Wonkette
Read the boring old ghost-written industrial-lobby press release “op ed” under Sarah Palin’s byline in the Washington Post today if you want the neocon elitist version of the Alaskan idiot. For the real “Let Sarah be batshit Sarah” Palin, you must look (with horror) upon her Twitter page.
Our comrades at The Awl sort of jokingly suggested the other day that Palin would just go through an entire paperback of Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations, posting hilariously misquoted and misattributed typo-ridden TXTspeek versions of the Great Lines of History at all hours of the night, forever.
And, well, you make “jokes” about Sarah Palin at the peril of your own sanity, because no comedic mind on Earth has yet to come up with something more outrageous than Palin’s actual behavior.
So, yes, she is Twatting her way through some collection of Inspirational Quotes, probably from an airline magazine article or the tag on her yoga mat, and she makes zero fucking sense, as always, and the ultimate question is, really, why do only 23% of Americans support her? Seems like she could hit 60% or 70% — closer to the actual percentage of legally stupid people in this country — if she could just escape the whole “Republican” albatross.
Also, Sarah, you circus freak quitter, YOU HAVE TO QUIT USING THE “AKGovSarahPalin” TWITTER NICKNAME THE DAY YOU OFFICIALLY QUIT, ON JULY 26, IN TWELVE (12) DAYS, OR YOU’RE GOING TO FEDERAL PRISON FOREVER. [Twitter/The Awl]
July 27th will be the first day of what I am preemptively calling the golden era of batshittery.
If that quote were true, Sarah Palin would never have been criticized, ever.
it means u make a difference
…r ur a ritard
She was impressed by that quote when she saw it–and he must’ve been a smart guy if he married Jackie Kennedy!
Yeah, but can Aristotle shoot from 3 point range?
Well said! I suppose we will have to endure industry written editorials with the Palin byline for the next few years. That said, I will look forward to Couric questioning Palin on the details of “her” writings. The hilarity should be worth the wait.
No great genius has ever existed without some touch of batshittery.
Alt text ftw
The worst part is that Palin and her drones think that misquoting famous guys counts as deep thinking.
“Ho, ho, come forth, and flee from the land of the north, for I have spread you abroad as the four winds.” — Zechariah 2:6
I’m waiting with bated breath for the Duns Scotus quotes!
Extemporanus: On second thought, the “saying nothing” part is obviously problematic. If only she would just shut-up and embrace her un-criticizable, overwhelming nothingness. If only…
Sarah, Hillary Clinton got through 18 years of media cruelty, criticism, sexism, and abuse without ever resorting to stupid quotes. Suck it up, bitch.
Crab1: Much like the Enlightenment. Perhaps, The Batshit-enment.
I think she’s using a quote-a-day tear-off calendar. Hopefully next year somebody will buy her a Simpsons calendar.
Lazy Media: Hard to name a genius that existed with such dumbshit stupidity tho.
slappypaddy: And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the LORD, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them. — Ezekiel 25:17
Confucius say, “If you’re gonna say something stupid, then STFU.”
Lazy Media: Yeah, funny how it’s possible to have more than a touch of batshittery and remain an ungenius. Philosophically, I believe there’s a certain brand of batshittery peculiar to geniuses and those with other brands are merely full of batshit.
Jesus christ, Palin. You sound like a fucking teenager trying to impress the grownups, a junior high PE teacher with inspirational quotes all over the weight room. People who have an uplifting saying for every situation should be bolted to the floor while naked infants pee and poop on them.
Oh hey, did you know the Chinese character for crisis is also the character for opportunity? Just let that sink in…and blow your mind.
And now Deep Wingnut Thoughts by Sarah Palin.
I love her so much. Let’s think of a new twitter name for her.
AKCanBiteMe?
MethGirl316?
Former-AKGovSarahPalin
should quote Socrates:
“I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.”
Only if Simple Sarah stuck with:
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
-Anon
“I’m rubber, you’re glue. What ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”
-Anon Playground poet
Note: for sake of clarity and readability I opted to use real English words instead of Palinspeak.
“Criticism is something easily avoided by saying nothing, doing nothing…”
Oh, Sarah. Have your ghostwriter define “irony” for you again.
Trig is going to be the intellectual heavyweight in this family.
Clancy_Pants: Trig is
going to bethe intellectual heavyweight in this family.FIXED
Oh yea, Sarah? I’ll see your Aristotle and raise you a gloss on Shakespeare:
But woman, proud woman,
Drest in a little brief authority,
Most ignorant of what she’s most assured,
Her glassy essence, like an angry ape,
Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven
As make the angels weep.
