Wonkette
Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here’s your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history’s lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for ruining the teabaggers’ big plans to have all 500 teabaggers meet in a park somewhere to complain about having socialist parks where they can meet. Sorry, teabaggers! Happy Independence Day, everybody! Click the
Ahhh, takes the sleazy Palin flavor right out of your soul.
It’s a sad day for this country when an atheist, muslin, moor is a better choice for president than a white trash snowbilly grifter.
What has become of my beloved white race?
Is it wrong of me to still have a big crush on That One?
you may hate the shine police, mr. president, but my god, your skin looks fantastic
And just remember, Ken. You called it way before Kristol got his smarmy little hands on her. December 4, 2006. Neber forget.
Palin 2012: Yes To Book Burnin’. No To Book Lurnin’.
Let us now declare our freedom from Caribou Barbie, and be thankful that our jobs — if we have a job — do not depend on being in the Alaskan building supply trade. Which is about to have a giant federal snout shoved up its collective a**.
We now return to our regularly scheduled pigsickles and kegs o’ beer. Happy Snark of July!
missannethrope: Did you see the new grays on his blessed head? Just adds to the hawtness, no?
rambone: It’s been conquered by the Muslin Blackamoor in the “White” House, your new Mandingo Overlord, Ayatollah Obama, Sword of IslamoMarxism…
christ! - did I just write that… I blame my heavy drinking over the past 14+hrs - it’s NRL-day, and watching the Tigers gobble-down the S/Syd bunnies took lots of Lager to accomplish… I thought I’d look in on Wonkette before I pass out, but that might’ve happened already…
BTW - it looks like your Gov. Sanford has gone on a murder spree… I knew it was just a matter of time with that nutter…
Well, Sarah finally put the people of Alaska first and stepped down from a job she wasn’t willing to actually DO.
Terry: This proves she’s ready to be Presnit now.
~
Quitting is for winners!
Terry:
I’m hoping she buys a nice ranch in Paraguay next to Dubya…and moves there.
Who’s going to keep on those pesky ruskies now? Do we start celebrating our country’s birth with Caviar now? She leaves so many questions unanswered …
While my idiot neighbor sets everyone’s house afire with his stupid “ladyfingers”, I’m drinking my ass off, just finished Philippe Sands’ Torture Team/em> and will now dip into Jane Mayer’s The Dart Side. Ah, freedom. Happy 4th, all you fucking patriots!
Atheist Nun for Propogands Minister!
It’s just like I told my last boss: “For the good of your company, I’ll be working outside your company. It will save you millions.”
Oh Hopey. You are too good for us. Please drink yourself into a slobbering holiday stupor like the rest of us so that we don’t have to feel so far from your lofty heights.
Now that Palin chick? She’s halfway into her third 12-pack, firing rifles in the air believing that bullets evaporate (rather than fall to earth and kill innocent little Triglets on the ground). She makes us all feel positively cultured.
Politico: Is Obama being too patriotic?
This just in! According to unnamed sources, Palin’s resignation speech originally read as follows:
“I am resigning today because, after giving birth to numerous retarded and quasi-retarded children over the past few years, my cunt is really sore and I just wanted to make sure that I can dedicate enough time to ass-fucking.”
bitchincamaro: DarK Side
/fixed
*continues to drink ass off*
I predict Palin will have twins soon.
She will name them Cut and Run .
At this point, I can’t even call Palin “corrupt” anymore. It’s like calling your dog “dishonest” when it takes your pork chop from the dinner table. Yeah, it stole your pork chop, but it’s a FUCKING DOG. It doesn’t have the intelligence or self-awareness to understand the concept. If a building supply company offers to build them a free house, what were these two hillbillies gonna do, say no?!?!
Bearbloke: Much like Anderson Cooper, I do not understand what I can only assume are sports references. That is where the similarities end.
RedState has a wonderful poll about Sarah Palin:
http://www.redstate.com/erick/2009/07/03/lets-have-a-poll-on-sarah-palin/
Mysteriously, the obviously correct answer (the last button) has not yet gotten a majority of votes, but I’m sure Wonkette readers can fix that.
I did my patriotic duty- put out the flag, went to a parade(1 governor and 1 congressman and numerous lower level elected officials- all democrats where I live) and then went shopping - supporting the economy. I think I will support illegal aliens when I buy our dinner at the peruvian chicken place.
