Wonkette
Nancy Pelosi sweeps from the upper right corner in stealth and drops seven buckets of napalm on Pete Hoekstra, a martyr. But just before Pete passes, as the fire consumes his eyes, he grabs Texas Rep. John Culberson by his tattered lapels. “I… I want you to take this back, to my family,” Hoekstra whispers to Culberson — his comrade, his Brother — and hands him a BlackBerry. “It is… locked… you have to press… star + send… what?… no no no…. ’send,’ I said… the little green telephone button… no, you have to press… press them simultaneously… there you go… now you must Twitt…” He dies. But Culberson knows. [Twitter]
How can you out snark that?
Please don’t post this all day long. It is making me sad, for the stupids.
The Congressman and I are in agreement that his party is repressed.
I think when the White House asked twitter to delay shutting down for maintenance Iran was just a convenient excuse. They want to keep twitter up all the time to expose Republican officials as the insipid founts of inanity that they are.
I think teh stoopidz just made me blind.
Y’know, in fairness, when I see Iranian students being brutalised in the streets by an authoritarian, theocratic regime, I DO think of Republicians…
Jews murdered during the Holocaust, African Americans tortured under slavery, Native Americans slaughtered by Europeans and the American government…HOUSE REPUBLICANS UNDER A DEMOCRATIC MAJORITY.
We shall overcome…
zenferret: gad, the Republicans are fighting for a new election?
Are they a bit late with this revolution? ‘ D clampdown shutting off amends’-can anyone translate this statement?
How will Barry respond?
“…last night’s D clampdown shutting off amends”? I’m thinking “D” is David Letterman, and since his show successfully lampooned his protesters, then “amends” must be a new term for right-wing-nuttery.
He wouldn’t piss on the Iranian people if they were on fire.
The Republican twatting is like a neverending guano faucet! #tcot
Well many of them are oppressed, but if they would just come out of the closet things would be easier.
A queefing twat tweets better than this twit.
Now that I have seen two of these in a row, I am dead inside and have to start cutting again. Neat.
Well, since they want to draw parallels between the GOP and Iran, I say we bomb-bomb-bomb bomb-bomb McCain.
Why is it when I read these twitters that I hear it in the voice of Captain Kirk (Shatner) doing one of his passionate speeches near the end of a Star Trek episode?
So, maybe is it a huge plot by Ahmadinejad and Pelosi to have people killed in Tehran so the Republicans will proceed to twit the stupidest things possible about their own brave stand?
Have they decided they really aren’t a “party” any more, but a performance art troupe? and everything is just for laffs now?
I’m not a lawyer, but my guess is that “ignorant douchfaces who recently drove the country to the brink of bankruptcy” are not a suspect class.
Steny Hoyer was just driving a motorbike around the floor, cold beating Republicans with a collapsible baton.
“…last night D clampdown shutting off all amends.”?
Please allow me to translate that for ya: “D” stands for “Douchebag”, and “amends” is short for “all men’s dick sucking.”
Humpback:
I took “amends” to mean congressional pages primed with roofies. I could be wrong.
Omitted from the G-rated above the line version:
Culbertson weeps for his dead lover…
Noodle Salad: That’s the first useful thing he’s done all year.
OK I’m only a few blocks away from the Capitol. I’m renting a motorbike, and a spiffy black motorcycle outfit, and beating the shit out of Republican members of Congress with pipes, while I pull wheelies and one-eighties on the house floor. And if anyone reports on my activities they will be disappeared.
Whatever twats the emerge will finally be compelling, and the distinguished gentleman may be able to sell advertising on his, which is his main goal obviously.
Note to DHS: I will not actually attempt any of the above described activities. Unless I am currently engaging in double psychology…in which case…
Humpback: My Tubez! There klogged!!1
NoWireHangers: +1
There’s social media, and then there’s sociopathic media.
his latest Remember the Afghans used video cameras to help defeat the Soviets in the early 1980s
Notice how Culbertson fails to point out that those video cameras were given by the CIA to…OSAMA BIN LADIN!!!
Monsieur Grumpe: Why is it when I read these twitters that I hear it in the voice of Captain Kirk (Shatner) doing one of his passionate speeches near the end of a Star Trek episode?
Beats me. Shatner is much better at feigning dramatic outrage.
If I gathered up all the contempt in the world and stuffed it into an envelope and mailed it to Hoekstra and Culberson, that still wouldn’t adequately express my true feelings about these steaming turds.
NoWireHangers: That was downright Seussian.
nappyduggs: Who needs an excuse?
I don’t remember CNN discussing the brutal repression of Republicans during that time. Yet another failure of the MSM to do their jobs!
Also, I hear the Republicans are asking everyone to wear pink to show support their valiant efforts to fight back against the brutal repression of Nancy Pelosi and Bill Kristol, at this very moment, is composing an editorial calling for the bombing of the Obama White House
I thought Michael Shaara was dead.
but it seems he writes for Wonkette, under the name Jim Newell.
Someone forgot to close their tag…
So, in this analogy, is ACORN like the Basij, running around shooting Republicans and beating them do death? Please say yes.
zenferret: WIN! OTOH I could say: stop posting teh stoooped, it burns. OTOH, keep posting crapulous sociaopathic twatting (props to norbizness)for snarkilicious timez. Obvs wingtards in congress haven’t learned the “jewish” definition of schmuck.
