Wonkette
Some intern for Connecticut congressman John Larson is probably being waterboarded right now for posting some frustration on his Facebook page: “One more constituent screaming at me about health care before lunch would be great. Please? No, the government will not invade your house and force you to accept public health care. But we will take your phone.” This is what happens when wingnuts spend all day every day calling their congressperson about whatever they don’t like (health care, black people). Let’s do something nice for these kids, and America.
Why are all the calls from wingnuts when they make up maybe 25% of the electorate? Here is a clue: It’s the same reason why Deadheads used to follow that terrible old band (Phish?) around the country for years at a time — none of these people work for a living.
So, today or maybe even tomorrow, call your representatives — your senators, your congresscritter, maybe a couple of Republicans in the House, why not? — and politely express your support for whatever libtard Nobama stuff you like.
You could say something along these lines:
“Oh hi, what is up, I know you people are just getting so many calls from angry old white people. Just wanted to politely register my support for the Obama health care or whatever’s the big deal right now. And I promise not to march on Washington and just make the Metro unbearable. Thanks for interning, we appreciate your free work!”
Here, find your reps’ phone numbers, just enter your zip code, easy!
This is perhaps the most polite idea I’ve seen on our Wonkette. Ever.
That poor girl’s still on the pot?!?
Noonan: I’m worried about the
BeaverWonkette.Alt text: Recycling
Wait. wait. you mean there are PHONES in the white house? Also.
Hooray for the return of beer-drinking piss girl!
Who broke into my computer and stole my picture?
So, we’re not allowed to ask for a nationwide repeal of trucknutz bans like they have in florida?
KEEP UR HANDS OF MIE NUTZ!!!!!
Humpback: They are never the same people. Sure, that could be my intern but probably not, I learned that lesson in Vegas, baby.
“Yes, sir, we will be forcing you to accept socialized medicine…Well it hardly makes sense to force you to get gay married and then not allow you to have partner’s benefits, doesn’t it?…No sir, your pastor will be gay married too, so you’ll be able to have the ceremony in church…Well if Jesus objects, we’ll just cover up his crucifix with a nice dashiki or something…Oh, just try finding that passage in the new Obama Standard Version state-issued Bible, sir…Knowing your type, sir, you probably don’t have a passport, so you’d have to apply for one first…I don’t know for certain, sir, but making threatening calls to your congressman just might get your passport application rejected…I’m very sorry to…sir?…in that case, sir, you might want to opt for hanging yourself instead, as we’ll have taken away all your guns to give to the Muslims…Thank you for registering your opinion, and have a nice day sir…Sir?…Sir?…He seems to have hung up.”
Humpback: 1girl1pitcher
does it help or hurt the wingnuts to call and say things like this:
“I wanna tell my congressman that I’m sick and tired of this Muslin turrist messin’ with the best healthcare in the world. I want my congressman to support that gun toting bill across the state line and build that fucking wall while there’s fewer Messicans crawlin’ over it.”
“And tell Mr. Obama to turn the bass down, please.”
Maybe if we sound just like them, their message will get ripped to shreds.
I’m going to call my representative to request that they allocate more funding to NASA so that our astronauts—like Sally Ride up there—no longer need to drink their own urine when the ISS toilet breaks down again.
Unless, of course, they want to.
I don’t understand why anyone is calling this guy. In Connecticut, even our housekeeper’s housekeepers have health insurance. What do these people have to complain about?
Oh, and Ken? Those of us who are being held hostage in states, like, let’s just say ALABAMA–
I’m wondering what good my call will do. So I’m asking for some help here. Maybe some advice from veteran Wonketteers. If I’m going to actually pick up a phone (ew) and call these disgusting people, I need some intellectual ammo. Cuz see, I’ll be talking to future Family on C Street Convenant Members.
Any suggestions are appreciated. Some jewels in my thorny crown would be good, too.
Chickensmack: Someone needs a lesson on The True Meaning Of Be Nice To Interns Day.
Well, if that intern had an official cock in his mouth he wouldn’t have to talk to all those mad cow constituents, now would he? Intern Fail.
loquaciousmusic: Sorry, that should have been housekeepers’ housekeepers. Jesus. You wonder how I got on The Daily Show with mistakes like that!
WIN THE AFTERNOON!!
trickyrick: It’s not the person or the photo being recycled, but the liquid.
loquaciousmusic: tickets are free, dude.
Oh Hey! I just read that United Health Care posted a 155-percent increase this quarter…boosting profits from $337-million to 859-MILLION.
47-million uninsured Americans say “Good Job, United Health Care Execs!”
This just proves health care is fine.
smartypants: Start off telling them that you have pics of said representative dressed in double neoprene with an illegal sex toy where god never intended. Since such pics almost certainly exist, you’ll get their undivided attention.
