Wonkette
- BARACK OBAMA WILL KEEP DICK CHENEY SAFE FOREVER: Government teat-suckler Dick Cheney is such a pussy that he became one of the first — if not the first — vice presidents in history to accept Secret Service protection after his reign of terror in office expired, a move requiring the president’s authorization. Cheney then ran around Washington going on teevee everyday saying that Obama wanted Americans to die, constantly. Now Barack Obama has extended Cheney’s Secret Service protection, so YOU’RE WELCOME, you crazy vampire. [US News]
Why? Who would want to hurt the cute little old man that is our universally-beloved former Vice-President?
Now *that* was a hard signature.
won’t help him in hell. ain’t no secrets there.
Dick Cheney = whiny little pussy
Barack Obama = protector of whiny little pussies
The other side was Barry’s signing statement that listed the Secret Security detail as a bunch of Bush’s frat-boy crony’s kids that failed the drug test but who he thought it would be ironic to be watching Count Dickula.
We need him for the Chinese Moon War
It was either that or get all the GOP blowback when some raging Iraq vet makes Dick deep throat a prosthetic foot.
I thought the headline said Obama was going to keep Dick Cheney’s safe. But what would he want with the cryogenically frozen form of Leo Strauss?
Dicky Dick can’t afford his own bodyguard? SOCIALIST.
Of course, Obama gets to hand-pick Cheney’s detail….BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
But indications are that the threats against Cheney, who’s working on his biography at his homes in Virginia and Maryland, haven’t lessened since his term expired.
In fact, it’s been pretty much confirmed that Dick Cheney’s enemies had a meeting in Prague to discuss purchasing yellowcake from Niger, hiding the WMDs in Syria, training al-Qaida operatives to build biological weapons, and launching an attack against Great Britain in 45 minutes.
Cheney will receive protection from the Secret Service’s special “Vince Foster” squad.
Once his brain is put into a functioning ED-209, no more need. You have five seconds to drop your weapon.
BTW, as Wonkette generally functions off of the Think Progress RSS feed, I was surprised this hasn’t come up yet (David Brooks: A Republican senator put ‘his hand on my inner thigh’ for a ‘whole’ dinner party.)
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/07/10/brooks-republican-senator-thigh/
Cheney is also a pussy for limpdicking his way around service in the Vietnam War, then masturbating loudly for a few he wouldn’t have to fight.
But that’s another story for another day…
It’s always the rich assholes that can afford it that suck the government teat, while simultaneously whining about the Gubmint doing something for poor shlubs with nothing. Definitely time for “Cheney’s secret assassination squad.” (As in, “To Serve Man.”)
Hopefully there’s a manchurian candidate secret service officer assigned.
Only the stupid would fuck with shotgun Cheney, and the stupid tend not to be against him. So I can’t figure out why he needs fuzz around.
I just hope his new SS people put him way too close to a very large microwave oven…
Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas: It’s the oven that would explode.
rereridiculous: Because without people constantly around him he’ll have no one to “mistake” for quayle. It is only the thrill of shooting a man in the face that can get his heart pumping again on those bad days.
I suppose Jenna Bush still has her Secret Service guys running up parking tickets here in Baltimore.
“Cheney, who’s working on his biography at his homes in Virginia and Maryland”
On a scale of 1 to 10, the candor and self-criticism found in this autobio will rank precisely Go Fuck Yourself.
norbizness: Brooks is confused. That was Chip Reid’s face.
norbizness: “David Brooks: A Republican senator put ‘his hand on my inner thigh’ for a ‘whole’ dinner party.”
Yeah, but things didn’t get really weird until the slow dancing…
Bostonian_Queer_in_Dallas: Have I seen you on Bear411?
Gadz. Shudder to admit that I now want to whine about my percious tax dollars being WASTED on this shit. It grieves me to have anything in common w/teabaggers. The difference is that my complaint is about “real” tax dollar waste v. their crybaby b.s. over nuttin.
I would think that such illustrious private security agencies as Blackwater and various Halliburton scam artists would owe Dick some payback and maybe you know provide their top notch services FOR FREE rather than suck another gazillion dollars off of our precious taxpayer treasury.
So Brooks knows Larry Craig pretty well now, I take it?
I read somewhere that liddle Dickey C. traveled everywhere with his own personal hazmat suit, in case of biological warfare or dirty bomb attacks. No idea if that’s actually true. He seems like the sort of panicked wussie who would though.
