Wonkette
First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together!
- Andrea Mitchell’s sources say Sarah Palin is not running for anything, ever, and that she’s “out of politics for good.” But who will fill the other half of the Santelli 2012 ticket?
- Sarah Palin (or somebody!) is pregnant again! CNN’s Rick Sanchez suggested this “why not?” reason.
- Palin’s nutball spokeswoman, “Meg,” denies Andrea Mitchell’s account, and says that Palin will actually be going “outside government,” which, uhm, is not actually a denial at all, right? DailyKos commenter bluedonkey08 says in response, “You know, sometimes I think it’s not worth trying to understand what she says. Your sanity will appreciate it.” Noted.
- Palin’s brother called the cable news to give his own theory, based on some conversation with Sister Sarah at a ski resort somewhere, two months ago. According to this relative, Palin has been spending “80% of her time defending herself” from the Media. You know, because it’s super important to yell at David Letterman for weeks at a time, for being a teevee comic who makes jokes about politicians. (Sarah Palin apparently spends the remaining 20% of her time at ski resorts.)
- Mean old Washington Post beltway neocon Charles Krauthammer said the other day on Fox News that Palin is “not a serious candidate” for Republicans. Did Krauthammer make emo Sarah cry and quit?
- She’s just plain crazy and you’re just wasting your time trying to make sense of her erratic behavior. This is the theory suggested by CBS News, which described her speech as “rambling and sometimes confusing.”
Bucks. The conservatard speech circuit = equity extraction.
no seriously, something is up. shit is gonna hit the fan, this is just the begining.
Sorry to recomment from prior post, but this is a quote from a comment at theimmoralmajority dot blogspot dot com:
Here’s the deal. I’m the anon who posted recently about the various media evidence of Sarah’s “dalliances” - in her early pageant contestant/seeking a journalism job days as well as video evidence of her affair while married to Todd. This was always in the hands of BOTH parties and I couldn’t figure out why it was being kept quiet.
The whispers I’m getting as someone who knows people MUCH more connected to the inner circle of decision makers surrounding everything the Repubnicans do (and no, I’m not fond of them after the stuff I’ve seen) - is that after the Sanford scandal the Repubs are cutting their losses. They worry that the media/sex stuff will come out soon on Sarah if they don’t take her off the playing field for a while, and because she’s such an evangelical/right wing heroine, again it’s going to make them look VERY bad. (Family values party is already taking a major beating.)
Karl Rove has been schooling Sarah quietly all along. Hence teaching her hate speech, how to always attack the other guy, etc. etc. instead of what sane politicians do which is to work for unity, functionality, etc. All the divisiveness that Karl is famous for.
Problem is, Sarah isn’t a very good pupil. She’s too rogue, too nuts to be useful in the political arena anymore. And with various media icebergs about to potentially hit, (she’s been blackmailed about this stuff for a while I’m told, hence the extreme weight loss, etc.) they need her to pull the old “I’m resigning to spend more time with my family” speech (code: I’m resigning before a new scandal destroys my career.)
She’s been promised that if she’s a good girl all that bad media info will magically “go away” (deals being quietly made in the background to make it disappear.) And she will get about two years of schooling and then be allowed to be a talking head at one of the right wing news organizations, possibly radio, possibly TV if she comes along really well and can get over her word salad problem. And she’ll make a helluva lot more money that way, anyway, plus she can rant about the family values stuff she’s so fond of since apparently her “people” are going to be directly responsible for the next coming of Jesus, etc. It’s very useful to have someone like her work as a paid propogandist. She was never really cut out for political office but will reinvent herself as a media talking head and also make up to $25,000 a speech on the speaker’s circuit. That’s what they’ll have her do first - lots of small speaking engagements out of the major cities to get her training, gradually working up to the big venues if she can handle it.
Right now her handlers aren’t sure if she’s up for any of it, but they are making promises to her that if she goes along with their agenda she will resurface and resurrect herself within two years as an important “voice” for that segment of the party that loves the conservative hristian, right wing, point of view.
The interesting thing is this - the Democrats have full knowledge of the media material that is so damaging on her. They’ve been holding onto it for a year or so. I’ve never been sure why they never leaked it. So will they wait until she establishes herself as a conservative Faux family values talking head, give her a year or so, and THEN leak the stuff? Or are the Repugs going to be able to make a deal and get them ot back off? I’m not sure what their strategy is but my intel says that at this point they are not going forward with leaking the material - unfortunately!
12:54 PM
She’s loaded the Fail-meter to the max.
She’s gonna deer-shank Lisa Murkowski and take her Senate seat
I’m still holding out for video of her, First Dude and Greta Van Sustren in a three way.
Or her dropping Bristol’s kid on his head.
Either would be fine.
training for the olympics?
You know, won’t we all feel silly when she announces she is going back to school to get ready to be President, since reading would be a useful skill.
I can only hope this means we’re finally done with her. If this is the case, I’ll love Andrea Mitchell forever.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: A three-way on the coffin of L. Ron Hubbard.
Well she does have a lot of studying to do. I mean there’s gonna be more than one debate this time, plus all new Iran flash cards, figuring out what a mortgage crisis is, and then how to blame on teachers unions, endangered species, science etc.
Didn’t Eddie Izzard have a show on some cable channel about a family a nefarious grifters that get in way over their heads pretending to be something they’re not that predicted all of this?
And Ken, I feel for you. Two big Fourth of July Family vacations, and everyone is mocking me for always being at the laptop typing. Damn you Jesse Helmes, Mark Sanford and Sarah Palin. Can’t you all die on your own time?
Will you people please stop making fun of this lady? Or did you not know that the moose population in Alaska is OUT OF CONTROL? Sarah Palin isn’t quitting her governor job just for fun, she’s doing it to eat moose burgers full time because unlike you people SHE LOVES HER COUNTRY!
And by “her country” I mean, Alaska.
Witsendnj: That made me cum, but if it’s all bullshit and she resigned just to manage the new Wasilla Arby’s, or Todd’s start-up Arctic Snowmobile League, I’d believe that too.
Witsendnj: That’s a good theory, but it is about 3,000 times more well-thought out than anything I saw today.
FAIL.
I predict within next 12 hours we learn she’s one of Mark Sanford’s “other ladies.”
It will come out that she was Sanford’s “Argentinian” mistress.
It’s amazing how all the neocons who hate government and claim there is NO WAY it can be good will do anything to be in charge of it. And all politicians who offer only bland pronouncements instead of thought-out answers will grab TV air time like a crack whore grabs a pipe, not to serve their country but only themselves.
So the lesson here is the next time you see a politician in person shoot them. You won’t get convicted I swear.
She’s going “outside the government” just like Batman!
“Why’s she running, Dad?”
“Because we have to chase her.”
“She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Because she’s the hero America deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt her because she can take it. Because she’s not our hero. She’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. She’s Sarah Palin.”
She’s totally butt-pregnant.
PopeyesPipe: is that the result of saddlebacking?
Well hey, I thought you guys wanted the sexytime stuff! Sarah and the First Dud had their first baby about 8 months after they married. Was he the first? NOT LIKELY.
CBS News just finally realized that she’s “rambling and sometimes confusing?” Way to be on top of that.
stumpycuse: Indeed.
Not Four more years, whatever will the RNC do with all of those fancy clothers they have stored for her? Perhaps she could become a Wonkette reporter stationed in Gitmo for ruining Ken’s bar-b-que/ personal time, or the PR person at Neverland. Either way, I see the stock market took it hard and dropped 214 points.
another nail in the coffin of the GOP if Palin becomes the 2012 nominee. There is a related post at http://iamsoannoyed.com/?p=2048
Watching the entire speech on MSNBC, I just heard what sounded like Flipper heckling her.
Daisy Buchanan: also. However, I am still waiting for Sanford to resign. Possibly his in-laws will have him Bobbited while he is visiting them in Florida this weekend.
I think she’s having an affair with Mark Sanford: Dig this:
1. Alaska and Argentina both start with an A.
2. Palin and whats-her-name news actress girlfriend/soulmate were both “tee vee” “journalists.”
3. It’s a long ass flight from Atlanta to Anchorage or Buenos Aires
I know it’s not much, but it’s a start. Wheels within wheels, man….
She plans on failing at something every month to keep in the limelight. Hey , it kinda works for her.
Next week, there will be a live press conference to reveal the reason why she’s quitting, her secret mutant quato baby. Special needs to the 100th power! Top that.
oh Goody! Looks like she will be with us for long enough to ensure Obama’s reelection!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/03/gop-official-who-talked-w_n_225582.html
Is she the father of Michael Jackson’s baby?
Somebody quits their job in Alaska and people - real people - actually give a shit. This is her legacy.
Goodbye Snowbilly Queen. Our Lady Di of the North, our Mother Teresa On Ice.
WHY GOD, WHY?? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE?!?
*breaks down weeping*
Everything Sarah does is just magical. It’s a good time to be alive.
