Wonkette
That Clean Energy and Security Act that Congress was so sure it passed yesterday? Nice try commies, it’s basically still in galley form! The Examiner’s SCOOP reveals there’s a 300 page “manager’s amendment” that hasn’t been edited into the official 1,090 page copy of the bill, which all members of Congress have read and would be 100% prepared to answer essay questions about, provided they know the essay topic beforehand and can use their notes.
Anyway, the Corner finds this all very typical, of hippies. And also asks, sagely: what is the hurry anyway? Right, it’s like, where’s the fire, you guys? Besides California and most rain forests and at this point probably the Arctic? Ha ha. If Democrats cared about the environment so much there’s no way they would be spending 1300+ sheets of paper to say so.
Oh and apparently the manager’s amendment includes funding for green job training for low-income workers and provisions to make sure that working class communities aren’t penalized financially for the pollution of big businesses—all ideas originally outlined in the Marx-Ayers Reader.
For shame.
That’s some hot polar bear on last-remaining-iceberg-in-the-world action right there. Is what that is.
…
Yeeeah, you hump that iceberg, you dirty, dirty polar bear.
How many trees died to print all those pages? Hengh?
I read this is the influx of Chicago Politics…
Is that Regular Politics but with a thick bread-like liner?
MGBYG: No, it is more like Regular Politics layered with much more fatty, gooey goodness, and fried on the bottom. Also.
Ross Perot (1992’s version of Ron Paul) said something along the lines of “Flat tax, progressive tax, whatever the fuck, I don’t care, but they should simplify the sumbitch. One page, max.”
I liked old Ross. He flew around in his private jet and made no attempt to hide the fact that he was a rich old plutocrat. Also, he used to say cool stuff like “even a blind pig finds an acorn now and again.” He was a crazy old right-wing nutcase, of course, but he WAS interesting.
So, the relevance to the current subject is that there ought to be a rule in Congress. No bills longer than 10 pages. Single spaced. 10 point.
I’ve read the managers amendments, it doesn’t have anything to do with energy policy. Michelle Bachmann has been reclassified as a new biological phylum, the Frosty Dung Beetle, and can no longer serve since she isn’t human (constitution requirements suck!), the state of Texas is offered as the global Palestinian homeland (Peace is at hand!!!!) and the Republican party will henceforth be referred to as “that moronic pack of jizz monkeys” in all official correspondence and acts. Nancy just wanted to call them “Nambla” but Barney pointed out even child molesters have constitutional rights and Rush Limbaugh is now officially an “enemy combatant”.
All in all, change we can believe in.
Not to worry. As has been said in these pages and elsewhere many times before, the Senate will dunk this already too little, too late bill in a giant vat of precious fresh ice water from which it will emerge as a three-word document: “Pollution is bad, mkay?” OK, four words. All in the name of holy bipartisanship, NOT as a sop to Big Pollute, you horrible cynics.
Joe “Continental Drift” Barton was giving Ellen Tauscher all kinds of shit over this yesterday, and you could just hear her thinking, “When I get to State, we’re going to implicate your ass in an Al Quada terror cell.”
That last surviving polar bear can be the rug, before my roaring, strip-mined coal fueled fireplace, on which starving Third World whores gambol in shivering nakedness.
While that last lump of ice cools my gin and tonic.
:::Whoops:::
Did I say that out loud? I was just thinking about the GOP’s 2012 Presidential platform.
Why is that bear riding a giant frozen dildo sticking out of the ocean? Is that some sort of a Sarah Palin reference?
There’s probably going to be a fuss over the part that eliminates the Boy Scouts and replaces them with the Marx-Darwin Scouts. But I hear the merit badge in partial-birth abortions is already a favorite of the kids.
That bear’s gots nowhere to run. So Sarah Palin will shoot it from her helicopter, gasoline and bullets paid for by the State of Alaska. And after she whips up some nice polar-bear stew, she’ll sew some fur outfits for her many childrens. White: the color Jesus likes.