El Bombastico: There’s no need to debase noble and loyal canines by comparing them with Bible Splice. Dogs have kept mankind comforted when lonely, been loyal when all other friends have fled and helped untold millions of kids fool parents into thinking the kids have eaten their vegetables. Sarah Palin has contributed, in comparison, almost nothing. So think before you post. Compare SP to a leech, or a scorpion. Like a scary bug, Palin exists as amuse and disgust us.
MalS: Done, also. You Betcha!
i went and pushed the last button, At least youse mercans had us canucks between you and dumbfuck barbie.
happy birthday
Big winners — AK’s wolves. They’re howling now! Also. Too.
hobospacejunkie: Ok, how about the pulsating pustule sacs in the sewer system in North Carolina?
She’s trying the George Costanza theory of walking out of a Kruger meeting on a high note to leave them wanting more. “Thanks, you’ve been a great audience.”
Haha. I thought he was going to thank those ‘hapless peoples,’ the aboriginals, for laying down their lives to permit the reckless exploitation and despoiling of an entire continent. I could have respected that…
I copy-posted this from some website whose sole purpose is to get an aircraft carrier named after my (our?) governor and future leader of Earth. This is an amazing document for our times, and for all times, as it will exist forever on the internets. What will future think of us?
Why should CVN-79 be the USS Sarah H. Palin?
Picture
CVN-79
1. US Navy aircraft carriers carry around children and launch them into the sea to save the world. Just like Governor Palin!
2. CVN-79 will be nuclear powered. Governor Palin lives in the land of the Midnight Sun and rarely sleeps.
3. The H in Sarah H. Palin may mean Heath but to America’s enemies the USS Sarah H. Palin, CVN-79 will mean HELL and to the people needing help it will mean HEAVEN.
4. America has never named an aircraft carrier after a woman. Time to change that, what with women now commanding fighter squadrons (Cmdr Sarah Joyner) and serving as Secretary of State, in the US Senate and as governors.
5. Just like the Super Hornets of today, Governor Palin can refuel, go air-to-air, go air-to-ground, strafe/snipe and jam the opposition all in one day. No sweat!
6. There can be no doubt: Governor Palin supports our troops!
7. Nobody wants an aircraft carrier named after an adulterer named Billy Jo Bob.
8. In a crisis… the world asks “Where are the [American] carriers?” I want the world asking, “Where’s Sarah Palin? And what’s she gonna do to put country first with a servant’s heart?
9. In Alaska, they look to a Polaris/the north for the future. Don’t you want the world in a crisis looking to the spirit, the enigma of Sarah Palin for the future? Of course you do!
10. To quote Governor Palin: “I see the United States as being a force for good in the world”
i sense a big scandal coming down on palin very soon.
B Obama makes me sick with his logical sentences and easy-on-the-ears diction. Pft. Try birthing a litter of kids in a frozen tundra and see how much you feel like speaking clearly, Mr Fancypants.
Palin/Sanford 2012
hobospacejunkie: Leeches provide nutritious meals for walleyes, and then those walleyes turn into magically delicious fillets.
Sooooo, leech > Sarah P.
Q.E. emmeffin’ D.!
~
Nobody says they want to be an Alaskan Governor when they grow up.
Can be Sarah Palin animated gif pron time nao? I have vizhion: animated Palin pron gif blingee, with tiny little pearl shower applets. Hmm, but even Wonkette can’t allow something like that to be posted. So goin’ for broke — thinkin’ Wikipedia, and should feature momcest with Bristol and creepy
Todd-on-Levi akshunTodd and Levi praying facing into a corner.or not… now I’m too creeped out to do it. **____**
AK Insomniac: How about the naming the Harbor Debris Trawler and Refuse Barge Tender (HDVP-97) for Palin?
BTW, that Lt. Gov better let us know if he likes hunting, fishing or both pretty soon, because he has a pretty gay sounding name.
When her best laid plans cease to come to fruition, my money is on Sarah “HotTits” Palin going full Susan Smith. In a well thunk out scheme to fully destroy Obama, she will sacrifice two of her seventy-three spawn/spawn-of-spawn to a car trunk and a culvert and blame it on a black dude.
Hell, it’s worked plenty o’ times before.
