SOUTHERNERS ARE SO TOUCHY  3:55 pm August 5, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • CLINTON, GORE BASICALLY HAVE SEX: “They shook hands first, and than hugged for a full five seconds, with Mr. Clinton patting his hand along Mr. Gore’s back and lingering before moving on to greet the waiting family members.” Nothing beats a good grundle-pumping on the tarmac. [NYT]
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Hola wonkerados.

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Sussemilch August 5, 2009 at 3:59 pm

They shook … hugged … Clinton patting … Gore’s … member

V572625694 August 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm

Grundle-pumping: had to look it up, and having done so, ew.

Wonkette is edumacational!

Come here a minute August 5, 2009 at 4:00 pm


orange August 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

The word “linger” is pretty sweet.

Gopherit August 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Nothing beats a good grundle-pumping on the tarmac.

Jim, your memoirs are going to read like the Washingtonienne’s, aren’t they?

TheNavOne August 5, 2009 at 4:01 pm

When did the NYT start writing Ex Presidential slash fiction?

NoWireHangers August 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Now we know what gets Adam Nagourney off.

SayItWithWookies August 5, 2009 at 4:02 pm

Al: Thank you for saving people who were near and dear to me and who I was afraid were gone forever.
Bill: No problem — coulda done that for you in 2000 too, if you’d only asked.

Nappied Hypotenuse August 5, 2009 at 4:06 pm

Jim, if I hadn’t recently changed my handle to this, I would gladly become Grundle Pumper. Writing!

Mahousu August 5, 2009 at 4:06 pm

Euna Lee has a really cute daughter.

And Al Gore cannot keep his hands off – well, pretty much anybody, in those pictures. Perhaps we were under a misconception as to who the real horndog was in that administration.

Balls! August 5, 2009 at 4:06 pm

They should have stuck to the dutch rudder, that’s not nearly as gay

Mr Blifil August 5, 2009 at 4:06 pm

Then Clinton lifted the diminutive Mr. Jong-il and slowly inserted him into Mr. Gore’s rectum while hollering “Have a Lewinsky Havana Special!”

Or words to that effect.

RoscoePColtraine August 5, 2009 at 4:07 pm

Dems are gay fornicators. That’s why they’re Dems.

Citizen Kang August 5, 2009 at 4:09 pm


Ahhh…you gotta love it. Elder statesmen behaving badly.

nappyduggs August 5, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Grundle pumping. Mr. Newell, you have just SAVED MY MARRIAGE!11!!1

Fuck you.

RoscoePColtraine August 5, 2009 at 4:15 pm

[re=379189]V572625694[/re]: Same here. But I’ve always called that a taint. Males have an abundance of names for certain spots. How soon can I work ‘grundle’ into a casual conversation?

McDuff August 5, 2009 at 4:16 pm

[re=379201]SayItWithWookies[/re]: Meow!

Scruffy_The_Janitor August 5, 2009 at 4:17 pm

Scruffy wouldn’t mind an extended Slick Willy hug…

Pirate King of the Jews August 5, 2009 at 4:18 pm

wikipedia does not recognize “grundle pump”

BadKitty August 5, 2009 at 4:19 pm

Bless you for not posting a photo.

chascates August 5, 2009 at 4:20 pm

And Limbaugh asked today if Clinton hit on the two Asian journalists he rescued.

queeraselvis v 2.0 August 5, 2009 at 4:21 pm

[re=379189]V572625694[/re]: You and me both. There’s something to be said for blissful ignorance.

freakishlystrong August 5, 2009 at 4:22 pm

Is grundle where frumunda comes from?

Jukesgrrl August 5, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Hansel and Grundle.

Extemporanus August 5, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Nothing beats a good grundle-pumping on the tarmac.

A Beowulf-milking on the driveway comes pretty damn close.

hockeymom August 5, 2009 at 4:25 pm

Nagourney called them both fat in the article.

kdaddy August 5, 2009 at 4:26 pm

Growing up on a farm you learn, when the big animals get to pumping, get out of the way or
become part of the grundle.

magic titty August 5, 2009 at 4:28 pm

[re=379226]Pirate King of the Jews[/re]: Wikipedia would know it if it saw it.

blinky_twinkie August 5, 2009 at 4:32 pm

I’ve been wondering what a “grundle” is since the movie “Dodgeball” came out. And now I know. Yay knowledge (ew).

