Wonkette
Christ, it’s not like there’s any election going on, when this public celebrity nonsense sometimes can matter, for a few hours, but here we are finally getting all intrigued-like over some snit on Todd & Sarah Palin’s Facebook page about a baseball sex joke David Letterman made on television one night. What’s going on now. Letterman apologized again last night for making whatever joke, a monologue quickie, that Sarah Palin pretended to interpret as pervert code for “I’m gonna rape your 14-year-old Willow daughter.” Now Palin has “accepted” Letterman’s lengthy apology with one of the more obnoxious statements in her endless, vapid, snarling canon.
Read this a couple of times:
“Letterman certainly has the right to ‘joke’ about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction,” Palin said. “This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s Right to Free Speech - in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.”
Yeah that’s right, the military. She weaves the military into her apology acceptance. Perhaps only once in a generation can a trashy politician stretch ambition and shamelessness into this large a surface, a playing field, on which to act like an idiot. Here she has thanked the United States Military, the fine folks fighting the Taliban and stuff in various Middle East wars, for achieving its “real” overseas goal, which was to “secure” part of the First Amendment from the terrorists — one of them was keeping the little scrap of paper in his pocket — so that David Letterman and Sarah Palin could legally bicker about baseball sex jokes on teevee and Facebook for a couple of weeks.
But here’s a different question: Why does Sarah Palin treat her 14-year-old daughter, Willow, like a piece-of-shit Nerf shield? That’s the real story. Willow’s mother, Sarah Palin, thinks of her young, impressionable daughter as nothing more than a six-month-old McDonald’s bag, reeking of moldy onions, found under the car’s front seat when she’s desperately searching for something to vomit in after downing 20 Crown Royal & gingers, and meth, at eight in the morning.
Because obviously Letterman was making a joke about Bristol Palin, the girl who famously got “knocked up” last year, and not about 14-year-old Willow, who did not. Sarah Palin understood this, guaranteed, and then chose to launch a desperate publicity stunt about how an OLD MAN wanted to RAPE the 14-YEAR-OLD daughter WILLOW. Surely Willow loved seeing her name plastered all over teevee and the Internet like this. Thanks Mom! Go Mom, 2012!
Another “funny” Willow story, from last October: Sarah Palin was invited to drop a ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers home opener. Philadelphia Flyers season-ticket holders, of course, are the most violent and confrontational humans since the ancient Spartans, and Sarah Palin knew she would get booed and potentially murdered. So what did she do? She dragged lil’ Willow onto the ice with her! And 7-year-old Piper, too! Everyone booed, still, and she complained afterward about how disturbed those fans must be, to boo small children like that. Meanwhile, Willow was scarred permanently. All those toothless hockey fans, screaming, “BLEEHHHH.” Vomiting.
(Also, as far as the other kids, there was that time when Sarah Palin argued that she was qualified to be President of the United States because she gave birth to a child a few months beforehand, a disabled child, whereas most liberals would’ve capped that shit.)
Sarah Palin: Booger-Eating Moron [Rumproast]
Sara Palin = the annoying piece of spinach stuck in David Letterman’s gap-tooth.
Can we just elect SP to some office and get it over with? Seeing as she’s not going away anyway …
I. can’t. take. her. shit. ANYMORE. Please make it go away.
You know, Jim, at some point even Roget will prove insufficient to express your righteous animus toward this human-like pustule of hate.
The Military guarantees our right to free speech? Do we live in Turkey now?
We must develop an aerosolized birth control delivery system and immediately launch a pre-emptive strike on Wasilla and Juneau.
user-of-owls: Eh, I am just tired… who wrote all those words up there? Must be the Uighurs again…
The U.S. military makes it possible for us to elect idiots.
Thank you.
As a member of the U.S. military, I would like to say to Gov. Palin, shut the fuck up.
I’ll wait for the 2 o’clock Palin/Letterman post to decide how I feel on this subject.
In fact, she used Piper as the human shield for the hockey game. See how easy it is to get the weirdly named children mixed up?
Good rant! I’m surprised this didn’t get the SarahPAC ad like so many other stories on her have. But yes, Governor, why don’t please go away, back to Alaska - I believe you actually have a job there that you are supposed to be working at, instead of just famewhoring down here in the lower 48..
AllHat: The longtime strongman who ruled Gabon for the last hundred years (Omar Bongo…no lie!) just croaked. I mean, the country’s fucked anyway…ok, I take it back. Even the poor Gabonese don’t deserve her.
