WASHINGTON, DC, 09:21 AM, TUE NOVEMBER 10 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS
« next »
AL WHO?

Minnesota Supreme Courts Rules Unanimously For Al Franken, Whatever That Means

Cry, emo Norm.Nearly a year ago, in a faraway land called “Minnesota Nice,” two Patriotic Jews fought an epic battle, if by “fought” you mean “people who were already going to vote for president also voted for one of these dorks (or the Lizard People) running for U.S. Senate.” One of them, the rich Hollywood liberal from Minneapolis, wasn’t anybody’s idea of a prize, but he beat the other guy, some kind of lamer from St. Paul. And that other guy, Norm Coleman, who always loses every campaign, just would not give up, because if he admitted defeat then Barack Obama would have 60 Democrats in the Senate and, well, let’s just say it will be “Good-bye Christianity and Hello Women’s Studies & the Hip Hop.” Anyway, the state Supreme Court says Franken won, the end. [Star Tribune]


2:24 PM on Tue June 30 2009
By Ken Layne
3075 Views

  1. lolwtfbbq says at 2:27 pm, June 30th, 2009

    It means, handjobs for all!

  2. InsidiousTuna says at 2:27 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Good-bye Christianity and Hello Women’s Studies & the Hip Hop

    God bless us, every one.

  3. NoWireHangers says at 2:28 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Wait a minute. Al Franken’s wife’s name is Franni? As in Franni Franken? Oh man, everything about this guy is an unbearable joke. Yay for Al Franken or something. God, if it wasn’t for birthing Prince, I’d say to hell with Minnesota. Well, maybe not. That Mall of America sure is a national treasure.

  4. tunamelt says at 2:28 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Don’t underestimate the ability of the Lizard People to petition the US Supreme Court. They will have their say!

  5. horned_viper says at 2:29 pm, June 30th, 2009

    This is a bonanza for SNL - I really hope they invite Franken back for a show before he is seated.

  6. norbizness says at 2:30 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I don’t care whether he has to pay attorneys’ fees for his ridiculous legal challenges, but I would appreciate the Supreme Court ordering a critical beatdown. Finally, the underrepresented demographic of comedy writers who co-starred in the 80s blockbuster hit One More Saturday Night gets its due.

  7. paintitblack says at 2:30 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I, for one, welcome our new Lizard Overlord. See Al run; see Al WIN!!! Big fail for Normie douche; hope old Norm’s in debt forevah!!!!

  8. Franken wins and Sanford “crosses” more tan lines. Not a bad day!

  9. IceCreamEmpress says at 2:33 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Franni Bryson Franken, yes. It’s not hilarious when you use her actual name.

  10. tunamelt says at 2:33 pm, June 30th, 2009

    NoWireHangers: Oh my God. You know, if I recall correctly, that mall has a Hooters inside it.

  11. Enturbulate says at 2:33 pm, June 30th, 2009

    No way will the retard wingnuts let this go. Limbaugh full court press. Oof.

    Must. Move. Overseas.

  12. nbawriter says at 2:34 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I preferred Coleman more when he played Neil in T

  13. magic titty says at 2:34 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Where is pancakes house?

  14. Crazybroad says at 2:35 pm, June 30th, 2009

    norbizness: $95K ordered to Franken. Should just about cover the cost of defending against Normie’s federal appeal.

  15. nbawriter says at 2:36 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Take Two:

    I preferred Coleman more when he played Neil in The Young Ones.

  16. Hooray For Anything says at 2:36 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Whoo hoo! This will mean that every Democratic bill will now fall at least two votes short of 60 instead of three!

  17. RoscoePColtraine says at 2:39 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Please don’t let our man Coleman be a big pussy and let something as trivial as a supreme court decision dampen his zeal to carry on the fight.

  18. Monsieur Grumpe says at 2:40 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Norm,
    Remember that “loser” doesn’t look good on a resume.
    Instead try repeated failure, human money pit or Reaganomics enthusiast.

