munster. Adios you miserable fuckwit.

  65. 4tehlulz says at 1:05 pm, August 18th, 2009

    CIA DID IT

  66. DemmeFatale says at 1:06 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: No light in the crypt, just a wooden stake in the heart. Or maybe a silver bullet.

  67. denver_80203 says at 1:08 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He quit life? spineless bastard.

  68. norbizness says at 1:08 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Why, does something magic happen when he’s buried?

  69. lulzmonger says at 1:08 pm, August 18th, 2009

    lulzmonger:

    ERRATA

    Make that 81% … down from a high of 83%!

    I’m guessing they shut it down before the end of the day. Sigh.

  70. DangerousLiberal says at 1:13 pm, August 18th, 2009

    nbawriter: As of 1:15 pm, Eastern Elitist Time: 83% laughing, 7% Sad. The rest call him “he who shall not be named,” for fear that his army of dementors, alerted by Faux News, will come for your mortal soul.

  71. Now he’ll just be the Douchebag of Decomposition.

  72. CreationSchwarzkopfPalin says at 1:15 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Didn’t he refer to himself as The Prince Of Dampness, or something?

  73. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 1:16 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I’ll never forget where I was the day Robert Novak broke into CBS programming with a special announcement and tearfully informed us that Walter Cronkite had been assassinated.

  74. DangerousLiberal says at 1:16 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: You’re new to these parts, eh? No, collectively, we cannot do better. It’s gonna get even worse now.

  75. yellowdogdem says at 1:17 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: When’s the burial so I know when I can start being snarky?

  76. I want to see the death certificate!!! The LONG form, please.

  77. ! lleH ni skcoc skcus kavoN treboR

  78. Failed 2 Menace says at 1:20 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Sloppy, spit-flinging enunciators the world around have lost their muse.

  79. Tommmcatt says at 1:20 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam:

    Hoo, boy, are YOU on the wrong site…

  80. Joshua Norton says at 1:21 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Was there a Death Panel involved?

    Dun Dun Dunnnnn…

  81. nbawriter says at 1:23 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: I just assumed that, upon his last breath, a swarm of flies flew out of his mouth and ate his remaining flesh. And I figured that qualified as his burial.

    Sincerest apologies for offending.

  82. Joshua Norton says at 1:25 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Tommmcatt:

    I know. You can always count on some finger wagging pearl-clutcher to come along and scold us about our reaction to the death of someone we’ve positively hated for decades.

    Go home and unbunch your panties, missy.

  83. loudensspam: I felt the same way when Pol Pot died. Everyone kept harping on and on about “genocide” and totally lost sight of the fact that he was a family man.
    Think of the children!

  84. loudensspam says at 1:26 pm, August 18th, 2009

    DangerousLiberal: Wow… You know, I’m all for the Jon Steweartish/Wonkettish point of view to help keep the social conservatives at bay in this country but I feel this goes too far. How will you feel when someone like Ted Kennedy passes and the bloggers and commentators on the right rake him over the coals for some of the polarizing and potentially illegal things he might have done in his lifetime?

    It’s this kind of low level of civility that detracts from bigger issues - like healthcare reform. Just because the other side is full of douchbags doesn’t mean we have to be.

  85. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 1:27 pm, August 18th, 2009

    So, Sarah Palin was right about death panels?

  86. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 1:27 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: defenseless? A certain CIA spy was defenseless to prevent her outing by that fuckstick of shitbag. I’m sorry for his family– Not because he’s dead, but because they had to be his family.

  87. nbawriter says at 1:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Yay! The tease head “Washington Is Laughing About Robert Novak’s Death” officially appeared for the first time on my computer.

    That’s a keeper.

  88. Failed 2 Menace says at 1:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I kind of feel for the poor sumbitch for not lasting just a little longer.
    He would have reveled in the schadenfreude of witnessing John Edwards admitting to indiscretions, and might even have enjoyed his final orgasm while doing a column about same, curling his toes and clenching up his butt cheeks in the process of typing the word “bastard.”

  89. MortSinclair says at 1:29 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Oh, gee. Another terrible human being has departed the earth. I’m verklempt.

  90. nbawriter says at 1:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: I will ask for Ted Kennedy’s liver.

    Douche.

  91. JSDC007 says at 1:31 pm, August 18th, 2009

    As homage to the wise words of wise and gay Bette Davis, and as homage to the Prince of Darkness, I say:

    “You should never say bad things about the dead, you should only say good . . . Robert Novak is dead. Good.”

