HAWKINGATE  3:42 pm August 12, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • STEPHEN HAWKING RESPONDS: The old galoot himself utters the latest liberal lie: “I wouldn’t be here today if it were not for the NHS. I have received a large amount of high-quality treatment without which I would not have survived.” Wait… how did he get NHS treatment from the United States? [Guardian]
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SlipperyDick August 12, 2009 at 3:44 pm

That guy doesn’t know his asteroid from Uranus.

OzoneTom August 12, 2009 at 3:45 pm

How do we know that the Obama CIA hasn’t taken over his robot voice and is spouting this propaganda to turn us all SOCIALIST?

orange August 12, 2009 at 3:47 pm

beep. beep. beep.

chascates August 12, 2009 at 3:49 pm

I still want to see his real death certificate.

Eric Cheney August 12, 2009 at 3:49 pm

I suspect that the only thing keeping this guy alive is the hot breath of Virgina Foxx.

Tommmcatt August 12, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Quite the globe-trotter for someone lacking voluntary control of their body from the neck down…..

Mild Midwesterner August 12, 2009 at 3:49 pm

Don’t let the liberal media sway you. Before his NHS treatment, Hawking looked like Pitt, swam like Phelps, and cylcled like Armstrong.

SayItWithWookies August 12, 2009 at 3:50 pm

What a filthy liar. We know the NHS couldn’t have saved him, because socialist health care only kills people. And it only kills people because government can’t do anything right. And it can’t do anything right because Cash for Clunkers ran out of money. And so when the national socialist healthcare doctor is replacing your kidney and healthcare runs out of money, they’ll just tell him to stop and turn out the lights in the operating room when he leaves, and you’ll wake up with your kidney in one of those Igloo six-pack containers and you’ll have to carry it around with you for the rest of your life because you trusted that socialist Muslim! Is that what you want, America?

Bearbloke August 12, 2009 at 3:51 pm

Clearly under the thrall of First Comrade Herr Ayatollah n0Bama, who is holding Hawking’s legs hostage…

Death Panel Wagon August 12, 2009 at 3:51 pm

well just because the Death Panels are total bullshit, doesn’t mean nosama isn’t planning them. and I can’t wait. I wonder if they are going to be located on the Fema camps? because that would be pretty convenient…

facehead August 12, 2009 at 3:52 pm

Oh yeah? IF he’s British, how come he has an AMERICAN disease?!?!?!????


joezoo August 12, 2009 at 3:53 pm

His robo-voicebox has an AMERICAN accent. Therefore his healthcare is AMERICAN. Nuff said.

My choice. My Wonkette. August 12, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Is Nobama Care going to cut NHS funding?!!

joezoo August 12, 2009 at 3:56 pm

Everyone knows that ALS sufferers in Britain end up like this: http://tinyurl.com/lvf2j5

Canmon (the Inadequate) August 12, 2009 at 3:57 pm

What does he know? He was wrong about black holes conserving all energy so why do we assume he knows where he lives?

gurukalehuru August 12, 2009 at 3:59 pm

The IBD statement was truly shocking
perhaps the stupidest thing that I’ve
ever read. Stephen Hawking’s alive and,
well, that’s all we can say about Stephen Hawking

modifydbear August 12, 2009 at 3:59 pm

Did anyone else catch the president awkwardly strangling Hawking with the Medal of Freedom earlier this afternoon?

azw88 August 12, 2009 at 4:01 pm

What the fuck does he know? He’s in a fucking wheelchair and has to use a computer to speak, for Christsakes… I bet some lubhrul hacker took over his computer and MADE him say and write that shit! Either that or he stuck a deal with the Devil (Obama) to say it in exchange for his medal of (socialist) Freedom

Extemporanus August 12, 2009 at 4:01 pm

President Obama just awarded the corpse of Stephen Hawking his Bling of Freedom, along with a Dirrrty Dozen of other amazing American(ish?) icons. The ceremony is still going on, but wrapping up.

