impromptu south american vacation freakouts

  • CHILDREN’S STORY HOUR: “Mr. Sanford’s spokesman, Joel Sawyer, just sent out a notice saying the governor would hold a news conference at 2 p.m. in the Statehouse.” Oh yes, we will liveblog this, provided some television networks carry Governor Sanford’s brief and fanciful explanation for his prolonged absence this weekend. [The Caucus]
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Sara K. Smith was Wonkette's morning editor from 2008 to 2010, and now contributes a weekly (?!) column to Wonkette, to prove she still loves you all!

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64 comments

  1. InsidiousTuna

    He just wanted to go get really, really high and catch up on his collection of Entourage seasons 4 and 5 before season 6 starts in July. Is that really so terrible?

  2. Gopherit

    It’s also very nice of him to give the AP reporters in BA 2 hours to dig up everything they can. Please let him lie his ass off again.

    Who is bringing the popcorn?

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Well that gives him 90 minutes to get the hell out of the country. I wonder if he’ll come back this time.

  4. tunamelt

    [re=346367]Gopherit[/re]: so drugs, whores, gay sex, other fam/wife/kids, strange kink re: diapers or some wacky combo?

    What is the over/under on this?

  5. AllHat

    Look, Sanford got a nice little vacation away from the office, wife and kids, got some tasty roast beef, probably some anonymous anal sex, and TONS of free publicity. Now, for 2012 he’ll have that all important “name recognition”. No one will remember why, but it won’t matter, it can be spun into whatever works at the time. I say set up some journo to call him out for the clown that he is, and then drop it. Every time his name appears in print, that’s like 12 more votes or something.

  6. Autochthon

    “Mr. Sanford’s spokesman, Tom Sawyer, just sent out a notice saying the governor was rafting down the mighty Mississip with his associate, Huck Finn…”

  7. Saragon

    WYFF 4 in Greenville – the NBC affiliate that originally reported Sanford passing through Hartsfield airport in Atlanta – will be doing a live webcast of Sanford’s presser.

  8. S.Luggo

    Telemundo Argentina will be covering the presser. Plus, it will be entirely in Klingon. I wonder if the governor-at-large has told staff that.

  9. Gopherit

    [re=346376]tunamelt[/re]: The way his wife is reacting, it could be all of them. I’m betting on Brokeback Mountain: Buenos Aires. He looks like a Latin Heat kind of guy.

  10. liquiddaddy

    What kind of country do we live in where a state executive can’t steal a car and secretly fly to Argentina by himself with no contact for five days and lie like hell about it?

  11. A Better American Than YOU

    I just learned on Wikipedia that Buenos Aires is the site of the Teatro Colon.

    It is, allegedly, an opera house.

  12. Nerdalicious

    [re=346386]Gopherit[/re]:
    Play him off keyboard cat! I think he is the real father of Edward’s so called love child. Also, a third country will come out in this press conference. Just a hunch.

  13. Cicada

    Oh goody! I am waiting with bated breath for Governor Sanford to clear this up once and for all. I’m sure he has a perfectly reasonable and truthful explanation, you just wait and see.

  14. Autochthon

    [re=346393]tunamelt[/re]: And I quote: “Come back to the raft ag’in, Huck honey!” ‘Nuff said…

  15. hobospacejunkie

    Y’all are gonna feel bad when he announces he’s been undercover in Iran fighting the Basiji bare-handed for freedom and Neda.

  16. Serolf Divad

    Hope you get Gaffney public access TV Channel 35, because I have a feeling that’s the only place you’ll actually be able to watch this (which is a pity, given that we all want to hear Sanford’s krazee).

  17. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=346406]nappyduggs[/re]: I’d wager it’s the whole sex change deal, wherein we will now refer to him as “Marge.”

  18. NoWireHangers

    Cosmetic procedures (like sex changes) are cheap and safe in Buenos Aires.