  92. Chickensmack says at 1:31 pm, August 18th, 2009

    dude never done nuffin wrong to me, so I don’t care

    glamourdammerung: but Celine = pregnant = CANCER x 4.

  93. Crapola says at 1:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    nbawriter: 87% laughing, 7% thrilled, 5% sad, 1% intrigued. Ahhhhh…Beautiful.

  94. slappypaddy says at 1:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    so who this bobby novak guy? seems i’ve heard of him. is he kim novak’s twin sister? starred in “satan’s triangle”, didn’ he? or mebbe it was “just a gigolo”? was it “tales that witness madness”? “kiss me, stupid”? i’m sure i seen him in all those.

  95. Vulpes82 says at 1:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    People, please! Let us not take this opportunity to engage in cheap jokes about the death of a not-terribly-well-liked man! After all, what would David Denby say if he were here today?

  96. CrunchyKnee says at 1:33 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He didn’t even have to show his birfcertificate to get into hell.

  97. Cape Clod says at 1:33 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I’ll always remember where I was when I got the news that Bob Novak died. Actually, check that. no, I won’t. But since it’s a hot, sunny day on our lovely peninsula, I think I am going to ask for the rest of the day off to grieve his loss and then head to the beach. Thanks for dying, Bob!

  98. AbstinenceOnly Ed says at 1:33 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He wasn’t always a turd. Look at that adorable little nerd, tip-typing away in a taupe suit. Life betrayed Bob Novak, and so Bob Novak betrayed life. And covert CIA agent Valerie Plame. And journalistic integrity. And bike lane sanctity. And the FCC’s code of conduct on the airways. And… ahh fuck it. RIP, Bob. You were a… man.

  99. loudensspam: Awwww, go suck a big bag of dicks!

  100. randomsausage says at 1:34 pm, August 18th, 2009

    We’re all douchebags today

  101. Black Franciscan says at 1:34 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I choose to remember him as described by Matt Taibbi in “Spanking the Donkey”: “The prison warden meets high school vice principal of your nightmares, shitting on your wife’s back.”

  102. Some selections from H.L. Mencken’s obit of William Jennings Bryant seem appropriate:

    “The Bryan I shall remember is the Bryan of his last weeks on earth — broken, furious, and infinitely pathetic. It was impossible to meet his hatred with hatred to match it. He was winning a battle that would make him forever infamous wherever enlightened men remembered it and him.”

    And, “But what of his life? Did he accomplish any useful thing? Was he, in his day, of any dignity as a man, and of any value to his fellow-men? I doubt it. Bryan, at his best, was simply a magnificent job-seeker. The issues that he bawled about usually meant nothing to him. He was ready to abandon them whenever he could make votes by doing so, and to take up new ones at a moment’s notice.”

    “In his last great battle there was only a baleful and ridiculous malignancy. If he was pathetic, he was also disgusting.”

    “Bryan was a vulgar and common man, a cad undiluted. He was ignorant, bigoted, self-seeking, blatant and dishonest. His career brought him into contact with the first men of his time; he preferred the company of rustic ignoramuses.”

    “He seemed only a poor clod like those around him, deluded by a childish theology, full of an almost pathological hatred of all learning, all human dignity, all beauty, all fine and noble things. He was a peasant come home to the dung-pile. Imagine a gentleman, and you have imagined everything that he was not.”

  103. MortSinclair says at 1:35 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Assuming Trondant was on this as soon as it hit the site, it took roughly 37 min. for someone to start the handwringing nagging that always accompanies the death of a colossal asshole. For future reference, perhaps every time the death of a dirtbag is noted on this site we should track how long it takes for the prissy PC nagging to start–counted henceforth in Loudensspam Units.

  104. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 1:36 pm, August 18th, 2009

    @loudensspam: Amen! I, too, blame Wonkette for the collapse of healthcare reform, and for giving Ted Kennedy brain cancer. Spankings all around!

  105. Buzz Feedback says at 1:37 pm, August 18th, 2009

    R.I.P. it up.

  106. masterdebater says at 1:37 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Oh, I was also wondering if this means we can’t sue him anymore?

  107. 4tehlulz says at 1:39 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: I don’t have room in my heart for unrepentant traitors. Sorry if that’s considered uncivil.

