Wonkette
- WHAT’S GROSSER THAN GROSS? “While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.” [New York Daily News]
NEED BLEACH FOR BRAIN. PLEASE ADVISE.
Well — Bernie Madoff now has a reason to be grateful he’ll be spending the next 150 years in prison. I wonder — do they embalm his body after he dies or do they just let it rot in its cell? Or maybe they hang it from the prison wall as a warning to other Ponzi schemers.
If some Argentine hotie leaks this, I don’t think I could forgive him, no matter how delicious.
ERGHHHHH!!
ZOMG TORRENT PLZ
Maybe instead of primaries or caucuses, candidates should just all submit sex tapes, and whoever has the highest download figures wins.
Sounds bad, I know, but it’s still better than that 2008 campaign was.
Elizabeth also suspects Young stole the baseball card collection of her late son, Wade, according to a source who says that she told Young in an e-mail that other former staff members “have passed lie detector tests.”
Wow — stealing a dead kid’s baseball card collection is an entirely new level of seediness. Well — that and talking with your mistress about what songs you’ll play at the wedding when you get married after your current wife dies of cancer.
dutchie: Why do these mistakes never seem to appear on the first read through? I meant hottie, in case you hadn’t guessed.
What is he trying to do? Destroy US America’s only viable industry, Porn? Does he hate US America that much?
For the record, I’d pay $29.95 NOT to see it.
If this tape ever makes it onto the internets, it will be like those Japanese anime cartoons that caused mass seizures. Except in this case it will cause mass puking.
BTW did he happen to unpack Michelle’s “whitey” tape along with this sex tape?
Extreme closeup of Edwards narrow, wrinkled ass going at it while “Whiter Shade of Pale” plays in the background.
Young says that his belief in Edwards ran so deep that he agreed to take the fall for the candidate, inviting the pregnant Hunter to live with him, his wife, Cheri, and their three children.
So, um, we’re to believe this sycophant? Yup.
Breck boy should know better than to schlep a woman named Rielle Hunter, originally named Lisa Jo Druck at birth, and also known as “Lisa Hunter,” “Lisa Jo Hunter,” and “Rielle Jaya James Druck”. Maybe the broadcast-quality camcorder should be the first tip-off; the second would be any new answer to “What was your name again?”
I’m holding out for the Newt Gingrich sex tape.
Mahousu: And just like all the other selection methods for the Democratic Primary, Obama is guaranteed a win in 2012.
Memo to myself. Do not get messed up with a video producer. Ever.
Affairs between consenting adults are so last century. At least try to make your sex life interesting to us, John.
eclecticbrotha: I will never be able to listen to that song again without throwing up a little in my mouth.
Chickensmack: Schtup, sir, schtup.
So, just how wide is his stance on the issues?
{Eh, I’m tired, okay?}
Advocatus_Diaboli: What about this… how did Young unpack his stuff, and find John’s tape?
“Well, isn’t this a goddamn surprise? I don’t remember packing this… let’s see what’s on it.”
— a few minutes later —
FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP
Did she cum in his hair?
“Positions on his platform”? Is this some kind of freaky Olympic swimmer kama sutra sex position not yet heard of? Good Lord Edwards lost his mind. Also, how can one so famous, running for Prez just “lose” a sex tape? Say it With Wookies…hilarious about Madoff :).
magic titty: He would bitch slap her for that.
“Tell me I’m pretty!”
Canmon (the Inadequate): With which sex?
The Edwards sex tape is the new whitey tape.
El Pinche: But which one is creepier to masturbate to?
That is a hilarious pun
Canmon (the Inadequate): EWWWWWWWWWWW But you know there’s one out there somewhere.
tunamelt: hahahaha
SayItWithWookies: This whole baseball card theft makes no sense…were the cards lying around in Edward’s campaign office or something? And why make “everyone” except Young take a lie detector test? I’m thinking both Edwards’ are crazy as loons and better off out of the public eye. I can’t even think of any good snark…
Apparently, Tommy Lee and Pamela Lee Anderson are on the tape, too.
Thanks Sara. Now all I can imagine is the fit Edwards probably had when Rielle grabbed his hair in a fit of passion…..
“Don’t…..EVER….touch the hah! GAH!”
Years ago I worked for a dude that left a copy of “Big, Black and Born to Butt Fuck” in his office VCR. The Edwards tape should be called “Pig, Whack and Born a Dumb Fuck”.
The Edwards, the Sanfords- somethng is wrong with these people. I’m going to forgive Mrs.Edwards because she lost a child(and as a mother- I think I would go nuts) and she has cancer. The rest of the cheating lying politicians and their wives and husbands and lovers make me puke- w/o seeing the tape. I am still loving Barack amd Michele and Martin and Katie O’Malley.
Sure, the idea that edwards fucked someone is awful, but you missed the best part of the story:
According to our source, Hunter confided to Young that she and Edwards talked about getting married should the candidate’s cancer-stricken wife, Elizabeth, pass away, even discussing what music they’d play at their wedding.
Stay classy, Edwards.
Gopherit: Oh, I also wondered what musical selections they were considering. What would be appropriate, nothing too funereal, I would hope.
By 2012, all serious Presidential Candidates will have to have sex tapes.
A Better American Than YOU: unless, you know, they killed two birds with one stone.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Palin first, plz. fapfapfapfapfapfap
Smiling Sam’s Two-For-One Funeral Parlor and Wedding Chapel! ‘Til death do you part, or your money back!
Video of one’s illicit affair? Retarded. Also.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Sounds impossible, as I’m pretty sure Mitt Romney is flat as a Ken Doll down there.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Romney-Palin 2012
Oh, I see SKS beat me to the no-genitals joke last post! Well in any case, I hope dear Mitt’s scandalous tape is video of him engaging in acts of Bible Study with Mike Huckabee. That can be read as a euphemism or not, since the Fundies/Great Mormon Conspiracy will flip out and it’ll kill their careers either way.
I saw the video a while back when it was called 2 guys 1 horse. Meh.
Zadig: Yeah, after the way Barry looked at Michelle after she demonstrated the hula during last week’s thingy on volunteerism, I’m thinkin’ that their tape could be put on the Internets collect enough funds to solve the deficit in about 2 hours.
Rev. Peter Lemonjello: Two Breck girls, one cup?
If only Joshua Speed had had a video camera…
Wow! Look! Media magic!
Mark Sanford, leader of the Republican Governor’s Association, just vanished from the pop media radar screen, along with his absurd Appalachian Trail lie, his taxpayer-funded Buenos Aires bangathons, and his undoubtedly paid-for-and-supported Argentine tango instructor. No bimbo photos or ambush interviews. No-follow-up-at-all.
Man, people are cowards when it comes to Republikkkans. The double standard is quite stark.
Atlas Spanked: “Repubikkans” — minus twelve points for using a lame name for Republicans and posting something so earnest and whiny.
Sanford will be back in vogue when we get the sex tape or find the love child.
There’s one way for Elizabeth Edwards to put a stop to this book: Get on the stage at Sturgis and let them know about this guy having stolen a sign from a biker bar.
It’s with Meg White. She’s finally learning to keep rhythm.
Country Club Jihadi: That’s a much better story than mine, which was when I was working as a secretary in London, and another secretary asked if we thought she should file the boss’s poorly hidden stash of magazines under B for boobs, T for tits, or some other classification.