If US America wants to keep morans like this out of office, you need to borrow something from the now bankrupt Six Flags Amusement Parks.
You need a sign that sez “You must be at least THIS Smart to Run for office” and points to a picture of Mountain Gorilla in a Tutu. This alone would eliminate 95% of all pols.
willow’s been scarred since birth.
Jim Newell: Have a pina colada and take it easy. The Uighs are.
Will someone not rid us of this meddlesome idiot?
Ugh, actually that was little Piper she dragged to the Flyers game. So instead of using a 14 year old as a shield, she actually used a 6 year old.
That kid should just be happy it wasn’t an Eagles game. Philly snowballs can be dangerous.
David Letterman owed her an apology for exercising his MILITARY protected right to say what he said. Does anybody actually get this stupid bitch’s drivel?
Was she Rasputin in her past life? Will this never end? They are going to have to name a medical disorder after her because I haz it.
Teeny: Actually she had them both. I will fix that.
Jim Newell: Ha! You fell for it. You gave it more press. Press makes it stronger. Bigger. Stupider. Do not feed it press. There will be no survivors.
So, was Bristol actually at the game? I sincerely hope not, because then I would know for sure that Ms. Sarah is hollow inside and the most ignorantly cynical human ever made.
Whys does the media and wonkette hate a succesful woman. The hatred spewed here reminds me of why liberals will be the downfall of America. No one hates like the left does and they profess to be the tolerent ones. It is dismaying. and yes Kudzu it is the Military who guards all your rights … even the right to spew hatred on people you dont agree with.
I keep waiting for someone to show up a Letterman’s show and start yelling “Terrorist!!” and “Kill him!!”
Teeny: Well, the Eagles aren’t owned by a right-wing douche (who prefers mediocre teams to one that actually wins) like Ed Snyder, so she wouldn’t have gotten the invite. I still can’t believe how stupid he was in having her come out - yeah, he may have been a big fan of hers, but he should have known that the fans wouldn’t be.
Lazy Media: if youa re part of the military then you would not disrespect a woman who at least supports you. Most of the left wing zealots on these sites would rather you were sent home and allow us to becomea third world nation.
Teeny: I believe that both Willow and Piper were on the ice. Where, after the dropping of the puck, they were summarily penetrated by hockey sticks by each Flyer’s player. Wait, no, that was their Mom. BOOOOOOOOOO.
http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/09v9anl6qw8E0/610x.jpg
I think that if you told all of the soldiers in Iraq and Afganistan that the reason they are there is so that the idiot Governor of Alaska can deliberately misunderstand a bad joke by a late night television show host so that she can shamelessy play out her victimization for a week, we would be looking at the biggest military revolt in American history.
Holy Cow!!: There you go. The perfect hat trick…
slappypaddy: You would be too if you crawled out of that succubus’ mating orifice.
“…six-month-old McDonald’s bag, reeking of moldy onions, found under the car’s front seat when she’s desperately searching for something to vomit in after downing 20 Crown Royal & gingers, and meth, at eight in the morning.”
Rough Monday night, Jim?
ManchuCandidate: Oh God, now you’ve done it, you obliquely associated Palin with a mountain gorilla. Now the right-wing offense trolls will hunt you down and demand multiple inane apologies from you, thereby keeping their names in the new cycles for several more days.
givemelibertyordeath: givemelibertyordeath: Sorry everyone, no play time, I have already given this person death.
She always overplays her hand. Just when people are thinking “Well, maybe she has a point…”, she comes running in waving her arms and shouting “DAVID LETTERMAN WANTS TO RAPE MY 14-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH ME HATES THE UNITED STATES MILITARY!!!”
So now any valid point she may have had is overshadowed by her crazy reaction.
Holy Cow!!: That would happen if Letterman was Arsenio Hall.
Jim Newell: Crap! Although, he/she was perhaps a tad too mediocre to mock adequately…
Sarah Palin…she’s like the turd that just won’t go away no matter how many times we flush.
Jim Newell:
Awww!
AllHat:
Did I? I’d “never” do such a thing. I never compared Palin to a mountain gorilla. It is a serious insult to that majestic beast. Um, besides, I, er, uh, posted it on the wrong email list. Yeah that’s it.
What is it with wingnut commentators and spelling?
Jim Newell: Well thank you for nothing pal. How the heck am I supposed to make through work without a con-troll to mock savagely? You are like the security guard who grabs the beach ball at the rock concert. %#$%@! killjoy.
