sexytime

Questionable authenticity!BILL CLINTON SAVES LADIES FROM NORTH KOREA: Uhh, hooray! In a “private mission” rife with secret diplomatic motives and back-door conversations with the U.S. government, Bill Clinton hopped on a jetplane to North Korea, talked up Kim Jong Il for a while, probably offered him exclusive bidding rights to various natural resource contracts in autocratic third-world countries, and won the release of those two American journalists who had been sentenced to HARD LABOR back in March. Okay, Bill Clinton! [CNN]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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134 comments

  1. GreatOldOnesParty

    Slick Willy sure do luv hizself teh wymynfolk!
    Flew all the way to NK to pick up two broads in distress.

  2. FMA

    “Jesus, Hills, the girls were only expressing their gratitude. What was I supposed to do?”

  3. Donk In A Box

    Why they didn’t do this months ago I have no idea. Everyone knows that if you send Bill Clinton to pick up two chicks, he is NOT. COMING. BACK. without his two chicks.

  4. x111e7thst

    I read earlier today that that assclown Bolton was all enraged about the Bill Clinton trip to North Korea. I figured then that the thing would probably work out ok.

  5. Don Juanquete

    Bill frees the 2 in NK.
    Hillz is now in Iran to free the 3 ‘mericans there.

    Big thrills with Bill, Hill and Jong-Il!

    And Clintons will be TIME couple of the year.

  6. thejesusandmarycheney

    He looks pretty jet-lagged in that pic. How do we know he didn’t sleepily mumble “yeah, whatever” when Kim demanded Seattle in exchange for the reporters?

  7. ManchuCandidate

    An even trade.

    Two Asian American reporters for Bill. Two bottle blond strippers for Kim.

    Everyone’s happy.

  8. Larry Fine

    Thanks to President Clinton, North Korea is not in the axis of evil anymore. Pretty soon Americans will be going on vacation there for the fine dining and friendly people.

  9. Gopherit

    Freeing two in NK once…..is that better than freeing one several times in the oval office?

  10. Noonan

    Sean Hannity just told us all to take this news in the proper context. Clinton’s getting these ladies released is ‘tantamount to negotiating with terrorists. Of course, we’re happy for their families, but let’s take a look at what it really mean.’

    I’m glad I switch that doof on at 3 every day.

  11. Gorillionaire

    [re=378071]x111e7thst[/re]: Yeah, the good ol’ AP news service, always the first in line to give some wingnut kneejerk an opportunity to give us stern, stern warnings about what the happy-as-a-daisy hippies are going to do to our proud country. It’s just about to the point that I don’t even bother to look at anything AP shits out on the net.

  12. Todd Mecklem

    Jeeze, look at that sad-sack face on the ex-Prez. Are they modeling for those kitschy comedy/drama theater masks that old people hang on their walls? He’s thinking: Dang it, Hillary gets to sip champagne with Sarkozy in Paris ever other weekend, but when someone has to go to Pyongyang, she’s all “Bill, can you do me a little favor?”

  13. Manos: Hands of Fate

    I wonder how many North Korean commandos Clinton had to take out to get those ladies free.

  14. Monsieur Grumpe

    Do you think he’ll puke on Kim’s shoes. I hear it’s a sign of respect in North Korea.

  15. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=378087]Noonan[/re]: You know that deep down inside, Hannity’s soul is beginning to go critical and implode. That dead look in his eyes? Remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul.
    He’s dying from the inside out, that’s why I can’t watch him.
    Too painful.

  16. Doglessliberal

    [re=378079]spryte[/re]: I think what happened here is actually brilliant Hopey. He knew N Korea’s wackjob wanted acknowledgement, face, respect, but we could not send an official person, so….Billy boy! Wacko Il gets his former Pres, lots of nice pics, and he can concede.

  17. Doglessliberal

    [re=378087]Noonan[/re]: Hanity is a fucking asswipe who would not understand the subtleties of diplomacy or cultural differences if they reamed him up his ass.

    To put it subtly.