  108. Tommmcatt says at 1:41 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Joshua Norton:

    I know, right? Plus, remember the Freepers when Molly Ivins died?

    I’ve wondered how I would react if we tried Murtha and Kerry for treason and hanged them. I’d be satisfied to say the least.

    She has been freed of this Earth, and we have been freed of her.

    She knows who’s right now.

    Does this mean I can go to the Orange Bowl now?

    Molly Irvins officially determined to be “In the Past”.

    Now you know, Molly. Now you know.

    Prayers for a death bed conversion.

    …with a smerk [SIC] on her face, most likely.

    I, for one, will not be missing her. Sorry.

    I also say RIP. I do hope she found God before she died and asked him to forgive the bitter hate she carried against our beloved President.

    RIP you Al-Queda lover liberal.

    And so on and so on.

    I feel no compulsion to be respectful to this asshat.

  109. Bypartizoa says at 1:41 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Please, please, Ken. Write another obit like you did for Jesse Helms.

  110. nbawriter says at 1:41 pm, August 18th, 2009

    FMA: Holy moly … that’s a Cincinnati Bow Tie, wrapped in a Cleveland Steamer, inside a Dirty Sanchez.

    Well played, Mr. Mencken! Rhubarb pie for all!

  111. DemmeFatale says at 1:41 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He “worried about the afterlife.” (Thanks, NYT commenter.)

    I wonder why?

  112. I wonder if they managed to let Uncle Ted know that he beat out Novak for last man standing?Hell, I’m glad I’m still standing too, cancer is a bitch.
    When Sarah and Joe the Plumber have taken his place as the mouths and *brains* of all conservatives then we will be wishing Old Prince was back with us. That should be in about 4 months just in time for the Illegal Immigrant Bill thing.
    I wonder if they can wheel in Ted and Byrd and hold up their fingers and push the vote buttons for the Health Bill? You know sort of like El Cid, sort of.That would be very cool.

  113. Neilist says at 1:43 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: “How will you feel when someone like Ted Kennedy passes . . . “?

    You mean, Old Drunken Drivin’ Off A Bridge With A Babe And A Blow Job is still among the living?

    Or perhaps more accurately, still on life support?

  114. slappypaddy says at 1:43 pm, August 18th, 2009

    FMA: reads like a generic obit for many of our fave repugs these daze

  115. 4tehlulz says at 1:45 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I think we’re forgetting the true victim here. After all, a brain cancer has just passed after a long struggle with Bob Novak.

  116. engulfedinflames says at 1:46 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Please explain how this “low level of civility” detracts from anything. Who is the “other side” ? Why would you allow anyone to define which “side” you’re on? There are no sides, there are only people who choose to be characterized by others. I suppose there are people who hold Novak in high esteem, I’m not among them.

  117. nbawriter: Mencken was a monster, the Hunter S. Thompson of his time.

    And damn, it’s Bryan! My bad.

  118. RoscoePColtraine says at 1:48 pm, August 18th, 2009

    What with vampires being en vogue as sexy and sympathetic creatures nowadays, can Bob Novak really be counted among the undead?

  119. Carrie_Okie says at 1:49 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Oooh this is the best thing that happened today. Death Panel Roolz. Can David Brooks be next?

  120. El Pinche says at 1:53 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Just until Rush or Mann Coulter dies, there’s going to be fucking in the streets.

  121. DemmeFatale says at 1:54 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Carrie_Okie: Yeah, Monday sucked, but things are looking up today, aren’t they?

  122. Sussemilch says at 1:56 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Here’s the bottom line: If you choose to live a life of fame and self-promotion and do not live that life with good character, you are FAIR GAME for those who never met you but were subject to the consequences of your life.

    HOW’S THAT BRIMSTONE SANDWICH TASTE NOW BASTARD

  123. norbizness says at 1:58 pm, August 18th, 2009

    “You won’t have Nixon to kick around anymore! I’m going to be cremated, you drugged-out Communists!”

  124. Yaybuls says at 2:00 pm, August 18th, 2009

    4tehlulz:

    BAHAHAHHA. That’s a headline, sire.

  125. norbizness says at 2:02 pm, August 18th, 2009

    El Pinche: That’s my favorite Martha and the Fucking Vandellas song.

  126. Only the good die young.

  127. S.Luggo says at 2:11 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Birdcrash: By at least an arm and a leg.

  128. denver_80203 says at 2:11 pm, August 18th, 2009

    ROBERT D. NOVAK DEAD… DEVELOPING…

    what more does Drudge expect?

