Wonkette
Flash mob, you guys! Cryptic playing card mementos, just like the Joker used! What’s it all add up to? A very urgent Citizen Effort to halt climate change, taking place at your local Longworth cafeteria in, hmm, 45 minutes or so.
Here’s the deal: while Iran is busy with its little incipient revolution and people stateside are freaking out about socialized healthcare, Congress has been debating “the ACES bill,” otherwise known as “Waxman-Markey,” or most commonly known as “that cap-and-trade deal.” It has something to do with carbon, or whatever? The point is, if you just present an ordinary citizen with a playing card — say, an ACE — with a mysterious message on it, they will obviously begin to pressure their congressperson to pass this Waxman-Markey deal.
Dear DC-ite.
Your presence is requested on Tuesday, June 23rd for a special mission. At precisely 12:15pm, all of us will be walking through the Longworth office building cafeteria and will freeze in place for 120 seconds. At the end of 120 seconds, at the signal, we will place playing cards (aces, of course) to the tables. And we’ll quietly resume whatever we were doing, presumably walking calmly out.
Specific instructions:
-show up at Longworth cafeteria at 12:05pm on Tuesday, June 23rd dressed in business attire.
-Bring an Ace playing card (or several) in your pocket. You are encouraged to write “Strengthen and pass.” on your card(s)
-At 12:15 precisely, freeze where you are. >>>; No sitting, and don’t obstruct any cash registers, doors or walkways.
-At 12:17, (120 seconds later) after the signal, place the aces on the tables, and quietly disperse.The action refers to the ACES bill, otherwise known as Waxman-Markey. Our stance: We need a good global climate agreement by the international negotiations in Copenhagen. ACES is not good enough. It needs to get better.
Longworth cafeteria is located in the center/basement of Longworth Congressional Office building. Its quite nice, and Tuesday is a ‘farm days’ lunch.
After this exciting event, all the drama mimes will go home and give each other handjobs and playing cards with the Jack of Lameness on them.
6/23: Flash Mob: Aces on the hill (Longworth Caffeteria, Capitol Hill) [DC Craigslist]
So we have two minutes to punch them in the face before they can react.
So they’re going to use a flashmob to support a bill that they already find inadequate. That’s strangely fitting.
Yes, but what role is Twitter going to play? You are no allowed to discuss political events/mobs anymore without mentioning twitter at least twelve (12) times, Editor SK Smith.
Scarab: I was just imagining the kind of hijinks that would take place.
Since they have to remain frozen for 120 sec (Rule! You totes can’t move!) it’ll be a field day for pickpockets and pervs/crowd gropers to practice their arts in slo-mo.
Photos — please get photos. I must witness this useless exercise from my desk in Texas.
Yeah, well I’m bringing the Queen of Hearts and some tarts that say “Eat Me”.
They should cap their obnoxiousness and trade it for some communication skills.
What a great idea! The Capitol Police just LOVE surprises.
Scarab: what about kicks to the groin? Lets have a contest to see who can get more. You face punch and I will groin kick. Loser buys a round of Scotch.
Lascauxcaveman: Or tea-bagging.
“Strengthen and pass” on a playing card is their idea? Oh, except writing that phrase is only a suggestion. Why would they choose playing cards when tea bags are obviously much more POWERFUL symbols.
“strengthen and pass” sounds like something my doctor might tell me to do when I complain about accidentally having eaten a puzzle piece, because it looked like candy.
If they want to affect change, I think the “flash mob” will have to do some actual flashing.
bored with gravity: How would you be able to tell if they were actually frozen via photos?
Two Minutes Ace? Hmmmm…
Why don’t they use biodegradable cards?
Aw, man. I wish I’d known about this. I’d have attended. Someone please get some pictures.
P.S. I live in DC, but what the hell is a DC-ite? Is it some kind of mineral rock, composed principally of Douchebaggium?
There’s a Hoekstra meme somewhere in all of this, just can’t ferret it out.
Why don’t they all pass gas at the same time? Now that would be a statement!
That’s my favorite picture ever.
Also, in case you’re interested in what animals say in other languages, this is an excellent source.
http://www.eleceng.adelaide.edu.au/personal/dabbott/animal.html
Guau-guau, amigos.
Boston shutting down in 3… 2…
‘farm days’ lunch?
Does this mean the return of the ubiquitous mashed potatoes and buttered beans menu item from the Old Longworth canteen?
Or is Michelle Obama whipping up Elite Marxist ComBlock Arugula Surprise, harvested by itenerant child labor, from the South Lawn Pb-drenched Hell-Mound Latifundia?
I’m not really up for some flash mob 48-card-pickup, over in the Raymond caf, also.
Vartan84: Ha! Good point. I’m just so desperate for inane entertainment, I suppose.
Can somebody please help Chairman Oberstar come up with a good acronym like ACES? His STAA just isn’t working for me. And what prop will the transportation flash mob use?
Luvs the photo. Also.
I just saw it. It was terrible and lame and my day is ruined because I’m so embarrassed for everyone who was involved.
Tolkienista: Supp. of freespeech in china just like tim we flashmobd cafteria.
Too bad it’s already over. Shakes the Clown would’ve beaten the shit out of those silent motherfuckers.
“Everybody get ready to fry our bacon!”
Internally valid: YOU ARE NOT NAIL!
bored with gravity: Yeah me too, I would totally go if I could have.
schvitzatura:
I’m more interested in what they serve on NON-farm days? Genetically modified protein paste, raised in vats in factories?
Vartan84: To watch, I mean. And laugh. And steal all their ACEs while they are not moving.
Why was this event not liveblogged, Wonkette editrix? I am so disappointed. Also.
Hey I know how to affect change in DC. Be a slave intern and make copies, answer phones, and get coffee…. cause that is way more helpful to democracy!