REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS  1:51 pm July 17, 2009

by Ken Layne

Fuck off and die, old man.REPULSIVE OLD DIXIECRAT ZELL MILLER STILL ALIVE, AS PROVEN BY THIS RACIST REMARK ABOUT OBAMA: “Miller punctuated his speech with a not-too-subtle racial barb at President Obama, saying he needs to stop meeting with foreign heads of state and that Rahm Emanuel ought to get some ‘Gorilla Glue’ to keep Obama tied to his chair in the Oval Office.” [Think Progress/Politico]


Hola wonkerados.

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smartypants July 17, 2009 at 1:54 pm

I think it’s appalling that glue is being made from Gorillas.

4tehlulz July 17, 2009 at 1:55 pm

Zell is bananas.

The Station Manager July 17, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Huh, I had forgotten about this abhorrent old fartsack until just this moment. Thanks for starting my weekend off with a bang, Wonkette!

GooseInANoose July 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm

There’s a joke about “crazy” glue begging to be made, but goddamn it, I’m not going to do it.

Sussemilch July 17, 2009 at 1:57 pm

That’s Georgia for ya – trying to tie glue in a knot.

mrsixinch July 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Maybe Zell oughta keep his mouth shut with some “Dick Stick.”

Neilist July 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm

How is that racist?

Now, if he’d said “BLACK Gorilla Glue,” I could see it.

Or maybe, “Get some velcro to stick that Muslin’s nappy head to his chair . . . .”

Or, “Used some ‘waddymelon’ to lure the Prez-E-Dint to stay in his cag . . . err . . . Oval Office . . . .”

But “gorilla”? That’s no “racist.”

On Behalf of The GOP and Clueless & Bitter Old White Guys Everywhere.

facehead July 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm

[re=364889]smartypants[/re]: Silly, it is made BY Gorillas and they get paid 1 banana a day, which is racist (to bananas).

digibal235 July 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Would somebody shove an octagon-shaped cock in his mouth, please?

Georgia Burning July 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm

Shouldn’t leave that door open in the Alzheimers’ ward, especially before med time.

SmutBoffin July 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Goddam, Ken must be out on “racism patrol” today. At least these retard-furs are doing what they can to make his job easy. It must be like working a speed trap right next to a Mustang dealership.

imissopus July 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm

You stay classy, Georgia.

George Will's Bow Tie July 17, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Zell prefers good ole fashion white glue only be used in the WHITE house!

Extemporanus July 17, 2009 at 2:03 pm

“Gorilla glue” is code for “nigger cum.”

The House on C Street has a dispenser in every bedroom, right next to the rope and Gideon’s Bible.

smartypants July 17, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=364901]facehead[/re]: Ohhhh, yeahhh, NOW I get it. Sorry, I was a cheerleader so it takes me a minute!

Cicada July 17, 2009 at 2:03 pm

[re=364900]Neilist[/re]: I guaran-fucking-tee that those exact words will be uttered by AM radio jocks across the nation.

Gallowglass July 17, 2009 at 2:04 pm

Hahaha, Old South. Your racism is killing me inside. Robert E. Lee was at least genteel about that shit. This is just crass.

I look at racism the same way I look at having a weird fetish. Maybe you can’t help it but, dammit, keep it behind closed doors. Don’t discuss it with complete strangers, don’t bring it into the workplace, don’t practice it in public and certainly don’t talk to reporters about it if you are/were a national politician.

zenferret July 17, 2009 at 2:05 pm

At least he didn’t say the Hebe should use the Gorilla glue.

ifthethunderdontgetya" July 17, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Can’t we trade Zell for someone worthwhile who just died?

How about we trade Zell for Sky Saxon?

I’d even be willing to sweeten the deal with Joe Lieberman and Dianne Feinstein, if Death is in the mood to drive a hard bargain.

smartypants July 17, 2009 at 2:09 pm

[re=364905]SmutBoffin[/re]: Plus, we might get all the way through a news cycle without mention of the Shilla from Wasilla. Racism and sex scandals–yay!

ManchuCandidate July 17, 2009 at 2:09 pm

Dell’s a good ol’ boy
Never meanin’ no harm.
Rants on ’bout Darkies
Been in trouble with his mouth
Since the day he was born

Bitchin’ ’bout the times
Rant’n ’bout blacks
Someday insanity might get ‘im
But reality never will

Rant’n his way
The only way he know how
That’s just a little bit more
Than sanity will allow.

Rant’n his way
The only way he know how
That’s just a little bit more
Than sanity will allow.

Dell’s a good ol’ boy
You know the goobers love him
But he don’t understand
Dems keep a mockin’ his rants and call him traitor

springfield_meltdown July 17, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Even a joke about the late Billy Mays and mighty putty would be in better taste.

ALIVE! July 17, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Thanks, [re=364890]4tehlulz[/re]. You brought them.

Gorillionaire July 17, 2009 at 2:12 pm

Is this what the cable news calls a “centrist Democrat”?

