Wonkette
The last time an Arkansas Republican candidate for Senate made the news, it was for sneeringly referring to Senator Chuck Schumer as a dangerous Jew. But this new guy, he says “I don’t want to do a Kim Hendren,” referring to Kim Hendren, the wingnut Senate hopeful who made the Schumer-Jew remark. And that’s why this new character, Conrad Reynolds, tells the Arkansas Democrat Gazette he needs to be super careful with his answers! These days, it seems like even a harmless watermelon joke will make the headlines!
Conrad Reynolds, some Army guy, bravely served his nation in Central Asia, and even picked himself up a foreign bride in Uzbekistan! So, he is no longer worried about the foreigners. They’re just like us! What Conrad is a-feared of is, obviously, that Hawaiian fella, the Communist Muslin.
Reynolds spoke to about a dozen people during a Central Arkansas Young Republicans Club meeting at a Little Rock restaurant.
“We need to change if we want to stop the way America is going toward socialism,” Reynolds said. “We need someone to stand up to Barack Obama and his policies. We must protect our culture, our Christian identity.”
That’s right! White people got a special kind of culture in Arkansas, what with the Christian Identity. But it’s a good thing Reynolds is very careful with his answers, so he doesn’t get smeared in the press as some kind of white-power idiot.
As for his boyfriend Kim Hendren, who always keeps track of what the Jews are up to, you could describe their relationship as “precious,” in southern wingnut terms.
Reynolds was referring to state Sen. Kim Hendren, R-Gravette, who also has said he’s running for the U.S. Senate. Hendren, in a speech to a Republican group, referred to a U.S. senator from New York as being Jewish and during a legislative meeting referred to a black federal judge as being the “new minority” judge.
Hendren has since said he didn’t mean anything by the comments. He said Wednesday that he has no response to Reynolds’ comment.
“Conrad has bought me a Diet Coke before, and I appreciate that,” Hendren said.
The 2010 campaign season is going to be fantastic.
Domestic ‘enemies’ worry GOP hopeful [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Five bucks says that Diet Coke was in a glass bottle, and that glass bottle went places most of us cringe to imagine.
Diet Coke. Huh. I’ll have to remember that in case I am ever cornered by a crazed wingnut with a weapon. Defuse the situation with some aspartame and caffeine.
Seems like you can’t make a harmless inbred, bigoted pig fucker joke without these people getting all bent out of shape.
SmutBoffin: Defuse the situation … or heat it up??
It’s only (checks calendar) six + months into the Obama Admin.
When will the white crazees start speaking in tongues?
At what point does Glen Beck stab himself repeatedly with a dull pencil till his eyes bleed?
Michelle Bachmann go full overdrive and rip off her clothes in the middle of the fall (or saving us the horror, put on the white hooded robe of her forefathers)?
“harmless watermelon joke” — what other kind is there?
In Arkansas, this is what passes for enlightened thinking.
Arkansas: Alaska for real hillbillies.
“he bought me a Diet Coke, once. ONCE!”
Mahousu: Well, that or some good ol’ home-cooked methamphetamine.
jesus was a dangerous jew
As we now know that Young Republicans can be as old as 39 years + 365 days (in the event of a leap year) ol’ Conrad was basically talking to a roomfull of olds, seeing how life expectancy in AR is probably ~45 due to the diabeetus, panniculi and whatnot. And we all know redneck olds are totally ghey for the Jew jokes and birfers. So congratulations on your future failure, Conrad, cuz it should only take one appearance from A Man from Hope (no, not Huck) to swing this election the Dems’ way, I am hoping.
ManchuCandidate: When will the white crazees start speaking in tongues?
Apparently, sir, you’ve not been to Oklahoma.
“Diet” is Southron-speak for “pubic hair-free.”
Or do I have that backwards?
Your opinion on this matter, dear editor, is appreciated; however, I must ask: What would Zooey Deschanel’s character in 500 Days of Summer think of this? According to the trailer, she seems pretty freewheeling and hard to pin down. I wonder if the editors have considered writing exclusively from her perspective today- or any other ways of completely whoring themselves to this movie?
germansteel: And yet Bill Clinton, a relatively sane, if not totally admirable person managed to get himself elected governor there.
Isn’t the real question “Why do these two hate Trig Palin so much?” Don’t they know that this country needs more special needs children?