Now if only some comedian could work up a joke about her son Track getting his ass fucked by an Iraqi drag queen, using an “American flag” towel for a splooge rag, all would be right. Her head would just possibly explode.
Oh….too bad George Carlin is dead.
Jim Newell: I didn’t get to play!
It’s also annoying that she keeps trying to portray herself as speaking for all women or for (in this case) young women — like she’s some sort of feminist icon. Sarah, people who are really interested in equal rights actually work to advance them. You, on the other hand, merely jump on that bandwagon when it looks like a suitable vehicle for your publicity-whoring faux outrage.
Next time, try living by your principles instead of putting a different one on every fifteen minutes to advance your agenda.
Jim Newell: Aww man and I had a most righteous smackdown already to go.
But if it is still lurking
FUCK YOU!
In the name of Willow Palin, Letterman could start a fund to support the legal challenges of girls and women who get raped and then have to pay for the rape kit, like in Wasilla.
And, presto, Snowbilly Barbie is right back atop the Republican heap by pressing that old, reliable “values” button and making the rightwingers salivate. So who is the leader of that dysfunctional party? You’re looking at her. Yea.
Letterman should have remembered that responding to bullies in any way simply encourages them. Palin will try to suck the marrow out of this diseased carcass of a story in any way she can, which probably means tricking out Willow like a TJ hooker and selling her to some meth-crazed snowbillies.
Her and Cheney could serve us better overseas. As our enemies presidents. They could cripple a country easier than our military. Then they could scarf up all the glory for themselves and the military could take a breather from securing our right to be horrified at jokes.
Maybe she can come back to NY in July and get knocked up by A-Rod herself.
How’s that for funny?
I like how, suddenly, the right of free speech extends to criticizing other people. Remember when people were criticizing Ms. Palin, they were DENYING her free speech by doing so? But, now, when she wants to do it, every soldier who has ever died has died in service of her being able to criticize the speech of others.
First: serious lack of Alt-Text here folks. That, to me, is the most important story. The rest of it is: Crackho Snowbilly blah blah blah media whore blah blah MILITARY! blah free spechifying blah blah uses kids again to shamelessly promo her ass blah blah.
MY first amendment rights have been srsly abused by lack-o-alt-text. That’s the real story. The rest is useless, futile bullshit. The end.
Isn’t everyone from Alaska “vaguely related”? Or am I thinking of another movie about chromosome deficient backwoods bear felchers? (”The Journey of Natty Gann”, maybe?)
Sarah Palin’s the Eddie Haskell of the 2009 GOP. She has no idea how smarmy and insincere she comes off to others.
Lazy Media: As a former member of the military, I second that. Also.
When will Sarah stand up and defend the REAL victim here, Alex Rodriguez?
Men are people, too, dammit.
I would gladly vote for Dave for any political office over Palin. Sure, he has no experience, but I would take that over a well-documented history of political dumbfuckery.
Jim Newell: Ha, ha. Nice joke. But seriously, I wanted to tear them a new one. With a chainsaw.
Better get used to Palin. Limbaugh and O’Reilly are getting old, and she intends to succeed both of them after her 2012 “campaign.”
But honestly, people. David Letterman accidentally telling jokes about you, and your mom using you as a bludgeon against him, demanding apologies and an interview on Larry King, isn’t half as embarrassing as your mom naming you fuckin’ “Willow” in the first place. The first few times I read ‘Willow’ in any article about all this nonsense, I assume that it’s some fucking stupid derogatory nickname made by a liberal blogger somewhere. And then I remember that it is all too real.
TeddyS: SayItWithWookies: It is a tale. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.
The children, how much for the children?
Sarah Palin’s strategy for 2012 is obviously to continue being the reality show of the Republican Party, performing wacky stunts to make each episode a tad less dreary. Her intellect is wonderfully symbolic of the state that elected her — wide-open space devoid of development. The question isn’t whether she’s fit for higher office (fail), but whether she is a fit parent.
She was invited to drop the ceremonial puck, eh? Well, Sarah, baby, the PUCK DROPS HERE! You stupid cow.
I salute Ms. Palin’s saluting the US Military for protecting David Letterman. Or protecting us against David Letterman. Or whatever; because it’s very important American Freedoms at stake.
Well she’s right. Why else do you think those hijackers flew planes into those buildings? To get people like her to STFU of course.