Would someone mind doctoring Trig’s head over that polar bear? Thank you in advance. It would also fun to see the bear photoshopped eating K-Lo’s steaming entrails.
Neilist: The way I look at it , if this bill actually passes NYC gets to build its seawalls somewhat lower, which will make me feel good in an abstract kind of way as I haul myself and my stash of pharmaceuticals off to the Az beaches to join you at your Götterdämmerungsfest.
Today we are all Enviormentally Conscious.
Oh, wait, that is a good thing.
I hope that polar bear isn’t waiting on Congress. He needs to start paddling now.
hobospacejunkie: It could matter a lot whether or not Al Franken will get to vote on this. The Minnesota Supremes seem to have gone out for hot dish.
CivicHoliday: That’s no dildo, it’s a mushroom cloud. Palin’s upped the ante in her animal slaughtering campaign.
How much greenhouse gas would be released if Bachmann were to, say, catch fire? Be a shame, it would.
dijetlo:
If you run for president on that platform, I’ll vote for you 5 or 6 times.
Monsieur Grumpe: Dijetlo/Lizard People 2012!
Anyone want to hazard a guess as to how many bills the Republicans rammed through without reading them (or giving Dems time to read them) during all those years they were in power? I’m guessing it’s roughly somewhere between zero and all of them.
Actually, I have a feeling this sort of thing happens all the time, it’s just they don’t care when it’s a war spending bill or something.
Mr Blifil: I think it should be the other way around, polar bear for Trig. Otherwise it’s an excellent idea and I’d do it myself, but… I don’t care.
Monsieur Grumpe:user-of-owls: I’m honored but besides only having an ninth grade education I have been told I may not leave the state, come within five hundred feet of an elementary school or speak to a known virgin. this gentlemen (I think his name was “Judd”) also said something about not running for public office (or was it “pubic orifice”?). Either way, unwise since it would be re-education camps for the lot of you if elected (sorry, me and the lizard folk just roll like dat).
What? Congress can’t pass a bill in pdf format downloaded it to their iPhones?
dijetlo:
So you’re running as Republican then?
Monsieur Grumpe: You’re just begging to get re-assigned from the “re-education camp” list to the “medical experimentation” roster, aint ya? You, Newt and Snowbilly.
Why don’t you and owls run, I’ll just be Charles Krauthammer and Wonkette will become the WaPo?
…is that an actual photo, or photoshop? I’m thinking ’shop, because the feet don’t look quite right, but awesome either way.
gjdodger:
Al Quada? Fuck the Italians are getting in on the terrorism business? Allah mia!
tavella: His balls are frozen to a sinking iceberg and you think his feet don’t look quite right?
It’s because he trying to scratch ” WILL YOU PUT DOWN THAT FUCKING CAMERA AND HELP ME!” into the ice with them.
CivicHoliday:
It came too, you just can’t tell.
dijetlo:
I’m currently running my own private “medical experiments” but what the hell, sign me up.
Me running for office or orifice? Nah, I’m not smart enough or stupid enough to qualify.
dijetlo: No benefit to humanity could possibly come of experimenting on either the Boi named Newt or JesusSpice. Their chomosomal inadequacies render any results that might be obtained irrelevant. Might they instead be usefully employed cleaning the camps’ nightsoil jars and chamber pots?
Monsieur Grumpe: If you’re not wearing a lab coat, it’s recreational medical experimentation.
x111e7thst: I just want a big red button that makes them fall on the floor and twitch, you don’t think that would be a “benefit to humanity”?
Monsieur Grumpe: x111e7thst: dijetlo: Ok, new ticket: Dijetlo/Mengele 2012. This time it’s personal!
user-of-owls: The Wonkette commentariat could our “Council of Experts”
WadISay: Is that whole Al Franken thing still going on? I assumed everyone just forgot about it or our hot dish-lovin’ comrades just blew it off.
