Wonkette
- POLITICS CANCELED DUE TO JACKO’S DEMEROL OVERDOSE: “As anyone who has turned on a television set in the past 12-15 hours has noticed, Michael Jackson’s passing will overshadow any political news today — and perhaps throughout the weekend.” Happy hour starts … NOW. [First Read]
“Happy Hour Starts NOW!” Thank God.
I mean, WTF? It’s not like the pervy little creep was Elvis or something!
Sooo…. this means the Republitards have at *least* another half-day to boink pages and interns and mistresses without fear of discovery, since the political reporters have been repurposed to cover the death of a pederast who was a hella performer. Ah, the circle of life continues.
Sanford should have planned his Argentine holiday for this weekend.
Thank god for Wonkette. This is exactly how I feel.
Barack Hussein Obama has not said anything about Michael yet!
Demerol overdose? So he didn’t choke on a little boy?
The sad irony is that had Jacko been found guilty of child molestation in his CA trial, he would be alive today. Sure, he’d be getting nasal raped by his cellmates around the clock, (Once you go nose, don’t need no mo’ ho’s) but at least he’d be alive.
I heard people in Tehran are taking to the streets chanting “Pretty Young Things, Repeat After Me, Na Na Na Na”. Jacko is the new Neda.
Now would be the perfect time to: start a war/nationalize healthcare/have a train wreck/bomb Iran, etc. Oh, Dickhead Cheney must be nashing his teeth at what he could do with this priceless media-blackout opportunity!
Best CapHill vid ever:
{Maxine “Bruiser” Waters shoves Chris “Bowdownand” Obey}
Cue music.
Obey: “The word is out (beat, beat) you want a shrine (beat, beat) bitch you must’ve (beat,beat) lost yo’ mind.”
This could go on but, whatever. Let’s go do some Irish Car Bombs.
In all fairness, Michael Jackson was probably the Republican’s last great hope.
Although, being dead, he is still more exciting than Mittens.
The oh NOSE for today: the Preznit hasn’t said he haz a sad for wacko-jacko.
Pleeze kin we haz ‘nother topic? Like how not-Joe the not-Plumber is a douchebag moran or sumthin?
Am I the only one mourning Farrah?
Well at least his family will be able to save on the cost of embalming, since I am sure that already happened.
What, Olbermann didn’t wring enough out of Jacko’s cold remains last night, we’ve gotta’ put up with this tripe?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: “Although, being dead, he is still more exciting than Mittens.”
And, more life-like.
Well, you could post something about Barry’s luau; I’d be interested in that. I think Michael Jackson liked Hawaii so it might be relevant.
bitchincamaro: Oh, it’s only barely begun. This will be the deathgasm to end all deathgasms.
earnestcivilservant: Yes. Even Ryan O’Neal is sobbing to his Jackson 5 Greatest Hits album right now.
When the schedules align just right I can watch four MLB games at the same time, deftly switching back and forth and keeping up with all the action. But I cannot possibly mourn Jacko properly and attend to what’s going on in Washington and elsewhere in this crazy world at the same time. So, Politics, thanks for takin’ the weekend off. See you Tuesday. Maybe.
SayItWithWookies: “deathgasm” = copyright!
nappyduggs: My father-in-law, a minister, several years ago tried to start some social service program in her district and found out that unless she or a relative got in on it, it was no go. Thanks ma’am. Hope you get shoved back.
Why the fuck can we not talk about all the news on the news?? You know, like, 10 minutes about recently demised famous people, then 10 minutes about recently demised political ambitions?
South Park produced a very good program on Mr. Jackson.
earnestcivilservant: You’re dating yourself.
Paterlanger: Excellent use of television resources. I do the same thing with European soccer. Oh wait, you probably meant back-to-back. OK, here’s what you do (i.e., what I did.) Buy three more televisions, and set them side-by-side in stacks of two. Order three more cable boxes, or DISH or DirecTV or ExpressVu or StarChoice or whatever, so you’ll have all the available programs for each TV. Enjoy. Saturdays & Sundays are golden at my home, watching four games simultaneously. There may actually be a god. The God of Television. Also works during times when all the news channels are covering the same disaster or deathgasm.
dasNeonlicht:
O/T:
Are you a fellow socialist muslin? I think I recognize that avatar as the ‘Rose in the Fist’.
hobospacejunkie: Yes. The God of Television. Like refined sugar and cocaine it fits our monkey brains like a key in a lock. Sunday-USA v Italy. I’ll be thinking of you.
If I have to listen to BILL JEAN ONE more time!!!11!!1
He’s still dead?
MzNicky: Who?
SayItWithWookies: “deathgasm.” All hail SayItWithWookies.
It wasn’t the Demerol shot that killed him, it was the Slippery Nipple chaser …
Larry Fine: No they didn’t, that’s ignorant. That’s poopie work.
Jackson’s dead, but his nose is still on life support.