I actually have to give her credit for somehow managing to throw the US Troops in there. It’s always entertaining to see how many ways Republicans can throw in “9/11,” “1939,” and “The Troops are the Awesomest” into any conversation
I’m sure Brillopad will turn out just fine.
“Perhaps only once in a generation can a trashy politician stretch ambition and shamelessness into this large a surface, a playing field, on which to act like an idiot.”
Please let it be only once in a generation. Isn’t this the same woman whose nominee for Alaska Attorney General didn’t get approved because of the rape jokes he made? So if the jokes are not about her children, it’s okay? Or it’s just not okay to make rape jokes on television?
I pity those children, I genuinely do. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to grow up with a self-centered attention-seeking flag waiving bitch like that.
But I guess Chelsea turned out okay, so what the hell.
If David Letterman did have sex with Willow, (as Sarah seems to fear) and got her pregnant, you can be sure that they would use it in the next campaign to say that they are “proud of both of them” as they did with Bristol when Wrangler knocked her up. But of course, she shouldn’t be worried about Letterman, because she has taught Willow to “Just Say No” to penis. Praise Jesus. And Our Troops. Also.
oh thank zeus — i couldn’t remember my login!!!
what i really do not understand is: who the fuck likes this woman??? brian williams — nbc totally in the tank for obama newsreader — says she’s the top repugnican fundraiser? are people paying to see her like as some sort of joke? WTF??? even my brother — a 100% redneck racist texas-living hetero — can’t stand her! her popularity is simply unfathomable!
saggyboobedhag: Oh snap!
Holding Out for a Hero: Yes I will. I’m packing my gear right now. Watch this space.
Can I please have one of those military rifle-carriers to accompany me around when I criticize someone who may not agree with my first-amendment right to do so? Please, because I have some great ideas for criticisms.
CIA black ops. Why are they never around when you need them?
jodyleek: She’s like the gay aborted fetus that just won’t go away no matter how many times we flush.
Fixed!
Vegastard: So, sell her to a better family?
saggyboobedhag: Hot damn, that would actually be a pretty brutal smack-down.
But let’s not get confused here, Bristol is still a skank….but support our troops , and jesus!
Caribou Barbie actually was pissed at the “slutty flight attendant look” joke, but could not find a hook for a response, so she trotted out this red herring of leaving the children alone. The same week that unwed teen Mommy Bristol Palin, the target of the original joke, appears on the cover of People mag with her baby, which Daddy Levi is not allowed to see. Now Letterman is obligated to level the playing field by joking about Newt and the sanctity of his marriages. Iranian politics is easier to understand.
Jim:
Go ahead and make fun of our military all you want, but did Letterman apologize before the Seal Sniper’s laser was on his forehead? I think not.
Someone needs to point out the depths of hypocrisy Palin illustrates by having notorious misogynist John Ziegler spearhead her efforts via his firedavidletterman.com website.
This just in: Embassy Suites has pulled out from sponsoring the David Letterman show after Sarah Palin accused The talk show host of palling around with comedians. Also.
From MudFlats recalling Sarah’s friend:
“Remember these comments from Alaska Attorney General nominee, Wayne Anthony Ross?
“If a guy can’t rape his wife, who’s he gonna rape?”
“There wouldn’t be an issue with domestic violence if women would learn to keep their mouths shut.””
Lazy Media: As a non-member I would like to tell her to STFU!
We liberals NEED Sarah Palin. Otherwise 2010 comes around, we’re right back where we started.
DL must know that, despite the inane political perceptions and dicey professional implications, he is the parent here & the Gov is the child.
Meaning, don’t feed the troll or engage in reasonable conversation. It didn’t work with Dub nor would it work in this instance either.
Oh great deadpan spirit of Jack Benny, where art thou?
Holy Cow!!: That would be givemelibertyorgivemedeath.[re=339846]. Look for him on tonight’s episode …
Jim Newell[/re]: OH GOD THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!
I would just like to point out that a governor and aspiring President (OMG!) should have a more sophisticated understanding of the first amendment than does a common mouthbreathing internet troll.
thanks jim. i needed that.
sure is jumpy in here! sorta like whores in church. all fanning themselves with little cardboard faces of willow and bristol and trig.
the choir (of course) is fanning themselves with 3D images of levi’s genitals.
and the beat goes on.
Now, can Sarah Palin apologize for being a moron and an embarrassment to this country?
And while she’s at it, can I get Bristol’s phone number, since, you know, she’s 18 now? She’s sort of cute, in an Alaskan Republican Outback way.
