Wonkette
THAT’S ALL, FOLKS: It’s official: the pig AIDS is the first global flu epidemic in 41 years, according to the World Health Organization. Never forget. [AP]
THE PUBLIC HEALTH COMMUNITY'S 9/11
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12:38 PM
on Thu June 11 2009
By
Sara K. Smith
907 Views
If your dick looks like a cork screw, call 911.
So the pig AIDS is a pandemic, but actual AIDS is not?
Aporkalypse Sow! Exterminate with extreme piggadiss.
I’m calling in sick (for the year).
a-bdbd-bdbd-bdbd-a-bdbd-bdbd-bdbd-a-CHOO
a-bdbd-geseundtheit
HAHA! Take that, suckas!
Darehead: You’ve just had that one in the wings, waiting and hoping for a pig aids post haven’t you?
Richard Clarke missed this one.
Last month, a bus arriving in Argentina from Chile was stoned by people who thought a passenger on it had swine flu.
I’m glad to see that we humans are dealing with this latest crisis with our usual levelheaded rationality.
Sussemilch: Sometimes it’s the simplest things that make you spew water onto your computer monitor.
LittlePig: Oh, sure. Now you’re hogging all the credit.
Finally, the WHO is following the lead of the media and treating this non-crisis with all the panic and overreaction it doesn’t deserve.
LittlePig: That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
blinky_twinkie: The actual AIDS is a pandemic, but it is not a flu.
So, Pig Aids is officially an epidemic, but has Obama even said the words “Pig Aids?”
ph7: But what about his memo “Pigs Plan to Fuck Americans, Spread Disease?”
Tonight on Hannity:
“Is Obama wrecking America’s healthcare system? There was never an epidemic under Bush’s security team.”
Today we are all just 4 blocks away from having Pig AIDS.
DoktorZoom: Today we are all pigs!
Eat more bacon. Let’s get even with those sons-of-bitches.
I still think we are just freakin’ doomed…
Some virus or other bug is gonna come out, WHO and CDC aren’t going to be able to find a vaccine or do anything else about it, and we are all gonna die.
Sure glad I decided not to stop drinking.
LittlePig:
Word.
Alt text win!
Come here a minute: The article says, “The last pandemic — the Hong Kong flu of 1968 — killed about 1 million people. Ordinary flu kills about 250,000 to 500,000 people each year.” It doesn’t say, “The last *flu* pandemic…” Maybe that’s what they meant, though.
Wake me up when the lethality of virus increases. Then shoot me in the face so I don’t have to live in a virus-ridden hellscape.
JMP: Amen. My wife is just getting over non-pig-AIDS flu. I’ve never seen someone so ill. I can’t imagine ManBearPigAIDS is all that horribly virulent, but let’s stoke the panic all the same. Probably The WHO trying to drum up interest in another farewell tour.
So I guess at this point FTW should be regarded as Fuck The World after all?
Because of my incessant exposure to Fox News the only rational response to this crisis seems to me to be the immediate nuking of Mexico. I’ve also never quite understood the value of Honduras either.
proudgrampa: Lifes short and hard, like a bodybuilding elf.
Mad Farmer Manifest: You know, some people get shot in the face & live. Might wanna re-think your strategery.
Mad Farmer Manifest: Your insistence on lethality porn is spoiling our fear fetish. And I just zippered my squirrel suit and everything.
Is it time to lock up the Mexicans, yet?
hobospacejunkie: Very mild so far. Here in NYC people were trying to get the current variant so they would have some kind of immunity come fall, when it is widely expected to be worse. NYCDOH finally issued a bulletin suggesting that this was not the worlds best idea.
This maybe an obvious question, but why aren’t we all dead yet?
All the Swine needs now is its own facebook group demanding we make today a national holiday.
And Jeebus asked the name of the demoniac and it said its name was legion. Then they begged not to be cast into the abyss, so Jeebus cast them into the swine herd nearby. Mark 5:1-20.
See what happens when the almighty grants the requests of demons? The swine hit back.
The real question is: After we die from the pig virus and come back as zombies, will we be able to run fast, as per the new zombie fashion, or will we just wander around slowly, classic zombie-style, until someone shoots us in the brain?
And what happens when we all get taken down by monkey pox? You know it’s just a matter of time…
hobospacejunkie: Good point. That should have been “Then shoot me in the face and groin and burn my ship to the waterline so I don’t have to live in virus-ridden hellscape.” Fixed?
hobospacejunkie: Same here with my wife, and she works in the Queens school system. She’s been hacking away for three weeks, feverish, weak as a kitten, but tested negative for the pig aids. I almost wish it was the aids so they could have kept her in the hospital. All this hacking is ruining my Stanley Cup playoff experience.
Go Red Wings!
Too late to buy stock in ‘Tamiflu’ (tm Rumsfeld)?
damn
shortsshortsshorts: If we were all dead, who would that Half Nigerian/former demonic zygote rule over, the bitters? Uighar please…
Everyone who has swine flu needs to be treated/confined in a CAFO in North Carolina.
So, is the cure to eat more bacon?
pleasesayyes pleasesayyes pleasesayyes pleasesayyes pleasesayyes pleasesayyes pleasesayyes
sati demise: Bad investment. The bug is rapidly becoming resistant to TamiFlu. Sorry, Rumsfeld, your company’s prize product is almost useless now.
shortsshortsshorts: It’s just not that lethal. Pandemic only means that everybody has it, not that everybody’s going to die. It’s probably better to get it now and recover (so you have the right antibodies), than avoid it until it changes into something more deadly.
PS: As ever, I AM NOT A DOCTOR. Do not go have sexytimes with pigs to try and catch the good pig AIDS before it turns bad. Well, not unless you really want to.
Porky Pig should have kept it in his pants, but he doesn’t have any.
If the vaccine has to be made from dead virus cells, and the virus originally comes from swine, what is the kosher/halal status of the vaccine? Don’t Chinese doctors affect the same prophylaxis by having their patients wear a rhinoceros asshole as a sweatband?
Mad Farmer Manifest: I recommend adding a Bangkok hanging.
shortsshortsshorts: This is all your fault, anyway.
I’m four blocks away from a pig. Did you really have to post about this?
I believe in the man-bear-pig flu now, because somebody I worked with in New York a couple weeks ago caught it. And is fine. Three days of high fever, meh. Twenty-one of the sailors on USS Iwo Jima caught it at Fleet Week in New York, and they’re also all fine. EVERYBODY PANIC!
Th-th-that’s human immunodefefefeh, ehbehbeh, imunomunomuno, ebebebeh, AIDs.
DoktorZoom: snideinplainsight: Again with the four blocks away?
x111e7thst: No no no. Dwarves are into bodybuilding, elves all have high Dexterity, and halflings are rogues. Have I told you about my high elf paladin yet?
I live in Melbourne, Australia - the current world capital of the piggy virus. I’m currently suffering from it and its one of the milder flus I’ve ever had. Officially there’s only 1200 or so cases in the city, but that’s because they stopped testing when it was clear it couldn’t be contained. It’s at least in the tens of thousands.
It’s almost impossible to get a Doctor’s appointment because theiyr so snowed under and the flu is so mild in most cases that people like me are mostly just staying home. No-one has died yet in Melbourne and only five have been serious enough to be admitted to hospital.
So relax. Sometime - maybe in the northern hemisphere winter, you’ll all get a bit sick.