At least Sarah has 6 months to figure out how to ruin Christmas for everyone. Why does she hate America’s holidays?
What the hell — QB Steve McNair just found shot dead in a Nashville condo.
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/07/04/mcnair.shooting/index.html
And of course Sarah Palin has an airtight alibi. Suspicious…
We definitely have a holiday scandal trend going for the GOP……
Projecting into the future - Labor Day, 2009, Governor Charlie Crist, R, FL, is caught offering a blow job to an undercover officer a public bathroom in St. Pete Beach.
The Queen of media Whores is born.
She’ll be the white Oprah.
Hooray, she ruined that stoopid teabagger business. She’s not a true conservative. Why she’s just out for herself. Oh, wait. She is a true conservative.
rocktonsammy: Uhhh…but I thought Oprah was the white Oprah?!
Wonkette needs to fly a correspondent down to Tegucigalpa, fast! My sources say that Sarah Palin is about to be named Empress of Honduras. After the coronation Her Majesty will invade Cuba (you can see it from Honduras), and Her glorious teabagging armies will march north through Florida and those other less-famous states to lay siege to the “District” of “Columbia” where Barack the Pretender now resides. Prepare yourselves.
Will SP still keep an eye RUSSIA?
From Sarah Bear’s Facebook page (via HuffPo):
”
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Palin Facebook Message Slams Media
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The Huffington Post
First Posted: 07- 4-09 06:40 PM | Updated: 07- 4-09 07:02 PM
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Read More: Palin Facebook, Palin July 4, Palin Media, Palin Message July 4th, Palin On Facebook, Palin Resigns, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Facebook, Politics News
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Palin Resigning
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In a message posted on Facebook, Sarah Palin on Saturday again laid out her reasons for resigning as governor and attacked the media for its “predictable” response to her speech yesterday:
The response in the main stream media has been most predictable, ironic, and as always, detached from the lives of ordinary Americans who are sick of the “politics of personal destruction”. How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country. And though it’s honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make. But every American understands what it takes to make a decision because it’s right for all, including your family.
Here’s the complete message, posted at 4:55PM today:
* * * *
Happy 4th of July from Alaska!
On this Independence Day, I am so very proud of all those who have chosen to serve our great nation and I honor their selflessness and the sacrifices of their families, too.
If I may, I would like to take a moment to reflect on the last 24 hours and share my thoughts with you.
First, I want to thank you for your support and hard work on the values we share. Those values led me to the decision my family and I made. Yesterday, my family and I announced a decision that is in Alaska’s best interest and it always feels good to do what is right. We have accomplished more during this one term than most governors do in two - and I am proud of the great team that helped to build these wonderful successes. Energy independence and national security, fiscal restraint, smaller government, and local control have been my priorities and will remain my priorities.
For months now, I have consulted with friends and family, and with the Lieutenant Governor, about what is best for our wonderful state. I even made a few administrative changes over that course in time in preparation for yesterday. We have accomplished so much and there’s much more to do, but my family and I determined after prayerful consideration that sacrificing my title helps Alaska most. And once I decided not to run for re-election, my decision was that much easier - I’ve never been one to waste time or resources. Those who know me know this is the right decision and obvious decision at that, including Senator John McCain. I thank him for his kind, insightful comments.
The response in the main stream media has been most predictable, ironic, and as always, detached from the lives of ordinary Americans who are sick of the “politics of personal destruction”. How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it’s about country. And though it’s honorable for countless others to leave their positions for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make. But every American understands what it takes to make a decision because it’s right for all, including your family.
I shared with you yesterday my heartfelt and candid reasons for this change; I’ve never thought I needed a title before one’s name to forge progress in America. I am now looking ahead and how we can advance this country together with our values of less government intervention, greater energy independence, stronger national security, and much-needed fiscal restraint. I hope you will join me. Now is the time to rebuild and help our nation achieve greatness!
God bless you! And I look forward to making a difference - with you!
Sarah”
For now, enjoy the holiday gang. On Monday, we’ll find out if the Palins have left the country Von Trapp style, joyously singing about their escape from the feds as they wonder through tundra.
So, being governor is just a “title” ?
Woah. Nutso!
