Wonkette
People are finally figuring out the Wonkette — it not only thinks everything is so funny, but it is also cleverly propagating the most vile conspiracy of our Time, that Barack Obama was actually not born at all. He was not born! There, we said it. We don’t care if Robert Gibbs personally milks a gallon of “DNA” from Nobama and shows it on the teevee, there is literally no proof, long form or short term, that Barack Obama was born. Our Constitution says PRESIDENT MUST BE BORN, PERIOD. We think this is the 15th or 2nd amendment. So thank you, “Brian M.,” for figuring out Wonkette is birthers.
From: Brian M.
To: Juli Weiner, Jim Newell, Sara K. Smith, Ken Layne
Date: Tue, Jul 28, 2009 at 2:01 PM
Subject: BirthersI think it’s so digusting that you all IMMATURE, CHILDISH REPUBLICANS AND BIRTHERS, as well as LOU DOBBS, Pat Boone, Michelle Bachman and Gil Goody in trying to disprove Obama’s birthplace.
To me it’s very OBVIOUS, WAY OBVIOUS that you all are racists and do not like black people. I’ve noticed that since the beginning and that’s why I do not like Republicans…period - because they think they’re holier-than-thou and are so perfect in every way — Fuck that! They’re no perfect and they’re stupid fuckers who think they can control and rule the world.
This is how Obama got to Earth, and it sure as hell wasn’t through an American Vagina:
Oh Lordy, so that’s what they mean by “immaculate conceptual” art.
Bravo!
gotta break some eggs to make a muslin
Mr. M. probably e-mail Colbert every day complaining about how he’s just a dirt bag O’Reilly clone.
Gosh, Brian would fit right in over here…if he understood satire. But, seriously, equating me with Pat Buchanan, Lou Dobbs, Michelle Bachmann & freaking Pat Boone is a nasty, uncalled for insult.
If you’re gonna rip off Terry Gilliam, it should at least be animated.
There needs to be a word for when comedy ensues from people not understanding parody or satire or sarcasm.
But his Fascist egg must have landed in Kenya first.
We don’t care if Robert Gibbs personally milks a gallon of “DNA” from Nobama
ENOUGH OF YOUR DISGUSTING SLASH FICTION, YOU.
UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT Information is ENCOURAGED, ESPECIALLY to COMPUTER BULLETIN BOARDS
Why doesn’t Jesus Obama have pupils?
At least he used “they’re” correctly…
That is one ganja-smoking Obama right thur…
“And lo, the seventh seal was broken, and The Darkness was birthed from an egg of evil on a bed of Krugerrands…”
Thank you, Wonkett, for pointing me to Deesillustration.com. The image of Hillary, Barry, and Walnuts as Larry, Curly, and Moe is priceless. Deesillustrations: how ya like dees (wing)nuts?
Wonkett is birthers!
johnnypantalones: Wingnut?
David Dees is awesome. Him and Dan Lacey should trade comics for a month, see what magic happens.
Perhaps Brian M. is performing some sort of meta-satire, and on a site much like this one a crowd of commenters are chuckling at the Wonketteers that just don’t get it.
And then it turns out the Statue of Liberty is buried on the beach. Also.
A CERFITICATE OF LIVE BIRRTH IS NOT BIRTH CERTAFICATE!!
Please, it is well known that God created black people out of mud to practice with before allowing White people to come into being and have sex. If God isn’t willing to let Obama be born, why should the United States.
Now I want death.
Barrett808: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Megs!!!! Where are you !!!???
johnnypantalones: Laughenfruede?
“They’re no perfect”? A pretty blatant use of a crude Italian stereotype for someone who is all up in our grill about racism. And everyone knows Nobama was born in a mudhut in Kenya. It is in Revelations, people!
I DEFICATE ON HIS CERTIFICATE
johnnypantalones: “Republican”.
El Pinche: SPEELING IZ NOT GRAMMER
No, no, it wasn’t that way. Barry descendeth from Heaven to join the Quick and the Democrats.
isadelia: I was hoping for something more along the lines of “schadenfreude”
Besides, self-righteous liberals miss the point of satire just as often as their brownshirted counterparts, so it needs to be something that isn’t rooted in a slur of one side or the other.
Also, regarding the citizenship thing: Obama’s mom was a citizen, right? So what’s all this bullshit about where he was born? Do both parents have to be citizens in order for the kid to become one by virtue of being born to people who are already citizens?
