Wonkette
American Solutions for Winning the Future is one of a handful of weird Newt Gingrich enterprises formulated to help him win back the presidency in 2012, by teaching us all to laugh again. Did you know that the exhumed skeleton of Liz Taylor’s ex-husband still serves proudly in the Senate?
And that “Congressman Dude” is how all these fellows preferred to be addressed these days, by Twitter? This is the actual sample text for the form email. Send it off right away, unaltered! Why mess with perfection? Thank you Virginia Energy Mole “Chris” for the tip. [American Solutions]
Dear Internet Bot:
Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.
Sincerely, Congressman Dude.
I notice the only adults they have listed as staff are Gingrich and George Allen ( aka Mr.Makaka Man ), the rest are interns or barely graduated from college. Ok….so….no adults on the staff. So…like…the message TOTALLY makes sense, dude.
When click the linky I get FAIL. Has the boi named Newt taken down his entreaty to CongressManDude or am I just a total loser?
Dude:
STFU. Srsly. Dude.
Y’r obt,
Dude.
Newt ought to know that John Warner (R) is out and Mark Warner (D) is in.
WEAK!
Hmmmm… where have I seen this e-mail before… oh, yeah, from my pothead cousin:
Dear Congressman Dude:
Marihuana should totally be legalized. If you taxed it there’d be no deficit!
Legalize it!
John Warner (R) is gone. It’s Mark Warner (D) now.
Where the hell does Newty Toot get names like “American Solutions for Winning the Future”?
Sounds communist to me.
Bill & Ted’s excellent political adventure.
Alas, already pulled down.
Did anyone notice it says “Asterick”?
Try this: http://www.americansolutions.com/take-action/petition/index2.php
OH god…..Palin/Allen 2012.
Welcome to Failtown. Population: Newt
“Asterick? It’s asterisk. Asterick is a variety of hemmroid.
WestEdEd: Um, pretty sure Georgie Boy would insist on being on top. He was a quarterback, you know.
Dear Non-Virginia Resident:
Since you can’t vote in this State, f*ck off, dude.
Sincerely,
Jim Webb
I like Congressman Dude, he eliminated the regressive White Russian tax and mandated the use hands-free joint smoking devices in vehicles.
WadISay: George Allen is also a variety of hemorrhoid.
The poor, poor interns.
You know you’re swilling fondue with the intellectual elite when they direct you to fill out all the fields marked with an asterick.
I signed the petition as Charles Ufarely.
I also look forward to the e-mail flash mob from Newt Gingrich’s other lobbying initiative, Americans United For Serving Cancer-Ridden Wives With Divorce Papers (AUSCWWDP, pronounced “asswipe”).
IcarusFloats: Yes. These people are dumm.
* spelling not correct
I thought Senator-elect Franken would end the need for amateur comedians in Washington. Let’s hope he gets there before 2012.
Wait, I’m confused. What does it mean if the field is marked with an (*)?
Also. Is an “asterick” sorta like a “Rick Roll” reverse?
H-hey, this is a private residence, man!
McDuff–
His sign off to out of staters is “Or I’ll bust a cap in your A$$”.
Besides the astericks, they should have put one of those little crosses after John Warner’s name.
Every time I see the name Newt Gingrich somewhere, or when I see his jelly roll hate machine face on the teevee, the underside of my nuts get cold and I vomit in my mouth a little. It’s sort of the opposite of starbursts and leg tingles.
WadISay: Asterick is a variety of hemmroid.
Well, then it and Newt have something in common.
Awwww, the form won’t render in my browser. Think they’ve already ruined our fun? It reminds me of the 2004 election campaign when you could make your own slogan on the Bush-Cheney website. Oh, that was so much fun until they started filtering what it would accept!!!
Whoever told them that politicians like to be referred to as “Congressman Dude” is not their friend…
WestEdEd: Oh, please god, PLEASE let them run Palin/Allen in 2012!
Mark: Is that you, senator? While we’ve got you here, man, could you like, stop all of the taxes and stuff, cause they’re like totally not cool. Alright dude, check you later.
WadISay: I thought “Gingrich” was a form of hemmorhoid
Not to get into that fag talk we were talking about, but this isn’t even really a “tax,” is it?
This country needs an energy tax desperately. All kinds energy. As someone who lives in a small town, if I were Czarina I’d slap a $5.00 a gallon tax on gasoline and make it cost effective for these asshats to buy locally.
Americans are all a bunch of Craig T. Nelsons. “I’ve been on food stamps and welfare and there was no one there to help me.”
We’re a bunch of freeloaders who want something for nothing, just like the Republicans these douchebags have been electing for years have promised. I’m all for northern European tax rates and services for all. And legalize the drugs, like The Netherlands. Also. Because I know that, as an official old person, being high on painkillers before noon is way cool.
Asterick.
Seriously? Seriously?
Mr Blifil: Win.
Capitol Hillbilly: No. This is all about Cap and Trade. I heard a radio spot from these same idiots yesterday, and they’re trying to paint Cap & Trade as an apocalyptic energy tax that will cause massive American job hemmorhage, make kids starve, and incite massive outbreaks of homobuttsex.
binarian: T.R. Ucknutz has signed the petition.
queeraselvis v 2.0: Sadly, they will probably be successful, just like when they started calling the Rich Kid Inheritance Tax the “Death Tax.”
I guess that kind of verbal jousting is what passes for deep thinking nowadays.
I’m still trying to figure out why anyone is paying any attention to such a massive case of fail as Newt Gingrich.
joshydo: The link to crazytown: http://www.americansolutions.com/
Besides Peabody Coal, American Solutions principal funders are old, fat cat, Repug contributors and, for some reason, a slew of real estate developers. Wha?
What has Newt’s panties riding up his substantial crack is the Waxman-Markey Cap and Trade Bill (American Clean Energy and Security Act of 2009). Cap-and-trade is only one part. The bill includes hippy/socialist/tree-hugger crap like increased CAFÉ standards, energy energy conservation junk, blah, blah, blah. Look it up at Wiki, you fucking, twittering, gay-marriage peaceniks.
Boojum: A name that will live in infamy.
I’ve been emailing the entire Koran printed in all caps to my congressmen and to some other people in Congress, too. Now they know I am an enemy of all that is good and that I want to destroy the world.
I’m going to have to start sending the Koran to Virginia now, too. I’m doing my part.
DustBowlBlues: DustBowlBlues for Senate!
S.Luggo: Gee, what are the odds that awesome Internet web site for the computers is funded by America’s Oil Producers (motto: we need a bailout, too, for teh profits).
**shakes head sadly** Duuuude.
Fun Facts: You can customize the subject line and the message field to say anything you want.
Bong Hits for Newt!
queeraselvis v 2.0: And climate change is a scam by AL GORE and is a liberal religion where all the lefties worship at the alter of the Goricle. cap and trade is just like collecting money on sunday at church. It is a matter of belief! And they do not want any part of that good old time liberal religion run by Satan and AL GORE.
Hooray For Anything: throw your hat in the ring already DustBowlBlues!
DustBowlBlues: We will take to the streets wearing green, smokin’ green, and twittering our twats in solidarity for DustBowlBlues.
…or El Duderino, if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.
magic titty: Wasn’t Aste Rick one of those deep-voiced British guys with perfect hair you’d see on MTV in the mid 80s?
Asterick. Not only are rethugricans dumb, they are also illiterate. My students make idiotic writing errors all the time, but this one wins first prize.
You think this is bad, you should see the form email he has set up for dumping his wife whenever he meets a new intern.