She said upfront that she wasn’t “wired for politics as usual” and I take that to mean that Todd will be putting her back in her crate and shipping her to the factory for recalibration. The Sarah-bot should be back on the teevee in two weeks sporting her new upgrades.
carlyt: Also: the chances of crazy Sarah Palin being nominated by the party is about 1% greater than the probability of the sun rising in the west tomorrow. The probability of her election is precisely that of the the sun rising in the west tomorrow. The best Sarah can do is go into the Iowa Caucuses and, assuming good ol’ Mike Huckabee runs, split the 100k Iowa GOP Wingnut votes right down the middle, while the rest of the decent people of Iowa yawn and stay home. Bottom line: it ain’t gonna happen, word is bond.
It’s plain to see that she just has a simple case of The Clap.
. . . I stand by my theory.
Witsendnj: Next, she’ll gain 575 lbs, get hooked on Oxycontin , and have her own radio show.
with her fog, her amphetamine, and her pearls
she tastes just like a woman
“outside the government” = she’s going to to start the new country of Alaska, with herself as the Royal Snow Queen Sarah I.
Sarah Palin’s Guide To Quitting:
http://breepalin.blogspot.com/
I think she’s trying to become the Michael Jackson of politics - someone whose behavior is so crazy that enough people will excuse their behavior crazy and not sinister. Plenty of people I know think Jackson didn’t touch those kids, and point to Bubbles and the Elephant Man bones to say he’s just bizarre (even bizarre enough to pay that guy $20 million). Here, she’s trying to act so crazy that when all the accusations about how she supposedly birthed Trig, or whatever explains her behavior in the fired trooper or whatever upcoming allegations she’ll face, enough dumb people will just chalk it up to her being an oddball.
“And another one bites the dust…..Another one bites the dust… Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!”
Holy shit, what a loony resignation speech she gave!
She is going to get a show on Faux News, and a book deal, a Lifetime movie-of-the-week and a Playboy (or at least, Maxxim) shoot.
This is what happens when a major political party puts their fate in the hands of trailer trash.
Bye, Sarah! It’s been real!
Sorry to bogart the bandwidth, but check out
http://www.andrewhalcro.com/palin_resigns_exit_stage_right
also http://www.themudflats.net/
The latter is a bit behind on the coverage–apparently his server got crashed by all the snarksters who bookmarked the blog for the day when Sarah had a total meltdown–which turned out to be July 3, 2009.
I thought she had to resign if she was going to be in this year’s Tour de France?
Nah, I’m sticking with the Mark Sanford connection. I started searching photos from Repub Gov meetings, but quickly got bored. Have to believe it’s there.
LESBIAN SEX SCANDAL!!1!
I think her reasons are clear enough. Remember, although we may regard her V.P. campaign as an unmitigated disaster, for her it was the dream of a lifetime - national media clamoring for her attention, huge crowds cheering her on, and (given her lack of interest in mundane things like issues) no decisions more onerous than choosing what to wear out of the huge, free wardrobe provided to her. I think she fell head-over-heels in love with it all.
In other words, she’s really just another Mark Sanford, only with her Argentina being the national campaign. Yes, she came back, and tried to fall in love with Alaskan government again, but it’s not working out, so she’s off to pursue her soul mate, even if he seems so impossibly far away.
Extemporanus: Dammit! I was expecting pictures of Laura Ingraham!!
Next month she’ll quit her marriage and abandon her children , so she can concentrate harder on helping America.
80% of her time defending herself
20% of her time skiing and giving speeches out of state
0% of her time actually working in the governance of Alaska.
Yep, she’ll have her own FoxNews show in 10…9…..8……7….
I’d pay big bucks to see all the Repub big wigs drinking and jabbering in back rooms across the country after that. I bet one or two fistfights broke out.
Basketball analogy? Here’s one: She’s a Washington General. And Obama is a Harlem Globetrotter, of course.
I need to know what forced her out, the suspense is killing me.
Great, whats next. Micheal Jackson dieing?
Vanity Smurf: The Beverly Hillbillies?
Palin is “not a serious candidate” for Republicans.
Well, she’s NEVER been a serious candidate to the rest of us.
Did Chuckie K get Palin’s Henry Higgins, Billy Kristol, to sign off on that statement. Because a disagreement between neocons could cause a major rip in the time space continuum since the both can’t be wrong.
Is…is Sarah winking at me?
Daisy Buchanan: My thoughts as well. Jefferey Aspern
DangerousLiberal: AkMuckraker is a her, goddamn it! Outed by Palinistas.
She’ll have her own show on Fox by the end of the year. Hannity and Palin. You heard it here first.
ryang: WIN
I think the AK stage was too small for her after she got a taste of the “high life” of national media attention. No other governor, male or female, would have spent as much time on the Letterman thing unless they wanted to keep their name on the minds of the national media. She has 78 percent of the GOP electorate giving her “favorable” ratings, while 45 percent of the general public (FOX News, so take it with a grain of salt). She’s not going to go far. There are too many other, non-crazy, political retirees who’ve been in the business a lot longer (hell, Pawlenty will serve out his term). She’s quitting to focus on running for Preznit in ‘12. Why she didn’t have the guts to say it today is beyond me. But, it will limit her in the primary. It’s one thing to run and win for US Senate and run for Pres., but she’s going to have a lot of ’splainin to do as to why she’s leaving AK this way…
Either that or another daughter is pregnant by Levi Johnston.
Bored and terrified of being left to rot in Bumfuck. This is a no-brainer, sheeple!
I’m betting we’re about to learn that Letterman was closer to the truth than she claimed.
*FARTBURST*
Oh shit, it’s true, one of the kids WAS impregnated by the entire NY Yankees!
Either that or she’s headed to Argentina to rescue her true soulmate from that creep from South Carolina she’s been seeing.
ryang: She’s joining the League of Justice?
ultra_maroon: That might be a bonus, but she’s shown plenty of times before that she doesn’t give a shit about any of those kids. They are there to be used a shields and props. She’s not resigning because of something as inconsequential as a pregnant 14 year old. No, she’s about to do a perp walk for something.
From one of the geniuses at RedState:
“1. Sarah Palin resigned, I think, to spare her family from more attacks. I don’t think it is a coincidence that Sarah Palin is doing this just days after a very nasty Vanity Fair article where folks like Nicolle Wallace and, according to Bill Kristol, McCain campaign manager Steve Schmidt (though I’m told Schmidt is not involved), savaged her.
2. Unfortunately, by resigning, I think the left and national media will be emboldened to ritualistically engage in the metaphorical gang raping of conservative politicians, particularly those who are female and have children. They’ll decide savaging Palin’s family drove her from office, so the sky’s the limit on the next conservative with kids.
3. I’m sad that so many people are mad at me for voicing my opinion that she’s done with elected politics. I have always supported Sarah Palin. I continue to support her. But that does not change what I think. We should not be invested in the politician or the personality, but the ideas.
4. I’ve had this running thought all day, perhaps because I was watching it on TV in HD for the first time, that this is kind of like Ben Kenobi letting Darth Vader strike him down. Palin is not going to run in 2012, but by doing this she can now become Barack Obama’s worst nightmare, and help rebuild the opposition to Obama. How? Because were she to remain a 2012 contender, she’d keep having stories by anonymous McCain campaign staffers and other 2012 contenders going after her and her family. Take that ambition off the table and it neutralizes a lot of that. So she can focus on candidates and ideas without an ulterior motive focused on 2012.
5. My friends on the right who are heaping the most scorn on Palin and saying things like “this proves she shouldn’t have been elected in the first place,” “if she can’t take the heat she should have never gotten in the kithchen,” etc. are also typically the ones who do not have small children.”
Ok, I read everyone talking about the inhales, but…. I was not prepared for Rapid + word salad + panic breathing. Perhaps she should be named Sarah Panic.
If she’s quitting because something is about to drop, that’s awesome. If no bombshell exists and she’s quitting anyway, that’s even more awesome.
I can finally name a single executive decision that Sarah Palin has made as Governor of Alaska!
Witsendnj: there are all sorts of rumors of something going on behind the scenes. But the resignation really did sound goofy. Mudflats suspects something, and Josh Marshall wrote:
…Either Palin is resigning ahead of some titanic scandal (which should emerge in short order if it exists) or her resignation was triggered by an even more extreme mental instability than we’d previously suspected.
And Kristol thinks it is a good idea, which John Cole describes as “the kiss of death.”
geeze, I heard this and had to check Wonkette. god, i have no life.
chascates: …she can now become Barack Obama’s worst nightmare, and help rebuild the opposition to Obama. How? Because were she to remain a 2012 contender, she’d keep having stories by anonymous McCain campaign staffers and other 2012 contenders going after her and her family. Take that ambition off the table and it neutralizes a lot of that. So she can focus on candidates and ideas without an ulterior motive focused on 2012….
she’s gone rogue.