HELP ME!!!! Oh fuck I’m lost…jesus it’s so scary. I have no bearing, no sense of direction, no frame of referrence. God-damn that son of a bitch for doing this to me. If I had him here right now I’d, I’d…FUCK! FUCK YOU KEN LAYNE FOR ELIMINATING THE LINE BETWEEN SNARK AND TRUTH!!!
i want my mommy….
loquaciousmusic: You have more than one housekeeper? Wow, I had know idea that having one’s comment appear on The Daily Show paid so well!
that pic makes me HORNY! a girl drinking beer from a pitcher while sitting on a toilet wil do ANYTHING!
And the freeper/teabaggers are now calling our local county Dem party HQ bitching out the old lady volunteers that answer the phone because the ExComm of the party decided to support a school district override.
Chickensmack: hahahahaha!
No article on Michelle Obama’s guerilla war - friendly short hair yet?!
I told my cute-sounding intern that I support President Obama’s policies and that she should use a glass — she’ll enjoy it so much more than drinking directly from the pitcher.
smartypants: I currently live in Arizona (through no fault of my own), so I have exactly the same problem. What can I say to Kyl or McCain? They have their private agendas. They simply DO NOT CARE what their constituents think. And when I try to call people from other states who have been identified as sitting on the fence about something, the first thing they want to know is if I live in their district and then it’s good-bye. I have seriously thought about identifying addresses in other states and claiming I live there. Would they actually check? I actually have some free time I could dedicate to this healthcare push, but I’ve run out of Congresspersons who care to listen to me.
My congressional representative is John Kline. The only thing I can thank him for is being quiet about his wingnuttiness, unlike our neighbor Michele Bachmann. Well, that and I guess I could congratulate his interns for putting up with his “time I held the nuclear football for Ronnie Reagan” story for the five hundredth time this month…
loquaciousmusic: Yeah, you were on TDS. *in best Christian Bale voice* Well good for yoooooo. So we’ll be hearing about that for some time, eh?
I’m just jealous. Well done.
Say, surely there’s a website where interns can anonymously vent so they won’t do something non-paying job-threatening like this poor, cracking soul. I know there’s that make fun of ignorant or arrogant interns site, but howzabout one for interns? Link please & many thanks.
Gopherit: Wow. So we’re just playing this straight up. Sweet!
Jukesgrrl: And I’m actually seriously considering Gopherit’s suggestion…only from a payphone, though. We do still have those, right?
Gopherit: I actually did something similar once, and not as a joke. I had hard evidence that a county commissioner was a compulsive shoplifter. I wrote to him, named dates and places, told him about my evidence, and said I would turn it over to a particular investigative TV reporter (whom I knew and I challenged him to check that) unless he did not run for re-election. I told him he was sick and it was not my intention to hurt him, just to get him away from making decisions about the public. I will never know if I played a role, but about a month later, he announced he would not seek reelection. On the other hand, I feel unable to influence healthcare, which haz me saddd.
Jukesgrrl: I don’t think Walnuts cares anymore. He’ll probably retire at the end of his current term. Kyl is vulnerable, though, as strange as that sounds. If the Dems in AZ put up a real candidate in 2012, he will lose….hell, he almost lost to that loser, petersen. You might find a sympathetic ear talking to his office. The rest of the AZ Republican Reps are slack-jawed yokels or corrupt as hell. My advice is to do exactly what I am doing…..look out of state for a better job and move when you can.
Jukesgrrl: Call Gabby Giffords, she needs to hear that Arizonans want Healthcare reform. The wackos were out in force at her office friday, pushed by “John Justice” and his hate-spewing radio show.
As for Gamps Mccain and Kyl, those two asshats need to go. Sadly, we don’t have anyone running against McCain YET. (weakassed dem dropped out) Runors do persist that McCain will announce mid year 2010 that he is NOT running for re-election, setting up Flake to take his seat.
Gopherit: Obama is too smart for us. Truck Nutz are now only allowed if you pay for them in Ameros.
smartypants: Yes, I think we still have a few payphones, but I’d bet they all have cameras trained on them. If you watched Forensic Files as often as I do, you’d be willing to believe anything/one can be traced.
smartypants:
Use the phone at your favorite bar.
azw88: Believe me, the Gabster is on my speed dial. She knows my every thought. I used to go to her townhalls and speak to her in person, but I became too depressed by her lack of knowledge on many of the issues. She speaks very well, but you can’t get in depth with her, as she has none. That said, she’s still one of the best AZ currently has in DC. At least she’s sincere about caring for the vets. PS: Sorry, folks, for being too serious today.
Jukesgrrl: Well there’s an idea—Maybe I can get one them to meet me in a pay phone. Deep throat stuff.