Sure, Barry’ll protect him. Till he puts his ass out in Denver.
dum librul: That does explain Cheney’s idea that Obama’s new healthcare program can save costs by substituting pacemaker surgery with accidental firearm discharge insurance.
x111e7thst: It’s true - so when he launches an Bioweapon-attach, he can suit-up first…
Let’s hope the secret service detail is taking notes and monitoring his phone calls.
norbizness: Fabulous link! Has Brooks been taking elocution lessons from Mooselini?
If only w had possessed the foresight to sic the SS on Gore I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about not driving a Prius.
I believe he is hoping someone will try to harm him so he can order more young men to their deaths defending his way of life.
It’s like a drug for these guys…
Considering that the latest dust up over at the CIA is over no one telling Congress about his personal death squads, Why can’t Cheney use his Sardaukar or some Blackwater guys?
But who will protect the Secret Service from Dick Cheney?
Surely Dick Cheney is capable of shooting any potential assailants in the face all by himself.
Why would one have homes in both Virginia and Maryland?
angrycrank:
http://static.open.salon.com/files/082906_1357a1242588375.jpg
Pull!
My god, what a pussy move by the president. Really, it’s bad enough that the guy is pretty much immune to prosecution because the persident doesn’t want to “look back”. It’s entirely another to grant someone personal protection who spent his entire time in office trying to undermine and destroy everything that makes America great. I don’t even think “insult to injury” is even great enough a phrase to explain how I feel about this.
Let Cheney’s best friend, Satan, provide his feind a bodyguard. Eat a epically-huge sack of Dick’s, Cheney.
With any luck, his Praetorians will get p.o.’d and sell him to a specialized wh*rehouse some place.
Zhu Bajie
Failed 2 Menace: I keep hoping for a Secret History, telling us about Cheney walked around the White House, head under arm, or how Condi wished for 4 erotic orifices, instead of only 3. Probably won’t get it from Chin-chin-Cheney, though.
Zhu Bajie
Well, it would be just a wee bit embarrassing if anything happened to the Cheney on Obama’s watch. Much easier to just okay the damned security.
There are children standing here
Arms outstretched into the sky
Tears drying on their face
He has been here
Brothers lie in shallow graves
Fathers lost without a trace
A nation blind to their disgrace
Since he’s been here
And I see no bravery
No bravery in your eyes anymore
Only sadness
Houses burnt beyond repair
The smell of death is in the air
A woman weeping in despair says
He has been here
Tracer lighting up the sky
It’s another families’ turn to die
A child afraid to even cry out says
He has been here
And I see no bravery
No bravery in your eyes anymore
Only sadness
There are children standing here
Arms outstretched into the sky
But no one asks the question why
He has been here
Old men kneel and accept their fate
Wives and daughters cut and raped
A generation drenched in hate
Yes, he has been here…
This is really easy — given Cheney’s love for the current administration, if I were head of the Secret Service, I’d want to know where that bastard is at all times. So, it’s a lot easier just to keep the Dark Lord under survellience 24/7 then to worry about him showing up on the North Lawn with a shotgun on some dark and stormy night.
Gorillionaire: Absolutely, and while they’re at it, rewire all of his bathrooms in both houses (those are not homes) the way they wired up the showers for our soldiers in Iraq. You know, the ones Republicans lie about caring about.
everyone’s missing the point here. the reason cheney insists on the secret service is because he’s really fucking important, goddamn it. got it, hippy-dirtbag-libtard? any common war profiteer, collusive, inside trading, walking conflict of interest oil/oilfield services executive asshole can pay for private security. hell, even a cleaned up mafioso type can do that. cheney is all of these things, but his widdle self-image cannot stand to look that way. in his mind, he’s batman, damn it. just an uber-dedicated public citizen making the hard choices, crossing the lines, protecting your sorry ass (while taking home a nice little deferred salary from halliburton, thank you very much). you’re welcome, sheeple.
hence, your tax dollars hard at work. (just think, say it costs $1M/year for SS detail (just a guess, and probably conservative). i will work for probably in the neighborhood of 20-30 years before I pay $1M in fed income tax. for every year this asshole lives w/SS in tow, he’s spending a 40%-60% of a work-lifetime’s worth of pat robertson’s personal trainer’s taxes. it’s offical, i’m going galt/wesley snipes.