Wonkette
- HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA, ‘IMPLIED,’ HAHA: Remember this thing from yesterday? It’s been FIX’D: “Editor’s Note: This version corrects the original editorial which implied that physicist Stephen Hawking, a professor at the University of Cambridge, did not live in the UK.” Indeed, quite so, yes, tut tut, some readers may have inferred that that is what the original editorial was implying when it said that Stephen Hawking would be dead if he had lived in the UK. ONWARD WITH TODAY’S BUSINESS INVESTMENT INSIGHTS. [IBD]
Whoops! Sorry ’bout all that “You kill all the crippled geniuses” stuff England. Cheerio, pip pip and all that!
Read the Financial Times - ignore IBD and WSJ propaganda-sheets.
Bearbloke: Glad I’m not the only pinko who reads the pinky
WOW. Excising all references to the offending and DOWNRIGHT WRONG paragraph. Which editor thought that was a good idea? “O HAI, mebbe if we just delete it, it’ll be like it never happened.”
Oh, and IBD is where Mike Ramirez is busy trawling his ADD-addled-4-year-old “artwork,” which proves that the intellectual bar there is set mighty low.
But where are pork belly futures???!11!
Nothing to see here. Move along.
Mull_Man: Pinko!
Government-Run Healthcare: A Prescription For Failure
So Medicare & the VA have all been killing people all these years? I guess at Investor’s Business Daily only business is capable of anything. Like the financial & securities industries?
OMG somebody eated the Hawking paragraph! Gobbled it right up!
In other news, Sarah Palin issued her own correction: Editor’s note: This version corrects the original facebook note which implied that Trig would not be considered a productive member of society by any panel, Death or otherwise.
Hmm, tomorrow they might have to write another Ed. Note which amends ‘implied’ to ‘incorrectly stated because we’re dumb’
queeraselvis v 2.0: They sweded it.
Editor’s Note: This version corrects the original editorial which implied that Lehman Brothers was a sound investment vehicle.
It also implied that the editorial board were idiots who toss in scary examples that completely contradict their original argument. This has not been corrected.
“Corrected”? They just removed it, as far as I can see.
Okay, good start. Now delete the rest, and you’ll have an accurate article.
Congratulations, your editorial has improved from ‘So Fuckwitted that the Entire Internet is Laughing at You” to “Slightly Less Shrill than Sarah Palin’s Comments on the Issue, But Not any Better Reasoned.”
Mull_Man: The Financial Times is printed on pink paper and it’s that “colour” because THAT PAPER’S MADE FROM NHS-MURDERED CRIPPLES!!! True fact.
Not to worry. Hawking will soon use the LHC to create a black hole in which to disappear these wingtards. They will likely re-emerge on the other side of the universe some 4 billion years in the future.
I wonder how the half-wits at IBD will cover these two stories:
http://www.legitgov.org/guns_ok_at_obama_town_hall_120809.html
http://www.legitgov.org/shulman_insurance_awards_lies_110809.html
Bearbloke: The WSJ is decent as long as you ignore the editorial page, but yeah, the FT is awesome.
jagorev: I don’t trust it anymore since it got Murdock’d….
Hawking have any response to all this?
Hedley Lamar: k, thanks Hedey.
Does that mean they’re declaring Stephen Hawking dead?
I prefer their normal daily post “Editor’s Note: We apologize to anyone who took anything in yesterday’s IBD seriously.”
How do they know he’s in the UK? Have they seen a long form birth certificate? How do they know he didn’t use his brain powers to travel back in time and place false birth announcements in the Guardian and Telegraph?
Everyone is so worried about the Death Panel, they overlook an obvious fact. Trig would pass with flying colors. Even before he goes to school, he’s smarter than the public officials in at least ten states I could name, including the one where he lives.
This is not the award winning theoretical physicist you’re looking for. You may go about your business.
Is there a cached copy of the original article available anywhere?
Jukesgrrl: Snowbilly would never subject Trigger to something as seemly as public education. No, no, only good old-fashion’ Palin home-learnin’ will do with that one.
That article is STILL making me incredibly happy. 24 hours later!