Cicada: This is more like it.
Well, somebody had to say it. I, for one, am relieved that the cat’s out of the bag. I feel like a panniculus has been removed from my mons pubis. Now we can move forward in peace. No more walking on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Brian’s heart is in the right place: Fuck that! They’re no perfect and they’re stupid fuckers who think they can control and rule the world.
Even if his head is up his ass. I guess he’s no perfect either.
I’m a birther now? I can haz bitter aggression and paniculus?
Brian M is right. I only read Wonkett for the cutting-edge conservative repartee.
trying to disprove Obama’s birthplace.
Is there a sub-species of Birthers actively attempting to demonstrate that Honolulu does not exist?
I still want to know. Who/what came first?
The egg or the sperm?
johnnypantalones: I keep bringing this up, and (1) no one really knows and (2) Wonketteers aren’t prone to actually debating the merits of a moot argument (we only really want to discuss buttsecks - this is all filler until the next kiddie porn senator is outed).
Obama is Lizard People!
Dear Brian:
You left out any mention of Trucknutz. Boo. -1. Also.
El Pinche: I AN NO NAIL!!1!5!
Why is LOUD OBBS the only individual to merit the all-caps treatment?
Who the hell is Gil Goody?
Wait, has anyone seen Brian M.’s birth certificate? I think we have found another foreigner.
Brian, I find myself in the strange position of wanting both to encourage you and hurt you real bad. If you could kindly stick pins in your eyeballs while singing happy birthday to yourself, I feel that would do nicely. W
mookworthjwilson: And does he have a newsletter I can receive in the mail???
AnnieGetYourFun: Well, I found this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/US_citizenship#Through_birth_abroad_to_one_United_States_citizen
Which seems to disqualify Comrade Sorento, but then there’s all that vague squishy stuff in there like:
“Different rules apply for persons born abroad to one U.S. citizen before November 14, 1986. United States law on this subject changed multiple times throughout the twentieth century, and the law is applicable as it existed at the time of the individual’s birth.”
I don’t understand this space jew babble at all, so I guess this means Barry is from Alderaan?
bored with gravity:
especially Newell. That guy is crazy Beck-like wingers.
Why can’t he be more like our last POTUS, who was not only born but born again…and again…and again. In Jeebus name amen.
Poor Riley didn’t even get a CC.
johnnypantalones: The parent has to have lived in the States for a given period of time prior to the birth, and the birthers’ theory is that Obama’s mama hadn’t lived in the states long enough for Obama to qualify.
NoWireHangers: birthers who like abortions? There’s something zen about that.
johnnypantalones: Melmac.
johnnypantalones: so I guess this means Barry is from Alderaan?
No no. Those big ears and straight-outta-da-jungle telepromtrz jive talk are clear signs that Nobama is from Dagobah.
Gunner: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_ann
Looks like she lived in the US for quite some time. I mean, I know these are birthers we’re talking about and they’d likely respond to this wish some nonsense about a conspiracy between the Rothschilds, Pizza Hut and Frank Black, but it seems to me like his mother’s citizenship status would invalidate all this bullshit frothing about certificates of live birth and whatnot.
AnnieGetYourFun: That was going to be my next guess, that or the Nazi planet from Star Trek.
Brian M. truly deserves the moniker of Libtard*
*not to be confused with the Libtard of the Paultard stripe.
Gunner: johnnypantalones: AnnieGetYourFun: According to TPM and Snopes, the hitch is that Hopey’s mum was too young to have Obama automatically qualify as a US Citizen if he was born outside of the US (I think, it’s all confusing and even the guy at Snopes and Josh Marshall aren’t quite sure). This, of course, is all moot because of the fact he was, in actuality, born in the US:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/citizen.asp
jodyleek: The first thing that popped into my head the moment I saw the image was the theme to “Life of Brian.”
AnnieGetYourFun: Hopey is ALF? No wonder he’s so nice to Vinegar Joe. They starred on the same sitcom
johnnypantalones: Okay so that reminds me. For a person born abroad who has one U.S. citizen parent, that parent has to have been a U.S. resident for at least 5 years after her 16th birthday in order for the child to be a citizen. Barry’s mom was only 18 or thereabouts when he was born, so she was too young to have possibly resided at least 5 years in the U.S. after her 18th birthday. Thus, if Barry was not hatched in Hawaii, he is from Mars. QED
Gopherit: Full Circle Satire. I think it will catch on.
johnnypantalones: Explaining facts to birthers? Do you discuss physics with squirrels and geometry with robins? It would be a more worthwhile pursuit if you did.
johnnypantalones: I think I’ve got the term now: tardenfreude.
