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RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

John Boehner Doesn’t Want The Red Pill OR The Blue Pill: He Wants His Usual Horse Tranquilizer

  • John Boehner has yet to talk to a doctor who thinks his skin in a natural, healthy color. [Think Progress]
  • Yes yes, so Barack Obama used “red pill” and “blue pill” in the same sentence, which all you cultured assholes think is just so funny and ironic. Jesus Lord. Are you upset the Wachowski brothers didn’t brief Obama on health care or something? [RedState]
  • Like all the other 6-foot-5 giants in the world, Matthew Yglesias is a happy man. Don’t forget the little guys, Matt! [Matt Yglesias]
  • Andrew Sullivan is still “on holiday” which means the Daily Dish is still an icanhascheezburger RSS feed. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • So just how bad was yesterday? You remember. You were there. It sucked. [TPM]


4:57 PM on Fri July 24 2009
By Riley Waggaman
1216 Views

  1. DangerousLiberal says at 5:17 pm, July 24th, 2009

    The AMA–Curing (sometimes) and screwing (mostly) its patients since 1947!

  2. Come here a minute says at 5:24 pm, July 24th, 2009

    It’s the weekend — now go out there and roll a dildo in glitter!

  3. chascates says at 5:32 pm, July 24th, 2009

    Red pill, blue pill. Just don’t take the brown acid!

  4. Joshua Norton says at 5:35 pm, July 24th, 2009

    A Congresscritter actually talking to someone who doesn’t have the exact same opinion has he/she/it does? Riley, you big silly.

  5. Extemporanus says at 5:48 pm, July 24th, 2009

    So, an orthodontist has a teddy bear with dentures? Big deal.

    My court ordered sex therapist has a pedobear with vagina dentata.

  6. OzoneTom says at 5:49 pm, July 24th, 2009

    “One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small”

  7. m_supercomputer says at 6:07 pm, July 24th, 2009

    Huh, I could swear I saw Andrew Sullivan on a flight from Christchurch to Sydney earlier this week - I would’ve gone up and asked if it was him, but then I’d have to admit in public I knew what Andrew Sullivan looks like.

  8. Paul Tardy says at 6:09 pm, July 24th, 2009

    Blue pill was from Total Recall staring Gov Schwartzawhatever. Red pill? Help me with this.

  9. Extemporanus says at 6:26 pm, July 24th, 2009

    m_supercomputer: Would it have made it more or less embarrassing to have only recognized him from behind?

  10. Kingbee says at 6:32 pm, July 24th, 2009

    Combine the Red Pill and the Blue Pill and you get the Purple Pill, which gives you a Boehner!

  11. liquiddaddy says at 6:48 pm, July 24th, 2009

    m_supercomputer: Evidently he likes hobbits and sheep.

  12. drrty martini says at 7:14 pm, July 24th, 2009

    I find Andrew Sullivan without Andrew Sullivan to be much more measured and interesting than the usual fare of him masturbating to pictures of bloodied torture victims and political protesters.

  13. kdaddy says at 9:14 pm, July 24th, 2009

    Boehner has the exact same color as the smeg from a half empty bottle of beer that has 3-5 cigarette
    butts floating in it.

  14. ExecutorElassus says at 6:55 am, July 25th, 2009

    Riley, why do you and TPM hate our happiness? Is it our Democray? Is that it?

    Besides:

    http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/07/healthcare-timeout-is-fine.html

    Nate Silver is my new imaginary boyfriend, also.

    drrty martini: Is that like Garfield Minus Garfield?

  15. Autochthon says at 8:32 am, July 25th, 2009

    “By my hand and for the good of the State…”

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090725/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_terror_domestic_raid

  16. Paul Tardy: Its from The Matrix.

    Take the blue pill and see how far down the rabbit hole goes. Or Just have some “shrooms”.

  17. ogradybt says at 11:42 am, July 25th, 2009

    Fun fact: The Wachowski Brothers and Michelle Obama went to the same high school!

  18. Adolf Bachmann says at 12:37 pm, July 25th, 2009

    If Matthew Yglesias is 6′5, I’m Yao Ming.

  19. S.Luggo says at 12:55 pm, July 25th, 2009

    Boehner speaks only to Doctors of Veternary Medicine, who are pissed that gerbils will not be covered under a national health plan. Gerbils are pissed too, particularly the one trying to squirm its way out of Leather Face’s lower colon.

  20. Sunfire says at 10:42 pm, July 25th, 2009

    Matthew Yglesias fails at statistics and should become a pirate to reduce global warming.

  21. finallyhappy says at 4:37 pm, July 26th, 2009

    I was listening to All Things Considered (because I am a Liberal and a Jew so I am required to listen to it). They were talking about Orange John and pronounced his name “Bay-ner”. Wonkette staff- please call them and tell them to correct it to the proper “BONER”

  22. An Outhouse says at 7:11 pm, July 26th, 2009

    All the brothers understand that red pill and blue pill are Black Panther code words for “nows the time to kill whitey”.

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