Jukesgrrl: As an aspiring Death Panelist, I assure you Trig will never be considered the most useless and expendable member of the Palin family.
Todd Mecklem: It’s pink?- I thought it was orange. Am I pink-orange color blind?(or colour blind for the Brits here)
Of course, on a naive truth-functional reading of counterfactuals, he’s correct.
Sorry but apologies are not enough. At this point only ritual suicide is an acceptable penance for such unfettered asshat-ery.
It seems they simply quoted themselves out of context.
“Editor’s Note: This version corrects the original editorial which implied that physicist Stephen Hawking, a professor at the University of Cambridge, did not live in the UK.”
I’m screaming BULLSHIT! They flat out lied. Nice job in the research department.Thank the holy Wonkette et al. for bringing it to their attention.
Now for the punishment….20 years of “Death Panel” to the dicks over 60 at IBD
Apparently, Eric Blair is Editor in Chief at IBD:
“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”
Oh, and Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
(And Benazir Bhutto is NOT still dead. In truth, she never existed in the first place.)
Well you know how the media likes to “makes things up”. Blasted media!!!1
Ha, ha! I can’t wait to use the word “implied” inappropriately like this from here on out.
Religion is good. We know it’s good, because Jesus Christ never died. It’s true! He actually lives next door to me, and we exchange recipes for salmon loaf all the time. He really is a nice guy - I would love to introduce you sometime. He even lets me borrow the lawn mower when mine is on the fritz, which is all the time, you know?
Oh, I’m sorry if I IMPLIED that Jesus was alive. Ergo, religion is teh BESTEST!
AnnieGetYourFun: Your above example does not do justice to the irony-laden glory of watching conservative jackholes try to hold up a (relatively librul, by way of being a scientist who openly believes in things like evolution) public figure as a potentially tragic emblem for a cause THAT THEY CLEARLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND ON ANY LEVEL. It’s like watching Chris Matthews shout down the Chamberlain fuckwit. It’s just genius.
Todd Mecklem: That explains how I acquired spongiform encephalopathies - my habit of teething on the “Companies and Markets” section. Damn prions.
OzoneTom: Cached here: http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:azJA4PaBt2UJ:biz.yahoo.com/ibd/090731/issues01.html%3F.v%3D1+How+House+Bill+Runs+Over+Grandma&cd=3&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/11/chris-matthews-to-town-ha_n_256952.html
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
facehead: Hawking have any response to all this?
Yes, he’s screaming his fingers off. BA-DUMP-DUMP!
From the IDB article: “In March, NICE ruled against the use of two drugs, Lapatinib and Sutent, that prolong the life of those with certain forms of breast and stomach cancer.”
From Reuters, May 2009: ” . . . NICE has issued its final appraisal document (FAD) recommending reimbursement for Sutent (sunitinib malate) as a second-line treatment for patients with advanced gastrointestinal stromal tumor (GIST). This recommendation follows NICE`s recently published guidance recommending reimbursement for Sutent for the first-line treatment of advanced kidney cancer.”
Whoops!
So much for Sutent. As for Lapatinib, a quick google shows that the British govt have yet to get the evidence that it is any fucking good, at all.
Whoever wrote the article should be paid megabucks by Pfizer and GlaxoSmithKline for their heroic lobbying efforts. They probably already are.
Skwerl Nutz: Naw. Put condoms on their crosses. It’s the only hate crime they recognize.
SOME have suggested that our article IMPLIED that Stephen Hawking does not live in the UK…I mean, of COURSE he lives in the UK…we were just TRYING to point out that OBVIOUSLY, living in the UK as he does, under the COMMIE PINKO UK HEALTH PLAN, Stephen Hawking WILL EVENTUALLY DIE…wont he? WONT HE? You CANT DENY THAT!
wheelie: Aargh! Facts! They burn!
facehead: Now that I’ve snarked, here’s the Real Thing:
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/erica/2009/08/stephen-hawking-likes-his-deat.php?ref=recmuck
Disclaimer: Articles in IBD are purely fictional. Any similarity to actual events or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
queeraselvis v 2.0: “An Briefer History of FAIL”, by Investors Business Daily.