Obama is not the harmless product which we’ve all been led to believe!! OBAMA IS PEOPLE!!!!
johnnypantalones: Trying to talk down a conspiracy theorist is pointless. No amount of facts or logic will change their mind. If you try, you’ll be labeled as either part of the conspiracy or a deluded sheep. It’s much more fun to mock them. Trust me.
“I think it’s so digusting that you all IMMATURE, CHILDISH REPUBLICANS AND BIRTHERS, as well as LOU DOBBS, Pat Boone, Michelle Bachman and Gil Goody in trying to disprove Obama’s birthplace.”
You’re getting ticketed for Failure to Verb.
Brian, have you met Cindy McCain? She doesn’t understand satire either. Now show us your BIRF SERTIFICAT or GTFO.
See, I wanna know why they think he was born in Kenya. There’s no reason he should have been born in Kenya, since his mother and father met in Hawaii and then he went to Harvard and then she divorced him in 1964. So where the fuck does this “he was born in the Kenyan slums!” shit come from? His “step-grandmother”?
God dammit why am I trying to figure this shit out and not sitting at home smoking pot and watching The Price Is Right?
Ah, Brian M. I remember those earnest pre-teen years! Enjoy them while they last. Rock on!
DoktorZoom: Not bad! Although it may not strictly apply in this case.
DoktorZoom: Perfection.
So Riley is not a birther?
mookworthjwilson: The only thing I could come up with is Gil Goody=G.G. Liddy?
today we are all buttseksing birfers. At first I thought I thought everything was funny, but now I am apparently a racist birther. and there are some libtards out there that are as stupid as wingnuts?
WTF, back to the kitchen, who wants some pasta salad?
Obviously this person does not have a mental grasp of “messaging” or “meming the mofos,” as it is referred to by the likes of Martin Luther and Karl Rove. If they did, it would be clear that Wonkette has come to the conclusion that Barack Obama is a Kenyan coffee bean. And fresh, like folgers in the morning.
Someone check to see if SKS has an Adam’s Apple.
god.was.stingy: I seem to remember Michelle saying something about his Morning Freshness that wasn’t quite so complimentary.
Crank Tango: It depends on where the pasta salad was born.
Cape Clod:
No. Evidence…
http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/sksmith.jpg
Fox n Fiends: Good luck with that since it is kept in a Ziploc bag!
Christ. Weren’t these the same people frothing at the mouth a few years ago about how maybe we should change the Constitution so that Arnold Musclenegger could become President? Or a few thousand years ago about how Jesus should perform a miracle on demand to prove he was the Son O’Gawd?
Anyway, I still want to see the Kenyan birth certificate. Or is that it in the illustration above?
These videos say it all! Should give everyone a good laugh!
The birthers are bat-shit-insane!
Enjoy…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coCDRfh0AWg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNuGYdygHps
ManchuCandidate: Phew! I can sleep tonight.
AnnieGetYourFun: johnnypantalones: DoktorZoom:
Of course, the whole argument fails since it’s been established that he was born in Hawaii, but since people here are asking, here’s my $0.02:
As with all *good* conspiracy theories, there are some fuzzy issues with the citizenship by jus sanguinis argument. That is, the argument that children of US citizens are automatically US citizens. If one were to believe that Obama was born in Kenya, then you have to look at the immigration laws in 1961 because they have changed over time as to whether both parents have to be citizens or just one of them. Also, there have been various timing requirements that have changed - e.g., if claiming citizenship by just sanguinis, one of the parents had to live in the US for some period of time prior to the birth, etc.
Sorry, I know. long and boring.
back to the topic at hand: I second tardenfreude.
There’s no evidence he was born so he’s clearly I Cylon engineered to destroy humanity.
Cape Clod: Leave Sara out of this, you nappied hypotenuse!
Gunner: IIRC, 14th birthday, so she was close, but no cigar (ahem).
DoktorZoom: Ding!
