TRUE FACTS  2:49 pm July 14, 2009

by Jim Newell

  • JEFF SESSIONS CALLS THE OL’ RACIAL STATUE-OF-LIBERTY PLAY: We have no idea what that means. But here’s what Sen. Jeff Sessions told Miss Mex with regards to her vote in the damn Ricci case: “And, in fact, your vote was the key vote. Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry — had you voted with him, you — you — you could have changed that case.” Hey, not everyone has to be a race traitor, Sessions. [WP]
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FMA July 14, 2009 at 2:52 pm

What, what, what a dick.

Snarkalicious July 14, 2009 at 2:56 pm

Today we are all ignorant of our proper place.

Internally valid July 14, 2009 at 2:56 pm

It’s cute how he’s trying so hard not to sound racist. And by cute I mean fucking pathetic.

Humpback July 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm

Of course, she would not have changed the case at all. It would then have wound up exactly the same as it eventually did. So big whoop.

shortsshortsshorts July 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Sessions has given me one more reason to go against fellow whites everywhere.

BobLoblawLawBlog July 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm

Wait a sec here, hold the phone, is he telling her to side with a Puerto Rican judge on a case because of her identity as a Latina? Ay gevalt, Sessions, you are a MEGA-dick.

ManchuCandidate July 14, 2009 at 2:58 pm

OMG, minorities who don’t vote as a block. Why would they unless given a choice between a party made up of mostly well meaning but befuddled whites who accept you as you are (unless they’re PUMAs) or the other party made up of white bred dipshits with a sense of dominion over the world including you and consider when you were valued to be 3/5s of a person (or less) the GOOD OLD Days?

S.Luggo July 14, 2009 at 2:59 pm

SESSIONS: “You voted not to reconsider the prior case. You voted to stay with the decision of the circuit. And in fact your vote was the key vote. Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of Puerto Rican ancestry, had you voted with him [in the firefighters case] , you could’ve changed that case.”

Sessions slammed Sotomayor as being “unsuitable for the bench” due to her past affiliation with the Puerto Rican Legal Defense and Education Fund (PRLDEF). Apparently, Sessions didn’t realize that Judge Cabranes also served on PRLDEF’s board.


YesWeKant July 14, 2009 at 3:01 pm

Yeah, Sessions, why can’t all the Puerto Rican people just think and do the same thing so that they’ll live to your image of them? What a fucktard.

azw88 July 14, 2009 at 3:02 pm

Yeah, and had Clinton been able to appoint ONE MORE SC justice, Al Gore would have been President!

azw88 July 14, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Also, how does he know she was the KEY vote, why wasn’t one of the OTHER votes the KEY vote. Oh, that’s right affirmative action means that minority judges get all the key votes. White judges are just discriminated against!

magic titty July 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

“Why did you not side with Daddy Yankee when he sang “Gasolina” a few years back? He is a Puerto Rican just like you are. Isn’t that right, lady?”

norbizness July 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

This is the best of the Sessions-making-an-ass-of-himself-on-July-14th stories so far; of course it’s only 2 pm CST so he has another 10 hours to completely fuck up and be used as Exhibit A in a Republican irrelevancy documentary.

Todd Mecklem July 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

You mean there’s more than one judge of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry in this country? They’re t — t — taking over! Damn that Spanish-American War, and the law of unintended consequences!

norbizness July 14, 2009 at 3:04 pm

Whoops, I keep forgetting the shade of text for a link is almost indistinguishable from normal text, so here:

magic titty July 14, 2009 at 3:05 pm

Hmm. Isn’t he crushing his own argument against her, by mentioning how she doesn’t make decisions on basis of her race?


paintitblack July 14, 2009 at 3:06 pm

I’m all for Sotomayor getting on the bench & all (you go, Sonya), but what’s annoying is that she’s not that progressive. This asshole is King Dick of the racists bc he’s mainly opposing her bc she don’t look & talk like him (thank gawd for small favors). However, the more the Gee Oh Pee & dickwads like Sessions make a big fanfare of how racist they really are, the more I say: go for it BOYS. Show us all how you really, really feel! Hopefully, Latinos & Hispanic’s of whatever background are taking detailed notes.

freakishlystrong July 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm

I believe we’ve officially gone down the rabbit hole. A confirmed racist, in the process of confirming a SCJ accuses a minority of not voting with a another minority, therefore confirming she is a racist…fuck.

S.Luggo July 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm

[re=362208]norbizness[/re]: Sessions menat the OTHER Judge Cedarbaum. Judge Muffy Cedarbaum.

Extemporanus July 14, 2009 at 3:10 pm

Senator Leahy’s scorn-dripping interruption of Senator Keebler a few seconds later was delightfully dismissive: “Is that a question or a..?”

