About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Comments

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  • SlipperyDick

    That guy doesn’t know his asteroid from Uranus.

  • OzoneTom

    How do we know that the Obama CIA hasn’t taken over his robot voice and is spouting this propaganda to turn us all SOCIALIST?

  • orange

    beep. beep. beep.

  • chascates

    I still want to see his real death certificate.

  • Eric Cheney

    I suspect that the only thing keeping this guy alive is the hot breath of Virgina Foxx.

  • Tommmcatt

    Quite the globe-trotter for someone lacking voluntary control of their body from the neck down…..

  • Mild Midwesterner

    Don’t let the liberal media sway you. Before his NHS treatment, Hawking looked like Pitt, swam like Phelps, and cylcled like Armstrong.

  • SayItWithWookies

    What a filthy liar. We know the NHS couldn’t have saved him, because socialist health care only kills people. And it only kills people because government can’t do anything right. And it can’t do anything right because Cash for Clunkers ran out of money. And so when the national socialist healthcare doctor is replacing your kidney and healthcare runs out of money, they’ll just tell him to stop and turn out the lights in the operating room when he leaves, and you’ll wake up with your kidney in one of those Igloo six-pack containers and you’ll have to carry it around with you for the rest of your life because you trusted that socialist Muslim! Is that what you want, America?

  • Bearbloke

    Clearly under the thrall of First Comrade Herr Ayatollah n0Bama, who is holding Hawking’s legs hostage…

  • Death Panel Wagon

    well just because the Death Panels are total bullshit, doesn’t mean nosama isn’t planning them. and I can’t wait. I wonder if they are going to be located on the Fema camps? because that would be pretty convenient…

  • facehead

    Oh yeah? IF he’s British, how come he has an AMERICAN disease?!?!?!????

    WHERE IS LOU GEHRIG’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE??!?!?!?!??!?!

  • joezoo

    His robo-voicebox has an AMERICAN accent. Therefore his healthcare is AMERICAN. Nuff said.

  • My choice. My Wonkette.

    Is Nobama Care going to cut NHS funding?!!

  • joezoo

    Everyone knows that ALS sufferers in Britain end up like this: http://tinyurl.com/lvf2j5

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    What does he know? He was wrong about black holes conserving all energy so why do we assume he knows where he lives?

  • gurukalehuru

    The IBD statement was truly shocking
    perhaps the stupidest thing that I’ve
    ever read. Stephen Hawking’s alive and,
    well, that’s all we can say about Stephen Hawking

  • modifydbear

    Did anyone else catch the president awkwardly strangling Hawking with the Medal of Freedom earlier this afternoon?

  • azw88

    What the fuck does he know? He’s in a fucking wheelchair and has to use a computer to speak, for Christsakes… I bet some lubhrul hacker took over his computer and MADE him say and write that shit! Either that or he stuck a deal with the Devil (Obama) to say it in exchange for his medal of (socialist) Freedom

  • Extemporanus

    President Obama just awarded the corpse of Stephen Hawking his Bling of Freedom, along with a Dirrrty Dozen of other amazing American(ish?) icons. The ceremony is still going on, but wrapping up.

    Track down the the online video, and watch the whole damn thing—it’s the perfect antidote to the health reform protester blues. Shit, I went through a whole box of tissues for Joe Medicine Crow alone!

  • bitchincamaro

    This fucker’ll probably cut the line for the Death Panel, looking all helpless and wheel-chairie. Disgusting.

  • magic titty

    Well mister smarty pants wouldn’t be in that wheelchair if he had good ole ‘Merkin healthcare. Right, teabirthers?

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Sure, he claims to have gotten great health, but what about the three Trigs he had to sacrifice at Stonehenge to get that care?

    Like most people who drink tea and live in Socialist countries, he doesn’t realize how much freedom he lost just so he could live. He has probably never felt the rush of strapping on a 9mm and going to a presidential town hall to shout about being forced to have an abortion while killing your own grandmother.

  • CrunchyKnee

    SEE! NOMABA DIDNT GIVE NO MEDEL OF FREEDOM TO GLEN BECK!!!111!!!111

  • SmutBoffin

    As per Captain Pike: one flash means “yes”, two means “no”, and three means “Step off these nuts, Birthertards!”

  • hobospacejunkie

    [re=384541]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Is that what you want? Cuz that’s what’ll ‘appen!

  • Gopherit

    you can’t believe anything his computer says anyway. HE HAS BEEN HAXX0RZ BY THE DNC!!!

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Hey look! Hawkins’s rebuttal awoke the wrath of a UK birther…

    CatsAreGods
    12 Aug 09, 8:33pm (30 minutes ago)
    Hugh Muir sadly starts off by lowering the level of discourse to the gutter. In an article ostensibly about health care, he gratuitously throws in a comment about people he calls “birthers” and calls them “crazy types who hope to prove he [Obama] is not American”. I would consider them people who simply want to find out the truth about Obama’s birth. Are they crazy for wanting the truth, or crazy because it’s important to marginalize anyone who disagrees with Muir or Obama? Are Obama’s aunt and grandmother “crazy birthers” too, just because they believe they saw him born in Kenya?

  • Lord Growing

    Larry Flynt is right! Go NHS!

  • problemwithcaring

    I just thank God that Heather Mills lives in Florida now.

