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DAILY BRIEFING

North Korea Does Not Care For Leis Or Poi

  • Iran’s Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, having taken a close look at the election results, says there’s nothing to see here so move it along folks unless you want to get murdered in the streets by pro-government militias. [Los Angeles Times]
  • President Obama hoped that expanding healthcare coverage would cost in the neighborhood of a trillion dollars, but instead it is looking more like $1.6 trillion, which is making everybody in government wet their panties in horror and frustration. [Washington Post]
  • Rumor has it that North Korea may fire off test missiles in Hawaii’s direction around July 4, just to be dicks. (They wouldn’t actually make it to Hawaii.) [Christian Science Monitor]
  • It took a while, but formal fraud charges were finally filed against the mustachioed Texas cricket mogul Allen Stanford and now he’s in FBI custody. [AFP]
  • Swine flu has claimed its first Australian victim: a 26-year-old Aboriginal male. [Bloomberg]
  • It appears the Basque separatist group ETA is still up to its old tricks. A policeman was recently killed by car bomb in Bilbao, and pretty much the only people who would care to do such a thing are members of ETA. [New York Times]


9:09 AM on Fri June 19 2009
By Sara K. Smith
813 Views

  1. Lazy Media says at 9:18 am, June 19th, 2009

    On the plus side, this may be an opportunity to see whether all that missile-defense money has produced something that can shoot down an actual missile. If the North Koreans object, we can just claim we were launching a satellite. “One in a million shot, doc.”

  2. ManchuCandidate says at 9:21 am, June 19th, 2009

    Let’s see 1 Trillion dollars in unnecessary tax cuts.

    15% capital gains tax vs. 25% minimum on income.

    Pointless war in Iraq.

    $500 Billion wasted on SDI over 20 years.

    Yeah, I can see why the Dems would pussy out.

  3. choinski says at 9:21 am, June 19th, 2009

    “Herrrow, Hans Brix” has been replaced with:

    “Herrow, Mowna Lowa Harrrwaaaweee”

  4. North Korea couldn’t hit the Pacific Ocean if they aimed for it.

  5. choinski:
    I’m sure Trey Parker and Matt Stone are strategic targets 1 & 2.

  6. King of Pants says at 9:33 am, June 19th, 2009

    I’ve never understood pro-government militias. Seriously, there’s no cred at all in being pro-government. That’s just lazy.

  7. Neilist says at 9:36 am, June 19th, 2009

    Better to be murdered by Iranian pro-government militias than to be murdered by the U.S. military. Or the Israelis.

    That way, you’re a “Martyr For Freedom,” rather than just a martyr.

    Isn’t it great that the Chinese gave up on all that Tinamin Square “freedom” nonsense, and are back to addressing real issues? Like creating a consumer/debt economy, and getting ready to fight resource wars with India?

    Those STUPID Iranians!

  8. x111e7thst says at 9:37 am, June 19th, 2009

    Sir Allen Stanford is off the street. The august body that oversees cricket in The Imperium Brittanicum breathes a sigh of relief. Wives and girlfriends will be able to attend Timeless Tests free ov the fear of being groped by those hairy knuckled paws.
    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/sport/cricket/article1862430.ece

  9. x111e7thst says at 9:38 am, June 19th, 2009

    x111e7thst: free of (moron)

  10. Serolf Divad says at 9:43 am, June 19th, 2009

    I for one an OUTRAGED that Obama’s halth care reform plans that would extend health care coverage to 2/3 of the currently uninsured would cost America AS MUCH AS THE BUSH TAX CUTS that greatly favored the richest 1% of households. How irresponsible!

  11. Don Juanquete says at 9:53 am, June 19th, 2009

    Kim wants to nuke Obama’s homeland. Didn’t anyone tell him he wasn’t born there anyway?

  12. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 9:53 am, June 19th, 2009

    In his first interview since the allegations were raised, a tearful Stanford in April lashed out over being “robbed” of his Forbes magazine title of 405th wealthiest person in the world.