Pop Socket: Of course Krauthammer and Kristol can both be wrong! They managed it many times over the past 8 years.
Oh. You mean when they *disagree* with each other.
It was refreshing to see that, wasn’t it?
You know this means she gets another 15 minutes. Gack.
But she bakes just like a little girl. And if you can’t take the mudpies, get out of the bitchin’.
But really, it’s clear she’s cracking up. I think what we have is a person who for the last couple of years has been completely beyond her level of competence, like George Plimpton on the pro football field, except he could write and edit the Paris Review– and of course there’s something naughty she did in the past, too.
Even the Audubon magazine this month had a feature on her proclivities to sign bills allowing children to slaughter charismatic mega-fauna from helicopters, etc. She’s being wolfed off the national stage! Poor little creature from Wasilla!
The SA thread has contributors claiming credit. Har!
Man! I was really looking forward to Obama kicking some Palin ass in 2012! After the rambling speech and other recent republican politician revelations, I can’t wait to hear why she really quit - these GOP governors are the best entertainers!
I’m just preparing myself for pics of Sarah sporting a strap-on.
You KNOW they’re out there.
Does anyone else think she sounded like she might have been ingesting some of Mama Johnston’s Special White Medicine? The gasping and babbling reminded me of TweakSpeak.
P.T.T.: At least George Plimpton knew he was out of his league, admitted it, enjoyed it, and allowed us to enjoy it as well. Watching Sarah Palin is like watching a wreck, not merely in slow motion, but in motion so slow it won’t end. I’d rather jack-off a bobcat with a handful of cockleburrs than listen to her speak and she’s going to keep on speaking. She will not stop.
She had the Letterman gig, which worked for a while. But then ole Marky Sanford did his Father’s Day adultery tango by going down in the Argentine. Then during the week, Al Franken takes the headlines by finally kicking Norm Coleman’s clown butt. There is no way that Caribou Barbie could let all that ink go to waste without her name being printed. She had to do something to reclaim the spotlight, and quitting did the job.
Fear not, Libtards. She isn’t going anywhere. Crazy Sarah cannot live without the newsies watching her all the time. She is the Mother of Gifts that Keep On Giving. Also.
As she travels the United States, rest easy. She will continue to be the village idiot where ever she speaks.
Palin is bailin’?
Quelle que soit sera ne sera pas.
Be sure to show your tail end on the way out, sarah. I wanna see those McCain molar marks.
Nice mixture of rage and victimhood, Bible Spice.
She is going on tour with Joe The Plumber soon, real soon.
Doubleheader for the teabaggers.
Paging Pastor Murthee. Please report to your white courtesy telephone.
Not a joke: make my words, its a Federal embezzlement scandal.
mark my words lol
PopeyesPipe: Excellent! +1 for you good, sir. that is my term of the day!
I think the Runner’s World hoohah put her back into pretty queenie mode and now she firmly believes she can conquer teh world.
cucamonga wrote:
I love Sarah’s interview!
That’s why I voted for her!
6/29/2009 10:12 PM CDT
(*fart* please pass pork rinds)
Palin’s gonna be the RUNNIEST gal ever! Yay!
My sources at the RNC tell me that she has joined the cast of Real World D.C…as the neurotic, over-achieving anal-whore.
TeddyS: Never did quite let go of the “win the news cycle” McCain/Palin campaign mantra did she? She truly is a campaign experiment gone horribly out of control. Much like the intro scene to ‘28 Days Later’ when the monkeys infected with ‘rage’ are released, only this is about hillybillys infected with TEH STOOPIDZ
qwerty42: Yes, I’m sure Barack Obama is terrified of the possibility of Sarah Palin becoming the Republican Party’s “idea” person.
She probably thinks she’ll take fewer potshots running around the country than quietly run her state. Either way, she’s into Ann Coulter batshit-crazy territory.
ChickenTeriyakiBoy: When you say ‘anal-whore’ hyphenated like that do you mean ‘up-tight’ or, the ‘anal-whore’ definition as interpreted on the DVD that I hide when I have company over?
Sarah has invoked kanly against Steve Schmidt, and now will hunt him and all his relatives down like meese from an airplane.
~
Don’t go away crazy… just go away.
Speed Ball: That would be the latter, and a wonderful new addition to our political lexicon at that.
You might consider filing that DVD (is it really just one?) amongst your more general collection and see if any of your guests notice. A whole new meaning of cock-tail party.
I think it was Freud who said, “Sometimes bat-shit crazy narcissism is just bat-shit crazy narcissism.”
The sad thing is this has probably increased her popularity among the Conservative elite at the Corner and Fox News.
Drudge reports ‘WE’RE NOT RETREATING. WE’RE ADVANCING IN ANOTHER DIRECTION’…
SPEECH…
in addition to expected “WHO warns swine flu ‘unstoppable’…”
The one thing Drudge loves more than earthquakes is plagues. Other than AIDS which is seldom mentioned on his site.
Oldskool: And Laura Ingraham. Don’t forget Laura Ingraham.
Oh, it looks like this “Also.” shit is spreading:
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/7/3/749691/-Palin-secedes-from-office.-Also.
chascates: …and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards victory!
Hike the Alaska coast and Write A Book, Wasilla Winky! Such a way with the words you have!
or freedum. whichever.
I think the GOP misses having an inarticulate president so much that they are having each of their young stars give a rambling, mystifying impromptu press conference. Just to prove their worth.
Apologies if this has already been flagged but has anyone seen this?
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/07/03/palin-hockey-arena-scandal
Loser VP candidate Palin aspires to be the Republican John Edwards (pointlessly camping out in Iowa for the next three years). And what are the chances that a bimbo like her won’t also have an affair on the long, dusty campaign trail? (Though, unlike Edwards, she may just terminate the “evidence” instead of getting photographed holding it.) I bet this gal’s sexual history puts Bill Clinton’s to shame, rapes included (on both sides, insert McCain’s rape joke here). And her lipstick tattoo was made for the campaign trail.
You can’t just quit… this isn’t like four colleges.
oldcrone: I’ve seen that on several other sites but IT’S JUST THE HATERS who claim this. There are a LOT OF PERFECTLY GOOD REASONS if this is true. They will be forthcoming.
Have you heard about her love for our military and special-needs babies?
It’s like the “slutty airline attendant” lady said: Not quitting, “. . . is being a quitter.”
Palin is a TOTAL FRAUD. This is just the beginning.
P.S. Did you hear that Palin has a special needs baby?
chascates: That’s just crazy talk!
I thought Mr. Lane was walking on a beach somewhere in CA, if anyone already mentioned this, I apologize. Am also a CA whack job.
What’s amazing about all of this is how the shining star of the Republican party was defeated in one month by David Letterman.
oldcrone: “a few buddies”???
DangerousLiberal: If Palin was really Sanford’s “Maria,” I doubt she would show the same emotion as Sanford if confronted with it. More like, “Just some flesh on the side, meant nothing.” Of course, I doubt if Sanford would be crying over Palin, either.
She’s totally too nice to be Governor of Alaska.
She’s moving to Montana because she doesn’t want to be around when the North Korean Nuke, that Dick Cheney warned her about, hits Alaska.
lizard scum: If Mark were boinking Sarah/Maria, that would be it for Jenny. She’d pack up however many houses they have and be back to Chicago by sundown.
She’s doing it out of spite, because Runner’s World refused to run the Cincinnatti Hot Plate spread.
No one has guessed the most obvious of all: G-g has told her to start a Pentecostal Health&Wealth End Times Ministry! Soon on TBN!
Zhu Bajie
I think we all need to take a few moments, look inside ourselves, and quietly reflect on how this is all our fault. If we, The People, had only been a little nicer to Sarah, a little kinder, and stopped to listen to the intelligent things she had to say, maybe she’d still be up there in Alaska fightin’ for our freedoms and stuff. For shame, Wonketteers. For shame.
Witsendnj: Could be a couple guys in nice suits paid her a visit not long ago and pointed out to her that bad things can happen to good people and to bad people, too, if they insist on boxing outside their weight or don’t have the sense to stop playing in the way of heavy, serious traffic.
P.T.T.: Could be she snapped, she cracked, and pop! goes the Wasilla Weasel. Couldn’t stand the heat of the national kitchen. Good thing she’s not a heartbeat away from the presidency. Also.
Ha Ha Ha hows about a Rambling O Meter? WTF was she talking about? Anyone?
Does anyone besides me have this ominous feeling right now? Laugh if you like, but maybe Palin’s timing, like her uncanny ability to foster racist and other hatred at her rallies, follows some inscrutable logic. Pray that the unemployment rate goes down soon, or we may have the world’s ditsiest fascist president. She has already been practicing her blaming skills on trivial subjects, like Letterman. If she wins in 2012, just hope that you’re not the one who gets blamed for people’s hardships. (Hopefully at least some scapegoats on Wall Street will take the blame, but more likely just gays and Hispanics…)
get real: “P.S. Did you hear that Palin has a special needs baby?”