Still, I don’t take any of these boys seriously until they start throwing around the term “uncircumcised.”
germansteel: the sad news is that these people are everywhere. I live here in the MD suburbs- and I was accused of being a bigot because I was publicly against a homophobic group. You see, it is bigoted in their minds to be against bigots- of course, in their mind, they are following the BIBUL! so they aren’t bigots. Ergo, having voted for BHO, I am a bigot because I didn’t vote for the nearly dead white guy and his semi-human running mate.
ManchuCandidate: I’m waiting for ‘em to start placing *real* altars in their churches and offering up their children as burnt offerings…
and here i thought white christians were the “new minority.”
Arkansas, where the people are piss poor and stupid and racist and fat and a general waste of human flesh.
SethCReedermeyer: Oh, hey, fuck you.
And thanks for the money you send every month to pay Wonkette’s editors, who work here. Oh, you don’t send money every month. Fuck you, again.
And you’re banned. So, once more: Fuck You.
It is truly fucking amazing that in the worst fucking recession since the Great Depression, with websites and magazines constantly shutting down and entire staffs left jobless as one small part of the 6 million people left unemployed over the past year that there are STILL people stupid enough to bitch about an ad campaign for a couple of days on a site they read for FREE every fucking day.
Who else wants to be banned?
ManchuCandidate: I’m waiting for ‘em to start placing *real* altars in their churches and offering up their children as burnt offerings…
“Gimme that ol’ time religion,” indeed…
x111e7thst: Ergo, he must’ve been some sort of big liar.
The Republicans have four announced candidates for the Senate campaign in 2010 with others considering a bid as well. The temptation to pander to the racist element is going to be huge. I wonder how soon into the primary season one of these chuckleheads is going to start waving around a stuffed monkey with Obama’s name on it to rally the base?
“He and his wife, Rufiya, a native of Uzbekistan whom he met while stationed in Afghanistan in 2002, have a 1-year-old child and another baby on the way. He has two adult children from a previous marriage.”
Heh-heh. This means he is really polygamous.
Gah! I posted my not very witty comment before the banhammer descended! Have mercy!
Ken Layne: Would you like some coffee, Ken? Or a foot rub?
Didn’t Conrad Reynolds play the lovable white millionaire Mr. Drummond who adopted Gary Coleman and that kid Willis on Different Strokes? Hard to believe that he’d be a racist. Whatchootalking about?
Texan Bulldoggette: We love you too, sweety. Bless your heart.
“In order to preserve our CHRISTIAN IDENTITY, we need to form some sort of KLAN of like-minded people. We need a united NATIONAL FRONT. Perhaps we could have some sort of identifying casual wear, but all I have is this 12-pack of BROWN SHIRTS from the local Sam’s Club. Sorry it’s so lo-tech, but I could afford the STORMTROOPER outfits from the local costume store.”
“Bought me a Diet Coke” is Arkansonian for “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”
Less physical effort, more carbohydrates.
norbizness: It’s nutty, isn’t it? There’s just no way a wingnut former Army guy goes around spouting “Christian Identity” without knowing what it means, right? It *is* the preferred White Power group of the military and has been for 30 years now.
LittlePig: Sorry, my dad lives in AR (he’s a Dem but he likes the Ozarks–go figure). Going into a WalMart in Russellville is like going back in time about 40 years–I’m surprised WalMart makes them wear shoes.
Ken Layne: do you guys get paid by the page hits or just the click-throughs? I’m already doing my part if you guys get paid every time a Wonkette page gets a hit, but if you get some coin only if someone actually clicks though, let us know!
Fun Fact: Jesus was born in Arkansas and came out of Mary’s vag with a gun in his hand.
Also, who wants to see 500 days of summer with me???
Ken Layne: You really need to work on your Zooey.
Still, the effort was much appreciated, so I just mailed you a sock full of sofa change that I’d set aside in case of a health care emergency. It should be there next Tuesday.
Hang tough, beloved Editor(s)! You are loved and appreciated!
Ken Layne: This is the problem when you identify Stacy Keach’s character as the “hero” of the American History X movie.
P.S. I have a slightly used 2003 Entertainment Coupon Book, for those who like $1 off three games of Putt-Putt. It’s not much, but it’s all I have, apart from this emaciated cat and a turnip.
I guess it was his Christian Identity that made him decide to get a DIVORCE from his first wife (or “practice” wife) before marrying a communist.
Texan Bulldoggette: Dang, woman. First my state, then my HOMETOWN. Sheesh.
Ken Layne: Ken Layne:
I have a friend in Austin who was foolish enough to self-identify as an Arkansan (really, she could have just claimed to be from East Texas). I try to work in one regional joke per conversation; they mainly involve around at roadkill-based victuals or one’s wonderment at indoor plumbing.