  18. qwerty42

    [re=378089]El Pinche[/re]: …And we didn’t even have to blow any shit up.
    Yeah, what’s up with that? This wouldn’t have happened back when Cheney was president. It was so much more fun then.

  19. V572625694

    [re=378089]El Pinche[/re]: “And we didn’t even have to blow any shit up” = what’s the point? No positive impact on Boeing revenues from this “success,” which means, it’s a failure.

  20. Gorillionaire

    The punch line – nobody in their fucking wildest dreams would have ever thought of asking Dubya to try this.

  21. Don Juanquete

    This is all because of the fashion world, which has brought matching pantsuits and jumpsuits back in style for Fall 2010. Makes Hillz and Jong-il both the forward-looking trendsetters.

  22. assistant/atlas

    Seriously, when hot chicks need to be rescued, there really is only one man to call. And it ain’t Jimmy Carter.

    Today, we are all hot Asian chicks rescued by Bill Clinton.

  23. Cicada

    [re=378099]Doglessliberal[/re]: Ooh, ooh! I volunteer to ream him up the ass! Wait, the “subtleties of diplomacy” are covered with lesion-inducing spines, right?

  24. Rosie Scenario

    L’il Kim looks like a goofy tourist posing next to cardboard cutout Pres. Bill Clinton.

  25. Larry Fine

    Lets give thanks to Kim Jong Il, also. Afterall, it takes two to tango in the diplomatic dance.

  26. Noonan

    [re=378094]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: [re=378099]Doglessliberal[/re]: Those are two reasons why, Gentlemen / Ladies / People / My friends, it’s great fun.

    Listening to people like him is at once heartening – I feel that I’m smarter than him – and depressing – I know that I am poorer and less influential than him.

    Still, it’s like watching the Space Shuttle taking off and hoping for a big explosion. I know it probably won’t happen, but I’m still hoping spontaneous human combustion is real.

  27. Bronkers

    [re=378096]Doglessliberal[/re]: I think you’re onto something here. Props for the Incumbent Team and their Bubba Emissary of GetOuttaJail. Maybe not get-out-of-jail free, but a good result. And I’m with [re=378075]smartypants[/re], maybe Ol’ Bill can tackle the Taliban and the Afghanis next. He’s in a race to one-up Jimmy Carter, you betcha, as a peace-maker/negotiator.

  28. One Yield Regular

    Wait just one doggone minute! Bill Clinton was operating under the orders of the usurper Barack HUSSEIN Obama, who is ilagitamant to be President of These United States, making this entire operation illugitumut. Therefore WETHEPEOPLE damand that these journaliss be put back in North Korea prison!

  29. Doglessliberal

    [re=378117]Larry Fine[/re]: true, Illin’ conceded, but he was helped by the fact that this was not someone official–he would have lost a lot of face conceding in that case. But here, his butt was kissed adequately, since Clinton is a Big Swinging Dick, at least in Il’s mind.

    Man, this was a smooth move by Hopey and State.

  30. qwerty42

    [re=378107]Gorillionaire[/re]: …asking Dubya to try this.
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    …. just the thought ….
    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

  31. S.Luggo

    Okay, Bubba Mister Former President. You think you so smart. For your next trick, I want you to free the Chicago 7.

  32. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=378120]Noonan[/re]: I hate the Hannity most of all the wingnut pundits. Rush, O’Really and Blech are semi-intelligent and even half-entertaining. Hannity doesn’t come up with anything original; he just takes what the smarter kids say and dumbs it down for the dumbs.
    He’s far more malignant than most people know.

  33. rev_matt_y

    [re=378107]Gorillionaire[/re]: To be fair, Dubya would have ended up in Iceland or someplace instead.

  34. Moleman v2.5

    Any truth to the rumor that the trade was made for the Snorg Girl and a player to be named later?

  35. x111e7thst

    [re=378099]Doglessliberal[/re]: Hanity should be fired down the Yalu river, from a catapault, next winter when it’s frozen. If only to see whether Bill Clinton would be willing to go extricate him.

  36. Bill E Pilgrim

    [re=378107]Gorillionaire[/re]:

    nobody in their fucking wildest dreams would have ever thought of asking Dubya to try this.