What’s this now?
She wants to be on unconscious on Diprivan all the time so David Letterman’s child ridiculing voices will get out of her head.
Since every state’s finances are going into the dumper, now is a good time to quit, or have an affair with an Argentinian. Or attend Anthrocon 2009 Pittsburgh Pa, going on 24hrs a day right now.
I vaguely remember a few months ago the Republicrates were not making nice nice with her. I would post links but am tooo lazy.
If, as she says, the world needs more Trigs, I imagine the Chinese already have a factory gearing up to make them. We don’t need Sarah getting pregnant every 6 months just to kick up the Trig quota. Just my view. Disagree if you like.
honestly, in the modern era of linkedin and facebook and other instant networking applications, it isn’t out of the ordinary at all to quit a job after only a year or two. she probably found a nice gig at a luxury real estate firm or something, or as bill kristol’s personal assistant. good on her, improving herself like that, i say.
ivenson:
When she said 180 times in the no news conference that the world needs more trigs, I knew the mental giant nonreader was NOT speaking of trigonometry.
(¯`*•.(¯`*•.(¯`*•.¸ HAPPY 4TH, MY FELLOW HEATHENS ¸.•*´¯).•*´¯).•*´¯)
Here is your “Special” holiday bling-eh:
http://blingee.com/blingee/view/94339447-NOBODY-LIKES-A-QUITTER-PALIN
It’s more of that damn Nigerian Penis Voodoo. I thought team Palin would be spared after the ranks of the righteous Ween Bearers were decimated but apparently Vag Keepers are not immune from the insanity. The Demon Zygote in Chief is of course laughing his ass off because he managed to fry Sister Saras mind the day before Tea Party Day. Now you get to have your precious 4th of July celebration without having to dodge olds in rascals carrying Nobama signs (except in Texas).
How have we offended you, Oh Lord of Israel? Was it Newt? Rudi? Mittens? Show us a sign (preferably in English and make the words small and the letters big). No matter, our salvation now lies with Mittens and his magic under pants. Everybody else seems to have lost their damn minds.
Extemporanus: I lol’d
It’s ironic, I think, that the reasons she gave for stepping down were the same ones Nixon gave. And that worked out pretty well, all things considered.
Fingers optimistically crossed. I know our future is brighter with Sarah in it.
I think wimply liberal men are threatened and ugly liberal women are jealous of her beauty and commitment to God and country.
That simple……..
As long as we see the end of square, rimless eyeglasses, hair tied behind the head and red ‘come-fuck-me’ high heels I’m happy.
Although I would like to see Todd smash into a big tree on his snow ‘machine.’
She’s going to be a lipstick and clothing model for Nieman Marcus.
Either that or a beer model for North Korea, which she can see from her running trail in Alaska.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI17_6Dm1Bg
daisydukes: I am not now wearing — nor have I ever worn — a medieval woman’s garment, though I would certainly look lovely in a wimple.
With this woman, no one can be messed.
Unless you are a Trig and nestled against her chest.
(I completed Ken’s alt-text poem.)
oldcrone: This was brought up during 2008 campaign. I knew this would eventually bite them in the ass.
daisydukes: Palin hates Alaska/U.S and God hates the Palins. I know, it’s complicated.
Mr Blifil: Uh, yeah they did —->Extemporanus:
Things got a little tough so she quit. She’s a quitter. I’m sure a gentleman like Mitt Romney will never say that.
And has there ever been a luckier son of a bitch than Sen. Ensign? You remember him–he was the Republican who owned up to the sexytime scandal that was eclipsed by Sanford, then Jackson’s death, now Bible Spice. I hope he’s playing some of those Vegas casinos, because this man is one charmed adulterer.
Hedley Lamar: Hannity and Palin.
Nah, he would never share the stage with a camera hog like that bitch.
Lizard Scum: “Does anyone besides me have this ominous feeling right now?”
I’ve always had that ominous feeling about the Wasilla Gorilla. She really is the bigoted, uneducated, superstitious, self-righteous slice of rubarb pie that all Republican pols since Reagan have pretended to be — at least part of the time — so they too can be “the base.” Toss in mean and ludicrously egotistical. Once a month I watch Katie Couric because I’m still grateful that by staring at Palin thinking “I”m smarter, richer, and gooder in ever way than you Sarah” she managed to make her melt into an incoherent Miss Teen America contestant from South Carolina. And speaking of South Carolina, has anybody seen if there was a book out on the odds of a Republican governor other than lover-boy resigning? Maybe it’s all part of a betting scandal!!
AND HOW DARE ANYONE OUT THERE MAKE FUN OF SARAH
AFTER ALL SHE’S BEEN THROUGH
SHE LOST HER VICE PRESIDENCY
SHE HAD FIVE FUCKING KIDS
SHE LOST HER RUNNING MATE
WHO TURNED OUT TO BE A USER
AND NOW SHE’S GOING THROUGH AN EMBEZZLEMENT SCANDAL
ALL YOU PEOPLE CARE ABOUT IS POLAR BEARS AND WOLVES
AND MAKING MONEY OFF OF HER
¡SHE’S A HUMAN!
WHAT YOU DON’T REALIZE IS THAT SARAH IS MAKING A BUNCH OF NEWS
AND ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS WRITE A BUNCH OF CRAP ABOUT HER
ALL YOU PEOPLE WANT IS MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE
¡LEAVE HER ALONE!
¡YOU’RE LUCKY SHE EVEN RAN FOR PRESIDENT FOR YOU BASTARDS!
Sarah, can’t you get anything right? It was Lettermann who was supposed to resign, not you!!
And Sean Parnell was stunned: “Does this mean I can have two blackberries now”?
“I’m gonna go attempt to take care of my fucked up family because it’s good for Alaskahh.”
I can’t believe she said that!
chascates: The Redstaters who are incensed at the way this innocent woman and her family have been savaged by the “liberal elitist media” aren’t the same people who savaged the Clintons, called Hills a lesbian and made fun of Chelsea, are they? They aren’t the same people who had no problem with the fact Saint Reagan only darkened the door of church if he had to for ceremonial occasions, but claim the fact the Obamas haven’t chosen a church is proof he is a Muslim, are they?
No, I didn’t think so. ‘Cause that would be hypocritical.
Her spokeswoman went on Anderson Cooper tonight and told a boatload of obvious lies. I believe something brown and smelly is about to go flapping through a high-speed fan. Raincoats, people.
patrick12344: You just reminded me– where are all the Kenneth Parnell photoshops already?
Extemporanus?
1ofUS: “YOU’RE LUCKY SHE EVEN RAN FOR PRESIDENT FOR YOU BASTARDS!”
Fuckin’ A the wonkeratti are lucky she ran for prez. After Hope eclipsed irony, we were afraid there would be nothing left to make fun of.
Oldskool: Megaphone is well-known for telling a boatload of obvious lies.
I got my raincoat, though.
Runners World and Vanity Fair are the new Woodward and Bernstein.
If this were anything she could have built off, it wouldn’t be dumped into one of the BIGGER Friday newsdump holes of the year. Something is rotten in the state of Alaska.
Q: So, what’s the difference between a pit bull and a quit bull?
A: Difference in what respect, Charlie?
Oldskool: Lush Rimjob’s cigar? Even better, how about DNA tests showing that he, the Great Lardassky hisself, is actually Trig’s father?
FunkyPalmettoBug: “Federal embezzlement scandal”
I don’t care what she says about this being in the “works for weeks” and the strategy the redstaters are trying to convince themselves she’s applying, that speech was so off-the-cuff and delivered so badly that she sounded like she was one step ahead of the posse. (Here in the Dust Bowl we still use that term in the old fashioned western sense). Why bother resigning as guv? It’s not like she did anything but allow wolves to be slaughtered in the cruelest fashion possible and get the hell out of that godforsaken wilderness every chance she got.
I simply cannot believe there isn’t a big ol’ Jimmy Choo (is that how it’s spelled? I know shit about fashion) is about to drop. The hope gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Please, please, god, let “Wait, Wait . . .” not be on vacation tomorrow along with all the other political comedians.
Think she maybe checked the Dish Guide for reruns on Stewart, et al, before she made her big announcement? Paging Tina Fey. . .Paging Tina Fey . . .Paging . . .
daisydukes: What about all us macho liberal men who just want to hate fuck her?
Smoke Filled Roommate: What, like sodomizing Trig or something? No way—That would be in extremely poor taste, and offensive to the dead man’s family.
“baby brother trig mocked by some mean spirited adults.” adults? free wonkette. free wonkette.
Oldskool: “Ann Coulter batshit-crazy territory.”
How’s this for a traveling show: Coulterbeast, Bible Spice, Batshit Bachman and OK’s own Sally “homos caused the financial meltdown” Kern? MIchele Malkin could do the halftime show, delivering her own, very special version of “Let the Eagle Fly”. For cultural diversity, Huckabee could play guitar. They’d pack Madison Square Garden full of wingnuts paying damn fine money to see the show.