WadISay July 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm

[re=362208]norbizness[/re]: I’m listening on the radio. Was he the one who started yelling anti-abortion slogans and had to be forcibly removed?

4tehlulz July 14, 2009 at 3:13 pm

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III – yes this is his given name – should be congratulated on learning that all Hispanics do not come from Mexico. This is progress. Perhaps if Judge Sotomayor lets him know that she doesn’t smoke reefer that those nice boys in the Klan did, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III would not have a problem with her.

S.Luggo July 14, 2009 at 3:15 pm

[re=362227]WadISay[/re]: That was Liz Cheney.

trickyrick July 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm

[re=362196]BobLoblawLawBlog[/re]: either that or trying to get her to see she must follow the men to exercise good judgement in her votes. both choices stink to high heaven.

slithytoves July 14, 2009 at 3:18 pm

[re=362208]norbizness[/re]: Awesome.

Servo July 14, 2009 at 3:18 pm

Sonya’s thought: “Go-go-go fuck yourself, senator!”

queeraselvis v 2.0 July 14, 2009 at 3:20 pm

Good lord, Sessions is such a bitter, constipated two year old. I love the fact that he tried to hector So-So with the old “Well, as a lawyer I…” gambit. Yes, but you’re also a lawyer who’s probably had his ass handed to him several gazillion times by judges, so welcome to it again today.

norbizness July 14, 2009 at 3:21 pm

A lot of places are referring to it as Sessions’ “Marshall McLuhan in Annie Hall Moment.”

Except that somebody else on Ezra Klein’s WaPo blog pointed out something interesting: Sessions does know of Cederbaum’s work; they were both nominated for federal judgeships in 1986. Except Sessions was rejected because he was a racist stooge.

Carrie_Okie July 14, 2009 at 3:22 pm

Today we all think the Klan is ok until we find out they are pot smokers.

Hooray For Anything July 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

So….after Googling “Jeff Sessions” and racist, I got too many links to read through but mainly I find that he was nominated to be a US District Judge in 1986 but wasn’t voted in because the committee thought he was too racist. If you read through his bio, you find all sorts of fun stuff like saying he admired the KKK, thought the NAACP was unAmerican, and tried to suppress the votes of Afrian Americans. Oh, there’s more but the booze hasn’t kicked in yet.

This, of course, didn’t prevent him for being elected into the US Senate.

bfstevie July 14, 2009 at 3:23 pm

[re=362210]norbizness[/re]: That pretty much parallels the scene in Annie Hall where some asshole pontificating in a movie line misrepresents Marshall McLuhan’s work. McLuhan appears and tells the pontificator that the asshole obviously has no understanding of his work.

bfstevie July 14, 2009 at 3:27 pm

[re=362241]norbizness[/re]: M u s t l e a r n t o t y p e f a s t e r.

Didn’t mean to be redundant.

orange July 14, 2009 at 3:27 pm


finallyhappy July 14, 2009 at 3:28 pm

[re=362245]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Yes because so many Americans are dumb racist assholes. And again- for the record- My senators are Mikulski and Cardin- short ethnic liberals. Cardin defeated that lying ak Steele(and I helped!)

Aquannissiwamissoo July 14, 2009 at 3:30 pm

Isn’t he crushing his own argument against her, by mentioning how she doesn’t make decisions on basis of her race?

I think he means that as a hot Latina scholarly slut who would seduce him on a sex trip to San Juan and then kife his Discover Card, Sontomayor is, like all women, “flighty” and ruled over by emotions and teh hormoanz. Unlike Mark Sanford.

Holy Cow!! July 14, 2009 at 3:33 pm

How do these imbeciles keep getting elected and re-elected? Sessions is insane.

FMA July 14, 2009 at 3:34 pm

[re=362238]Servo[/re]: Or “Go fuck-fuck-fuck yourself, dick-dick-dickweed.”

Tommmcatt July 14, 2009 at 3:35 pm

[re=362213]magic titty[/re]:

You need to correct his statements for idocy. For example, the phrase:

“And, in fact, your vote was the key vote. Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry — had you voted with him, you — you — you could have changed that case.”

Corrected for idiocy actualy translates to:

“My shoes are brown and I had a pot pie for lunch today”

See. Much more reasonable and comprehensible!

Min July 14, 2009 at 3:36 pm

himself of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry

You just know he was checking his notes to make sure he got the right group of brown people.

Chickensmack July 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm

[re=362245]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I’m sorry that you and I were in the same boat, as far as our knowledge of Senator Sessions. We should know where these people are at all times; thank goodness he’s as white as the sheets!