    Hey now, he flew in to rescue that entire aircraft carrier that was offshore and couldn’t get in to port because they had to stop and delay coming in so that he could pull that stunt.

    So if he hadn’t showed up they’d be stuck there forever!

    Don’t tell me that wasn’t a mission impossible, or what’s the expression..

  37. teebob2000

    [re=378101]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Goddam rock and roll rap shit. Can’t understand a word they’re sayin’.

  38. Noonan

    Sean Hannity update:

    Obama sent Bill to DPRK as a means of distracting the country from the debacle of Cash for Clunker, the health care debate and how the Dems are getting trashed by crazies in home districts.

    That makes sense.

  39. Noonan

    Also, when do we find out why SKS is black and Obama is gay? I’ve been looking forward to that all day (well, since 1pm).

  40. trickyrick

    And Bill is all like: “I heard you were talkin’ ’bout my wife”.

    And then Kim is shakin like, “Oh, take these girls and leave you bullyman’.

  41. Carl Spakler

    [re=378087]Noonan[/re]: Oooh, I get it: When the Bush Administration bent over and released $30 billion in frozen cash to get the DPRK to quit playing with nukes it’s tough negotiations. When the Obama administration pay for plane fare to get a couple of journals released it’s caving to the baddies.

  42. Noonan

    [re=378155]Carl Spakler[/re]: Your logic and reading of historical nuance is pretty good….for a quadriped.

  43. SayItWithWookies

    [re=378144]Noonan[/re]: That’s so dishonest of President Obama. Why when Dubya was president, he’d distract us from the awful things that were going on by getting into something much worse. Three thousand Americans died in the worst terrorist attack here in history? Hey, make up a nuke threat from Iraq! And when his poll numbers started dropping he’d just get Tom Ridge to bump up the terror alert level. Then when that didn’t work anymore, we had Katrina, and then finally the whole finance meltdown made everyone forget about Iraq entirely. And they say the man didn’t know how to do anything.

  44. Don Juanquete

    I see Kim’s minions are already bringing out the green paint to put in the new Starbucks.

  45. El Pinche

    [re=378105]V572625694[/re]: BHO kills the F-22, and now we missed an opportunity to “make freedoms” by negotiating with a turrist. Yes F – I – A – L , FIAL!
    We kid, but some of this screed will become Bill Kristol material.

  46. McDuff

    Yep, Bolton and Hannity and the “we’re rewarding North Korea’s bad bahavior” talking point. So what? North Korea is going to act bad no matter what we do. We bomb them, they destory Seoul, kiss their ass and they still get all up in your grill demending “respect.”

    Too bad the Dear Leader isn’t being replaced by his daughter — Bill could have hit it and we would have had peace in our time. “Sure, sugar, I’ll leave the old witch, I promise I’ll call you when I get back to the States, just sign this peace treaty to show me how much you love me baby.”

  47. thefrontpage

    A group of us are going to walk into North Korea next month on our vacation, just so we can get rescued by Bill “Rambo” Clinton!

  48. Rodney Badger

    I cannot wait for the press to report on how this just shows the HUGE RIFTS in the administration between Obama and the Clintons and the Clintons and the Clintons. Charlie Gibson will explain why this destroys American Credibility on Foreign Policy. David Gregory will have the journalist’s families on MTP this weekend to talk about what a big failure this whole thing turned out to be.

  49. takes12no1

    hmmm….now who can we send to Iran to get those hikers out? I vote for W. and Cheney, their last hurrah together. An even trade…if they don’t kill each other first.

  50. GreatOldOnesParty

    [re=378177]McDuff[/re]: What exactly did NorKor get out of this whole deal anyway? Bill’s a hustler, exactly the kind of man we need to do our negotiations with frrrin countries.

  51. armoredbore

    Aw, what? A talk over lunch and they’re pardoned? They skipped the part with Clinton swooping in on an Apache gunship, battling the Ryugyong hotel after it transformed into a 400ft-tall Kim Jong Ill bot? I HEARTILY DISAPPROVE.