Formerly Preferred: I got a good, long chuckle out of this and then it blew my mind and kind of hurt my brain a little.
Via a commenter to Ed Brayton at scienceblogs,
http://storyarc.squarespace.com/obama-birth-announcement/
shows a birth announcement for a “socialist son”. I guess that’s why we really know he’s a socialist.
johnnypantalones: “There needs to be a word for when comedy ensues from people not understanding parody or satire or sarcasm.”
mockery?
But I mean, you know, it really hurts my feelings when someone calls me a “stupid fucker” in a sentence so grammatically atrocious that I can’t understand the rest of what he’s trying to say.
Can someone direct Brain to the Landover Baptist Church in the internets? He will really have some emailing to the editor there, also.
johnnypantalones: According to one theory, the Hopesters parents were in Kenya when Hopey’s Mom thought she was about to give birth and since they were purposely planning the downfall of Western Civilization, they hopped on a plane to Hawaii so she could give birth in Hawaii and he would be a citizen. This is, of course, ridiculous because nobody who’s about to give birth would hop on a plane and take a long, long plane flight to someplace else to have their child.
Square people don’t know how to take Wonkette when they first stumble upon it. We scratch our heads and say, “I think they’re trying to be funny, and I think they really like Obama and they are just joking. The next night was like, “Yeah, these are some irreverent but pretty good comments. This guy should have read another article.
Brian M. really needs a refund from whatever ju-co tought him how to think like a retard but vote for democrats.
We should tape tape a stink bomb to Brian and point him over to Red State.
To the tune of On the Balcony of the Casa Rosada from Evita.
Wonketteers, Wonketteers
We are all birthers now
Fighting against our common enemies
Facism, socialism
Foreigners domination of our industries
Reaching for our common goals
Our independence, our dignity, our pride
Let the world know that our great nation is awakening
And that its heart beats in the humble bodies
Of John McCain and his running mate
The first lady of Alaska, Sarah de Palin!!
[Crowd chanting:]
Sarahita Sarahita!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JadedDIssonance: You are correct. Those are likely the days when Wonkette uses King Kenyan AA for a two-shot colonic. And those are most brutal in a black metal sense, raising ire and heart rates alike.
So, my question is about the whole “natural-born” requirement for POTUS. Does that mean if one is born by Cesarean section, then they are not “natural-born” and therefore do not qualify? If so, please tell me that Sarah Palin was born by Cesarean section.
johnnypantalones: We used to call it an “airplane joke,” when someone didn’t “get it” in this fashion, ss in, it flew right over their heads. This of course was in the olden days, the 70s, under the good king Carter, who promised to decriminalize marijuana after two members of the White House staff were caught doing coke in the bathroom at studio 54. Things were different back in the day, back then, democrats used to do coke in restrooms, nowadays, republicans hoover cock in bathrooms. We also used to tie onions to our trousers, that being the fashion at the time. We used to call a “turkey” a “walking bird . . .
This writer got “they’re” correct three times! I sense something other than a wingnut.
Hey if anyone wants to start a Birther Watch blog, might I suggest calling it “Fear Of A Black President”?
jodyleek: So they can’t be Preznit, but they CAN kill MacBeth.
Prommie: And did nickels have pictures of bumblebees on them? Give me five bees for a quarter, you’d say. And then you’d go to the old general store and buy some liberty cabbage, the Kaiser having stolen our word for sauerkraut at the time.
Advocatus_Diaboli: http://travel.state.gov/law/info/info_609.html
Hooray For Anything: This is, of course, ridiculous because nobody who’s about to give birth would hop on a plane and take a long, long plane flight to someplace else to have their child.
Hint: Alaska.
“Birth Abroad to One Citizen and One Alien Parent in Wedlock: A child born abroad to one U.S. citizen parent and one alien parent acquires U.S. citizenship at birth under Section 301(g) INA provided the citizen parent was physically present in the U.S. for the time period required by the law applicable at the time of the child’s birth. (For birth on or after November 14, 1986, a period of five years physical presence, two after the age of fourteen is required. For birth between December 24, 1952 and November 13, 1986, a period of ten years, five after the age of fourteen are required for physical presence in the U.S. to transmit U.S. citizenship to the child.”
So….he’s from Decopod 10?
