Wonkette

Experts agree: Sometime between now and 5PM, DC will be ravaged by 70 mph winds, lightning storms, and many inches of rain. And it’ll still be humid as a mofo. Why is Woton so angry with DC? Did a Republican senator elope with Brunhilda? Confess before you get us all killed! [DCist]

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• Dear Mr. Pervert Who Writes Erogenous DC Intern Erotica: We love your work. Keep going. God bless. [Spotted: DC Summer Interns]
• If you find a wallet full of cash and used condoms, KEEP IT! Because it is part of a clever advertising campaign. [DCist]
• When did “Turn that frown upside down!” become “I want to squeeze your boobies”? [Holla Back DC]
• Are you worried about those lousy sobriety checkpoints while you’re driving around drunk at night? Of course not! You have an iPhone! [Washington Examiner]