Paterlanger: That’s actually USA v. Brazil. I wish it was Italy v. Brazil, but my boys in blue couldn’t beat fucking Egypt, and were stomped by Brazil.
Jesus. In response to the news that internet traffic spiked yesterday at the evening news of Jacko’s demise, AOL “called the day ‘a seminal moment in Internet history.’ ”
Very
poorlydeftly chosen modifer, guys.I was at a friend’s house last night, and for some reason I couldn’t begin to explain, he had Larry King Live (or is that “Larry King on Life Support”?) - my favorite moment was after a long segment of talking to an endless parade of celebrities about how shocked and sad they were at Jacko’s passing (blah blah), Aaron Neville came on the phone. He expressed shock, grief, etc - and Larry King says: “Did you know him well, did you ever work together?”, Neville replied, “No, I never met him - but I feel like I knew him.”
At that moment I knew it was going to be a long, long weekend.
Guess I’ll have to read a book.
AKAM80TheWolf: Indeed it is, comrade! More specifically, it is the symbol of the PSOE.
earnestcivilservant: You are not alone, my friend. And I mourn her dearly departed newborn baby penis-sized nipples most of all.
And no, that was not a Michael Jackson reference, either.
Does this mean that Walter Cronkite has to hold on for yet another week?
SayItWithWookies: That’s “DeMeryl,” a nine-year-old from Encenito.
earnestcivilservant: My came of age in the late 70’s penis mourns her.
SayItWithWookies: Deathgasm, indeed.
Is this drooling frenzy actually an outpouring of simple RELIEF, as opposed to grief, that we won’t be subjected to the scary, trauma-inducing visuals of an MJ comeback tour?
I couldn’t stand to look at the press conference photos of him announcing the tour - much too sad, like rubbernecking a gory car crash - made me feel guilty and complicit.
Free at last, him and us both.
Michael’s been dead to me since he turned white.
earnestcivilservant:
When Farah Fawcett got to heaven, and went through the pearly gates, she was greeted by God.
“Wow!” exclaimed the Holy Ghost. “We really enjoyed your work here. Especially Charlie’s Angels! I still have a poster in my office of you with that red bikini!”
Farah is a little taken aback. “Thank you, Lord…”
Jehovah goes on, “Well, I have a special reward for you. I’m prepared to grant you one wish. Have anything in mind?”
Not one to act selfish and change God’s opinion of her, Farah thinks for a second and decides upon a wish. “I’d like for all the children of the world to be safe and sound forever.”
“Done!” exclaims the Heavenly Father. He snaps, and Michael Jackson appears next to Farah.
earnestcivilservant: Maybe. I know I put some flowers and candles at Ed McMahan’s home in Rancho Kukamunga.
Paterlanger: As I was hitting the Submit Comment button I was thinking “hey dumbass, why not click on over to ESPN and double check that match-up so that you can keep your dumbassery secret for a bit longer.” QED despite myself.
SmutBoffin: niiice.
bitchincamaro: I googled “deathgasm,” and sad to say, I’m way behind the curve. There’s a Deathgasm Records (metal, natch) and a few entries in Urban Dictionary. But none of them define it as the outpouring of grief and maudlin remembrance a la Anna Nicole or MJ, so at least the usage is new.
Wet Work: Some people are actually sad — or whatever the starfucking troglodyte emotional equivalent of sadness is.
Drudge scrams “Obama Silent” about the death of some weirdo.
SayItWithWookies: Maybe I’m just projecting …
Yeah, when is Nobama gonna do somethingn about all the celebrty deaths? What is happning to us?!? Celebbrities are DYING, sheeple, WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely time to start drinking. In the immortal words of Alan Jackson, “It’s five o’clock somewhere.”
bitchincamaro: How about “mort-gasm”?
The analysis in the article states that Sanford has “two things going for him, Michael Jackson’s death and the 4th of July holiday.” I am not making that up.
Someone better send word to all the washed up celebrities out there to keep their heads down over Labor Day weekend lest there’s a wave of horndog repubs looking to come clean under the radar.
SayItWithWookies: Perhaps a neologism is called for.
deathurbate?
deathurbation?
“On MSNBC last night, anchor Keith Olbermann deathurbated over the corpse of Michael Jackson until he came every last drop of integrity he had left.”
BlueStateLibtard: It’s a conspiracy!
SayItWithWookies:
Like Trig, I’m a little slow to the draw. What in the name of little children is ‘natch’?
Michael who? Did I miss something?
SmutBoffin: I am going to tell this to all of my friends who really don’t care that he is dead.
AKAM80TheWolf: Naturally.
The protests in Iran couldn’t persuade MSNBC to spend a few bucks for live programming last weekend, so I wonder if the Jackodrama will?
MzNicky: he was elvis.
if we had prez obamas health care program in place. mj would not have had a las vegas cardiologist giving him unwanted drugs and killer medical advice.