Uncle Glenny: Texan Bulldoggette: Come on, Brian must be a wonkeratti playing games. Because that makes no sense at all. Besides it isn’t funny.
johnnypantalones: ” Do both parents have to be citizens in order for the kid to become one by virtue of being born to people who are already citizens?”
Only if one of the parents is black.
Uncle Glenny: The socialist son birth announcement? Scienceblog? This birther business is getting weirder and weirder. [re=372737]
June Cleaver 2.0[/re]: I love that June Cleaver says “square people.” Truly crafting writing deep into pov.
Well, this notion is certainly consistent with my inability to find anywhere on the intergoogles a single picture of Obama slipping out of a vagina.
But I did manage to find plenty of pictures of newborn human babys with dog mothers
http://grandparagon.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/image0011.jpg
AnnieGetYourFun: ” this is all filler until the next kiddie porn senator is outed).”
I can always depend on Annie to provide the astute comment on a thread. She, more than any of the wonkeratti, is willing to tell the truth. Where’s the sexy scandal?
If young Riley really wanted to earn his pay, (are interns paid–No? I don’t give a fuck) he’d be cruising men’s rooms, luring Republican politicians into boy sex as he uses his smarty-pants phone to snap a photo.
Then wonkette could break another story, get lots of coverage on CNN and MSNBC (and exposed as a fraud on Faux News) and get another shelf dedicated to wonkette.com at the Library of Congress.
What say we, wonkeratti? “Once more, into the breach, Young Riley!’
Cicada: It’s better to encourage them and act as if you are an even bigger conspiracy nut than them to show them how ridiculous they really are.
blader: WTF??? But awesomes!
GreatOldOnesParty: Exactly. If I were much more clever than I already am (I am only a level 4 OT clever-person, according to my cleverness auditor), I would be working to insert more elements into the various and sundry strains of birther conspiracy theories. I think it would be neat if someone could work reverse-vampires and the Rand corporation in there somehow.
user-of-owls: we should start propagating that. THERE’S NO SUCH PLACE AS HAWAII, NOBAMA!!
From “Marketplace” on the NPR, breaking news.
/Oil Traders drove prices up last year, “because they could.”/
Geeze thanks I never suspected that before. Thank god for capitalism! USA! USA! USA!
Oh right “Brian” doesn’t get the point of this site, Uhmm yeah.
This proves it. Obama is in violation of the Hatch Act.
My brother was, I am sure, just engaging in a little satire with the satirists, as Formerly Preferred guessed. Alcohol was involved.
johnnypantalones:
Sarchasm - the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who
doesn’t get it.
OBAMA = TEH DOMINION !!!
gjdodger: Win.
Ooooh, cute little sheepies….
HolyCow: He doesn’t look anything like a Model I. Stop being so racist!
Barry is not of woman born!
Yeah well the Dobbs just called Rachel Maddow a “tea-bagging Queen.” Clearly he’s got it all wrong -besides the obvious fact the he’s the only “queen” here, does he even know what tea-bagging is? For the record Lou, the dykes and the tea-baggin’……not so much…… Do we need to explain the mechanics of it to him?
Wonkette, call mom.
Hatched from an egg, huh? So what kind of egg? Lizard?
Hooray For Anything: Anyway, in 1961, long trips, like from Kenya to Hawaii, were by *ship* and took months!
Zhu Bajie
hey wow….what a post to read after so long……lol..lol..lol..J..
lets read this as well,although not that funny ..http://tinyurl.com/invest-better-15-min
hey wow….what a post to read after so long……lol..lol..lol..J..lets read this as well,although not that funny ..http://tinyurl.com/invest-better-15-min
Carly: What you say interests me and I shall subscribe to your magazine. I am somewhat confused by your use of the phrase “……lol..lol..lol..J..” Are you drawing a picture?
I just played my Debbie Boone album backwards, it says “Obama is Undocumented, tell my Dad!” Wow prophetic 70’s pop.
“This is how Obama got to Earth, and it sure as hell wasn’t through an American Vagina:”
The funny thing about the birthers, even if BHO was born in Kenya, he would not have to be naturalized, he would be a citizen by right do to his mother being a ‘real’ American. One obvious argument they don’t get is that even if he was born in Kenya he would be a natural born American.
BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THE DANGER OF THE HAWAIIAN ROYAL FAMMILY ISNOT REAL. SEE WIKIPEDIA, HAWAII IS MONARCHY NOT DEMOCRACY.