Hell, I’d watch it on CSPAN.
I’ll have to admit that when MJ died, I thought that Sanford was a lucky bastard and that Sarah would get upset and have to do something big to get herself back in the news.
The timing, as Smoke Filled Roommate notes, on one of the slowest news days of the year is suspicious.
Witsendnj: It’s theimmoralminority dot blogspot dot com. Not theimmoralmajority blogpsot com. Have you looked at theimmoralmajority blogpsot com? OVERLOAD
Oh hell, I admit it: She had a roll in my wallow while Toddy watched.
For shame!
Gone…but not forgotten (shudder)
Someone has to say it: What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? Hockey moms quit.
Don’t worry, Reps are completely dedicated to being the official Raving Loonie Party, so they will find another raving loonie. Maybe Pat Robertson will run again!
Zhu Bajie
Witsendnj: I’m strangely unimpressed.
IDustBowlBlues: Her delivery was stilted and she seemed VERY nervous. This wasn’t a choice. Something big is going down behind the scenes. There is a game afoot here (as Sean Connery would say). Jimmy Choo is the correct spelling. Tina will have to reprise her role at least one more time.
ivenson: “P.S. Did you hear that Palin has a special needs baby?”
I think you must be referring to the “look, I-didn’t-abort-this-retard prop baby?” Not that she didn’t try. Talk about late term: Go into labor, finish speech in Houston, water breaks (when chance of infection goes up incrementally) take loooong flight to AK, including changing planes in Seattle, drive past Anchorage state-of-art neonatal ward to deliver the kid in a bush hospital. If that ain’t trying to lose the kid–in the cruelest fashion possible–I don’t know what is. Oh, and naming the poor kid after Roy Rogers’s horse and dressing up the kid in Dumbo ears and parading him around a convention hall in front of the cameras.
What a mom–when being warned that Philly fans are the biggest assholes on earth, saying “we’ll put Piper in a Flyers jersey and see if they they boo her” and dragging the little girl out on the ice where she meets ugly, ugly reaction. Forcing her daughter to have and keep a baby after which Bristol wistfully says, “I wish this were ten years from now. I wish I could have an education and a career.” Oh, yeah.
This bitch is really mother of the fucking year.
She’s quitting so that she can become a community organizer.
bitch is crazy.
milk it?
crazy bitch.
While I appreciate the media’s futile attempt to diagram her sentences, we are yet to find out what Governor YouBetcha! really meant to say.
Until they find a certified native Palinese interpretor, I’m not buying this story.
ryang: YES. Best explanation so far.
all these responses are so creative and insightful. way to go commenters. i never would have thought to go after palin for being ‘less than academic’. but you guys nailed it… every single one of you. also she’s crrazy. it’s so funny of you to point that out! this has been some great reading, it’s like every comment is different and special in it’s own way.
DustBowlBlues:
Ah! Ya too rude
wonker-rat I race
wonk a rat race I
This is wonketta-rat race
Some a awful, some a libtard, some a whacker
wonker-rat I race, rat I race
Some a googlin, some a hooligan, some a guine-gog
Wonker-rat I race, yeah!
Rat race
I’m singing
When the cats away
The mice will play
Political violence fill ya city
Yea-ah!
Don’t involve Wanka in your say say
Wanka don’t work for no C.I.A.
Rat race, rat race, rat race
Oh noes. Now who will I make fun of now.
Please Sarah, hike the Appalachian trail for a bit and come back just as bat shit crazy as ever.
We need you.
imissopus: “What about all us macho liberal men who just want to hate fuck her?”
wouldn’t be worth it, not even for hate. she’s not that attractive physically, you’d have to listen to her talk, and afterwards she’d want money. just not worth it, no amount of macho or liberal will make it so.
I look for her to be the star of next season’s “Ice Road Truckers”.
Actually, I don’t give a flying eff what happens to Bible Spice. Eff all the Alaskans who voted for her, eff Grampy for picking her as his running mate and eff the MSM for taking her seriously up to now. And Hail Letterman for taking her down! Like someone suggested upthread, I really think the Letterman fiasco was the straw that finally broke the caribou’s back.
Where are Joe the Plummer and Tito the Builder when all this crazy shit is going down? Oh wait a minute, they’re on the unemployment line.
decora: ” different and special in it’s own way.”
Like little baby Trigger.
windupbird: “Her delivery was stilted and she seemed VERY nervous. This wasn’t a choice. Something big is going down behind the scenes.”
what say she got the target letter in the mail this week and has learned that when she appears before the grand jury, her attorney can be present but will have to sit outside the room while she answers questions. any odds on that bet?
Holy shit, I’ve figured it out. She’s booking with all that SarahPAC cash. Look out, Neiman Marcus!
decora: hey, cunt didja hear, sarah palin’s stupid, crazy and has a special needs kid. must be swell to be so superior.
Poor Al Franken. He has to be serious so he looks like a senator, and you know his internal monologue is so funny at this point that he’s cracking ribs, trying to suppress the laughter.
Tweety, Maher, Rachel, Keith O, John Stewart, Ed Shultz, Colbert–you know they, all their writers, are going nuts, having this great big old fat ball coming right down the middle of the plate and they’ve got no bat in their hands.
Two can play at this sports analogy game, Bible S.
Trig’s pregnant…Sullivan was on to them
Gallowglass: “SarahPAC cash”
I knew something was up when SarahPAC quit advertising on wonkette
Speaking of–I think Ken went back to his party. He knew that Bible S would keep us too busy to bother him for the rest of the evening.
DustBowlBlues: Can’t wait till he has his own ‘Lil Mossberg..
“I fawted mama! ..BLAM!
Various members of my family are in meltdown, so this was a nice distraction, but this old gal has to turn in.
I would sign off with my usual, Later, Losers, but tonight Sarah Palin has turned all the wonkeratti into winners.
Well played, fellow mean-spirited liberals, well played.
DustBowlBlues: Yep, I had that same thought about SarahPAC when I read Brad Blog. Her shit is about to become undone.
Carl’s Jr and Haagen Dazs profits are going to skyrocket with all the PUMA binge eating that is about to happen.
She can’t win a national election, and she knows it, so there’s nowhere for her to go politically except Alaska, and she’s bored with that. Out of office, she can fly around the lower 48, get paid for making speeches to her rabidly faithful, and make campaign appearances for whatever GOP candidate needs some help from the right wing.
By quitting, she gets: 1) Out of Alaska; 2) Money for the cheerful, babbling, winking rants that she does so well; 3) Constant adoration from the people who think she is just the cutest little plain-talker; 4) and a debt of gratitude, and maybe something else later on, from the national GOP for being a needed sop to the extreme right wing of the party. Her smiling face is about all the GOP can afford to give the right-wingers for a few years.
honkyman: but she breaks just like a little girl.
Palin went down because of kickbacks from her time as Wasila Mayor in regards to the local sports complex.
So much for the sexy time angle. Drat.
I’m just sad she isn’t our Vice President right now, aren’t you?
Ya know those dipshits who voted for George W. Bush TWICE would still vote for her crazy ass!
P.T.T.: Yeah, she’s vacant and earnest like Reagan, but meaner. Republicans have missed Reagan because it’s hard to say all sorts of nonsense and seem sincere and likable, as McCain proved. I remember someone like Noam Chomsky saying that America has been lucky to never have had an honest demagogue, like Hitler. All our demagogues have been corrupt and duplicitous, and their own ruin. Enter, Palin. Of course, her honesty comes with a heavy price in stupidity, so hopefully she will also be her own ruin, comically. Otherwise, put down your firecrackers and dust of your copy of Radiohead’s Hail to the Thief, because the American Century is still over, just done.
Its probably something really boring like embezzlement… Shouldn’t she get a pass on that? I mean, don’t Republicans go for the really sick shit like dirty diaper sex, meth whores, snuff films, wide stance sex in airport restrooms, sex with kids… ? Embezzlement? WTF is WRONG with her?!!? I knew she wasn’t a REAL Republican. She is WORTHLESS! LOSER!
DustBowlBlues:
Unfortunately for both of us, WaitWait! often records on Thursday.
My money’s on a canned program this week, and back to snarky glory next.
lizard scum: Okay, goodnight, I’m taking some xanax with my wine and going to bed…that was too dark of a thought, 51 minutes into Independence Day. Like Ken said, fuck you, Palin, for ruining our national holiday.
DustBowlBlues: YES! It pisses me the hell off that Ensign — who still has not accounted for the money he laid on his “former employees” — is totally off the radar. Even the Las Vegas Sun, the more liberal of the two LV dailies, doesn’t seem the least bit interested in this scandal. They couldn’t even be bothered to find a photo of Ensign’s mistress (although someone else did, so I can assure you that, yes, she looks just like his wife, which I’m sure shocks you). And the fact that Ensign’s scandal is tied in with The Family — with its creepy Angels and Demons secret house for Congressmen — make this the most interesting daliance of the summer, IMHO. I’m glad to know you haven’t forgotten, Blues.