Terry July 14, 2009 at 3:38 pm


Short, ethnic liberals who are genuine and not airbrushed. Senator Barb makes a damn fine crab cake, too. Oh, and our tall, ethnic, liberal governor is the lead singer in a Celtic rock band.

totoro July 14, 2009 at 3:39 pm

Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry — had you voted with him, you — you — you could have changed that case.

I can’t even get my head around the reeling hypocisy and idiocy of that ridiculous jag he wrapped this bizarre slur.

You can hear his hate-dessicated brains splintering to bits as he strains to keep himself from calling both Sotomayor her and Judge Cabranes and a dirty wetback. He was having goddamn convulsions trying to — to — to — deal with the fact she is not wearing a blue uniform and an apron.

FMA July 14, 2009 at 3:41 pm

[re=362259]Holy Cow!![/re]: Alabama.

Scottie July 14, 2009 at 3:43 pm

[re=362191]Internally valid[/re]: True, pathetic is the word for Sessions. BTW Ol’ Jeff was once censured by an Alabama (for heaven’s sake) state court for referring to the opposing attorney (who was black) as “boy”. For real.

smartypants July 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Meanwhile, Leahey is taking dirty pictures during the recess. Go man Go…get a candid shot of the Elf hitting on a page boy.

Godless Liberal July 14, 2009 at 3:49 pm

I would like it if other states could elect Alabama’s senators for a while until they figure out how to do it right.

A Better American Than YOU July 14, 2009 at 3:55 pm

Jeff makes me deny that I from Alabama, the United States, or a human being.

I think that it’s wonderful that he is the Republican front-man: the new face of the Republican party, someone who clearly exudes Republican values and has such a melodious, beguiling voice — a white, banty Obama, if you will.

MarSF July 14, 2009 at 4:35 pm

Whoa kids, Lindsey Graham is up and he appears to be off his meds again!

TeddyS July 14, 2009 at 5:27 pm

And if my own Mama, God rest her soul, had not met up with that handyman of Kneegra ancestry, then I, uh, Alabama … if I had been born of white ancestry on this … oh, nevermind.

Words July 14, 2009 at 6:00 pm

[re=362310]A Better American Than YOU[/re]:

I never tell anyone I from Ala…. Unfortunately, Jeff is pretty much par for the course as far as our elected officials go; ergo, I’m pulling for Artur Davis to be nominated and elected…..

problemwithcaring July 14, 2009 at 6:11 pm

Jeff Sessions has a black staff member. How in the fuck does he explain THAT?

Hooray For Anything July 14, 2009 at 6:15 pm

[re=362496]problemwithcaring[/re]: Affirmative action

Snarkalicious July 14, 2009 at 6:37 pm

[re=362496]problemwithcaring[/re]: Paid?

problemwithcaring July 14, 2009 at 7:46 pm

[re=362537]Snarkalicious[/re]: Intern. Un-fucking-fathomable, right, given his so clearly articulated “darkies should stick together” doctrine.

S.Luggo July 14, 2009 at 8:08 pm

[re=362496]problemwithcaring[/re]: He’s the one who fetches the K-Y for the closed door sessions. No pun etc.

smellyal8r July 14, 2009 at 8:43 pm

[re=362245]Hooray For Anything[/re]: Well, yes, he was elected Senator from Georgia. Not that hard when you have the endorsement of the KKK and your opposition is the NAACP. A-holes like Jeff Sessions know that So-So will be easily confirmed (Reid will be disappointed if she doesn’t get over 80 votes) so they are going to use the week to campaign for re-election, literally talking over her head to the teevee cameras in the room. Nuff said.

BTW, I’m typing this while watching the World Series and Obama just threw out the first pitch (which made it to the plate). I still get goosebumps that this guy is our Preznit (in his jeans and his White Sox jacket). Suck it Sessions.

smellyal8r July 14, 2009 at 8:44 pm

Err sorry…Yes, I do know Sessions is from Alabama (my parents vote FOR him, which is why I don’t live there).

Jukesgrrl July 15, 2009 at 12:49 am

[re=362606]smellyal8r[/re]: If you were typing that while watching the World Series, you must also be in a time warp, so perhaps you can tell us who wins and Wonketeers can clean up in Vegas.

LoweredPeninsula July 15, 2009 at 1:27 am

Isn’t it ironic that a person can reveal themselves as a racist trying to be sneaky than if they were going to go all-out overtly racist? Sessions did more damage to his image, today, in this incident than he could have ever done flinging a racial epithet. Poor thing. His little buck-shot brain just can’t fathom that this women could run circles around this mental drop-out.

These conservafucks almost disprove that evolution actually exists. That said, they sure as hell weren’t created by an intelligent designer.

LoweredPeninsula July 15, 2009 at 1:30 am

Oh, yeah.

Go eat a bag of Southern-fried dicks, Banjobama Senator Closed Sessions. Also.

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