I’d pay for a Wonkette subscription if I had to, if I got a a star next to my name or something that set me apart from the hoi-polloi. Or, like, naked pictures of Jim Newell or something.
norbizness:
How much for the turnip?
That’s not at all what I meant to post. Ken, please put a PayPal tip jar onsite. Plenty of us will pay the equivalent of a magazine subscription or more for our Wonkette. You will be pleasantly surprised at the response. It is not below Wonkette’s dignity to put out a tip jar. Or other type tip jar that doesn’t charge exorbitant percentages off the top.
“Asked about his comment regarding domestic enemies, Reynolds declined to give specific examples. He said he was referring to ‘those people who are trying to sidetrack what we know to be Americanism and redefining it as socialism.’ ”
Isn’t that the GOP?
LittlePig: Well, what do expect from a town whose beloved sports team is the “Wonder Boys”? You expect Robert Redford to beam down from Mount Magazine up the road.
OzoneTom: You wouldn’t be laughing at your little watermelon joke if you ever sat in the front row of a Gallagher comedy show.
hobospacejunkie: Seconded. I would pay upwards of $10 American to read this fine site (is that what a magazine subscription costs? I don’t remember, we cancelled such luxuries at the start of the New American End Times). Note how this is a compliment as I would rather pay to read Wonkette than my subscription to the Atlantic/Cat Fancy.
gjdodger: And now my alma mater. I should have quit while I was behind.
azw88: Thanks dude! This is a prix fixe campaign, but some clicks to see whatever they’re selling does show we have some clicky readers, which is always good for the stats, for future campaigns.
And thanks to the 99.9% of you all for understanding how an ad-supported publication does need ads now and then, if it is to exist at all.
flyingspaghettimonster: According to the CIA World Book the Uzbeck population is Muslim 88% (mostly Sunnis), Eastern Orthodox 9%, other 3%. I’m guessing the other is Communist/Atheist.
So our christianist hero is probs married to a Muslin.
BARRAK OBAMA IS A HAWAIIN ROYALIST. HE IS PART OF DASTERLY PLAN TO INSTALL HAWAIIN RULING FAMILLY AS ABSOLUTE MONARCH OR usa. HE MUST BE STOPPED BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. sEE WIKIPEDIA, HAWAII IS MONARCHY.
I’m gonna make a shirt where Obama is sliding into a homeplate shaped like the hammer and crescent, and Stalin, Lenin and Marx are all cheering him on. Go Reds!
Good thing he didn’t call himself a “fiery Latina” because that would really have pissed people off as being a racist comment.
Ken Layne: And don’t forget we sometimes clicky because they’re actually selling something we want. Fred Kaplan’s 1959 book is really good…
Ken Layne: I agree that we would likely get some decent loot into your coffers if you were to put up a credit card/pay pal way of doing it. Wonkette is my first take on the day’s news and I wouldn’t mind paying for it.
Ken Layne: Jeebus!! I was gonna say I LIKE the omnipresent ads, but now…
azw88: Suck-up.
Ken Layne: Ads are easy to ignore. Occasionally they amuse. And if clicks are good, clicks shall be made though what is there might get ignored.
Nice to see someone like Zooey I have a little crush on. Life is so dull for me I admit.
So can we get SKS to do a movie or something so we can see her in ads too?
ZombieRichardFeynman: seconded.
I Am Not Your Gary Busey: Also, bring back eco-driver! Or did we bankrupt them in our campaign of eco-friendly world domination?
Ken Layne: Not a very frequent commenter, but an avid reader. Who the fuck looks at the goddamned ads? They pay the freakin’ bills! Load the site up! Anything that keeps you folks in some money (I’m hopeful) and keeps the site live 24/7 is good to go. The purists who wish to swirl their commentary with a swizzle stick of advertising need to go to Kos or some similarly purist place.
That said, I was one of those suckers who crapped up $100 to read Kos sans ads. I’d GLADLY do that here, especially since even without the ads Kos sucks a hachee (except for two front-pagers for whom I have great respect).
hobospacejunkie: Talk about olds… The information on Reynolds from Ourcampaigns.com is pretty gol’ darned amazing (http://www.ourcampaigns.com/CandidateDetail.html?CandidateID=219780):
Born Unknown
Died Still Living (2009 years)
He probably went to high school with Jeebus. No wonder he’s concerned about Christian values.
It is probably important that the candidate is “Still Living” though.