  129. arclight says at 2:16 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I thought of two nice things to say about him:

    I liked how he always rocked the 3-piece suit. It reminded me of the ugly gray 3-piece suit I wore when I was three years old in Olan Mills pictures, circa 1977.

    He said nice things about Jimmy Carter once.

    Okay, that’s it.

  130. Jumping Jim says at 2:19 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Jerri: The road to hell is paved with good intentions…

    “And that’s all I have to say about that.”

  131. glamourdammerung says at 2:20 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: I am sure people loved Benedict Arnold and Adolph Hitler too. That does not change any facts regarding the type of life they led.

  132. Joshua Norton says at 2:20 pm, August 18th, 2009

    denver_80203:

    Perhaps waiting for the earth to split open, flames spew out and Satan step out and drag his bony carcass into the red glow of the abyss.

    Dante, eat your heart out.

  133. denver_80203: Even Drudge realized that Novak was a vampire? It’s either that or the zombie apocalypse has started. Where does Drudge get these scoops?!?

  134. zenferret says at 2:24 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Nope. Can’t.

  135. slowuncle says at 2:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: How will we feel when the Troglodytes & Freepers say the same foul things about Ted Kennedy? Their POLITICIANS say the same foul things about Kennedy and, lately, Chris Dodd. The ‘civility’ ship sailed long ago–far as I’m concerned Wonkette is all about acknowledging that these scumbags deserve no quarter ’cause they’ve been hitting below the belt since forever. Don’t come to a gun fight with a pocket knife. Now where was I? Oh yes, Novak: I’ve been collecting my favorite terms of endearment from this thread–so far the finalists are Blindside Bob, Prince of Dampness, Megacephalic Friend and (current frontrunner) Douchebag of Liberty.
    When I was just a wee lad (before I had cable) I’d watch the McLaughlin Group on PBS and marvel, even then, at how the Douchebag could even make Fred Barnes appear relatively reasonable. That’s no mean feat you must admit.

  136. loudensspam: B ut once he’s buried, he won’t be able to HEAR it.

  137. AutomaticPilot says at 2:37 pm, August 18th, 2009

    denver_80203: If he can do it, then certainly a master quitter like Sarah Palin can do it, too.

  138. dedalus says at 2:40 pm, August 18th, 2009

    The brain cancer was the most benign thing about him.

  139. Gopherit says at 2:45 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: How’s this for better? I hope his health care was rationed by a death panel at his private insurance company. Or, that it was a CIA hit. I’d be okay with either.

  140. Gopherit says at 2:48 pm, August 18th, 2009

    norbizness: You mean besides all foliage withing 10 yards dying?

  141. Barrett808 says at 2:49 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: Tell it to the million Iraqis that died as a result of his craven pandering to Power.

  142. norbizness says at 2:57 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Barrett808: He was against it, or at least 100 times as skeptical of the Administration’s claims as jackbooted thugs like Krauthammer or Kristol.

    NOVAK: Mr. Adelman, I’m sure I talk to the same people you talk to, and I’m sure that they tell you the truth, and that is that our intelligence have found no connection, no connection whatever between Iraq and the September 11 terrorist attacks.

    ADELMAN: Yes, but I think that’s wrong, too, Bob.

    NOVAK: You think the U.S. intelligence is wrong?

    That was in summer 2002, when the Administration was basically throwing every lie out there to justify war. If a few Democratic lawmakers had been as incredulous, maybe they could have slowed down the whole thing.

  143. hiphophitler says at 2:59 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Looks like Obama’s death panel pulled its first plug. Good choice.

  144. Atheist Nun says at 3:09 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Iugulare Mortuos:
    “to cut the throat of corpses”

    Robertus Novakula:

    Per Facundia quod Apostolic Animadverto has donatus mihi , ego denego vos a plenary clementia pro remission of totus vestri sins , quod ego operor non beatus vos.

    Malum quo communius eo peius. Vos erant magis malum quam alius. Vos mos sino valde poena procul volatilis manus manus of deus.

    Diabolus mos operor conventus obvius of bestia vobis, seculo seculorum.

    In nomine Patris, et Filii, + et Spirtus Sancti. Amen.

    (Post tenebras lux.)