Also, Aristotle did boys up the butt. So there.
smartypants: ASSGovSarahPalin?
about 5 minutes from DingleBerry
In another and better time she might well have whiled away her life spitting into a well and contemplating the pretty round ripples. Instead she tweets (twats?) ceaselessly.
Sigh.
Highlights is a wonderful read. Right Sarah?
http://www.highlights.com/
Went to The Awl and read about Zach Wamp. Feel like Zippy the Pinhead: Zach Wamp! Zach Wamp! Zach Wamp!
They gotta be making this stuff up.
smartypants: Oh yes please. How about AngerBear101? AKRetardMom?
G nyus dus wut it must; Cra Z dos wut it can get away wit
Quoting Aristotle on twitter is the third sign of the apocalypse. I can’t wait to get out of here!
Do you wanna touch me there, where
There, yeah
– St. Joan Jett
Sarah should stick to the simpler philosophies in life.
She’s quoting Aristotle in her defense?… on Twitter?… Jesus Christ.
Well, can’t be long until this one pops up.
Not too deep.– People who comprehend a thing to its very depths rarely stay faithful to it forever. For they have brought its depths into the light of day: and in the depths there is always much that is unpleasant to see.
Nietzsche
c i qwit cuz i wuz 2 smrt lol
kthnxbye
AKGovSarahPalin
Didn’t she quote from Plato yesterday? Maybe she’s going through a twitter cliff notes of Philosophy? I can’t wait for next week: “There r no factz, nly interpretations: Nichi Niztche Nietzhce Whatevr, suck it Letterman.”
Monsieur Grumpe:
She especially likes the Timbertoes.
“Those that can, do, those that can’t, teach, those that can’t do or teach become governor of Alaska and then quit.” There you go, this stuff is easy.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Sweeeeet. They don’t call him “The Bard” for nothing.
its btr to remain quiet n b jdged a idiot than to opn yr mouth n rmv all doubt.
V572625694: I categorically refuse to listen to anything Zach Wamp has to say. He’s the congressional equivalent of a Drano enema.
Anonymous Office Zombie: Nietzsche jinx!
Anonymous Office Zombie:
Braver perhaps than is prudent and often shipwrecked and come to grief. -Nietzsche
(might work better as a dramatic opener on Deadliest Catch…)
Johnny Zhivago: Lisa Simpson?
Snark aside, the comments section of the Palin WaPo article is bullseye in the Post’s target market - a vast parade of irate idiots. I weep for the future.
Noodle Salad:
Just goes to show that great minds think alike, no?
Johnny Zhivago:
Hundred-year quarantine - Democratic institutions are quarantine arrangements to combat that ancient pestilence, lust for tyranny: as such they are very useful and very boring.
- Nietzsche
Tk yr boring gvnr job n shve it, amrka!
AKGovSarahPalin
This must be sarcasm. I just CANNOT BELIEVE that Palin doesn’t understand Aristotle point.
queeraselvis v 2.0: XGovSarah? NotAQuitterTwitterer?IQuote4RRXings?SarahENewman?
Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved.
- Aristotle
I mustn’t do anything of the motherfucking sort.
Should I remove some random letters from the above sentence to make it legible for repeat Twerddlers?
I have been following Her Snowbillyness since the super rad, out of the box “Um, gotta quit because quitters always win!” resignation. There hasn’t been a single day I’ve regretted it. She’s completely insane. Never more so than when quoting someone infinitely smarter than she is and pretending to know fuckall about what they actually meant.
Drunk drivers and child molesters, you make a difference in our lives.
“The Lord replied, ‘The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.’”Mary Stevenson. OMG guys and gals! Now i know how john mccain must have felt!!! LOL!!!
I agree, a new identity would be of great benefit to the young Moosetard. Unfortunately, the pseudonym “Meg McCabe” is already taken.
“Did I just get quoted by.. oh, you’ve got to be… AW HAIL NO”– Aristotle
Caribou Barbie quoting Aristotle is like my dog quoting Kierkegard. Which he totally wouldn’t, since he prefers Berkeley (pronounced Barkly, get it).
Red Zeppelin: I myself had a Wittgenstein-spewing dwarf hamster. “That which cannot be burrowed in, gnawed on, or eaten must be passed over in silence.” Then he died.