How badly do you think Franken wants to punch Coleman in balls right about now? It’s been almost 8 fucking months already!
New rule: when a state is deprived of 1 senator for reasons other than death, the 1 serving senator’s vote counts twice.
Is that polar bear having a cloture motion?
dijetlo: Oh, he’s wearing a lab coat, all right. But nothing else.
Whew, just woke up! So Enron would have made a lot of money trading carbon credits, if they hadn’t made too much money trading some other stuff that didn’t really exist. So now we have to create a new market so Exactly Who can trade Exactly What? But not to worry because we all pay for it. To Who? For What? It’s like we all monetize polluters for killing us. Whah?
Change we may succumb to.
villageatrois: No, you’ve got it backwards. We’re not monetizing the things that can kill us — we’re setting limits on the things that can kill us, then we’re auctioning off the demand while at the same time we’re constricting the supply. This is called the free market at work — with some incentive put in by the government. This is exactly the free-marketers’ solution to every problem — get the economy involved and the price of energy becomes obvious to everyone. This includes pollution.
And now all of a sudden the free-market economists are against this. That’s a mysterious lapse in their faith. The cap-and-trade bill is trying to express the real value of pollution and thus turn our entire power economy around. The free-marketers who are against it are just showing themselves to be shills of one unregulated company or another.
SayItWithWookies: Jeebus didn’t say anything about trading caps in the Bible. This sounds like gambling, or possibly witchcraft.
Well, Lot’s daughters fucked him because they thought they were the last three people on earth. Therefore I think the LORD would approve of market manipulation.
We should just outsource our legislating to India. We can’t ever get shit accomplished and it would be cheaper.
SayItWithWookies: Hi, Wookies! I get the concept, but believe I’m being sold (yet another) load of horse shit. The point is: who gets the money? Do polluters receive credits that they can sell? Why? What do we get for the credits we give them? What do we recoup when they sell those credits?
Who enforces global pollution limits? For example, in China, the most-polluting country, how are limits enforced? Can Chinese state-owned enterprises sell their credits, even as they exceed their pollution limits and smooth it out with bribes? Are we dumb enough to subsidize their credits, and then buy them from the Chinese polluters, who are outside our laws?
If the Chinese choke on their own filth, we’ll just have to try to survive the consequences. If we let them game a hopelessly unenforceable international solution, we shoot ourselves twice. Just as in the Monty Python Twit Olympics. Twice. Maybe three or four times.
villageatrois: It’s actually a national system - for the US only. So under this system Chinese companies get to pollute all they want without even bothering to bribe. If it works it will reduce US carbon emissions, nothing more. Still, what would you have us do, continue on our present course while the oceans rise and Siberia and Saskatechewan become the only areas on Earth capable of producing any significant amount of food?
Hm. Carbon emision. Does that mean if I avoid eating dried soybeans, and hence doing a bit of ‘emitting’, and sell that non-emitting-ness to somebody i can has ‘windfall’? Sweet!
The sad part is, that shot was probably taken in a zoo, the endless ocean probably ends about an inch and a half out of camera range, and the ice is a big block of styrofoam.
I’m not really against zoos, but I think arctic animals should get an exemption.
I’m watching “Meet the Press” this morning, and I just want to be the first to say, “David Brooks is an idiot dickhead!” He is in rare form this morning…
gurukalehuru: Comic Sans.
GaySailor: Brooks isn’t the only one, but he’s leading the pack, huh?
Watching “Meet the Press’ this morning and I just wanted to be the first to say “EJ Dionne is the only person who knows what the fuck he’s talking about”.
Oh, Jesus! I told you these things come in threes: first the most famous UT Tri-Delt of all time, then He With The Deformed African Features and now this asshole whose dulcet tones I’m not going to miss one fucking bit. What a weekend!
agitpropster: Strangled by his beard, no doubt. If he could, Billy would sell you a beard trimmer to protect yourself.