Don’t stop Tweeting the revolution, guys.
Morbo the Annihilator: It’s the 300, only this time the effeminate giant leading troops into battle against them is wearing grandma pearls.
ph7:
Well, that and rocket launchers. Six of one.
gjdodger: Ee Plegnista!
Mr Blifil: Go for it! (It’s good to be a D these days.)
Anytime a Republican twats teh interwebs dies a little inside
Join us as we reveal: The Story Behind the Tweets.
Will read again.
Mr Blifil: Only the chiefs and sons of chiefs can read the Ee Plegnista!
Noodle Salad: Afterwards: molotov cocktail hour!
As a person who benefited from — you know — actual advances in civil rights and all, I wonder how Michael Steele is reacting to his fellow partymembers making asses of themselves.
Not that I, as a melanin-challenged male, am unaware that it’s obnoxious and pathetic and boorish to pretend you’re Rosa Parks — but as head of these goons, Steele might be in a special position to convey his appreciation of this Neanderthal appropriation of a legacy that people really and truly suffered and died for, is all. At the hands of idiots like Culberson and Hoekstra.
You dipshit for brains, you ARE a voting MINORITY, when is that ever going to sink into your thick caveman skull?
Monsieur Grumpe: You have just made Twitter much, MUCH more enjoyable for me, thank you.
I’m bored at work, so I decided to troll Culberson via Twitter, and he actually responded to me:
“Pelosi lib maj totally controls all bills, all debate all amends; no one even can offer an amend she won’t allow to be heard”
To which I responded: “yes, which is because you are now in the minority party. This is how government works, John. Take a Civics class.”
Childish? Yes, but it is rather fun to get a response, however idiotic, out of a sitting US Congressman when you’re trolling them out of boredom. Though then I remember that he’s a Congressman from Texas, it becomes significantly less cool
johnnypantalones: Any response from him, such as “dont mes w Txas” ??
Haha, Culberson, when u r a nail, everything looks like a hammer.
SayItWithWookies: Maybe this is a good time to ask for Culberson’s support of some civil rights or voters’ rights legislation. Naw.
johnnypantalones: Haha..he can’t be this stupid, can he? His responsive twat: “the minority possess their equal rights, which equal laws must protect & to violate which would be oppression.”
johnnypantalones: Did you just start a TwitterBeef™ with a retarded congressman? You sir are an American treasure!
See, I’m torn: he’s either completely ignorant of how the legislative body he was elected to work in actually fucking works, or he’s pretending to not know so he can stir up a bunch of bullshit about oppression and grandstand.
The former is the more likely option, but it’s hard to tell. Part of me doesn’t want to believe an elected official is this fucking dumb, but yet here we are…
From 2006:
A Texas congressman named John Culberson of Houston introduced legislation that would give official sanction, for the first time, to “border militias”:
The Border Protection Corps Act, introduced on July 28, would authorize access to $6.8 billion in unused Homeland Security funds to form volunteer border militias that report to their respective county sheriffs.
Double Scorpion: Perhaps Politico will report on my row with the special needs Congressperson and I will WIN THE DAY????
chascates: lol, ok, he is that dumb! Mystery solved!
Poor, poor Twitter. Whatever gains in prestige it might be making as a result of Iranians fighting for democratic process are immediately undermined by House Republicans fighting for “Who can be the most crassly inappropriate?” one upsmanship.
I stopped reading at the first sentence because it was so perfect. I printed it out and read it over and over until I fell asleep. A martyr!
johnnypantalones: He’s completely ignorant of how the legislative body he was elected to work in actually fucking works. Amazing but true.
One Yield Regular: fight on, Republicans.
These House Republicans are so oppresed I think they deserve their own department at Columbia.
BlueStateLibtard:
He’s only interested in how a young page’s legislative body works.
The revolution will not be twitterized.
This is the twatwaffle spawn of Tom Delay’s mid-decade gerrymandering of Congressional districts in Texas, who sent all of the people in his district who had e-mail addresses an e-mail on the day Delay resigned about what “a great American patriot” Delay is and how he was done in by the “Liberal media” rather than his own illegal activities. He also liked send articles from the Moonie Washington paper to people here in the Seventh Congressional District. He also told an audience at a Houston public meeting that “George Bush has a heart of gold.” His stated goal, which he refers to as his “eyes on the prize,” is restoring the Constitution to its original form. Guess that means restoring slavery and the 3/5 census rule and eliminating women’s suffrage — you should Twitter him and ask for a clarification..
One time I posted a comment on Wonkette and it didn’t display. In those tense 20 seconds before I refreshed, I was like the Iranian protesters, wondering if my voice would be heard.
Dean Booth: my hat is already off to you sir. so true.
Just when the Iranian uprising was causing me to take back all the nasty things I’ve said and thought about twitter, the Rs remind me why I hate it. 140 characters when you’re staging a popular uprising? Power to the people! 140 characters because you can’t think of anything meaningful enough to require more? Republic bullshit.
Zorg: Of course, including those bound to service for a term of years but excepting Indians not taxed. Original intent, ftw!!1
Dean Booth: A second round of appreciation. Republics live to be victims–while they’re victimizing others. They suck.
When Rs use twitter, can we refer to it as twatter?
Serolf Divad: You left one out, @sanuzis #douchetard, he’s double the twatterage of Culberdumb…THE COMEBACK STARTS NOW!