This is what the Fed does, right? Oh wait that is SSI we guess.Hey, a new survey about things people don’t know: Gallup asked some random selection of Americans who haven’t had their phones shut off to rate nine major federal agencies they may or may not have heard about, on the AM radio. The results are … bad news for, let’s see, Ben Bernanke? Sure!

Here is how the important agency of all news, the AP, re-typed the press release:

The share of Americans who think the Federal Reserve is doing an excellent to good job has sunk even as chairman Ben Bernanke has taken unprecedented steps to try to prevent a financial catastrophe, according to a new poll released Monday.

The Gallop poll, conducted in mid-July, found that only 30 percent rated the Fed as doing an “excellent/good” job.

(Oh hey AP, it is actually “Gallup.” Might want to fix the spellcheck when you do that whole “We will control all words on the Internet” deal you’ve announced. Morons.)

So which federal things do the people love? We know the ones they rely upon, to exist: Social Security and Medicare and the VA and whatever else pays the disability or welfare or diabetes medicine bills, as this is a nation of dumb white pigs on the dole who spend all their time watching Day TeeVee and listening to the AM radio yell about … black people.

Did you know only half of all adults in America actually work? This is true. Next time you’re on a plane between LA and NYC, look down there in the middle of the country, the real Pro-‘Murica ‘Merica. Nobody works. Everybody’s just standing around the grocery buying discount-brand 12-packs on weekday mornings, divorced and covered in strip-mall tattoos (if they’re 40) or knocked up and covered in strip-mall tattoos (if they’re 20) or living alone in a single-wide an hour’s drive from the nearest Quiznos, so loaded up with oxycontin and guns (if they’re 60-80).

Oh anyway the poll says people love the CDC, for inventing PIG AIDS, and NASA, which has not done anything for exactly 40 years, and the FBI, which did 9/11.

CDC Tops Agency Ratings; Federal Reserve Board Lowest [Gallup]

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  1. Shows what you know! The Gallop Poll races across the country, bringing useless numbers and statistics to the far reaches of the land, pausing only to change horses in its quest for speed! It has not yet heard of this whole Internet thing.

  2. I don’t think most of those people know what the Centers for Disease Control is or does. They thought the pollster was referring to the Seedy See, who would be the Pope of low-income housing, with whom they suddenly need to curry favor.

  3. The CIA ranks higher than the EPA. Now we’re in the crapper.

    Question: Why wasn’t the USDA Mushroom Council rated? Or must I ask Alice?

  4. This proves that our secret fourth branch of government needs to go back into the shadows where it can be most effective. E’ry body like Tim Geithner before we knew what the fuck he did.

  5. Ken, I live 2 minutes from the nearest Quiznos and I can confirm that they do not yet offer oxycontin torpedo subs despite my repeated requests. I demand to know where I can find such an oasis of painkillers. Please point me in the right direction next time you fly over Iowa and I will signal my confirmation by shooting your plane with my high-powered assault rifle.

  6. I don’t suppose there is any way to find out how many of the people who answer the poll questions have the faintest idea what they are being asked. Or what their answers mean. Maybe Gallup could do a poll?

    On a related note. Is it really wrong to want to kill tyhese dumb fucks? Say by running a steamroller over their pointy and toothless little heads?

  7. I refuse to believe these types of polls unless there’s a follow up question that says “do you even know what the Fed does?” or “do you know anything about the EPA other than they take jobs away from good hard working Americans to save poisonous, bubonic plague carrying rats?”

    [re=371553]S.Luggo[/re]: And that pretty much sums everything up right there.

  8. The National Park Service once got an 87% “favorable” rating in a poll. When I was a ranger, we always wondered who the hell the 13% “unfavorable” respondents were. I always thought they were the asshats who got tickets for throwing pennies in Old Faithful or who figured that Disney would do a better job keeping those buffalo in their pen instead of running around loose.

  9. [re=371598]McDuff[/re]: They are the tards who get upset when they can’t get all fucked up, and hunt from their snowmobiles wherever they want.

    And yes I said “snowmobiles” … for the TROOPS.

  10. Let’s see:
    The fed was instrumental in financing Bush war.

    The fed was instrumental in pumping money into the sub prime mess, which made people think their lives were working out, even though they were be sucked dry by the Bush admin.

    The fed is run by a Bush appointee

    The fed claims in cannot be audited by anyone except the fed or the fed cannot be independent. Which means the fed cannot be independent and honest. Or 20 yrs from know what exactly they were doing will be revealed. So don’t worry.

  11. [re=371686]Tra[/re]:
    (Oh hey AP, it is actually “Gallup.” Might want to fix the spellcheck when you do that whole “We will control all words on the Internet” deal you’ve announced. Morons.)
    Thanks so much humorless morans who can’t read.

  12. The United States of Paulville?

    Next big poll:

    Can fire melt steel?

    Yes – 42%
    No – 51%
    Dunno, let me go consult my We Are Change allies… HELL NO! – 7%

    Popular Mechanics is officially in deep shit.

  13. [re=371546]FMA[/re]: How dare you disparage the hard work of many real Americans in the heartland. Jesus, Layne, you think this meth makes itself?

    That’s Rick James “Cocaine Is A Helluva Drug”-level satire, my friend.

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