I actually will miss him. He’s much more palatable than the Sham-Wow guy.
GaySailor: Did you switch over to ABC to see our Peggers? She was subbing for George Will. Her performance was Nooningtonshiringhamtastic. Said Obama would be “lucky” if the Repubs took Congress in 2010 and saved his presidency like they did Clinton’s. “And it may happen, ’cause he’s a lucky guy.”
Hey, I want a take on Sanford not resigning.
ALIVE!: That’s some twisted logic, even for our Pegs.
GaySailor: On the interview portion of Meet Dick Gregory, Sen. Lindsay not-Lohan said:
1. Barry’s Healthcare Bill would destroy “free enterprise”, then he quickly changed that to “choice”.
2. When it gets to the Senate, the Climate Change Bill will have as much chance as an Argetinian whore does in finding true love.
ALIVE!: She also tried to create empathy for South Carolina’s best known horndog.
BTW: Sanford was outed to The State by Maria’s former Argentine lover, who hacked into her emails.
Those latino guys just can’t take a joke.
And who would ever suspect that a nation of serape-wearing cholos could use El Webbo Internetto?
cal: Not to be concerned. Pelosi used paper made from recycled Promised Keepers’s to print the bill. Bond made using Sanford’s wedding vows will be used to print the summary.
S.Luggo: Darn. “Promise Keepers’ vows”,
hobospacejunkie: Or just say fuck it, go to 99 sentators. Save a lot of money and the democrats would automatically have a majority.
gurukalehuru: Constituional Amendment Suggestion: No bill that can’t be sent in a Twitter message.
Holy shamwow, Billy Mays is dead.
El Pinche: …but his Twitter LIVES!
and here i thought only university of chicago used the marx-ayers reader…
villageatrois: Well the cap-and-trade system worked to stop acid rain back in the ’80s, so it’s been shown to be effective. Polluters essentially get issued credits by the government representing their current levels of emissions, or slightly less. If they pollute more than what they’re allowed, they have to buy them from a supplier who has them. The government doesn’t get anything from the sale (I don’t think) between polluters — but it does place a real value on not polluting, and gives polluters an incentive to find cleaner ways of doing their business.
El Pinche: Preliminary reports suggest that Mays may have died as a direct results of getting pwnd by the Sham-Wow guy on the Conan O’Brien show a few days ago…
OMFG x 100!!! USA 1 - 0 Brazil after 15 minutes into the Concatenations Cup Final right now!!
El Pinche: Jebus I thought you were joking.
But no!
I always thought Billy Mays was better than Vince.
~
wheelie: USA 2 - 0 BRA after 45.
Yowza.
El Pinche: Kaboom.
wheelie: Time for Brazil to play for keeps. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_BaWeTAWt3VI/RfNnnq7FehI/AAAAAAAABCQ/UwrLKlMLf50/s400/bush-brazil-visit-protest.jpg
Maybe the rapture is here? Billy, Jacko, Farrah, Ed, and Sanford’s political career has joined Jesus in Heaven.
wheelie: False alarm. Team USA are getting beaten. Nothing more to see here.
Bearbloke: creeeepy
Oxy-clean poisoning? or is the Rapture finally here? Perhaps we can finally get a permanent Democratic permanent majority .
“380000 lbs. of beef recalled over concerns of E. coli”
Detroit Free Press
There goes the 4th of July.
hobospacejunkie: I’d back that rule, for real. It would eliminate the benefit of dragging a voting case out in the courts.
Oh, wait. The rule would only work if the lone senator was of the same party. Nevermind. Erase, erase.
Military coup in Honduras. Does anyone care about coups if the coupsters are pro-US America? Will there be another “Twitter revolution” or are the Hondurans too poor?
doloras:
I’m hiding in Honduras
I’m a desperate man
Send twitters, Facebook, live-blogs
The shit has hit the fan
El Pinche: I broke the mute button on my remote trying to shut that jerkoff up AND NOW HE’S DEAD.