ThePerfesser July 17, 2009 at 2:13 pm

Best political nickname ever: Zig-Zag Zell.

Now time to send him to his Padded Zell.

CaiteeCruelle July 17, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Hey, they have four days to make up for with the black jokes–too much attention paid to the uppity Ivy League messican Ricardo lady who dared call herself “wise”. I expect a bolus of racist jokes reports on Wonkette through Monday night.

orange July 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm

[re=364889]smartypants[/re]: progress!

the problem child July 17, 2009 at 2:16 pm

Note to Wonkette: Glue doesn’t work so well for the tying of things. Bondage is a different joke.

ElRat July 17, 2009 at 2:17 pm

Why do I get the feeling that over the past three weeks or so, someone has solved that dayum evil Rubik’s Cube from Hellraiser?

SayItWithWookies July 17, 2009 at 2:17 pm

That’s Zell for ya — continuing some fine old traditions, such as eating paint chips, drowning kittens and improvising racist memes like he’s been doing it all his life.

populucious July 17, 2009 at 2:18 pm

Michelle Bachman’s re-education camps are just sounding better and better.

freakishlystrong July 17, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Jesus, can we just go? Take our bright, eloquent President and go live on the moon or something? We can leave the right-trash down here to dwell in their Idocracry..

magic titty July 17, 2009 at 2:21 pm

What’s going on with old white guys right now? Cialis eating their brains?

Hooray For Anything July 17, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Michael Steele thinks that’s hilarious

jetjaguar July 17, 2009 at 2:22 pm

Gorilla Glue is bullshit. Liquid Nails, the heavy duty version, is where it’s at. Poser.

Lionel Hutz Esq. July 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Maybe Zell should have listen to more Mozart in the womb.

Cape Clod July 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Leaving aside his idiotic comments, perhaps Obama wouldn’t find it neccesary to spend some time meeting overseas with other world leaders if the mongoloid that Zell supported at the Republican convention in ’04 hadn’t left so many shit stains on our country’s reputation.

azw88 July 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Breaking news: RNC Gorilla tells press:
“How is this racist? Gorilla glue is a real product and Obama is after all, Black. What’s so wrong with what the White man said?”

suchsweetthunder July 17, 2009 at 2:28 pm



That Zell is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s.

norbizness July 17, 2009 at 2:29 pm

Compare him and the elderly, infirm, bloodsucking grandfather from the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Uncanny, no?

ManchuCandidate July 17, 2009 at 2:32 pm

There is actually such a thing as Gorilla Glue, but considering it’s Zell it is hard to give the dumbass any benefit of the doubt. Ever heard of CRAZY GLUE, Zell?

NotthatLC July 17, 2009 at 2:34 pm

Christ, these people are assholes.

Come here a minute July 17, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=364949]jetjaguar[/re]: Pres Obama globe-trotting president needs to stop and take a break and quit gallivanting around. When you are a “hammer” u think evrything is NAIL. ZELL is no NAIL.

smartypants July 17, 2009 at 2:37 pm

[re=364945]freakishlystrong[/re]: No. Because then the terrorists win. Also, the Rand-tards would try to go with us because they’re all about shrugging when the going gets tough. We’re better than that, also funnier. Truthier, too. Did I mention smartier?

Stand up and fight, I say…fight with all of the snark in the fiber of the windmills in your mind!!1!

Country first….age before beauty!!1!!11

Bumper sticker sayings!!!1 Emoticons!11!! Pillow-stitchery and car magnets!11!!


Whoa. I think I need a cigarette.

norbizness July 17, 2009 at 2:39 pm

[re=364962]ManchuCandidate[/re]: He considers Crazy Glue to be a disreputable slur and he and other reality-impair-icans.

paintitblack July 17, 2009 at 2:40 pm

Apparently, there is such a product as Gorilla Glue, but I ain’t buyin’ that Zell just happened to “think” of it whilst describing Hopey. Too much racism this week from the right = righties feeling entitled to pile it on even more. For 21% (or 28% or whatever they constitute) of the population, these asswipes need to STFU, already. Enough.

magic titty July 17, 2009 at 2:43 pm

[re=364962]ManchuCandidate[/re]: That’s awesome.

lennixlewis July 17, 2009 at 2:45 pm

Yeah, Zell, ur doin it rong…it’s supposed to be a “subtle racial barb” that can be emailed to lots of other southern whities who can “huffaw” and “guffaw” in a totally subtle and ok way!

Capitol Hillbilly July 17, 2009 at 2:56 pm

“he has sold his southern soul for a mess of dark pottage.”

actual Zell quote about LBJ in 1964.

Once a Dixiecrat, now a crazy cat.

Extemporanus July 17, 2009 at 3:13 pm

I was just about to submit a half-assed comment about how it looks like Zell shoulda used some Gorilla Glue on his dentures, when I noticed this terrifying (and true!) Wonkette article/ad juxtaposition.

