Wonkette
- OH GOD, DO WE AGREE WITH MEG STAPLETON? Man, a lot of you people are taking this thing quite seriously! Who knows if any of it is true, because my oh my, that’s some sketchy sourcing — it doesn’t even exist, in fact! And even if they were going to get a divorce, but wanted to keep it to themselves for now … that’s understandable. So everyone go PLAY OUTSIDE. The world is literally your oyster. [Alaska Report, Mediaite]
Make it stop.
The world is indeed our oyster, and Caribou Barbie is the irritant that keeps producing pearls like these.
But after all, divorce is totes in line with being a quitter, nicht wahr?
Next, she’ll be promoting her new Conservitard Instant Messaging Service: Bhitter.
I see a reality show here. “Who wants to be Sarah’s new frustrated husband?”
I might be moving to Montana soon; to raise me up a crop of dental floss.
She is so last news cycle.
I can wait. I know one day Todd’s new wife will be Greta Von Palin.
stew: Jon Gosselin?
John Ziegler’s going to spent the next two weeks fixing his hair in the mirror working on pickup lines. Then like the past year he’ll masturbate to Palin and cry that he has no shot.
But–I read it on the internets!
Sarah threw her wedding ring in an Alaska lake, I read. Whoever finds and puts on that ring will be the new Magical Queen of the North Pole!
I doubt it. I mean think about it: when’s the last time Todd had a 9 to 5 job? He ain’t letting go of his gravy train & who else could listen to Snowbilly carp incessantly about her hair, the librul eelites, her family, her horrible life? Think about it–those 2 are a match made in hillbilly heaven.
Wonkette needs to start making its own over-the-top Palin rumor and watch Sarah Palin make a news story out of one sourceless blog’s bland inoffensive rumor. I’ll start: Sarah Palin cheated on Todd and took Joe Lieberman’s virginity.
Texan Bulldoggette: Sorry about all the ‘think about its’; I’ve had a couple beers!
Listen, I’m an angry, bitter, burned out woman in my 40’s. Hating Sarah Palin is all I have left. Don’t take this away from me.
I hope it’s true because I’ve never despised anyone as much as Sarah Palin. Not Nixon. Not Dick Cheney. Not even Rush Limbaugh.
Her sanctimonious air, her smugness, the way she plays up her feelings of victimhood, the constant shout-outs to the troops. I want her to fall as far as possible and live to regret her decisions.
With hubris comes nemesis.
That’s OK Texan. We all know that Texas libruls need a visa to travel within the state, and how stressful that can be.
Hmmmm…Sarah Limbaugh?
Maybe the prez and invite Todd and Sarah to the Whitehouse for a beer. It just might work.
Good God NO! Woe is my dear Montana. We’ve got just the wingnuts to worship her like she desires. Take a look at Craigslist’s Rant and Rave section for proof…
Peggy would never divorce Hank!
The reference to the NI makes this as likely as the Whitey Tape, but teh nuclear starbursts will still torch fReichtardistan to the bedrock.
dear media,
i want death.
yes, make it stop.
memzilla: Thanks, Mem. Even though I live in the librul bastion of Austin, you still need a few Silver Bullets to put up with the home-schoolers next door!
chascates: Also, don’t forget that she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Heinous frogs fall from her lips while she’s chattin’ and smilin’(community OOrganizer, anyone?).
Still, can’t say I hate her more than W and Cheney, (and back in the day, Nixon and the Reagans).
hockeymom: TLC is sending a crew out right now. 24-year-old party girls who want to get their freak on for fun and profit should arrive soon as well.
Affairs on both sides, eh? (buttsecks reference for sure) I’d like to know, then: Who is li’l Trigger’s real daddy?
My guess: K-Lo
So they’re both “hiking the Appalachin Trail,” only not with each other?
shypixel2: Yes, but you also have Missoula which is Awesome and Bozeman which is still cool but slightly over-the-top of late (the food co-op is overpriced, sorry), so quit complaining. Some of us have had to live in Idaho.
Dashboard_Buddha: Limbaugh no like girl parts.
Todd and Sarah are double-teaming with Greta Van Susteren and John Coales
Stop posting riddles, Mr. Newell. This ain’t scripture. This ain’t Jim’s epistle to the Wonkettians. Tell us, spell it out. The world is my oyster??? Too cryptic. Are they or aren’t they getting a hilariously public divorce involving the abomination known as adultery? I’m half crazy with anticipation. And sunshine in my soul. Also too.
Sarah’s on the market, wow maybe I need to go shave, hit the gym and look up college prof jobs in Montana. Cause I need an evil Ellie Mae Clampett.