  52. thefrontpage

    What if John McCain was president, and he sent Sarah Palin to North Korea!

    That would have been funny!

  53. glamourdammerung

    They just had to mention getting two women at the same time and Bill was all over it.

    And probably them.

  54. schvitzatura

    [re=378140]x111e7thst[/re]: Better yet, same winter, send him over to Chosin Resevoir, fire green tracers over his head, sound bugle and whistles like back in November ’50…he’d soil himself, fo sho.

  55. Snarkalicious

    I see from the picture that they gave Bill a 2 foot pit to stand in for the photo-op. How thoughtful!!!

  56. glamourdammerung

    [re=378242]gurukalehuru[/re]: Explosives, missiles, and a list of “hostages are now worth this many weapons” if I recall correctly.

  57. Moleman v2.5

    [re=378242]gurukalehuru[/re]: A chocolate cake shaped like a key, a bible, some Hawk missiles and a baby’s arm holding an apple?

  58. Officer Orifice

    [re=378085]Larry Fine[/re]: Or given their severe paucity of foodstuffs, it could be their fine dining on friendly people.

  59. Maxine of Arc

    [re=378271]Schmegeg[/re]: Plus they’re naked because their clothes have rotted off. Bill’s flying the helicopter, but he can still sneak a look in the mirror and he can see everything, you know. One of them’s bending over, then they kiss…

  60. PrairiePossum

    I bet there’s one hell of a party after the plane clears North Korean airspace.

    Bumper sticker spotted on Bill’s plane:

    “If this planes a rocking, don’t worry Hills, it’s just turbulence.”

  61. Schmegeg

    [re=378282]Maxine of Arc[/re]: They both have Hawaiian birth certificates showing they are twins and 16 years old. Bill has a coronary.

  62. Chet Kincaid

    [re=378091]Todd Mecklem[/re]:

    Going to Korea for some “pyongyang”? Is that what they’re calling it these days? I thought the new slang was “Noonanny”.

  63. imissopus

    Hillary: Hey Bill, do you want to go to North Korea to free those two female journalists?

    Bill: Giggity!

  64. Katydid

    [re=378133]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: I think I loathe John Ziegler most of all, even though he’s inconsequential. He’s completely vile, he doesn’t play well with others, and he’s a seriously racist fuckwad. He’s Palin’s best friend.

    Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, and John Bolton also particularly annoy the crap outta me.

    But you could be right, Hannity may be the worst. I haven’t seen very much of him because I can’t stand the sight of his face.

    Good times.

  65. BlueStateLibtard

    Clinton’s just repaying our nation for putting us through the hell of peace and prosperity for eight years. Those happy days of jobs and raises that one day you will tell your incredulous grandchildren about.

  66. bluetom00

    AP: “If all goes well, Clinton would fly to the United States with the women on his plane.”

    Heh. Heh. Heh.

  67. Cicada

    [re=378287]S.Luggo[/re]: Oh SHIT! How will the Dems ever live down this massive foreign policy blunder?!?!? Maybe we can start a ground war with Iran and kill a few thousand more soldiers to redeem ourselves.

    Seriously though, all they have to do is show the footage of the tearful homecoming and those douchebags will look like…uh…douchier-bags. Have fun shitting on the safe return of two photogenic female journalists, assholes! It’s going to bite you soooooo hard on the ass.

  68. rocktonsammy

    Imagine that plane ride home!

    Well done Bubba!!!

    Shit, Bush Jr. couldn’t get take out with out fucking it up.

  69. nader paul kucinich gravel

    For the Gore “employees”, note Bush Family Clinton was sent, NOT Peacemaker Carter…

  70. zhubajie

    [re=378085]Larry Fine[/re]: Chinese people go on package tours to North Korea all the time. I’m told it’s like China in the ’60s — not a good thing.

    Zhu Bajie

  71. zhubajie

    [re=378094]GreatOldOnesParty[/re]: Has he been sampling Limbaugh’s drugs? Or is almost time for him to hand over his soul? “Now is midnight come and Hannity must be damned….”