That is an actual non-desecrated screen grab.

finallyhappy July 17, 2009 at 3:17 pm

I am tired of the racism and stupdity of so many Americans. I realize Wonkette is supposed to be funny but sometimes I just have to hate these morans. This is when I wish I had superpowers that could reach out and seriously stifle.

Pickle July 17, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Chris Matthews should have taken Zell up on his offer to duel. Then maybe we wouldn’t have to be dealing with him today.

prophet1195 July 17, 2009 at 3:35 pm

Yep. Mathews could’ve asked for a dark alley for the duel and thrown in a ringer, Barry Bonds.
Ka-Pow. Zell’s last words, “Dah South will rizz agin, muh Deah. Now, ouch”.

Extemporanus July 17, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=365090]Pickle[/re]: Maybe Obama could challange Zell to a gluel. Or Rahm could challenge him to a Jew’l. Or…or…

I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.

schvitzatura July 17, 2009 at 3:54 pm


Yes, it would have been overtly racist had Emperor Zellatine had referred to Obama needing to be immobilized in his Oval Office chair via a generic negroid great ape/simian adhesive.

The Gorilla Glue Company is based in Cincinnati, Ohio and has been selling Gorilla Glue for over a decade. The glue was first discovered being used in Indonesia on teak furniture, but consumers soon found it to be incredibly versatile and demand soared.

Really Zell is trying to point out the ZOMGIndoMuslinBlowUpMarriotInvasion angle!

BobLoblawLawBlog July 17, 2009 at 3:56 pm

I think Zell is suffering from the same affliction Corbyn had when he channeled Ricky Ricardo to Sotomayor: He’s accidentally speaking his internal monologue, as it tells him what the “nightmare scenario” thing to say might be. Then again, maybe they’re both just racist old fuckwits and I’m giving them too much credit.

Humpback July 17, 2009 at 4:01 pm

You know, it’s easy to focus on the implied racial slur here. But let’s not ignore the idiocy of the rest of Zell’s statement–that the President of the United States ought not to talk to foreign leaders. That part is really stupid.

Min July 17, 2009 at 4:13 pm

Every time Zell opens his mouth, I worry about the expiration date on his rabies booster.

trickyrick July 17, 2009 at 4:35 pm

[re=364900]Neilist[/re]: You are so right! The white goppers defense exactly. brilliant.

trickyrick July 17, 2009 at 4:37 pm

[re=364949]jetjaguar[/re]: exactly.

RoscoePColtraine July 17, 2009 at 4:49 pm

[re=364920]ManchuCandidate[/re]: It’s ‘Zell’ — and I think I’m due royalties now for the use of that tune.

Mull_Man July 17, 2009 at 5:21 pm

Of course he was referring to Gorilla Glue™. Only morans use polyurethane based glue; for any given application it is inferior to PVA, epoxy, hide glue, cyanoacrylate, urea based, etc.

I though crackers understood wood bonding. Jebus, doesn’t anybody know anything anymore?

Marlowe July 17, 2009 at 5:24 pm

How ’bout emptying a whole bottle of Gorilla Glue in Zell’s mouth.
Put it on a webcam and we can eat a banana while it’s done.

Holding Out for a Hero July 17, 2009 at 6:48 pm

And nobody has reported on Rahm’s response to this suggestion? I’m thinking that it was very loud and caused other WH staffers to assume that Rahm had flunked anatomy in college.

nappyduggs July 17, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Hmmph! Shows what this ignorant rectum face knows. You can’t glue a black person to anything for the same reason black people don’t get head lice-TOO.MUCH.AFRO-SHEEN. Trust me, all that oil keeps a negro nice and slippery.

decora July 17, 2009 at 9:07 pm

things white people like:

sitting on all-white internet message boards, in their all white apartment building, in their all white neighborhood, talking about how horrible racism is.

DCDC July 17, 2009 at 10:26 pm

Geez, you guys are a bunch of citified pussies. I live on Cap. hill and even I know what Gorilla Glue is. Get your hands dirty, fix the Louis XIV china you broke, go to Fragers. Much ado about nothing.

Gallowglass July 18, 2009 at 12:22 am

[re=365513]DCDC[/re]: These effete fops probably don’t even repair their own bidets.

free July 18, 2009 at 1:17 am

Why are those so hell bent against Darwinism in schools, so quick to be the first ones to tie a black person to a gorilla in any circumstance they can find? Famous for his dueling comment at a convention, I’m now thinking it will be with banjos.

AxmxZ July 18, 2009 at 5:05 am

Am I naughty for immediately thinking of Rahm/Barry dom-sub slash after reading this quote?

LoweredPeninsula July 19, 2009 at 3:35 am

Points for using the word “gallivanting” in a sentence: +1

Points for being a racist dick of a man: -1,000,000

This man was pulled straight from a Civil War re-enactment. This Emperor Palpatine wannabe needs to go back to hell where he was palling around with Nixon, Adolf, and four of the six Lassies.

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