ChickenTeriyakiBoy: yes and several.
She didn’t finish her term as mayor, stepping down to run for Lt. Governor. She didn’t finish her term on the petroleum board ethics panel, she resigned in protest and then ran for Governor. She doesn’t want the office, she just likes running for office. She doesn’t want (can’t actually) accomplish anything, she just wants to talk about it.
Alaska Girl: or running from office.. She really is the Runniest Woman Ever.
GaySailor: Yeah, embezzlement’s more like a Chicago-style crime.
daisydukes: Mmmm-hmmmm. I’m so jealous that I went out and got my twat surgically extended down to my knees, the better to simulate the effects of crapping out a new kid every six weeks.
I don’t get all the speculation about motives and insanity. What part of “She’s Nutty Brand Pentecostal” don’t you understand?
slappypaddy: She might not look so bad in her dress-up clothes, but after five kids — one of them long after her skin lost its resiliance — she can’t look too great naked. Unless Todd spent that half-mil on plastic surgery instead of legal fees.
Alaska Girl: You forgot about college. She quit four or five of those. Also, I agree that she has no interest in actually GOVERNING. She just likes the campaigns. They’re like beauty pageants on meth.
Witsendnj: Yikes, my bad! I should know better (see avatar for possible reasons why).
Clearly, much like Sanford (according to Rush Limbaugh) she just gave up as the leftist hordes come to take away her capitalist dreams.
Stupid Obama, making otherwise competent and rational Republicans do stupid, self-destructive crap!
I’m watching Sarah Palin’s resignation announcement. And without a doubt - she’s in a full out MANIC STATE. Seriously. She’s 100 percent MANIC.
I believe she needs to be hospitalized.
DangerousLiberal: No, but maybe she was having an affair with the same mistress as Sanford. Damned, that would actually make me want to vote for her… well, until she opened her mouth anyway
Personally, I just want to know who’s she been palling around with??
Fuck. First time I get stoned in six moons’ time, and THIS is what happens? Where are the Patriotic Fireworks and B-B-Q’s? Why is this nudnik all over my Wonkettes?
What is really great is that you KNOW that the news cycle for next week is being written right now, and going to be ALLLLL about Sarah. Man it’s going to be a great week.
Top Ten Reasons Why Palin Really REALLY Quit! ; )
http://nailinpalinnow.blogspot.com/
C’mon by, have a glass of virtual champagne, and add yours in comments.
Anderson Cooper interviewed Sarah Palin’s spokesperson tonight. He asked what Sarah Palin would be doing next. Here’s her answer:
“STAPLETON: OH, everything under the sun that you can possibly think of.
And what she has said and what she did say in her speech was, just alone, getting out there and working with candidates and for candidates to get the right people in office who have those same ideas and ideals, and energy independence and who will work for stronger national security and more support for…”
Palin showers us with gifts and the blogwhori come in droves.
As the Chinese are fond of saying, “Who knows by who’s hand the deer was slain?”
What I love most about Palin is the way she speaks… how she uses words that she thinks make her sound smarter and more professional, but she’s not really intelligent enough to know how awkwardly she uses them.
It’s honestly like watching a beauty pageant over and over and over again, which is why it’s so fascinating and so repulsive.
Jeez Sarah, Narcissistic Personality Disorder much?
Talk about proving them right.
My prediction?
Sara handidly wins Indepedence Day weekend.
Sanford roars back Monday morning when the charred remains of his family are discovered in illegal beach barbeque pit.
Tuesday. Jacko’s memorial.
Wednesday. Bobby Jindal chokes on a crawfish.
Thursday. Sara leaves Todd for Bill Kristol. She does not take the children with her.
Ad infinitum.
I’m amazed that I’ve read all the way through these comments and haven’t heard what seems to me to be the obvious:
new information on the vagina-of-steel, flight from Texas story, and proof that Trigger really IS Bristol’s baby, and Tripper was either the result of a coerced pregnancy or they bought the little booger at babies.com.
This whole thing boils down to:
“Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we all could learn so much from someone like Trig - I know he needs me, but I need him even more… what a child can offer to set priorities right – that time is precious… the world needs more “Trigs”, not fewer.”
TRANSLATION:
GOP does not “recognize” our impending environmental problems = destruction of the human genome = ?????? = “Trigs” are the new GOP base.
Beware the rise of the Triglodyte!!
And via Paul Begala:
“The text, as posted on Gov. Palin’s official website, uses 2,549 words and 18 exclamation points. Lincoln freed the slaves with 719 words and nary an exclamation; Mr. Jefferson declared our independence in 1,322 words and, again, no exclamation points. Nixon resigned the presidency in 1,796 words — still no exclamation points. Gov. Palin capitalized words at random - whole words, like “TO,” “HELP,” and “AND,” and the first letter of “Troops.”"
http://gov.state.ak.us/
To hell with Obama’s birth certificate; I want to see Palin’s college diploma!
Maybe the Alaska National Guard told her that she could quit, or be arrested and flown to Costa Rica. Something tells me Hugo Chavez won’t give a shit about a Snowbilly coup d’etat.
chascates: Here’s a line destined to eventually rival “four score and seven years ago…”:
Nah, only dead fish “go with the flow”.
I’ll just bet that A-Rod REALLY DID knock up Willow in New York last month. When i heard the Letterman joke I thought “OK, that’s possible”
Todd and Sarah Plus 8 (Years).
Anyway. Happy 4th of July, my fascinating American friends!
Mumpedo: Yes, I can see she believes that. Down Syndrome babies need a great deal of care - so why was she using him like a prop during her campaign- tossing him off to the other kids and carting him around to prove she didn’t abort him. She is such a steaming pile of dumb shit.
Don Juanquete: unless you are a Trig and are dangled by one arm like a sack of potatoes to be pulled out as a prop when needed.
Except that doesn’t rhyme.
Hey, things might look bad for Sarah now, but she’ll straighten it out - go be the governor at four or five other states, until she finds one that works for her.
Wouldn’t it delicious if Palin were resigning to shield the fact that her 14-year old daughter actually did get knocked up? The additional plus of Letterman getting vindicated!
With Palin out of the way, Putin can now retake Alaska.
I have seen better hostage tapes that that “news conference” Gov Palin held yesterday. It was awful. Wow. What it showed me was that it was thrown together. I think she’d decided a while back that governing was less fun than running to govern and was going to not go again in ‘10, but something’s up. Way up. Either the earlier posters with the “someone’s got something on her” theories are correct or there is a big shoe that either is (or was about) to drop. I’m glad she’s out of office (the Lt. Gov actually looks like someone who could be a governor…like from central casting) but I’m sure she’s not out of our lives.
wheelie: Elton John and Bernie Taupin are even now re-rewriting Candle In The Wind: “Goodbye Snowbilly Queen, though I never liked you at all….”
JohnnyMeatworth: Win!
And nothing like that can-do, never-give-up spirit of quitting.
NoWireHangers: I’d love to think that in some small cumulative-effect way, Sarah Palin was brought down by Wonkette snark.
Step right up and give some money to help the little lady (from http://www.sarahpac.com/):
“Visit The Alaska Fund Trust at http://www.thealaskafundtrust.com, the official legal defense fund for Governor Sarah Palin and family.”
and
“Please note: There are many websites claiming to support Sarah Palin. SarahPAC.com is the ONLY political action committee authorized by Sarah Palin.
Paid for by SarahPAC
Not authorized by any candidate or candidate’s committee
http://www.SarahPAC.com“
Here’s a prediction, for what it’s worth:
1. Palin goes on the speaking tour, “writes” a book, keeps her base together.
2. Sometime within the next 18 months, she announces the formation of the “American Christian Party” whose main platform is no abortion, ever. She is joined by Michelle Bachman, maybe Mike Huckabee, and the more entertaining half of the right wing punditocracy.
3. Palin/Bachman or Bachman/Palin? The American Christian Party descends into chaos as its leaders get into a hideous, hairpulling cat fight on stage at their convention over top billing.
4. Hilarity ensues
5. Also
I personally believe that Republican governors are unable to do so because uh some uh people out there in our party don’t *have* maps and uh I believe that our ed- education like such as in Alaska and uh the- the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should uh our education over here in Alaska should help the Republicans or- or- should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future with more Trigs.
Mark Ensign-Mark Sanford-Michael Jackson-Sarah Palin–the circle of death goes on.
The viciousness that you all display is stunning. Mocking Trig? Congratulations on that, champs.
The world needs more retards.