Next thing ya know, she’ll be “giving up my crown”
chascates: “I’ve never thought I needed a title before one’s name to forge progress in America.” — USS Sarah Palin, CVE-101.
Who’s this “one” whose name she never thought she needed a title before? Is this some sort of Christian thing? Or is she talking real estate? Oh, never mind — she seems to be admitting to forgery. Maybe that’s the other shoe we’re expecting to drop. Will the other shoe drop after the next baby drops, or before? Bets, anyone? Oh, never mind. Does she or anyone else in Wingnut Hall realize the irony of the gift she gave the Bitterz on Independence Day by removing herself from any consideration as a Preznenshul Candy-Date? Or is it only the detached libtards, removed from the lives of ordinary Americans (Where are they? Seen any? Wait! Is that one there? Scurrying under the bush?) who catch the blinding glow of the freedom she has imparted to the mouth-breathing masses? Does she, who has not lately had a clue, have one now? Do they?
Oh, never mind.
Let’s face it, being governor of Alaska is one of those jobs that Americans are unwilling to do. We need to fill this job with a Mexican.
Sarah twits:
# Our VPSOs r great contributors to rural communities, we’ve worked hard to see them recognized & rewarded; Kotzebue hub appreciates them too!about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
#
Look forward to work on bill that will soon become law: HB106 Village Public Safety Officers. Trip to Kotzebue this wk for great cause…about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
#
Funny! In the words of my sis:Aren’t the same ones w/fake twitter sites & blogs crying “she’s ‘abandoning’ us” the same ones wishing u gone?about 1 hour ago from TwitterBerry
#
Unfortunately fake “Gov Sarah Palin” twitter sites r doing their thing today:unscrupulous, untrue- so sorry if u recv false info @ fake siteabout 2 hours ago from TwitterBerry
#
Pretty great parade in downtown Juneau- lots of celebration of Independence & Alaska’s 50th Anniversary of Statehood, our “Year of Jubilee”about 3 hours ago from TwitterBerry
#
Military families: Most special July 4 shout-out to you! Spouses, kids, parents, families of troops - THANKS for supporting our true heroesabout 8 hours ago from TwitterBerry
#
Happy for hard working Alaskans who get a sunny break tomorrow to celebrate the Fourth of July - be safe, enjoy friends, thank the troops!about 18 hours ago from TwitterBerry
goddamit barry …i was hazing a good ole fashion palinoff.
Now I gotta go out and fix future and planet?
So Upset
Scubs
Awesome!! Today, we are all wrapped in a flag, flashing our wieners at Sarah Palin.
Thanks for posting my blingee, Ken! (I’ll leave those incriminating photos at the rest stop we discussed… *wink!*)
bitchincamaro: Atheist Nun for Propogands Minister!
If there’s even an infinitesimal amount power to be abused, I’m so there.
“Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts,”
You betcha, where can we buy tickets for the perp walk?
Atheist Nun: Why weren’t you one of my nuns in grade school?
I’m pretty sure teh Nooobama guy was reading his pretty words off the the TelePromTerzzz!!!9!11!!
It’ll give me something to talk about when I’m at my Republican friends’ house tonight, eating their shrimp cocktails, drinking their expensive wines and watching the fireworks show over the harbor. (Actually, it might be more fun to bring up Quittin’ Palin as a conversational subject, also. They hate her guts anyway.)
It’s not just the teabaggers. The Furries were planing on bringing their life style mainstream, at Anthrocon 2009, Pittsburgh Pa, there’s still a day left or so, but due to pure greed and laziness on the part of Wonkette they are not getting any mainstream coverage. No biggy, next year is the march on Washington, the DC press will have no choice but to cover that.
I can’t beeleeve all of you are focusing on Palin, don’t you see Obambi, our prezident-in-diapers there actually LOOKIN DOWN AT YOU? It’s his evil eye.
Don’t forget Sarah was acktually a community orginzer with RESPONSIBILTIES.
I hope she’s plotting a coup. After all isn’t Track or whatever a General in the Alaskan National Guard. If she gets Putin’ with all his plottin’ to back her, there is no stoppin’ her.
Then she won’t have no federal indictments and everyone who has gone Gault will have a place to live
What is wrong with Obama? Almost 5 minutes and no mention of either MJ or Sarah Palin.
MalS: One more “Who Cares” vote for the Redstate poll.