If this were any other blog, I would smugly tut-tut at the misuse of “literally” in this post. As it is Teh Wonkette, I can smugly smile at your ironical superiorosity in deliberately misusing it.
I SWEAR, YOU ARE SO FUCKING META I LITERALLY CANNOT STAND IT!!!!!
Looks like the New York Post says it ain’t so.
The whole divorce story is about as plausible as one about a spoiled rich party-boy who was a bad businessman, who used to do cocaine and just flat walked out of a National Guard enlistment but in spite of all of this went on to become President of the United States.
I mean, what are the odds?
If the split does happen, I predict in a few months’ time, Todd will be either be doing infomercials or porn. Maybe both.
Nailin’ Palin II - the Sequel: featuring Todd Palin as himself. Yeah, that works.
I refuse to believe this rumour until Bill Kristol denies it.
How can this story be true? Todd is never around, and sleeping around with boys outside of marriage just adds to her resume in Republican circles.
Unless she is doing this as a show of sympathy to her daughter, so they can do the whole single mother thing together.
Sarah in ‘12: She quit her job, she quit her family, and now she is ready to quit the United States!
1. She could no longer resist Putin’s head rearing into her [ahem] “airspace.”
2. She saw how much attention Kate Gosslein [sic?] got and decided she wanted some. Also.
3. She met a moose who had the juice.
Fer da sake o’ da troops, stop makin’ things up, ‘k?
Please make it stop. I pray for sweet, sweet death to deliver me from teh Palins.
From the totally objective American Spectator site:
“Divorce Todd? Have you seen Todd? I may be just a renegade hockey mom, but I’m not blind!”
– SARAH PALIN, 5:35 p.m. ET
QILF now CILF?
Q is for Quitter
C is for Cougar
Does this mean Nailin Palin II will feature the real Palin?
The XGILF probably leaked this rumor just so she could deny it. One more excuse to whine about the librul media.
OReillysVibrator: “Listen Joe, I’ll letcha feel my belugas if you teach me the Bush Doctrine.”
Hunger Tallest Palin: You have a very good point. And I am surprised more have not cried out over Sarah Palin leaving our Northern border exposed to the Ruskies. Who will save us now from Soviet aggression?
This whole thread makes me also vomit in my mouth a little.
Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin: Zappa’s Tycoon, huh? I’ll raise you a Robert M. Pirsig teaching in Bozeman for obscure MT reference. Start with describing one brick. Maybe we should call it Going Phaedrus?
Well of course she didn’t speak to Todd during the speech, she was giving a speech.
Is Trig divorcing Spongebob?
Dispatch and fun facts from Anchorage:
1. What with the entire state having approximately the same population of an average suburban high-school, everyone here already has an opinion about this. You want some smutty, libelous, outrageous yet plausible gossip? Swingers, people. Sexual experimentation is not unique to blue states, so plenty of Alaskans aren’t freaked out by sharing their wife while they videotape it and work out the rhymes. As every “local” here thinks they have a VERY INFORMED opinion about Mrs. Palin, the social and professional circles I run in take it as almost a given that she and Todd were extra-curriculars. There were sordid rumors flying during the campaign, and after the Wanda Sykes poetry slam–when Todd may or may not have boned down on Greta–as if the two couples haven’t totes had a foursome already.
2. I now will issue my standard denial that still won’t put any rumors flying round Austin to rest: I am not, in fact, having an affair with her. I’ve been in a room with her, and its true–for a mother of
45, she’s got a fairly impressive physique. She also looks like a woman her approximate age. I won’t make any friends at Jezebel with this sort of talk, but as a still youngish man, I like ladies whose eye-wrinkles are either analogous to mine, or at least not reminiscent of my own mother’s. I’ve done some cougar-trapping in my day (see above mentioned Austin rumors…no, not Lady Bird Johnson, sadly) but as the case should be, the lust overpowered the disgust. At the time. (I realise some of you are depraved enough to be excited by the disgust.)3. Come to think of it, maybe instead of playing doctor, Todd and Greta were just discussing doctors. Eye-wrinkle doctors! Its going to happen, people.
4. I haven’t seen anyone else recap this yet, so I’ll also add that in the 26 Free Republic threads dedicated to this, half the commenters are decrying the media for reporting this falsehood, and the other half are staking dibs on the Palin of their choice. Interestingly, no one wants Bristol, even though marrying up with a hot single mom is the Christian thing to do.
5. Also.
People, people. Just as Caribou Barbie quit her job to prove she isn’t a quitter, she’s getting divorced to prove that she’s a devoted wife and mother.