HUZZAH!!!
*MOONWALKS*
agitpropster: This is totally weird. I live in Europe, so there’s a bit of a delay in my televiion consumption. I had never heard of Billy Mays until you informed me of his death. Then I saw him tonight on Conan.
There’s no point to this post. It’s just weird.
hobospacejunkie: I don’t even think that three-word document could make it past a fillibuster
SayItWithWookies: The funny thing about all this cap-and-trade stuff is that way back when, when Climate Change was starting to turn into an issue, the Republicans were the one’s supporting Cap-and-Trade because it’s free-markety. The whole reason the Dems proposed the idea was because they thought they could get at least some bipartisan support because of it. Which, of course, they didn’t. Because Republicans are dicks.
And speaking of which, Dana Milbank had it out with the HuffPo’s Nico Pitney (you know, the guy who’s actually covering Iraq) on CNN this morning over all that hullaballo concerning Pitney asking a question at the recent Presser and called Pitney a dick.
http://www.balloon-juice.com/?p=23325
Hooray For Anything: I think eight Republicans voted for it, but you’re right about the free-market angle. It’s not the principle of the moment just now.
And I just watched that Milbank thing over at thinkprogress.org. I just hope I’m in the bar when those two run into each other again — that would be some fun. Oh, and Milbank’s a pompous, self-righteous windbag.
Hooray For Anything: The Repugs now hate Cap-and-Trade because it puts a carbon tax on burning, long distance romances with fiery latinas.
[You can remove the comma if you want.]
SayItWithWookies: But on the other hand, Dana Milbank is hilarious! Just ask him.
~
Up beariscope?
S.Luggo:
No worries, it’s nothing that 380000 boxes of Hamburger Helper and some bleach can’t fix.
TGY:
Ha!
When all you have are long claws and enormous teeth, every problem looks like a ringed seal.
S.Luggo: BID BURGER BLOWOUT at the 2009 RNC Annual Independence Day cook-out! Get ‘em while they’re hot! First come - first served! And don’t miss the Annual Hamburger-eating Contest featuring defending champion Rush Limbaugh vs. perennial challenger (m)Ann Coulter - and this time, it’s personal!!!
BILLY MAYS THE ORIGINAL CAPS-LOCK GUY WAS CLEARLY THE VICTIM OF A LIBRUL ANTI LOUD MOUTHBREATHER CONSPIRACY THEY KILLED HIM BECAUSE HE WOULDNT SELL THE KOOLAID WAKE UP SHEEPLES!!!!
TGY: Beargonomic iceberg?
Contract with Arctica. Love the Newt doin’ his Furry thang. Shame he’s mistaken an ice flow for his latest staffer. On the hand, at least there’ll be no kids.
S.Luggo: BIG BURGER BLOWOUT at the 2009 RNC Annual Independence Day cook-out! Get ‘em while they’re hot! First come - first served! And don’t miss the Annual Hamburger-eating Contest featuring defending champion Rush Limbaugh vs. perennial challenger (m)Ann Coulter - and this time, it’s personal!!!
…ugh - Sorry about the correction re-post, Wonketteers - let my shame be a warning of what happens as I now start this snowy workday Monday with a pounding hang-over after spending all day and night Sunday hanging-about in the pub watching N. Melb squeak past the Bulldogs whist dining on meat pies and far too much lager with my fellow Footy-fans…. and now I’m late for work, but I’d do it all over again - and I’ve won this week’s Footy-tip! AFL forever! We love it live and sweaty…
Bearbloke: No wuckin forries, mate.
Monsieur Grumpe: at the Dallas RNC chili round-up. Were it not for cuts to science funding during the Bush era, the CDC would be on call. But sometimes less is more.
Sanford declares Cap-and-Trade tax on jet fuel burned during south-of-the-border flights from Atlanta to be anti-family. “Next, you‘ll see the federal government make you call your office, goddam wife and kids every time you want to walk the fucking Appalachian trail along the Rio Plata, near whatchama callit — where does she live — Paraguay. When will the tyranny end, I must ask you, also? When?”
wheelie: Hey! Howsabout a spoiler alert!