Track down the the online video, and watch the whole damn thing—it’s the perfect antidote to the health reform protester blues. Shit, I went through a whole box of tissues for Joe Medicine Crow alone!

bitchincamaro August 12, 2009 at 4:02 pm

This fucker’ll probably cut the line for the Death Panel, looking all helpless and wheel-chairie. Disgusting.

magic titty August 12, 2009 at 4:03 pm

Well mister smarty pants wouldn’t be in that wheelchair if he had good ole ‘Merkin healthcare. Right, teabirthers?

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 12, 2009 at 4:04 pm

Sure, he claims to have gotten great health, but what about the three Trigs he had to sacrifice at Stonehenge to get that care?

Like most people who drink tea and live in Socialist countries, he doesn’t realize how much freedom he lost just so he could live. He has probably never felt the rush of strapping on a 9mm and going to a presidential town hall to shout about being forced to have an abortion while killing your own grandmother.

CrunchyKnee August 12, 2009 at 4:04 pm


SmutBoffin August 12, 2009 at 4:05 pm

As per Captain Pike: one flash means “yes”, two means “no”, and three means “Step off these nuts, Birthertards!”

hobospacejunkie August 12, 2009 at 4:06 pm

[re=384541]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Is that what you want? Cuz that’s what’ll ‘appen!

Gopherit August 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

you can’t believe anything his computer says anyway. HE HAS BEEN HAXX0RZ BY THE DNC!!!

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Hey look! Hawkins’s rebuttal awoke the wrath of a UK birther…

12 Aug 09, 8:33pm (30 minutes ago)
Hugh Muir sadly starts off by lowering the level of discourse to the gutter. In an article ostensibly about health care, he gratuitously throws in a comment about people he calls “birthers” and calls them “crazy types who hope to prove he [Obama] is not American”. I would consider them people who simply want to find out the truth about Obama’s birth. Are they crazy for wanting the truth, or crazy because it’s important to marginalize anyone who disagrees with Muir or Obama? Are Obama’s aunt and grandmother “crazy birthers” too, just because they believe they saw him born in Kenya?

Lord Growing August 12, 2009 at 4:09 pm

Larry Flynt is right! Go NHS!

problemwithcaring August 12, 2009 at 4:09 pm

I just thank God that Heather Mills lives in Florida now.

OzoneTom August 12, 2009 at 4:10 pm

[re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: The only thing that I think of when I hear the name “Sandra Day O’Connor” is that she tried to destroy America by making Dubya president.

Suds McKenzie August 12, 2009 at 4:11 pm


TGY August 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm

You know, it would be fairly easy to duplicate Stephen Hawking’s electronic voice and place some interesting phonecalls to select numbers. Just sayin’.

Extemporanus August 12, 2009 at 4:13 pm

[re=384538]Tommmcatt[/re]: He usually travels via wormhole or personal spaceship, but for shorter trips he just flips the anti-gravity switch on his Hoveround® and makes like E.T.

Extemporanus August 12, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=384588]OzoneTom[/re]: She also gave Rock Hudson AIDS, so yeah, fuck her! Chita, on the other hand…

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 12, 2009 at 4:14 pm

[re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hawking‘s. Jesus, and you call yourself an editor.

Rev. Peter Lemonjello August 12, 2009 at 4:15 pm

So does that make him an Autobot or a Decepticon?

Extemporanus August 12, 2009 at 4:20 pm

[re=384571]bitchincamaro[/re]: He’s going to **bleep-blurp** in rage when he discovers that there are no wheelchair ramps in Heaven, and that Terry Schiavo has stolen his handicapped angel parking spot.

ShamWow August 12, 2009 at 4:20 pm

[re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Why am I not surprised that a Birther is a crazy cat lady? CatsAreGods indeed

Snarkalicious August 12, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=384555]My choice. My Wonkette.[/re]: Nope. He’s gonna raise taxes on former Brittish colonies. For instance…KENYA!!! They gave you life, SlowDumma! Haven’t you broken them enough by denying them that? SOCIALISM! WHERE’S MY DAMN BOX OF TEA?!?!

shadowMark August 12, 2009 at 4:22 pm

It’s a rough and tumble game, is politics. If you are Mandy, the snappers follow you on holiday. — They do.

maven August 12, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Don’t believe anything a foreigner says, all they want is more Americans dead through death panels.

doxastic August 12, 2009 at 4:23 pm

[re=384583]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: As an atheist, Stephen Hawking disagrees strongly with the birthour’s nom de plume

ericstoltz August 12, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Hawking is a scientist, so the Republicans will naturally ignore his claim that he lives in the UK. This hellish villain also believes in evolution, so everything he says is a lie. I bet he can’t prove he lives in the UK with a long-form residency certificate — and we’ll have none of those ridiculous “passport” thingies as proof.