“Endless, vapid, snarling canon” is my new catch-phrase.
Zadig: I dunno…When I first heard her name, I thought ‘That can’t be one of Palin’s children; the name isn’t as *ab*normal as all her other children (and grandchild, I guess)…’
I’m a war vet. I promise you, I didn’t know I’d be fighting for Sarah Palin.
Can I have my medal now?
First who here has a job, a real job, not “community organizing”? If you don’t go get one we’ll wait. Second, this reply thread has been endless, vapid, and snarling. Black kettle black pot. Oh yeah, legalize pot!!! Third, if you are grouchy, irritable or just plain mean there will be a $40 charge just for putting up with you. Strike that, we will just shoot you in the head, it will save on America’s “carbon footprint”!
“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”
———————–The Motherfucking First Amendment.
I assume this is what you were referring to when you cited “America’s Right to Free Speech”? Sorry, Governor Gmilf. A strict constructionist would argue that the authors of the Constitution could never have imagined the day that a woman would be a governor, much less be involved in a televised attention-whore fracas (TV wasn’t invented back then, Sarah. Not even black and white TV). What I’m saying is the First Amendment doesn’t give a damn about your smelling-salt swooning over a joke told by a private citizen.
Jim Newell: Well he was asking for it…
I’m sad that I’ve lived around these types so long that I could totally interpret that into normal coherent people speak immediately.
Now some of her stuff during the campaign? I couldn’t even translate that. No one can.
Is Willow Palin going to come out as gay in her early 20’s, like her namesake on [i]Buffy[/i]?
Humpback: The Second Amendment — when you have no time for the First.
Thank God for Sarah Palin. She is the only one with the brass balls to tell America the truth it does not want to hear. Just this morning, I enjoyed a breakfast of peanut butter on a banana because our U.S. military has secured America’s right to peanut butter, not to mention America’s right to banana (well, actually, that last one is kind of true…see the definition of “Banana Republic” and from whence it came…) Also to also, Governor Palin is dead right about our U.S. military securing America’s right to a quickie roll in the hay with the hot wife, a nice shower afterward, a leisurely arrival at work, three martinis at lunch, and a nap around Three. Then, our U.S. military secured America’s right to dash off a quick response to Wonkette on the boss’ dime, the following ducking out of work early, take in the opening innings of Cubs-Sox, another boning of the hot wife, also too. Then our U.S. military secured America’s right to a couple of Tylenol PMs chased with Evan Williams bourbon and a pleasant dream of the rotting corpses of Iraqi children who should, if there was actually a God, be about twenty now and enjoying their own rolls in the hay. Thanks our U.S. Military! Job well done!
SP is going the way of Thomas Eagleton.
Its funny for a while then you stop giving a shit.
I really have to question Jammakane’s judgment in choosing her for the ticket. He thought she was qualified to take over as President of the United States if he dropped dead? Really? This woman? This idiotic clothes horse with more kids than anyone can count (and with names that sound like they were assigned by Cleetus on The Simpsons…Willow, Piper, Bristol, Trap, Trick, Nixon, Condoleeza).
She will never go away and I still see that as an advantage to the Obama ‘12 campaign. They won’t be so nicey-nice in the next debate. They’ll chew her up and spit her out. She’s obviously learned nothing from any “media training” since her deer in the headlights performance with Katie Couric and has onionskin feelings. The left just needs to keep agitating her, challenging all the stoopid things she pulls and give Levi Johnston a damn job where he’s a shirtless spokesmodel for the Democratic Party in WeHo.
She is a national joke that the military (John McCain) created. Please, madam, stay with us until January 2013…
Yo Wonkette! Let’s take it easy on the Flyers fans - some of us have feelings too!!! Stereotyping Flyers fans is like stereotyping Democrats and Republicans (oops! do that all the time).
I get a kick out of Editorial Cartoonist Glenn McCoy - he just knows how to bring out that us vs them mentality. Check out his latest work on this very topic - not very inspiring at first glance. Then notice that all the aghast rightous people are older, bowtie (or pearls) wearing types, with THE LEFT (the rest of us, I think) portrayed by Uncle Fester. This really hits the core of the Republican self-image - “we’re the God fearing types trying to save the world from all you freaks”.
So let’s all hope they nominate Sarah to run for President next time around, instead of someone who understands the world around them. The average voter really does know how to seperate the real thing from the fluff.
Sarah Palin is the most honest,educated,Moral person that I know.
I am sure she will take my Presidency in 2012.