Dear Congressman X,
We here at the Trailer park want youall to know we don’t need no stinkin Healthcare. Healthcare is fer furriners. Why, my neighbor, Jethro, in the double-wide just recently shot his foot right off while playin with his huntin rifle. He put some moonshine on it an its good to go.
So who the hell needs muslim healthcare.
BillyBob
I will let them know I need coverage for my asthma treatments by breathing heavily into the receiver.
Words: Um, here in my house? Hobo’s, open all nite.
Good idea, though, srsly.
That reminds me–it’s time to start mixing the cocktails for Barry’s Sexychat.
Jukesgrrl: Two words: Google Maps. If you don’t have an address in district, make one up. Adds 10 seconds to the process. Make sure to use ‘Search Nearby’ to snag the number for the local Pizza Hut (or RNC office/Furry Barn, your choice) for the given town to give as a contact point. Chances are, they won’t catch on during a horribly failed attempt to solicit cash until your concern as a (false) constituent has been duly noted and made manifest.
Ah yes, I remember the dog days of summer interning for my congressman. This was in the pre-NOBAMA era, so the complaints were slightly more substantive. While other interns were more eager to cut off the caller, I was the nice intern who would let the constituent yammer on and on. We would fill out a piece of paper logging their complaint and then it would go into a very large pile that only seemed to get bigger as the summer went along. I remember having to shred some papers that summer too. I think those were the complaints from the previous summer. Those were the days…
loquaciousmusic: Did you have a quote about Lindsay Graham? Which one?
are we competing against a puma blog?
Is there something wrong with me if I think that girl’s hot?
Jukesgrrl: Perhaps…but I’d bet the local newsies would luuuurrve to hear about how a guy arrested for cold wetsuit-calling a Congresscritter.
Morbo the Annihilator: It means your not Larry Craig.
You know? I was right there with you until you insulted Deadheads AND Phishheads. Some of us have jobs. Actual real jobs that don’t involve selling veggie burritos or herb on tour! I will have you know that I have it on STELLAR authority that Tim Geitner is a MAJOR Deadhead. HE has a job. Tipper Gore? Also a Deadhead (but no job. hm.) Patrick Leahy = Phishhead + job. Nancy Pelosi, Tom Daschle = Deadheads/employed. I’m jes sayin’.
SayItWithWookies: *slow clap*
Top drawer performance, good sir, top drawer!
secretagentgirl:
See! I’m with Layne on this one. Not one of those people you bring up has respectable employment.
Patrick Leahy is a phishhead? How is that even possible?
Worlds Most Efficient Intern.
Tommmcatt,
Well, I have a respectable job, but I’m not sayin what it is, but I’ve got one. Yeah. Vermont. Leahy loves Phish. They’ve done local fundraisers for him, too.
Check out the text of Leahy’s 2004 Congressional Record tribute. It’s unintentionally hilarious. http://www.govtrack.us/congress/record.xpd?id=108-s20040708-19
And here’s another one of his Phish tributes from 1994:
http://www.phish.com/viewers/index.php?ID=194&start=0&type=photo
Poor intern is taking shit for accidently revealing the truth about our great land: that we are still a majority nation of idiots, rubes, sheep, not to mention agressive imperialist fools. I love the part about the lady complaining that health care costs are so high because of inner city gangs. Gotta love it. Even in the bluest districts, idiots rule the USA from the bottom to the top. Might as well hand over the keys the Newt and Sarah now.
Must go drink now.
Oh, hi, wazzup? I have (choose: one or more: MS, kidney failure, Parkinson’s, incipient Huntington’s, testicular [or other] cancer, Crohn’s, Cerebral Palsy, Heptatitis C, Pig flu, severe hypertension, lupus, paralysis caused by a stroke, Fag’s disease, SARs, chronic bronchial pneumonia, etc.) and my employer just let me go. I now have no health insurance. But not your problem.
HipHopOpotamus: I love it. If there’s ever a day she doesn’t relax it, she’ll be a ringer for Angela Fist Bump Turrist Davis.
Why do I get the feeling that “Be Nice To Congressional Interns Day” would send someone like congressional scheduler Elizabeth “Liz(ard)” Becton into assorted fits of rage for absolutely no reason?
BTW, whatever you all do, do not repeat the name “Liz Becton” three times in front of a mirror…
smartypants: …and we’ve circled back to the interns
Jukesgrrl: Do you ever go to Drinking Liberally in Tucson?
During the slow news August that looms on the horizon with more arrested Republicans, screaming birthiers and a new Supreme Court Justice, if you’re going to recycle photos please re-run the Brazilian Protester.
That is the all-time classic, dare I say iconic, Wonkette photo…