I really think she must be the official regional Meth Lab inspector - with all the free samples her purse can hold. She just shouldn’t appear in public after getting baked 3 - 4 times a day.
Sharif DelMonte: Swingers, huh? She strikes me more as the kind who only has procreative sex, like jesus freaks with 10 kids. Yeah, despite the slutty waitress in the sky clothes, she still seemed like a prude to me during the campaign. In way over her head, she bought the fuck-me boots & short skirts which turned her on, necessitating an exorcism by Pastor Muthee to rid herself of the satanic demons tempting her.
I can see her begging, down on her knees (no, not doing that) begging, Todd not to leave her. She must have been hell to live with before she gave WALNUTS! a boner. Now she must be absolutely unbearable.
ForTheTurnstiles: Well, Todd is a fisherman and thus a sailor. Probably he’s been screwing bar maids and harlots pretty steady. As for Sarah — the preacher, of course. Pentecostal preachers get more poon than rock stars!
I still think her next move is the Pentecostal ministry. Faith healing or health and wealth, maybe both. Reverend Ike just died, so someone has to fill his place in our society.
Zhu Bajie
Mahousu: I predict in a few months’ time, Todd will be either be doing infomercials or porn.
I vote infomercials. “Hi! I’m Todd the Snowmobiler! Is your cable converter box on the fritz?” Anyhow, it’s compatible with the Snowbilly Grifter’s career; use someone as a stepping stone, discard them, lather, rinse, repeat. McCain must breathe a sigh of relief every morning he’s safe in his 43,726 homes with the trollop cunt cougar and doesn’t have to have his food checked for succinylcholine.
Today, we’re all Alaskan swingers.
She’s clearly dumping Todd for Bill Kristol, whose dreams have now come true. I feel like such a fool because I thought he had no chance at all.
Is this the “media” that Palin admonished to “quit makin’ things up?”
6. Palin is upset. She found out that she would be categorized as “Trailer Trash” on olderwoman dot com.
OReillysVibrator: Ziegler is going to have to get in line behind Van Sustern. Scientology says she’s straight, but those men’s button-downs tell a different story. Rawr.
OK, I thought it was probably bullshit, but I just saw that Sarah and Todd are “blasting” rumors of their impending divorce and they “remain married”. Now, I know it’s true. They are history.
Dashboard_Buddha: New York Post v. Alaska Report…my money’s on the Alaska Report. Because I want it to be so.
gurukalehuru: I agree. Just to point out a teeny tiny fact: the New York Post is owned by one Mr. Rupert Murdoch; so naturally they’re gonna deny, deny, deny. Just sayin’.
Forget the Palins, shems, swingers, and porn opts … did you not see that advertisement? We can get a Hawaii cruise for $649!
IF this story is true, I do feel sorry for Montana.
From Todd’s perspective– he is home dealing w 2 babies in diapers & a house full of hormonal females, while the wife was governating.
He’d rather be out snow machine-ing or huntin’ shootin, or seceding…..
She’s lost her edge.
Maybe if they just made a lifesized cardboard cut out of him, they could have propped him up on the stage behind where she blathers on @ the podium & spared him lots of stress & humiliation.
The moral of this story:
Oil wells don’t always end well.
Oh, and here’s another interesting sidelight on the whole Bristol/Levi brouhaha, via Mudflats:
As some of you may know Sherry [Johnston's} court date was moved from yesterday to August 19. The reason for this is that until just now the prosecutors REFUSED to make any kind of a deal, because of pressure they were receiving from the Governor. For some reason Palin was pushing for Sherry to receive the maximum sentence. [snip]
I cannot talk about what kind of deal Sherry may get, but the prosecution has become much more reasonable now that Sean Parnell is our Governor.
http://www.themudflats.net/2009/08/01/palin-divorce-ring-at-the-bottom-of-the-lake-guns-explosive-interviews-pressure-on-the-court-welcome-to-a-slow-news-day/
DoktorZoom: Jim’s apparent misuse of literally was a quote of Meg Stapleton’s misuse a few days back, Dok. Jim would never make SOOCH a silly mistake.
http://friendfeed.com/dewitt/5f22e594/world-is-literally-her-oyster-says-palin
I, for one, welcome our new pearly overlords.
My brain is banhammering itself.
The Snowbilly Saga is like a cult soap opera (or reality show, you know, because it, like, is)that, with an unquenchable thirst for higher ratings will do anything, ANYTHING by God, to remain in the brains of the masses, sitting at home, staring into the magic box of images, eyes wide, lips parted. Divorce, lawsuits, mental breakdown, 3rd party, you name it.