    Translation:

    Robert Novak:

    By the Faculty which the Apostolic See has given me, I deny you a plenary indulgence for the remission of all your sins, and I do not bless you. The more common an evil is, the worse it is, and you were more evil than others. You will feel intense pain by the winged hand of god.

    Then the devil will fuck you doggy style, forever and ever.

    In the Name of the Father and the Son + and the Holy Sprit. Amen.

    (After darkness, I hope for light.)

  145. problemwithcaring says at 3:24 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Dear God,

    Finally!

    Signed,
    Earth

  146. gurukalehuru says at 3:25 pm, August 18th, 2009

    This is the good thing about death.

  147. geminisunmars says at 3:25 pm, August 18th, 2009

    4tehlulz: Nicely done, 4teh.

    When my husband informed me this morning of the passing of Mr. Novak, we both sat in silence for a minute (or rather mintue) and then I said, “Hurry up and get dressed; Wonkette will be all atwitter and we don’t want to miss the show!”

    This show, while entertaining, is only a rehearsal for the aforementioned Martha and Vandellas Fucking in The Streets that will be enjoyed when the Dark One(s) go (please be soon). Rush and Cheney will be a rush of celebration. And if their families are upset at the vitriol, perhaps they shouldn’t visit Wonkette. Nor should you Loudenmush.

  148. Naked Bunny with a Whip says at 3:28 pm, August 18th, 2009

    @geminisunmars: Wonkette has a dress code now?!

  149. BadKitty says at 3:32 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Atheist Nun: Now that’s downright purty. Thank you for that and may I add an “Amen, Sister”?

  150. geminisunmars says at 3:45 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Naked Bunny with a Whip: Well, that’s what they told me I had to do, if I wanted to join up with the Wonketters, that and give them my Pay Pal info. Right?! You had to too, dint u?

  151. problemwithcaring says at 3:50 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: You’ve cause me to rethink my glee. I only hated him cause I heard he was close to Kim Jong-Il. That type of scandal-mongering has no place on Wonkette.

  152. Jim89048 says at 3:51 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Thank Dog that late-term abortion in the 315th trimester is covered under Obamacare.

  153. chascates says at 4:03 pm, August 18th, 2009

    If pundit deaths run in threes I nominate David Broder & Pat Buchanan.

  154. AutomaticPilot says at 4:23 pm, August 18th, 2009

    geminisunmars: “Wonkette will be all atwitter”

    Oh no you dit-int!

  155. El Pinche says at 4:25 pm, August 18th, 2009

    chascates: hmmm, I’m nominating Kristol and Krauthammer. But the more the merrier I say.

  156. Gopherit says at 4:26 pm, August 18th, 2009

    http://www.humanevents.com/ - jesus christ, this fucking place is a Novak Memorial Masturbatorium

  157. liquiddaddy says at 4:26 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I’m glad he’s dead, and I hope he suffered mightily. I wish I could have witnessed it, and mocked him in his pain and misery.

    The reason I like wonkette so much is because the commenters here realized a long time ago that Novak and people of his ilk always viewed acts of human decency as exploitable weakness to take advantage of; an opportunity to be gained, because they are evil little soul-less monsters.

    When Kennedy eventually succumbs I will be sad because he helped millions of individuals through acts of good works throughout a long and storied career, and the people who rejoice at his death will do so because of his legacy of social justice, progressive change and the end of his efforts to champion the worthy causes of the common man. Mr. loudenspam, do you understand the difference?

  158. ante meridiem says at 4:31 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Normally I’d wait three days before commenting the civilized world is poorer for the existence of a Robert Novak.
    Please don’t read this until Robert is buried–think of this post as an “absentee ballot,” sort of.

  159. randomsausage says at 4:40 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Well this was a “win” in the morning, where’s our win in the afternoon?

  160. Jukesgrrl says at 4:58 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Birdcrash: “He was in most respects superior to Charles Krauthammer.”
    Wow, that sets a new low-bar for compliments. Limbo, anyone?

    And for those trying to think up something nice to say about Novakula, the photo reminded me of one. Any journalist who started out in Washington, DC, prior to the invention of air conditioning and stuck it out must have wanted that job pretty bad.

  161. chascates says at 5:07 pm, August 18th, 2009

    The canonization begins. Fellow ideologue Fred Barnes in the Weekly Standard:

    “Bob Novak didn’t play political games. He wasn’t partisan…It’s not too much to call Novak journalism’s last honest man in Washington.”

    Talk about living in a bubble.