Really it’s my own fault for not avoiding all media, but no one expects the Confabulations Cup to be spoiled by Wonkette.
Dean Booth: Like JFK ignoring Kruschev’s 2nd message I’m ignoring yours. HS Junkie & D Booth support the measure giving lone senators 2 votes & the motion passes 2-0. Senator Klobuchar sends her thanks. Problem solved and we are outta here.
S.Luggo: I know it’s hard to believe but Sanford recently claimed that he wouldn’t resign as SC governor because King David didn’t resign after he boinked Bathsheba while her husband was off fighting Davids wars.
Two things jump out at me as I consider this gambit.
1:) To be fair, that’s more Senator Ensigns excuse, since he was porking an employees wife (Just like David) and he didn’t have the guy killed (which is what King David did). He got the employee, the employees well reamed wife and the well reamed wifes son all jobs so on the Dick-O-Meter Ensign scores a fraction of Davids metric and should therefor be allowed to use this political life raft without Brother Mark swampin’ his ass.
2:) Sanford is just a regional governor. King David would have had his balls sawed off for this type of indiscretion (flying off to Babylon for a little bang bang with the great whore). With that in mind, I’d accept his use of scripture here only on the condition he has himself castrated and sends the proof to Hopey (well, Rahm would probably want the proof more than Hopey). He could alternatively sacrifice his eldest son in an act of contrition and atonement (he’s got four and can grant himself a pardon) but honestly, what sin has that kid committed other than to be born to a hypocritical bible thumper?
Hooray For Anything: Dear Self-Regarding Boil on WaPo’s Ass aka Dana Milbank,
Feel threatened by the popularity of blogs and bloggers much?
Insincerely,
HS Junkie
Shorter Milbank: Waaaahh, he cut in line! I’ve kissed everyone’s ass my whole career. ASK ME A QUESTION MR PRESIDENT.
Oh, there’s the part where all adulterers get stoned (and not in the nice way either). I’m not sure why he thinks he’s immune to the old testament penalty for infidelity, we’re going to have to wait for his preachers press conference for that one.
As a practicing Talibangelical I can only shake my head in disgust. Every ween-bearer knows that when “satans joystick” get’s you in trouble, Jeebus wrote the perfect excuse for it into the bible (praise Jeebus). ” Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” (suck on that, MSM!)
But no, he went to the OT because nothin’ says masochist like subjecting yourself to the laws of Moses. Lord, save us from the Republicans.(amen)
I demand that Dana Milbank be referred to only as the Dick Whisperer forever and ever, world without end, amen.
Nico is a fucking genius. He managed to show, in one seemingly casual statement, just how desperately Dana Milbank wants a big, black dick up his butt.
Dana has been exposed to the world, and he knows it.
imissopus: How pathetic is it that with everything going on in the world one of the biggest stories, according to the Sunday political crowd, is Nico Pitney getting called on by Obama? Milband deserves plenty of scorn for basically being himself, an asshole, but so do all the other baby geniuses who talked about this today.
This bizarre cockfight is newsworthy to 0% of Americans who don’t work for the WaPo and similarly sinking print publications. How can Milbank think his appearance on CNN does anything other than make him look like the huge penis he is, and apparently doesn’t have? You could almost hear the toilet flushing in the background as the last remaining crumbs of print media’s credibility were sent to the septic tank to float around with the countless other turds they’ve dropped on US America in the past few decades.
Also, someone is selling Dana Milbank Dick Whisperer t-shirts on Cafe Press already. The idea of which is kinda funny, except who in hell wants to wear a t-shirt with that butthole’s ugly mug on it?
Mr Blifil: With apologies for the delay, consider it doctored.
However, when it comes to K-Lo’s steaming entrails, you’re on your own.