Limeylizzie August 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

[re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: Joe Medicine Crow was unbelievable, love that he fought in WW2 in full war paint. He should be recruited to face off against the Birthers/Deathers/Wankers Brigade.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm

And, has the NHS produced doctors as hunky as on ER or as funny as on Scrubs?

Monsieur Grumpe August 12, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Investors Business Daily will no doubt respond by stating that due to horrendous socialist style health care Stephen Hawking does not know where he lives.

american mutt August 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Does Hawking’s voice box have a direct out? Or do you have to mic it when he’s giving public speeches? I’m thinking he should at least have a s/pdif connection.

the deliverator August 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm

[re=384621]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: Can we count House? He’s British! (The whole American accent, it’s just a fake! big spoiler for season 5: House is actually British!)

user-of-owls August 12, 2009 at 4:51 pm

[re=384606]ShamWow[/re]: Wrong. It was the cat that actually typed it, after he went surfing for the nasty smutz.

angrycrank August 12, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=384606]ShamWow[/re]: No, see CatsAreGods is a factual statement. Also a warning. Probably the most factual statement to come from a birther, ever.

Patty Dumpling August 12, 2009 at 4:59 pm

The British people gave AIDS to his skeleton, which is why he is partially molten now. And then they injected him with Stockholm Syndrome. Very serious, very serious.

DustBowlBlues August 12, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Seriously? Am I really the first person to make a Spamelot “I’m Not Dead Yet,” joke?

DustBowlBlues August 12, 2009 at 5:33 pm

[re=384588]OzoneTom[/re]: “The only thing that I think of when I hear the name “Sandra Day O’Connor” is that she tried to destroy America by making Dubya president.”

Me, too. She was the swing vote that appointed him president and the rest is dipshit history. Bitch deserves nothing for sticking that dickwad in the White House.

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 12, 2009 at 5:58 pm

[re=384634]the deliverator[/re]: You know, I watched House for years and didn’t realize that he was supposed to be American until they had R. Lee Emery play his dad.

Which is interesting since he also played the Janitor’s dad on Scrubs.

Anyway, House is pro Commie-medicine, as they are always talking about how House doesn’t make the hospital any money, and he has to constantly steel drugs because apparently he insurance doesn’t cover it.

Werefrog August 12, 2009 at 6:05 pm

[re=384743]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: That was only someone that J.D. thought was the Janitor’s dad.

slinkimalinki August 12, 2009 at 8:01 pm

[re=384568]Extemporanus[/re]: a whole box of tissues? wow, you really enjoyed it.

The Station Manager August 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm

[re=384743]Lionel Hutz Esq.[/re]: I knew there was a reason I loved that show.

IBD Editorials August 12, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Extemporanus August 12, 2009 at 10:46 pm

[re=384936]IBD Editorials[/re]: Shorter IBD editorial opinion:

“When you’re in a wormhole, keep Higgs-ing.”

Bruno August 12, 2009 at 10:48 pm

Pfff. Anyone can find a website that reads out anything you want in his electronic voice. I want real evidence that that machine does not control him.

Paul Tardy August 12, 2009 at 11:49 pm

awww, the only reason they treated you well is you were a celeb. Ted Kennedy would have been in the ER 17 hours if he was not a Senator.

Potater August 13, 2009 at 1:35 am

The weirdest, and I mean downright kookiest, part of that article is that, in the England, politicians are suing each other _somebody ordering bananas_, and this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL in the England. THIS IS POLITICS UNDER SOCIALISM, America! Criticizing someone for liking phallic, yellow fruit is considered a witty political attack there!

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