  19. slappypaddy says at 2:41 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Okay well it’s all over now. 60 godless muslin mocha-loving democratic senators is all it will take for the antichrist with his evil eye and fashionably capable wife to make abortions mandatory for christians and to outlaw high-fructose corn syrup and convoluted tax breaks. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me

    a semblance of sensible policy and governance for a refreshing and rare passing change, or

    give me sedatives sufficient to tolerate the status quo ante.

  20. Sussemilch says at 2:41 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Hooray, just in time for the reelection campaign.

  21. Red Zeppelin says at 2:44 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I can haz Phil-i-buster pruf majoritiz now?

  22. Judas Peckerwood says at 2:47 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Huh. Who knew that Al Franken was running for office? Why wasn’t this in the news?

  23. Extemporanus says at 2:48 pm, June 30th, 2009

    tunamelt: They’ve already filed a lawsuit on behalf of Rep. Joe Sleestak charging voting pylon irregularities in the upcoming 2010 Pennsylvania senate race.

  24. Harold_Ignoramis says at 2:50 pm, June 30th, 2009

    “You Oughta Know”, that Norm Coleman is a tool.

  25. Bronkers says at 2:50 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Our long national nightmare… yahdada. Maybe.

  26. smellyal8r says at 2:51 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I’m sure we can expect a classy understated concession speech from Norm in 3-2-1…

  27. El Pinche says at 2:53 pm, June 30th, 2009

    And now for that long awaited Rush Limbaugh left ventricle explosion. I’m rubbing my lucky rabbits foot!

  28. 4tehlulz says at 2:58 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Dear Norm,
    The above-displayed Blingee is about as good as you can expect out of this; please stop.
    Thx.

  29. The Cold Sea says at 2:59 pm, June 30th, 2009

    States Rights! States Rights! States Rights!

  30. S.Luggo says at 2:59 pm, June 30th, 2009

    The grounds for Coleman’s appeal have already been laid. One of Minn. justices, Alan Page, is a person of the negro tendency. The long shadow Obama’s socialist hand falls upon this land.

  31. WadISay says at 3:00 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Haha, I am going to tool around the MN-06 Congressional District tonight and watch my enemies driven before me, and hear the screams of their women and children.

  32. Gun-toting Progressive says at 3:01 pm, June 30th, 2009

    And the top headline at cnn.com is about Jacko’s funeral schedule. God, some days I love this country.

  33. Suds McKenzie says at 3:03 pm, June 30th, 2009

    so Franken is our Ahmadinejad?

  34. ManchuCandidate says at 3:04 pm, June 30th, 2009

    All will fail against the might of the Lizard People and their Senator, Al Franken.

  35. Shot at Wolf says at 3:08 pm, June 30th, 2009

    If I can’t live in Minnesota I’m glad I live in the other news-making state. The hot one.

  36. bitchincamaro says at 3:09 pm, June 30th, 2009

    If this means normcoleman.gif goes away, I DO NOT WANT.

  37. gjdodger says at 3:12 pm, June 30th, 2009

    [Minnesota Secretary of State Mark Ritchie] said he hasn’t spoken with Pawlenty and wasn’t aware that the governor was out of the state at a conference in Washington.

    What is it with these governors who are running for President? Do they all duck out of state for a week or two and leave no forwarding address?

  38. Now all that is left is the official birth certificate check.

  39. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:14 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Franken’s first bill: Everyone must watch Joe Piscopo episodes of SNL or face genital electrocution.

  40. SayItWithWookies says at 3:14 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Antonin Scalia is already leafing through the Codex of Irredeemably Stupid and Arbitrary Principles in preparation for overturning this.

  41. Lionel Hutz Esq. says at 3:15 pm, June 30th, 2009

    At least from now on cocaine will be cheap, legal and plentiful.