    Just sayin’

  19. SmutBoffin

    Reporter: Why all the subterfuge on your recent trip governor? Why did you just up and leave like that?
    Mr. Sanford: I was on a secret mission, smuggling netbooks with Twitter clients to my Iranian contact in Argentina. They need them to get the freedoms. It had nothing at all to do with a bukkake party.
    Reporter: I see, I see. Wait, what was that last part?
    Mr. Sanford: Freedoms. The Iranians need bukkake movies for their freedoms.
    Reporter: You mean netbooks?
    Mr. Sanford: I’m fucking this up, aren’t I? Did I mention I love my wife and family and how supportive they are of me and how I would never, ever participate in anything as hot as a group jerk-and-blow?
    Reporter: Uh, yeah. I have no more questions and am sorry for asking the ones I did.

  20. Saragon

    [re=346413]Serolf Divad[/re]: Fortunately no (see above WYFF4 webcast link). And I’m going to tune in to WEPR 90.1 (the local NPR affiliate) at 2:00 to see if they’re covering this. (At the very least, the hourly news update might have something at 3:00.)

  21. nappyduggs

    [re=346409]hobospacejunkie[/re]: I think that maybe the only thing he’s been fighting bare-handed is ED.

  22. bitchincamaro

    If he claims he spent the week in Mansfield, TX, I think he’d have a shot at credibility.

  23. Autochthon

    [re=346409]hobospacejunkie[/re]: And then Aunt Esther will come on camera and call ‘im a “fish-eyed fool”…

  24. gurukalehuru

    Don’t lie to me, Marco Sanford
    The truth is, you weren’t even hiking
    You needed time to think
    and maybe have a drink
    and get fucked up the butt…..
    la,la,la,la,la

  25. WadISay

    I predict the Carrie Prejeant defense: If I hadn’t been so outspoken against the Stimulus money, I wouldn’t be getting all this bad press now. Isn’t it still a free country, boo-hoo?

  26. Mahousu

    [re=346360]Gopherit[/re]: I smell a resignation to spend “more time with family.”

    I think you mean “to spend even less time with my family.”

  27. TeddyS

    After America was attacked, George Bush just sat there for seven minutes reading a children’s book before running away and hiding in a hole in the ground. President Sanford would have been out of the school in a flash, heading back to Argentina or Colombia for some private time. Seven minutes in a national emergency is a lot of time.

  28. TGY

    So, how many thousands of dollars did he pay a ho and how many Whore Diamonds will we rate her?

  29. jodyleek

    [re=346395]liquiddaddy[/re]: The same country that would frown on a certain governor getting tea bagged by a tranny war criminal dressed in a storm trooper (Nazi, not Star Wars) outfit. What’s a guy with that kind of fetish supposed to do?

  30. Hooray For Anything

    [re=346449]Saragon[/re]: From the South Carolina politics blog:

    S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford and his wife, first lady Jenny Sanford, are having marital problems, sources tell FITS. The couple have reportedly been in marital counseling for several weeks now….”It’s Jenny plus four minus Mark,” one S.C. politico joked to FITS, referencing the reality TV show “Jon & Kate Plus Eight,” whose two protagonists are divorcing after ten years of marriage.

    For those of you who had “having extra-marital affair” in their office pool, you should probably be feeling pretty confident about now.

  31. McDuff

    Reporter: Why couldn’t you just call and let the Lt. Gov. know where you were?

    Sanford: I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

  32. Lascauxcaveman

    [re=346498]Extemporanus[/re]: Nice. I’m not a bunny, but I’d nibble her carrots.

  33. Youstonedorjuststupid?

    [re=346487]Hooray For Anything[/re]: I dunno, lookit the “vacation” spots he liked to goto, looks like buttsehks ftw.

    “Sanford said he has taken adventure trips for years to unwind. He has visited the coast of Turkey, the Greek Isles and South America, sometimes with friends and sometimes by himself. “I would get out of the bubble I am in,” he told the newspaper.”

  34. McDuff

    [re=346540]Autochthon[/re]: Maybe Sanford shoudl try the I was ON A MISSION FROM GOD excuse.

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