“If there is trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace” Thomas Paine
“Most newspapermen by definition have to be liberal; if they’re not, by my definition, they can hardly be good newspapermen” W. Cronkite
“You have to sacrifice to win. That’s my philosophy in 6 words.”- George Allen
“America is still the abiding alternative to tyranny. That is our purpose in the world.” Ronald R
Reagan “Freedom’s never more than 1 generation away from extinction We didn’t pass it to children in bloodstream it must be fought for”
“Children are the most precious ingredient in the world” - Laura Ingraham
Sara, just please, step away from the Bartlett’s. Please. Step away from the freaking Bartlett’s would you? We’re serious now.
Is she quoting Aristotle? Or quoting Shaq quoting Aristotle? Or offering advice to Shaq about his recent trade to Cleveland?
“Stupid is as stupid does” — Forest Gump
norbizness: huh, my boss had a labrador retriever named Buddy, who said “If I can’t eat it or fuck it, I piss on it”, (a philosophy I believe he may have learned from my boss’s hubby actually…)
I think all she’s doing is pulling out all High School yearbook quotes. We should soon expect to see these one her twitter account-
“All we are is dust in the wind”
“Things just couldn’t be the same
cause I’m as free as a bird now
And this bird you can not change.”
and
“We’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year
Running over the same old ground.
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here.
MARK MY WORD: She’ll be twatting Bible verses in the very near future. Some bastardized reading of the Beatitudes, or some such shit.
Palin the energy wizard tries to lecture Obama, what a joke. there is a very interesting related post at http://iamsoannoyed.com/?page_id=588
orange: Damn. And then I saw the alt-text.
“Apes don’t read philosophy.”
“Yes, they do. They just don’t understand it.”
I am waiting for her to quote that “The most dangerous animal….is man.”
“It is so pleasant to come across people more stupid than ourselves. We love them at once for being so.” - Jerome K Jerome.
queeraselvis v 2.0: A magnificently apt verse. Fuck Nostradamus, Shakespeare is the prophet.
Yogi Berra’s beginning to make a lot more sense to me, now.
jagorev: Best biblical movie quote … ever!
timmy_the_tooth: Damn, you beat me to it!
I understand that Yogi Berra has retained a lawyer and will be suing for trademark infringement. Also.
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” — Mark Twain
norbizness: Win.
ella: You rang? This is Caribou Quitter’s preceding tweet:
http://twitter.com/AKGovSarahPalin
“Daughter just returned from NBC basketball tour in Italy full of Coach Fred Crowell’s inspiration [I’ll bet];
may we all grasp what they learned like:”
*******
“To the world, you might be just someone… but to someone, you might just be the world.”
-Hallmark
At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols. A. Huxley
Except TwitterBear would cut it off after the second malice, ’cause she’s just mavericky that way and twattyping is hard.
Palin must be ace at Scrabble.
“rudesby begone”
theVestedWombat: She make ups mavricky rules as she goes.
She makes me full of inspiration also.
If one can avoid criticism by saying, doing and being nothing, then why is Sarah so frequently and universally criticized? Aristotle ain’t so smart after all.
So, if you substitute “The Vice Presidency” for “criticism” and “bullshit” for “nothing”, I actually understand what S.P. is saying, I think. Rock on Aristotle. You get Sarah.
She’s working her way chronologically through the Big Golden Book of Philosophers.
I can’t wait til she gets to Kirkegaard.
Philosophy is hard. So she quit, so people would stop criticizing her?
We really should stop with the ridicule of Ms. Malaprop McBatshit.
PLEASE let the Republicans nominate her as their Presidential candidate!
It would be a real test of President Obama to see if he can keep a straight face when he debates her in 2012.
I’m betting she blows off politics and gets a show on FOX ‘news.’
Hannity is getting stale…..
She’s been pretty quotable herself with some of these gems:
“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.”
To Katie Couric about citing specific examples: “I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.”
“In what respect, Charlie?” (crickets)
She should just quote herself everyday as a civic duty to all who read.
Yea! Quote day!
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
-Mohandas Gandhi
Some dude: “America is a Christian nation”
Mark Twain: “So is Hell.”
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.”
-Voltaire
“Hence today I believe I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator”
–Adolph Hitler
And this one’s for all the Wonketteers…
“Faith is like virginity. You’ll never understand how truly annoying it is until you actually give it up.”
-Anonymous
Vulpes82: As I am, for the Dan Quayle’s
Extemporanus: How many times can a dumb twat twit, twittering away with her twat?
smartypants: She’s already hinted at what her new Twitter nick will be: “SarahPalinAlaskan”.
Seriously.