  42. ManchuCandidate says at 3:18 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.:
    From what I’ve seen, it’s pretty much the same thing.

  43. mookworthjwilson says at 3:20 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: Those are also Eddie Murphy episodes for the most part…so all in all, not the end of the world…

  44. Monsieur Grumpe: National Fuck-Up

  45. WhatTheHeck says at 3:22 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Norm has but one last choice. Get his supporters to take to the streets and challenge the National Guard.

  46. humble pinko says at 3:24 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Perhaps Norm Coleman should bask himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka

  47. BadKitty says at 3:25 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Hurrah! Minnesota is not completely useless!

  48. SayItWithWookies: The “Arcanum” volume, specifically.

  49. WhatTheHeck: He waits not for his SCOTUS appeal, now, but for the people of Iran to declare solidarity with his cause.

  50. Jonny Lieberman says at 3:33 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Coleman’s Jewish?

  51. Red Zeppelin says at 3:37 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Lionel Hutz Esq.: But that makes no sense, since the punishment is more lenient than the prescribed act.

  52. Now if all the Dems would frickin’ vote the way Barry tells ‘em to. Why can’t they be more like Republicans? Oh. Never mind.

  53. Not a Country Bumpkin says at 4:15 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Normy was just on Minnesota Public Radio conceding. Now he can run for governor. Won’t somebody who lives in another state invite him to your state? We’ll never get rid of him.

  54. smellyal8r says at 4:17 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Report: Coleman (amazingly) threw in the towel at 4 EDT…what, so soon?

  55. Native of SL UT says at 4:17 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Coleman concedes. Still an ass.

  56. Native of SL UT says at 4:19 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Not a Country Bumpkin: Would you consider trading him for Orrin Hatch. Didn’t think so.

  57. springfield_meltdown says at 4:19 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Jonny Lieberman: Yeah, but he won’t correct you if you confuse him with the politically prominent Irish Coleman family.

  58. Oscelot says at 4:37 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I personally will be voting with the mole men next time around. They ARE the party of Jefferson after all.

  59. Not a Country Bumpkin says at 4:51 pm, June 30th, 2009

    @Native of SL UT. Thought about it. Rethinking. Trade you Normy and Michele Bachmann for Orrin Hatch?? That’s fair.

  60. bamaboy says at 5:11 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Not a Country Bumpkin: Okay, we’ll take him, but you’ve got to take a cracker of our choice in return.

  61. testiclease says at 6:43 pm, June 30th, 2009

    i’ll trade you half a darrell strawberry for 2 colemans. my bicycle needs new motor sounds.

  62. Dolmance says at 7:14 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Has anyone noticed Norm Coleman’s remarkable resemblance to Leslie Van Houten?

  63. iolanthe says at 8:14 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Dolmance: Absolutely. Now - I wonder if anyone else remembers who Leslie Van Houten is?

  64. RobPetrified says at 9:17 pm, June 30th, 2009

    I hope someone posts a video of Bill Oreilleys head exploding!

  65. testiclease says at 10:35 pm, June 30th, 2009

    i’ll take manson family for 200 alex

  66. engulfedinflames says at 10:36 pm, June 30th, 2009

    Leslie Van Houten, the nice manson killer?

  67. testiclease says at 10:43 pm, June 30th, 2009

    RobPetrified: i hope when it explodes it sprays the toxic waste all over rush limpblah’s oxycontin,codone, morphine, addicted fat ass.

  68. I recanted says at 12:09 am, July 2nd, 2009

    If few have noticed, it could hardly be remarkable.

  69. ghudson68 says at 10:49 am, July 2nd, 2009

    Wind up the countdown clock I give it a month before he says/does something ridiculous that fills up a news-cycle or two… until then: http://www.newsy.com/videos/franken_funnyman_or_senator

  70. Mystified says at 12:36 pm, July 5th, 2009

    I thought Gary Coleman was dead.

Leave a Reply