Rev. Peter Lemonjello August 5, 2009 at 4:34 pm

What, no scritches?

hobospacejunkie August 5, 2009 at 4:56 pm

[re=379235]hockeymom[/re]: Nagourney is such a bitchy weight queen he can’t help editorializing. Except when it comes to describing health care industry stooges.

V572625694 August 5, 2009 at 4:58 pm

[re=379221]RoscoePColtraine[/re]: [re=379231]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: My distaste for the term itself is not, however, indicative of any actual repugnance for the act as such, when performed upon me by a suitable partner.

This is how Bill Clinton would phrase it on the witness stand.

Gorillionaire August 5, 2009 at 5:06 pm

Great. Now I have to rub one out at work. Thanks alot Wonkette.

Gopherit August 5, 2009 at 5:31 pm

[re=379291]Gorillionaire[/re]: you are going to hell for saying that.

El Pinche August 5, 2009 at 5:34 pm

Wake me when there’s youtube footage of bubba and al scissoring each other.
Fingerbanging, also.

snideinplainsight August 5, 2009 at 5:45 pm

But what about the Buffalo Wishbone?

Lionel Hutz Esq. August 5, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Takes me back to the spouse swamping days of the Clinton/Gore Bus trip.

And, Jim, you should be happy, this article is already the fourth hit out of 1240 when you google “Grundle pumping.”

[re=379188]Sussemilch[/re]: Now that is a movie I would pay to see.

Of course you could have gone with: They shook . . . first, and than hugged . . . , with Mr. Clinton . . . hand along Mr. Gore’s back . . . lingering before moving on to . . . the waiting . . . members.

Or simply: They shook . . . and . . . hugged . . . the . . . members.

mightysea August 5, 2009 at 5:51 pm

They were merely exchanging long protein strands. If you can think of a simpler way, I’d like to hear it. Thanks for not making any jokes about the global warming in Gore’s pants, etc etc.

Snarkalicious August 5, 2009 at 5:53 pm

[re=379353]snideinplainsight[/re]: That’s a younger man’s game, son. We’ll have to settle for a Niagra Lazy-Braid.

The Station Manager August 5, 2009 at 6:11 pm

[re=379361]mightysea[/re]: Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Todd Mecklem August 5, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Just sweet nostalgia for the days when Al was Bill’s favorite Vice…

lemprika August 5, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Is it too early for us to call that scene the “Bromance” of the summer.

widget09 August 5, 2009 at 6:29 pm

I don’t know but I think a “rusty trombone” might trump that grundle pumping.
Ante Up.

Uncle Glenny August 5, 2009 at 6:36 pm

NYT left out the line about Bill smuggling a Nork missile in his pocket.

[re=379230]chascates[/re]: Sometimes I think Rush scavenges the Wonkette comments then has editors work on the points so they seem less realistic.

Carl Spakler August 5, 2009 at 7:32 pm

When I look the NYT pic I hear the theme to Love Story…

OK, it was actually the theme to Shaft

Scandalabra August 5, 2009 at 8:19 pm

Thank god Al didn’t take advantage of the tarmac photo op to deliver a “Cleveland Steamer”.

Lazy Media August 5, 2009 at 10:29 pm

Everybody wants Bill Clinton to touch them. Those who have not been In The Presence don’t know it yet, but if you ever meet his Massive Red-Faced Eminence, you will understand. It’s a weird vibe. The dude’s charisma can kill at 100 paces.

dedalus August 5, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Hate to admit it, but Bing sniffed out the old Grundle for me, whereas Google kept referring me to some circle jerk site named Wonkett.

Thanks Mr. Ballme. Er…

hobospacejunkie August 6, 2009 at 1:06 am

[re=379573]Lazy Media[/re]: So true. My wife met him at a fundraiser last fall & swoons every time she talks about it.

And I shook his hand back in ’92 in the late summer/early fall Texas heat. Boy howdy was his face red. Looked like he was about to spontaneously combust.

TGY August 6, 2009 at 4:28 am

So the Fab Four Less Two are together, again?

LoweredPeninsula August 6, 2009 at 5:04 am

[re=379573]Lazy Media[/re]: Everybody wants Bill Clinton to touch them.

Win; because it’s true. Today, we are all wanting to be touched by Bill Clinton (Blythe).

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