“Track-A-’: The viciousness that you all display is stunning. Mocking Trig? Congratulations on that, champs.”
don’t mention it. we’re all a bunch of stunners here. i for one love the smell of napalmed politician in the morning. trig’s just collateral damage. babble spice didn’t want him to take hits, she shouldna used him as a sandbag to take cover behind. you betcha. also.
say, we’re also into buttseks here in wonkettia. you like a little buttseks? here, bend over. we’ll put the head in. if you don’t like it, we can talk about it. it’ll be stunning.
Can we just acknowledge that she is of very, very, very middling intelligence, and that when someone of that limited mental capacity ever speaks into a magic voice-capturing device without an opportunity to memorize every line, or must ad-lib when questions are asked, “rambling and sometimes confusing” is pretty much always the result? Oh, and people whose IQ are in the Meh percentile shouldn’t be elected dog catcher, let alone Governor, let alone Vice-President?
I think she’s trying to distance herself from her ethics problems and get a new image. Three years should do nicely. Voters have a very short memory span. Palin got close to the flame and got burnt that’s all, but she is not going away. The smell of power is intoxicating but she has a big problem in that the political machine will probably never trust her again, unless they get real desperate. I would not place her in the dustbin of history yet. There are many in this country who hold her ideas dear. Unfortunately.
Witsendnj: I don’t believe in grand sweeping strategies by political parties. That gives them too much credit for foresight.
Worst case scenario: Sarah has been diagnosed with some mild case of cancer which puts her out for a few years. Then, after recovery, she pulls out all of our snark and says, Hey look, this is how the media treated me when I had cancer! And the sympathy points delete everything and she starts all over.
Hopefully, she’ll remember which newspapers she read by then, just as newspapers become obsolete.
DangerousLiberal: “Appalachian Trail” starts with A too. Spooky.
chascates: Loves it!!!
this summer just keeps getting better and better!!!
If this means we have Mittens/Cantor ‘12 it’s going to be a very long, very boring election. Except for the funny underwear.
Damn you, humor-killing-hillbilly-snowqueen! No quitsies! Wonkette called that!
chascates:
…this is kind of like Ben Kenobi letting Darth Vader strike him down. Palin is not going to run in 2012, but by doing this she can now become Barack Obama’s worst nightmare, and help rebuild the opposition to Obama.
Oh my freakin’ god, conservatards have started comparing themselves to Star Wars heroes. When they start comparing themselves to Transformers, I will punch myself in the face.
Hey, I think I recognized the suit she was wearing. Isn’t it one of those that was offloaded from the belly of the McSame/Pay-In 08 airplane?
I believe she resigned for a new-Rush-with-tits radio show thing. That way, she doesn’t have to worry about election, makes more money, and can be a ‘leader’ without any responsibility whatsoever. What’s not to love?
Someone found Sarah’s ‘whitey’ tape
According to Andrew Halcro: ” I received an email from a friend who wrote, “I just heard from some of my friends that Todd was in Dillingham fishing and had to quickly abandon his boat and leave other people in charge of the setnet to get back to Sarah, doesn’t sound like a planned resignation.”
According to several reporters I spoke to today, the release announcing the press conference this morning was sent out at 9am. The press conference was to be held at 11am, fifty miles outside of Anchorage at the governor’s home, thereby not giving the media any advance notice.”
http://www.andrewhalcro.com/
I’m surprised Sarah didn’t just use a press release to tell Todd.
Strangely, I don’t recall seeing Levi at the announcement….. verrrrry curious……
she’s got big, weird, coming-out-at-45-degree-angles-from-her-empty-head ears. i watched the video like 20 times, trying to get some processable info out of it. Her ears were the only thing that made any sense. And barely.
Idk, maybe she needs her lameduck years to figure out those buttons on that red thing she’s in. I don’t get that also.
Could Palin have saved us from our obesity!?
The first article that broke about her, that I read after her nomination for veep was announced, was a wsj.online piece profiling her fitness regimen… & now she exits not far behind a story on her running. I would hope she’d serve as an inspiration to more of us needing to get off the couch and power-walk/calorie-count our way to a healthier ‘Murican Way.
decora: I sense scorn in your tone.
In which case I should point out that the possessive form of it is “its.” No apostrophe.
However, if I misread your tone, please ignore my going all grammar nazi on you.
hoosiermama: I can totally hear El Rushbo railing against the “DEMcepticons.”
AnglRdr: It would probably be more appropriate to say “grammar gestapo” than “grammar nazi”. A Nazi was a member of the National Socialist German Workers’ Party. Many of those members were indifferent to grammar rules, I’m sure. If there was a branch of the Nazi party whose narrow ideology focused on grammar I’m unaware of it. In either case, I suppose the grammar gestapo would have been the one to inspire fear and dread among grammar-challenged members of the party.
Jukesgrrl: Ensign’s scandal is tied in with The Family — with its creepy Angels and Demons secret house for Congressmen —”
(Note to wonkeratti: At 250+ posts, cutandpaste is only courteous).
EEEEEWWWWW…………………….Unclean. Spooky Dr. Tom Coburn, OK’s junior wingnut senator, likes to hang there, as well.
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-07-03/did-a-scandal-sink-the-uss-palin/?cid=hp:mainpromo2
The Republicans have been very unhinged lately. I think Sarah Palin is going to be the first to go in a very ugly men-in-the-white-coats kind of way, if you don’t count Mark Sanford who very well may end up openly masturbating on the street soon.
So mark my words - I believe Sarah Palin is destined for a nut house, wearing a strait jacket and trying to eat feces out of a toilet.
She’s crazy. That’s a future manic feces eater if ever there was one. And it won’t be pretty. (though I might enjoy it)
The story–the IRS will soon be Nailin’ Palin. See gang, the fun ain’t over!
“You have my hearts”
How many hearts does your average alien have?
I love Bill Kristol’s take: “It’s an enormous gamble - but it could be a shrewd one.”
Didn’t he say the exact same thing when McCain picked her in the first place?
**sound of crashing locomotives**
WestEdEd: Dang. Forgot all ABOUT that stupid sports complex and the house construction scandal. I was blinded by her shiny, shiny hair. Also.
A sympathetic view of Gov. Palin from beyond the grave.
What does America have that Asia doesn’t have? The answer is, Sarah Palin - not Sarah Palin the vice presidential candidate, but Sarah Palin the “hockey mom” turned small-town mayor and reforming Alaska governor. All the PhDs and MBAs in the world can’t make a capital market work, but ordinary people like Sarah Palin can.
Hockey moms and capital markets By Spengler
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Global_Economy/JJ07Dj07.html
Oh Spengler, you more than anyone should have known it wouldn’t last.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oswald_Spengler
DustBowlBlues: I keep thinking there should be a Palin/Family connection as well.
Sadly, cursory google turns up nothing of interest - fairly severe hangover precludes a more serious effort.
Did anyone else notice that at the “press conference,” little Partridge, standing next to Sarah, seems to be pregnant? Note maternity dress and all…
Poor Mark Sanford. He just can’t catch a break! Every time he turns around he’s getting upstaged by something new. When he gets back from Florida, he’s going to have to back on teevee and admit the teh gay buttsecks just to get back into the news cycle.
I, for one, vote that “not politics as usual” replace “also” in all correspondence. Which is of course not politics as usual. Also.
Well, its a good thing one can always fall back on Meth dealing and distribution to survive up North.
If McCain hadn’t chosen her a year ago, she wouldn’t be resigning today. She’d be a nobody outside the borders of Alaska, and she’d be dreaming of a run at either Don Young’s or Lisa Murkowski’s seat (I dream of making a run at Lisa’s seat, but that’s more appropriate for a fantasy site…) .
Instead, she’s on the verge of unimaginable wealth (book deal, TV talking head, fundraiser featured speaker for hire, etc.) and is seen by those who think in sound bites and catch phrases as a visionary. There’s no skeleton in the closet, I’m betting. This is about cashing in on a year of unexpected and - perhaps - undeserved fame. Good for her. I find her despicable, but I also applaud her instincts in knowing when to cash in.
Is there a second act in American life . . . after you’ve been played off by keyboard cat?
http://tinyurl.com/m7bgdp
She’s quiting to write a book on public speaking, also.
Or to create her own line of whore cosmetics.
Sources tell me Palin had to resign so she could join the other dim-witted whores at 2000 S St.
her basketball team would really suck.
like a cartoon of a travesty of a basketball team from a country that doesn’t have a basket or a ball that thought basketball meant something else and stole magnets off their inlaws’ fridges and ate them in the bathroom.
This of course means an end to one form of her GILF status. Now let just the Grandma part start
She always thinks about herself. Sales in tattooed makeup are gonna plummet now. I guess the ladies that had their lips done in Palin Shit Brown can get them blackened and pretend to be over the hill wingnut goths. That could revive interest in the GOP. “We stopped acting like freaks, and have instead opened a traveling freak show with our party members who LOOK like freaks.