Follow the Meth.
Not only does that stuff make you crazy in every way that Palin is crazy, it will also make a horney slut out of anyone who messes with it in the long term. It is the horniest drug there is, it’s difficult to get anything done between constant fuck-a-thons and frequent masturbation.
Also
It makes you speak in fast bursts with the emphasis scrambled INCLUDING the loud gasps in between volleys (classic).
Also
The meandering word salad and out of sync emotional framework that characterizes a Palin speech. Absolute classic speed freak expression, it’s like Jack Kerouac with no story line, logic, or chronology. And is artless also.
The paranoia, the skinny, the Napoleonic complex, the bite off more than you can chew, the big plans with no follow through, everything about her SCREAMS hi functioning Meth Freak.
She’s is textbook Go-fast Gone Wild.
Not all Meth heads crash and burn into toothless, twitching wild-eyed freaks, that’s drug-war propaganda. There are millions of high functioning meth freaks in America, JFK used to be one of them.
Also
gurukalehuru: I find your depiction horrifying and will now need to drink much. Thanks.
The world is literally your oyster.
So that’s why it feels like the sky is going to snap shut at any moment, leaving me, literally, in the dark…
“The oyster is literally my world.” - Pearl
BadKitty: Sarah?
Dashboard_Buddha: That’s a non-denial denial. Her lawyer says they are not getting a divorce. In lawyer-speak, that means they haven’t filed yet.
To everyone out there who’s reveling in this story, just remember- everytime somebody makes up a story about the Palin’s, a soldier dies.
I don’t think anyone made up the story. I think the Palins’ brain trust–Sarah and Todd–simply denied a pretend rumor to be in the news again. I hope they keep it up. Just create meaningless shit weekly until their “news” is completely boring in its redudancy. My dream is that her book and radio show tank. Then Todd may really divorce the gravy train.
I deny that I’m having an affair with anyone in the Palin household.
We are all birthers today. The Obama birth certificate brouhaha has legs because the wingnuts want so badly for the story to be true. The frenzy over Palin’s potential divorce is an uncomfortable look into a funhouse mirror.
LydiaClaire: Agreed. And I confess I’m one of the worst when it comes to spreading any type of bad news about my opponents. I know I should be better than they are (than that I perceive them to be anyway).
I’ve read of the partisanship in the early days of the Republic, through the Civil War, the ’60s and I still think we’re move divided now as a nation than ever before.
chascates: more divided now. Bourbon inflection.
chascates: Me too re: spreading rumors about the ‘others’. I don’t know that we’re more divided now, but I agree that we’re pretty damn divided. Perhaps we should be optimistic; so much good came of past struggles. We progressed. We got better. Maybe we’re due for another paradigm shift.
Hooray For Anything: everytime somebody makes up a story about the Palin’s
The Palin’s what?
————-The Punctuation Nazi
LydiaClaire: This is true. It’s all water passed under the bridge or whatever.
Off topic: When I lived in Tampa Florida, there was a strip club near the airbase that had a marquis that read, “Only One Thing Is Moister Than An Oyster”.
WonkaBee: What about Jim’s use of OUTSIDE? That is a term of art in Alaska, meaning the non-Alaska world, which just happens to include Montana. (Thus confirming the rumour at a dog whistle pitch, this guy is Meta-meta.)
chascates: Check out American Aurora, Richard Rosenfeld. The 1798 to 1800 period, with ‘people’s milita’ on the streets deputised by the president to shut down the opposition press and party, were pretty intense. (I do think the civil war takes the cake.) And then there are the potmarks in the granite side of the House of Morgan at the corner of Broad and Wall from the WWI period troubles (JP wanted them left in the wall to show how little impact the bomb had). Is this a great country or what?
Oh come now people, I myself just guessed that the next thing that would happen would be that they might divorce. It’s just human nature plus there is now all that money to split. Honestly Todd has always said he hated to do political stuff and didn’t want to do anymore traveling and talking for the Cause/Sarah. Poor Sarah where is all her certificates now? At the NRA!her last best hope. As for buying land down in the lower forty eight, there is no way in hell Alaska will ever vote her in as Senator. Read it here and possibly weep for Montana.
I’m now going out to buy a new car I hope. Thank you Mr. President, I love you Barry. The only thing better than my getting the old Town Car traded for a new more efficient one would be if McCain does a filibuster on it and turns all the car dealers and the rest of the middle class off of Republicans for the next ten years. Who likes the Elantra?