People who have died due to evil British socialized medicine (damn you, Maggie Thatcher):
Lady Di: murdered by British socialist healthcare plot in Paris car crash subterfuge
Freddie Mercury: died from The Ghey Aids, which he contracted in America, from socialist Brit healthcare specialists
Barack Hoosain Obama: Murdered British/Kenyan subject, replaced by evil Muslin clone at the BBC’s command, in order to steal 08 election.
True facts, sheeplez.
Extemporanus: “An”? Shit! I never should’ve hired IBD’s copy editor.
Extemporanus: Shoulda kept yer mouth shut and purtended it wuz intenshunal. I’d a thunk it genius.
populucious: I would soooo trust their business columns if they are anything like their journalisim biographies. They write the facts man.
finallyhappy: They do throw a few orange-haired old ladies into the vat sometimes, which adds a tinge to the basic pink. Very perceptive of you.
CthuNHu: That’s what I get for not taking my own advice, given out mere minutes earlier.
Todd Mecklem: Salmon is a perfect color for fishwrap.
finallyhappy: Uh, it is clearly SALMON. Not pink like commie pinkos, not orange like fake-tan bimbos, but salmon like…salmon?
Also. If Hawking had received his care in the US, he would now be confined to a wheel chair.
This version corrects the original editorial which implied physicist Stephen Hawking.
OT, just now watching Countdown which had Alaskan Shannyn Moore on talking about Mooselini & the decrepit state of Medicaid & Medicare in Alaska during Palin’s reign.
Is it wrong to, while respecting her great contribution as both journalist & blogger, have an enormous crush on Ms. Moore? She is positively angelic. I would be happy if she had her own 2-hour show on MSNBC each night. But I will settle for her occasional guest appearances and blog entries. Sigh…
remember last year when that one chick carved that letter (’b'?) in her face and pretended it was an o’bama inspired jealousy crime and all of us held our collective breaths to see if it would actually be The Thing that derailed him and then it turned out it was - as we all knew all along — self inflicted by a freak and then god knows what happened to the freak only by then we had moosebilly so nobody paid attention to anything at all after that?
good times. better than now, really.
kill’em all! kill’em all with fire! oh and snark
hobospacejunkie: Nope, I think she’s quite attractive, very intelligent, likes the outdoors, and, added bonus, knows the recipe for skewered palin.
ladymacbeth: Actually, technically speaking, now is better than then. Most economists agree that the recession is over.
Stephen Hawking was born in 1943. The National Health Service was founded in 1948. If someone had smothered Hawking in his crib, it wouldn’t be the National Health Service that did it. Just saying.
Aurelio:
And who was trying to kill him in 1943? That’s Right! It! Was! Hitler! See what I mean?
NOBAMA!
The only question is:
Who would win in a fight? Stephen Hawking or Trig?
They need the following disclaimer:
The information and data contained on and through the IBC Web site is to be treated purely for your entertainment purposes only. Any prediction or other message that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist, or financial advisor. Accordingly, IBD provides no guarantees, implied warranties, or assurances of any kind, and will not be responsible for any interpretation made or use by the recipient of the information and data mentioned above.
As a member of the British Death Panel I would like to thank IBD for bringing this to our attention. Sometimes a few individuals slip through but he will now be dealt with.
Man, I don’t know what country that “Investor’s Business Daily” rag is from, but it would NEVER survive in the United States, where people take business seriously and don’t allow financial magazines to just make things up.
What?
Wrong on both counts?
Editor’s Note: We have changed the title of our publication to Birdcage Liner Daily. The original title impled that our publication was actually of any value to investors and businesses. It is, however, still printed daily. At least for a little while longer.
Kathryn.: FT is peach, not salmon. Peach, like those furry things I keep buying at the farmer’s market that go from so bitter it makes your teeth throb to blobs of sugar mass orbited by a thousand fruit flies in about 30 minutes of transmorgification.
doxastic:
Of course he’d be considered a potentially productive member of society. The world can always use more grocery store baggers who are happy to be there.
That was just as sincere as a professional athlete’s professionally-written apology for a very public transgression. “If I offended anyone…”
Joshua Norton: Good thing for its “editors” that IBD isn’t a Japanese bank…