    Oh for Chrissakes, MAN UP you big nancy. At this rate, you’re on the fast track to being the buttboy for your new prison roommate, “Meat.”

  13. Litlebritdifrnt says at 9:55 am, June 19th, 2009

    Knowing how fond you are of both Glen Beck and online petitions, I thought I would direct you to this

    http://www.thepetitionsite.com/8/an-open-letter-to-our-nations-leadership

  14. Lazy Media says at 9:58 am, June 19th, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: 25 percent minimum on income? You must be counting payroll taxes in that, the federal bottom marginal rate for a single taxpayer is 10 percent if your taxable income (after deductions/exemptions) is less than $8,300 a year, and 15 percent if it’s under $33,950.

  15. Serolf Divad:
    No matter how well you dumb down the facts, the GOP minions will never, EVER embrace anything other than the Golden Showers economics and healthcare models.

  16. wheelie says at 10:03 am, June 19th, 2009

    Give North Korea a break - they just qualified for the finals of the World Cup! Some countries celebrate with dancing in the streets and firecrackers; others nuke the Pacific.

  17. forgracie says at 10:03 am, June 19th, 2009

    Serolf Divad: Wow. You are on fire! Seriously, though, can we bring back the Logan’s Run Wheel of Regeneration?

  18. BadKitty says at 10:07 am, June 19th, 2009

    Litlebritdifrnt: Thank you. It’s been a while since Wonkette went to WAR!

  19. arclight says at 10:07 am, June 19th, 2009

    In all honesty, I’m pretty darn depressed about Khameni’s speech. I was really (naively, idealistically) hoping that things were about to change for the better…now it’s just going to get ugly.

  20. forgracie:
    Carousel.

  21. Monsieur Grumpe says at 10:12 am, June 19th, 2009

    A nuclear exploded Hawaii would be the ultimate 4th of July display. Not so nice for Hawaii or the people downwind of the fallout.

  22. forgracie says at 10:13 am, June 19th, 2009

    Servo: As the kids these day say: my bad.

  23. 4tehlulz says at 10:22 am, June 19th, 2009

    Don Juanquete: He’s doing it to cover for the fact that there is no real birth certificate.

  24. UncleTom says at 10:26 am, June 19th, 2009

    I blame the North Korea problem on them eating dogs and cats rather than keeping them as pets. Every US child knows that if you pull on a your pet’s tail often enough they will eventually turn around scratch/bite the shit out of you.

  25. facehead says at 10:31 am, June 19th, 2009

    4tehlulz: Exactly. It all makes sense when you realize:

    NORTH KOREA IS THE GREATEST EXPORTER OF TELEPROMPTERS IN THE WORLD.

  26. Cape Clod says at 10:51 am, June 19th, 2009

    Well, if I had a nuclear device and a means of delivering it, I would definately aim it at Hawaii as revenge for inventing slack string steel guitar music.

  27. Roger the Shrubber says at 10:57 am, June 19th, 2009

    Health care fact: Nancy Pelosi’s not limping, she just has her tits tied to her legs.

  28. Baseproduct says at 11:27 am, June 19th, 2009

    Not to be the voice of reason or anything, but [i]every[/i] missile North Korea fires, they fire towards Hawaii. It’s that or start a war with China.

  29. SayItWithWookies says at 11:37 am, June 19th, 2009

    Mmmmmm — laser poi.

  30. Hooray For Anything says at 12:01 pm, June 19th, 2009

    ManchuCandidate: Don’t forget $260 billion in farm subsidies. Obama tried to lop off just $15 billion from it and got whacked down buy all politicians from the midwest

  31. donner_froh says at 12:05 pm, June 19th, 2009

    x111e7thst: Cricket players have WAGS? Thought it was just the soccer players.

  32. Johnny Zhivago says at 12:24 pm, June 19th, 2009

    Consider, however, that a post nuked Hawaii might be the only way a lot of people can afford their retirement dream home there.

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