    Zhu Bajie

  72. zhubajie

    [re=378153]stink, but[/re]: Judging by who’se smiling and who isn’t Bill may have had to blow Kim.

    Zhu Bajie

  73. Holding Out for a Hero

    [re=378336]nader paul kucinich gravel[/re]: Why don’t you go play in traffic?

  74. One Yield Regular

    I feel compelled, by sheer disgust, to cut and paste these final lines from John Bolton’s WaPo piece opposing Clinton’s trip:

    “Negotiating from a position of strength, where the benefits to American interests will exceed the costs, is one thing. Negotiating merely for the sake of it, in the face of palpable recent failures, is something else indeed.”

    So – attempting to free two Americans held hostage is “negotiating merely for the sake of it”?

  75. GreyPanter

    [re=378096]Doglessliberal[/re]: And Bill gets to be important. There is nothing a middle-aged man needs more than to feel important.

  76. glamourdammerung

    [re=378361]One Yield Regular[/re]: After this and the fit about the Somali pirates, someone needs to ask the obvious question. Why do Republicans hate American hostages?

  77. Carl Spakler

    Scorecard:

    For Pol Crises thru the first seven months of a Presidency:

    0bama:

    1) Successful release of two foreign journalists from DPRK thru diplomacy
    2) Successful rescue of an American hostage from Somolia Pirates thru two well placed shots

    Bush:

    1) Kissed China’s ass to secure the release of US Sailors after a Navy and Chinese Aircraft played air tag
    2) Told a CIA Briefer he’d “covered his ass” after a briefing on Al Qeada

  78. DoctorCulturae

    [re=378096]Doglessliberal[/re]: Brilliant Hopey indeed. Bolton et al have sour grapes cause they think they could have squashed NK. Silly geese.

    Actually this must really get the Bush II crew’s goat. And I don’t mean their pet goat.

  79. Dreamer

    Did Hillary send that dude who ran Barry’s transtion with Bill – to spy on him or keep him in check. One of the pictures Olbermann showed looked like him.

    Is this going to be another faux outrage for the wingnuts. Shouldn’t AG-Sarah Palin sending another incoherent tweet about this?

  80. recharged95

    Likely showed Ill what correct SUNGLASSES to wear to get the fat chicks.

    For that, bubba’s my hero.

  81. steverino247

    Say what you like, but Bill deserves a blow job for this one. (And, uh, I’m not volunteering.)

  82. Cherry Garcia

    [re=378402]Dreamer[/re]: That’s John Podesta. He was Bill’s WH Chief of Staff. More like his old boss called him and said, hey wanna go to North Korea with me? There’s an offer you can’t refuse.

  83. Dreamer

    [re=378430]Cherry Garcia[/re]: I am so uninformed about Clinton admin but my papa liked him very much as a president till he misbehaved with that chubby chick. In my deffense I was 10 at the time.

  84. imissopus

    [re=378361]One Yield Regular[/re]: “Negotiating merely for the sake of it, in the face of palpable recent failures, is something else indeed.”

    Yes Mr. Bolton, and which administration THAT YOU FUCKING WORKED FOR might be responsible for recent failures of diplomacy towards North Korea?

    Shorter Bolton: How dare Obama fix our fuck-ups!

  85. DoctorCulturae

    Was Preznit Bill coerced into going? Was he low key by design? Or was saying, “Hey, I could do this with one hand tied behind my back.” [insert obligatory Clinton sex joke here]

  86. S.Luggo

    Flash forward a few days:
    “Better two Defeatocrat, Al Gore femtard, lezzie journalists do time in North Korea than we give up our freedoms unto the venomous octopus of socialized medicine birthed by a racist president. — Princess Glennda of Beck”
    It’s the bees.

  87. villageatrois

    Uhh, Hils? Well I gotta go to Poontang and rescue a coupla babes. Trust me, honey, it’ll help your career.

  88. Uncle Glenny

    Nothing blown up? No infrastructure to replace? GE and Halliburton are going to be so pissed. Maybe GE will make Rachel host Bolton; Clinton better be careful if he has any electrical contracting done.

Comments are closed.