Wonkette
Wonkette recently deployed its own correspondent to Iran. What follows is her report. Names have been changed “because of the definition of anonymity.”
Hi ya’ll! I’m so honored to be here with all the world-renowned Iranians. As a daughter, and as a Republican woman who is both a fiscal and social Democrat, I feel I am well prepared for my new anonymous position as Wonkette’s Anonymous Tehran Youth Correspondent Executive Bureau Chief. In case you haven’t been following the news through Twitter or Daily Candy, there was just an election here, in Iran, for President. Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things. Things that would make you say to me, “Listen, Mawiyah, you should be the first girl to cover a presidential election with a blog.” And you would be absolutely right to say that. I should be. And I was. But I don’t want to say too much.
Anyway, sunny Tehran. Sunny, sunny Tehran. You would not even believe the things I am seeing. Many Americans won’t have a frame of reference for understanding International Situations, so here, I’ll put it this way: imagine a great big street filled with people — let’s say Main Street USA, right in downtown Phoenix — shouting words that even they probably don’t understand, and most of them are wearing green. If you were a young beautiful youth correspondent, you would be completely justified in assuming that this is some sort of environmental … thing. You might have even asked where you could recycle your glass bead necklaces you bought on Murano, out of courtesy for the Iraqis’ respect of the desert environment.
But no one here cares about the environment. It is like what I’m always saying, about Republicans needing to care about the environment and them not caring.
Instead, you meet this really cute guy who seems a little stressed out but it’s fine, because your college boyfriend was also stressed out all the time and you know how to be Supportive. Except when you tried to be Supportive to Fakhir the other night, he called you dishonorable and now he drunk Twitterberryed you about some new girl named Moussavi who’s probably here during ASU’s Semester-at-Sea program. Because really, Fakhir. How original.
You know what I was doing when I could have been fucking around in the desert for a Semester-at-Sea? I was working, except you wouldn’t understand, Fahkir, would you? You couldn’t possibly, because American Politics is a double-standard for women! And as a woman and a daughter, I see that same double-standard here in the Middle East too. Two wrongs don’t make a right –a woman has to make her OWN rights.
Namaste from Africa,
“Mawiyah”
This has promise.
Tybalt: Agreed.
I like this idea.
Megan McCain, right?
This writing is actually too good for you-know-who, and the “f” word isn’t used enough. Please dumb it down somemore.
Anxiously awaiting her follow up on the French Revolution
Juli, 10,124 shiny rials if you submit this to the Daily “Candy”. And they don’t get it.
Ever since Meghan got puppysmacked by Paul Begala, she’s known exactly what it’s like to be shot by Basiji while protesting for democracy.
Send Ryan. He needs stuff to do.
Needs more buttsex.
I wasn’t even born during the Iran revolution so quit talking about it Fakhir while I’m trying to be Supportive.
I assume Supportive is wanna-be first daughter speak for blowjob
We see that the whore of Babylon
has to Iran, did travel on.
A republican blond,
just try’n to blog along.
Oh when will Namaste,
ever get to do the nasty?
Plus, the Revolutionary Guard have no fashion sense. And they hit people.
— Blue Eyes Crying in Iran
RE the alt-text: Given the Republicans’ predilection for kid-touching and fetish play, I think a Cabbage Patch Kid in a burqa might be more apropos.
Other than that, top notch bulletin, Megs! Stay safe, stock up on tear gas-proof mascara, and watch out for flying cocks!
Oh oh oh!!! In the next edition, can someone figure out where she’s from, and call her an “American Pig” in English, so she can spend two paragraphs writing about how she’s proud of her body and all women should be proud of their bodies? And what’s up with that hijab thing, anyway, like, right? I mean, scarves are like sooooo 2007.
Tommmcatt: SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!
Tommmcatt: Damn, I thought it was Dana Milbank.
No women will be allowed to revolutionate with bushy eyebrows!
Good job, Wonkette, for bagging Bristol Palin.
Er, let me rephrase: Good on you for hiring Bristol Palin to be a correspondent. Coup du jour.
And I really, really apologize to Bristol Palin, Willow Palin, and the Governor and her family for the previous joke. I will try to do better in the future.
Wow. There really is such a thing as the Daily Candy. And it’s every bit as vapid as I imagined.
This is quite a tag: I Am Going To Need At Least 2 Full Facebook Albums For
Mawiyah should fit right in there. The all-covering hijab should make her less body conscious so she can concentrate on the really important stuff, like not being born when Reagan was president.
MOAR BOOBZ PLZ
Wah wah wah. I love the misuse of capital letters.
That’s complete bull-Shitte, Juli.
Everyone knows Megan doesn’t write as well as a Chatty Cathy.
Do you think we’re all FOOLS?????
Actually, I just wanted to write “bull-Shitte.” If it offended you, Sunni Me!
[Thank you! Thank you! You're a wonderful audience! Try the veal!]
So she finally got a job, huh!
I’m pretty sure Tina Brown would be proud to publish this.
“First Daughter, First Burqa”
I hope this lovely “Mawiyah” or “I Wham Ya” has a twitterfeed. I’d love to follow every 140 character profanity session after she’s “outed” on The View.
Am down to let this play out.
Ahhhh!!
No more dolls, please. Too scary.
Best Meg channeling, ever.
Couldn’t be Meghan McSame as it was more words than she is capable of strining together in a week, and the phrase “Now, because of the definition of anonymity, I can’t say too too much about how, but I know things about presidential elections. Lots of things” is clearly too well-written to have come from Megs.
This was ghost-written by Ana Marie Cox with no sense of irony wasn’t it?
WTF? Is it creepy doll day at Wonkette? Why did no one warn me?
That picture looks just like a cover for National Geographic, Stepford Edition.
Good work, Juli
Fakhir? So it seems that young/beautiful Meg McCabe is in fact not loosely based on the life of a certain “Meghan McCain” who has in fact not gotten a date since, well, we don’t count anymore do we?
Also, I am not a virgin.
Y’all.
For the love of all that’s holy, this colloquial contraction coined by linguistically-lazy Southerners is spelled “y’all”.
That is all.
people shouting words that even though don’t understand is usually what goes on in downtown phoenix during the day.
Something tells me that your target will only find this flattering because of the picture of the Barbi doll…