  162. rocktonsammy says at 5:12 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Mom always said to say something good about the dead.

    Bob Novak is dead, good.

    Bret Favre is a selfish jerk, also.

  163. chascates says at 5:39 pm, August 18th, 2009

    That picture reminds me of another writer.

    Novak as Capote

  164. Accordion-o-rama says at 5:44 pm, August 18th, 2009

    CNN dies of brain cancer

    CNN pundit dies of brain cancer

  165. doxastic says at 5:53 pm, August 18th, 2009

    And let the fuzzy redeeming begin…my obituary for him would read

    Robert Novack, reporter/fabulist, dies at 78: Fuck that guy.

  166. Marlowe says at 5:56 pm, August 18th, 2009

    I remember back in the 80’s Chritopher Hitchens was on Crossfire or McLaughlin Group with Novak.
    Novak started to spout his usual crap (but it wasn’t the anti-Israeli stuff) and Hitchens responded:

    “More musk from the polecat”.

    He repeated this again and everafter, Novak refused to appear on TV with Hitchens.

    The last good thing Hitchens did.

  167. AlexisHidell says at 5:58 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: You’re right. Somebody DID love the guy: Satan did, and Dick Cheney, and W, and Rove, and Karen Hughes, and Poppy Bush, and Rush Limbaugh, and Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity, and Arthur (Ann) Coulter, and Condi Rice, and Tom DeLay, and David Vitter, and Larry Craig, and Chuckles Grassley, and Valerie Plame, and Scooter Libby (oops! strike those last two from the list)

  168. doxastic says at 6:03 pm, August 18th, 2009

    loudensspam: To be fair, I would prefer to be chained to Novak for an eternity in hell than I would Jonah Goldberg. But otherwise I subscribe to a Greek understanding of death and mourning. You act with nobility and courage and avoid wickedness and cowardice in order to be celebrated in death rather than defamed. You don’t die and then have your resume polished for the sake of politeness.

  169. WABishop says at 6:55 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Naked Bunny with a Whip: Spankings! And then the oral sex?

  170. Heywood Floyd says at 7:03 pm, August 18th, 2009

    And nothing of value was lost.

  171. Barrett808 says at 7:38 pm, August 18th, 2009

    norbizness: Hey, great interview, thanks for the link. Okay, he should be buried in a marked grave.

  172. smellyal8r says at 7:39 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Well, so long Bob Novak. Few shall mourn your passing and most of them are Cheneys.

  173. Ohio Wonkette Fan says at 7:43 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Personally; I always thought Bob was a blow hard on McLaughlin.

  174. Alpha O. Mega says at 8:00 pm, August 18th, 2009

    mookworthjwilson: He’s already hard at work cultivating Julius Rosenberg and Benedict Arnold as confidential sources.

  175. El Pinche says at 8:20 pm, August 18th, 2009

    smellyal8r: Don’t forget concern troll “oudensspam.” He wants to fuck Novak’s corpse and spoon it later.

  176. Center of hell with Judas and Brutus.

    Bye, Traitor.

  177. gradgrind says at 9:30 pm, August 18th, 2009

    Vulpes82: But, but, . . . Denby IS here today. D/b/a “loudenssumfinorother.”

  178. Waco Bandito says at 9:42 pm, August 18th, 2009

    stew: The cape, yes, understandable. But what I’ll never fathom is his crotchless yellow hot pants. Where’s the conservatism? Where’s the restraint? Still, he’ll always be my favorite traitor.

  179. Eric Cheney says at 9:52 pm, August 18th, 2009

    He should be prosecuted for betraying the country, now that he can’t implicate anyone powerful.

  180. alt-text: Two senior administration officials tell me that a family of Jews is hiding in a secret annex at Prinsengracht 263, Amsterdam.

  181. imissopus says at 11:42 pm, August 18th, 2009

    FMA: But Bryant had been buried by the time Mencken wrote that, yes?

  182. The Only Nolan says at 1:55 am, August 19th, 2009

    Bob Novak was an arrogant, mean-spirited little prick. He reminded me of an older, midwestern Mike Lupica. Very few people in DC liked (or respected) Novak. I hope for his sake, he made peace with his maker.

  183. Marlowe: “More musk from the polecat?” I’ve fallen in love with Hitch all over again!

  184. Pelagius says at 10:38 am, August 22nd, 2009

    Hey, that cunt died at last? Woo hoo!

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