  • OzoneTom

    [re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: The only thing that I think of when I hear the name “Sandra Day O’Connor” is that she tried to destroy America by making Dubya president.

  • Suds McKenzie

    Nerd!

  • TGY

    You know, it would be fairly easy to duplicate Stephen Hawking’s electronic voice and place some interesting phonecalls to select numbers. Just sayin’.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=384538]Tommmcatt[/re]: He usually travels via wormhole or personal spaceship, but for shorter trips he just flips the anti-gravity switch on his Hoveround® and makes like E.T.

  • Extemporanus

    [re=384588]OzoneTom[/re]: She also gave Rock Hudson AIDS, so yeah, fuck her! Chita, on the other hand…

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hawking‘s. Jesus, and you call yourself an editor.

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    So does that make him an Autobot or a Decepticon?

  • Extemporanus

    [re=384571]bitchincamaro[/re]: He’s going to **bleep-blurp** in rage when he discovers that there are no wheelchair ramps in Heaven, and that Terry Schiavo has stolen his handicapped angel parking spot.

  • ShamWow

    [re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Why am I not surprised that a Birther is a crazy cat lady? CatsAreGods indeed

  • Snarkalicious

    [re=384555]My choice. My Wonkette.[/re]: Nope. He’s gonna raise taxes on former Brittish colonies. For instance…KENYA!!! They gave you life, SlowDumma! Haven’t you broken them enough by denying them that? SOCIALISM! WHERE’S MY DAMN BOX OF TEA?!?!

  • shadowMark

    It’s a rough and tumble game, is politics. If you are Mandy, the snappers follow you on holiday. — They do.

  • maven

    Don’t believe anything a foreigner says, all they want is more Americans dead through death panels.

  • doxastic

    [re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: As an atheist, Stephen Hawking disagrees strongly with the birthour’s nom de plume

  • ericstoltz

    Hawking is a scientist, so the Republicans will naturally ignore his claim that he lives in the UK. This hellish villain also believes in evolution, so everything he says is a lie. I bet he can’t prove he lives in the UK with a long-form residency certificate — and we’ll have none of those ridiculous “passport” thingies as proof.

  • Limeylizzie

    [re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: Joe Medicine Crow was unbelievable, love that he fought in WW2 in full war paint. He should be recruited to face off against the Birthers/Deathers/Wankers Brigade.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    And, has the NHS produced doctors as hunky as on ER or as funny as on Scrubs?

  • Monsieur Grumpe

    Investors Business Daily will no doubt respond by stating that due to horrendous socialist style health care Stephen Hawking does not know where he lives.

  • american mutt

    Does Hawking’s voice box have a direct out? Or do you have to mic it when he’s giving public speeches? I’m thinking he should at least have a s/pdif connection.

  • the deliverator

    [re=384621]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Can we count House? He’s British! (The whole American accent, it’s just a fake! big spoiler for season 5: House is actually British!)

  • user-of-owls

    [re=384606]ShamWow[/re]: Wrong. It was the cat that actually typed it, after he went surfing for the nasty smutz.

  • angrycrank

    [re=384606]ShamWow[/re]: No, see CatsAreGods is a factual statement. Also a warning. Probably the most factual statement to come from a birther, ever.

  • Patty Dumpling

    The British people gave AIDS to his skeleton, which is why he is partially molten now. And then they injected him with Stockholm Syndrome. Very serious, very serious.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Seriously? Am I really the first person to make a Spamelot “I’m Not Dead Yet,” joke?

  • DustBowlBlues

    [re=384588]OzoneTom[/re]: “The only thing that I think of when I hear the name “Sandra Day O’Connor” is that she tried to destroy America by making Dubya president.”

    Me, too. She was the swing vote that appointed him president and the rest is dipshit history. Bitch deserves nothing for sticking that dickwad in the White House.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    [re=384634]the deliverator[/re]: You know, I watched House for years and didn’t realize that he was supposed to be American until they had R. Lee Emery play his dad.

    Which is interesting since he also played the Janitor’s dad on Scrubs.

    Anyway, House is pro Commie-medicine, as they are always talking about how House doesn’t make the hospital any money, and he has to constantly steel drugs because apparently he insurance doesn’t cover it.

  • Werefrog

    [re=384743]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That was only someone that J.D. thought was the Janitor’s dad.

  • slinkimalinki

    [re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: a whole box of tissues? wow, you really enjoyed it.

  • The Station Manager

    [re=384743]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I knew there was a reason I loved that show.

  • IBD Editorials
  • Extemporanus

    [re=384936]IBD Editorials[/re]: Shorter IBD editorial opinion:

    “When you’re in a wormhole, keep Higgs-ing.”

  • Bruno

    Pfff. Anyone can find a website that reads out anything you want in his electronic voice. I want real evidence that that machine does not control him.

  • Paul Tardy

    awww, the only reason they treated you well is you were a celeb. Ted Kennedy would have been in the ER 17 hours if he was not a Senator.

  • Potater

    The weirdest, and I mean downright kookiest, part of that article is that, in the England, politicians are suing each other _somebody ordering bananas_, and this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL in the England. THIS IS POLITICS UNDER SOCIALISM, America! Criticizing someone for liking phallic, yellow fruit is considered a witty political attack there!