Paul Tardy: Now if Capital Markets (Asia Times) Spengler would just join Oswald (Weimar Republic) Spengler in collecting some Hindu weapons and quickly BECOMING DEAD…
That speech was the most incomprehensible, warbling garbage I’ve ever heard. I lasted about two minutes. The text wasn’t much better. I think that this was unplanned based on the official posting of the text. The random caps, weird punctuation, etc suggest that she wrote it herself and noone edited it for her before posting.
Bruno: Hey, she’s already got an in with the Meth-maw (Her daughter’s baby’s daddy’s mother).
Michael Steele needs to watch his back, Sarah can bring her VP-level leadership to the GOP leadership now
Can we have a moratorium on the whole rewriting-the-song-lyrics thing? Because damn, that’s getting on my nerves.
Weeping Jesus: I stand awesomely corrected.
Perhaps she’s just carrying on her college tradition and will transfer to another three states to become their governor while taking five years to finish a four year term?
Whoa, the real reason for her resignation is out! It’s so she can lead the crusade against compact fluorescent light bulbs! Go get ‘em, Sarah!
rambone: either that or she finally understands how photoshopping works and realized that more sexy pics sexy pics have yet to reveal themselves.
Yet another one goes Gault. Where the hell are they all going to move to?
Question to Mudflats or similar such Alaskan - to what extent can she pass pardons? Presumably only on State Crimes, right?
Anita Cocktail: I’m with you on that one.
While I too feel repulsed at the thought that there might be bigger issues here, both Sanford and Palin opposed the stimulus money, and now they are gone. They were also the only Governors that could get some action, without being governors.
Palin’s still Tweeting July 4th greetings like nothing happened yesterday.
Maybe she forgot already?
Anita Cocktail:
I was going to post something based on “Wind Beneath My Wings” and a Barry Manilow medley, but I can see your nerves are jangly today. It was awesome, though.
CANADIAN BIRTH CERTIFICATE??!?!??
Nyah, nyah, ruined your holiday and your t-bagging party, also,too. But this batshit-crazy succubus will never go away for real. Someone should have had her spayed before letting her out of the house. She’ll never stop howling on the fence, no matter how many naughty monkey fuck me shoes we throw at her.
Sarah Paling’s Guide To Quitting II:
http://breepalin.blogspot.com/
avoidinggradingpapers: That’s Ptarmigan, not Partridge. Easy enough to confuse the pregnant Palin girls,though.
breepalin: I think there was a Wonkette Guide to Quitting Blog Whoring posted a few weeks back that you might want to check out.
Now Parnell is showing what a kiss up he is. There is a related post at http://iamsoannoyed.com/?p=2052
Come on, sheeple. Get back to your meat before it burns. It is obvious Palin is resigning so that she, Todd, and the kids can help Ma Johnston bring in the summer’s meth crop.
Palin/Sanford 4 -ever
It would be nice if this really meant “Good Bye and Good Riddance.” But I’m afraid that this only means she is just going to keep showing up and making an ass of herself. Her 15 minutes will end up being 15 years.
the problem child: My bad. They all look alike after awhile, and I always get Locust and Ptarmigan mixed up. Their mom sure looked grousy at that press conference…
Rarely, just rarely, incompetence and ambition become cosmically balanced. This just may be one of those times, the moral equivalent of George Bush — in some alternate universe — managing the parts department for a Kia dealership.
“I, like, believe in our American troops and also the liberal media attacks who hate capitalism, so I to get real politics as usual for the troops who honor us every fourth of July, also announced my resignation today as vice president of the United States, which I began in February and Trig and Willow said, “hell, yeah, mom” because Alaskans and Americans. I’m kind of a quitter, but real Americans love me anyway.”
Librul-n-LuvinIt: What do you mean Mark Sanford?? See, you ALREADY forgot completely about the Capo di Tutti Douchbags John Ensign!! He screws around with the help, wife of his so-called Friend-Who-Is-Also-an-Overpaid-Employee, using God-knows-who’s money, and it’s like it never happened thanks to Sanford. I hate them both, but I hate I’m-Still-a-Senator-Ha-Ha Ensign more — no matter how amusing the Affair Argentine and Bible Spice’s Breakdown may be.
Gallowglass: she grinded on yr softie for like 10 more minutes. desperate and crazy zitchalso.
chascates: Not that I don’t hate Sarah Palin enough, but as the excessive use of exclamation points is a HUGE pet peeve, I can now say that I somehow hate her even more. Who puts exclamation points in a transcript of a speech?
Anyways, from Ezra Klein:
“The main thing I’d point out about Sarah Palin’s dazzlingly incoherent farewell is that it’s pretty clear she wrote it herself. The proof is in the punctuation. The transcript was posted to her official Web site earlier today. The style is closer to a high schooler’s angry diary entry than to an official speech. I’ve read a lot of speech transcripts. They tend to have fewer words in all capital letters. And fewer things in quotation marks that aren’t actually, you know, quotes.”
TeddyS: Oddly, that makes more sense than her outburst yesterday.
Palin’s resignation made us forget about Michael Jackson made us forget about Sanford made us forget about Ensign made us forget about Letterman made us forget about Madoff made us forget about Edwards made us forget about Blagojevich made us forget about George Horseley - no, i don’t think I’ll ever forget about George Horseley.
Levi Johnston is writing a book. Also.
Further proof that Palin is just like a 14 year-old Junior High school girl.
Palin is absolutely the most immature 45 year old woman in America. No question.
get real: As a parent of a 14 year old girl, I take exception to that statement. My junior learned long ago the importance of starting what she’s finished, and what it means to be part of a team.
FWIW, she learned those skills while playing (wait for it) basketball.
gurukalehuru: not to mention made us forget about Iran, which might fit in your list somewhere, i don’t know
AnglRdr: Shoot…I forgot to add that she knows not to keep her eye on the basket when encountering a full court press. It’s a great way to run yourself into a trap without having an outlet handy. Which leads to a turnover.
Que miras, cabron!: “she, Todd, and the kids can help Ma Johnston bring in the summer’s meth crop.
Keeping the fambly together, like the Joads, only in a different, not-politics-in-the-usual kind of way. Happy Independence Day from the Dust Bowl. Also.
Jukesgrrl: Hey, Jukes–I’m all over that one. Douche Bag Ensign also has Michael Jackson to hide nefarious, sexytime scandals. Like I said, he needs to play the slots, because he’s the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet. And speaking of The Family, has he called himself King David yet?
gurukalehuru: “Levi Johnston is writing a book. Also.”
Surely you jest.
I think wonkette should have an official goal of getting attacked by Palin.
After all, are we not WARBLOGGERS!
DustBowlBlues: Yes, Levi Johnston is writing a book akin to Michael Jackson “fathering” his children.
While I thought Ken’s substitution of Trig’s head for a Stormtrooper was rather droll, I never expected in a million years that it would precipitate the utter collapse of the conservative wing of the GOP. Damn, being beneath contempt must actually be rather liberating.
When’s hot snowmobiling secessionist hubby Todd going to pen a Pulitzer?
http://democralypsenow.blogspot.com/2009/07/sarah-palins-not-at-all-sketchy_04.html
Sarah simply could not stand all the media attention Jacko was getting.
She needed her mug on the front page.
Take that *King of Pop*!!!
The *Queen of Poop* took her dump!!!
Mumpedo:
Another translation of that part of Palin’s “stepping down” speech (notice, she NEVER said she was actually resigning! She might change her mind! Ack!!) — “… the world needs more “Trigs”, not fewer.”
It’s really anyone’s guess, but mine is that what she really means is that she needs more intellectually challenged potential voters out there to give her unconditional love. The C4P’ers and the TeamSarah’ers aren’t enough.
“Must have more ’special needs’ voters in my base!”
scubaix:
Palin’s Ears: Think Dr. Zira.
avoidinggradingpapers:
Yes, when the video was first aired I noticed that strange bulge under the little girl’s Empire waist dress.
Someone else actually did a screen capture of that frame of the video and enlarged it and circled it — as if you might have missed it the first time!
The MSM isn’t talking about that, of course. Just like the other Palin Deception…
Both are just rumors, of course, we’re not saying either is FACT, are we?
Wouldn’t want to get sued!!!
WesternCorrespondent: Hmm, I assumed it was that “Campaign 15″ lbs. that one puts on during a campaign*. Remember those Britney style pics with the Louis Vuitton handbag and the milkshake?
*well, I put on 15 lbs during the campaign, and I was just sitting on the sofa smoking.
sp is nuttier than a 12 lb granola bar. whom ever can resurrect her image for a run in 2012 is surely a candidate for sainthood. i mean that’s gotta be good for 2 of 3 miracles on it’s own. i only hope she can stay in the spotlight. listening to her is almost as good as listening to georgie boy demonstrate his command of the english language. perhaps she, trig, and georgine w. bush can share a seat on the short bus and compare notes.
Que miras, cabron!: “In Which I Fart Then Giggle: A Journey of Becoming…huh huh huh..cumming”
Keep up the good work.
http://www.squidoo.com/meghanmccain