Wonkette
President Obama has struck another blow for justice, by finally getting somebody else to take a few Guantanamo prisoners off his hands. Only, they are just moving from Cuba to a little place in the North Pacific called Palau, and who knows if they will ever get out of prison get to leave.
The Chinese Muslim group known as Uighurs are presumably a little easier to place than other Guanatanamo detainees because they are not terrifying Arabs, and their truck is more with the Chinese than the US anyhow. The downside, of course, is that nobody wants to cross the Chinese by hosting a bunch of prisoners that the Chinese would rather see executed.
Palau doesn’t have diplomatic relations with China, however, so WALLAH, they shall take up to 17 Uighurs, and it still sucks for the Uighurs because they’re still in prison stuck on some island with little hope of future release, but at least they aren’t shacked up with any more Wahhabi nutballs, right?
UPDATE: You “fact-based” commenters point out that these dudes will probably not be in prison at all, but rather “resettled,” whatever that means, on this teeny island in the middle of nowhere. So hooray, freedom, and beaches! Which will probably scare the shit out of a bunch of people who grew up in Central Asia.
Palau to Take Chinese Guantánamo Detainees [New York Times]
And since they’re muslin, they don’t even get to drink mai tais on the beach. Man, that sucks.
We vacation every year on this island, and there’s hundreds of convicted felons working at various jobs all over the island–drivers, waiters, mayors, aldermen, accountants, lawyers, doctors, engineers, architects, police officers, politicians, judges, prosecutors, public defenders, firemen. It’s a very, very accomodating place for convicted felons. So don’t worry. The beaches are great, too.
It’s In’shallah– Ohhhh nm I see what you did there.
JUST WHAT YOU’D EXPECT FROM MUSLUM SOCIALIST OBAMA, SEND THE TERRORISTS TO A TROPICAL PARADISE WHERE THEY PROBABLY GET FREE CABLE AND GOOD FOOD FOR NOTHING! JOKES ON YOU AGAIN LIBTARDS!!!!!
Mmmmmmmmm…wahabbi nutballs.
Not in my back beach!
And. Palau has relations with Taiwan. So this is a good way to piss off China.
Isn’t this one of the islands that is going to be lost with rising seas?
Palau? Isn’t Palau a hellhole now? I think I read something about them trying to make money by mining phosphorous or something, and some company completely exploiting their resources, moving out and now the people are just as poor, with no phosphorous and no way of making any money and now some sorta social unrest. Sounds like fun.
Oh my. The FReepers are going to have shrieking fits seeing how the prisoners will have access to many fine rice dishes.
http://www.whatanicewebsite.com/alanasugar/recipes/basmati_rice_palau.html
They were almost ready to burn down a soup kitchen that was serving undeserving scum some leftover, elitist risotto donated by a local restaurant.
Let’s change the name from Palau to New Australia.
An All-American amusement park - they’ve got surfing, too.
Oh, sure, Palau looks like a paradise now, but when the sea levels rise, those prisoners will die a horrible, multi-year death more painful than anything the Chinese might have contemplated.
You know what I just figured out how to solve this whole problem, of the terrorist
suspects being too dangerous to ever let out under any circumstances. Just tell them we’re going to release them, then blindfold/drug them, tear down the prison around them, and then wake them up and tell them they’re in Florida, like they’ll ever know the difference. I mean, a couple might figure it out eventually, but most of them will just run up to the first Havanan they see (lol! they think they’re in Miami but really itz Havana lol!) and suicide-bomb them!PROBLEM SOLVED.
thefrontpage: Sounds like Chicago.
Seems to have cost our Franco-Socialist government approximately $200M to get the Palaweiners to take these Muslin Terrors. I’d have done it for onr tenth the amount.
You think it doesn’t look so bad? Wait ’till the Uighurs are forced to eat nothing but what they can find for themselves, forced to compete in inane challenges for immunity, then at the end of the day vote off (back to Guantanamo) whoever they don’t like the most, all humiliatingly broadcast for our entertainment.
I’m confused. At first I thought they were going to just be released in Palau, you know, because they haven’t actually been charged with any crime, much less convicted of one, but then I read your last paragraph and got confused, so I read the New York Times story, which I really hate doing, by the way, and they didn’t clear that up one way or another.
So, journalistically speaking, Wonkette sucks just as bad as the New York Times. Wonkette does, however, have the advantages of weighing less and being cheaper.
SayItWithWookies: You’re thinking of Nauru:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nauru
See, this is part of the Librul agenduh!
Barry the Kenyan Usurper is sending these Muslin Super Villains with Super Powers like Mind Control to South Pacific Island Vacations!!!!
When will US America’s meth heads and bikers get their SoPac Island vacays?
Wait, aren’t these Uighurs actually going to be let out of prison? I thought the basic thing was that we wanted to let them out of jail but we didn’t want them in the US, and neither did anyone else, thus the limbo. So, they won’t be in “prison” forever per se, but will be on a tiny Pacific island where they don’t speak the language with a population of like 20,000 people, so there’s that.
Seventeen seems like an arbitrary limit to put on Uighers. Is there some sort of Uigher calculator available to determine capacity?
Internally valid: It’s spelled Uighur, jerkass
Professor Proffy McProfalton, Prof.: Are you saying they’re going to drown under water? Sort of like they’re being waterboarded, or Chinese water tortured to death?
Cicada: That’s it — thanks. Nevermind wiggers — have fun in Palau.
We are going to put 16 Uighurs on a plane to Palau.
Will they be shackled and have black hoods tied around their necks like the way they arrived in Gitmo?
That”s a hell of a way to start a vacation.
It’s another case of the Asian, Hispanic and Black men holding the white man down! I wanted to be a Uighur, but no, racial quotas, they were only accepting Asian Uighurs…fuckers! It’s Maria Sotomayor and that damn half Nigerian devil zygotes fault!!!!
WhatTheHeck: The question is which one will be the sole survivor and win the million dollars.
jagorev: I think you mean Chinese water enhanced interrogationjed to death.
I wonder if they’re flying Air France there
Math Prof: And which one(s) will pose for Playboy afterwards?
According to Palau’s Wikipedia page, the island nation is also mentioned in Enya’s song “Orinoco Flow.” Which leads me to two questions:
1. Because — uh — Palau is so close to the Caribbean?
2. Who knew Enya’s songs were made up of actual distinguishable words, rather than just muttered fluffy syallables?
But what the hell do I know? I can’t distinguish between Palau and Nauru — it’s my fault for thinking that memorizing the economic histories of Pacific island nations by the last letter of their names was a good idea.
Holy Guano, Wonkette! What do I have to do to get sent to Palau? It seems like the worst thing that can happen to these Uighurs (pronounced, by the way, “WEE-gurs>”) is having to develop a taste for sea slugs. Or, they can teach the locals to prepare “lagman” for them, which is damned tasty. Either way, it’s a WW situation.
SayItWithWookies: I can’t distinguish between Palau and Nauru
Well, being part of the Greater Imperial German Co-Prosperity Sphere has to count for something for Nauru. I mean, you know, a kaiser and all. Makes for something weird to point out in the history books. or something.
As you all know, the most secure site on the planet is a prison built in 2 weeks that a 6 year old boy named Elian was able to escape from.
No Viet Cong ever called me “wigger”.
Remember: Take only pictures, leave only footprints.
Urumqi, capital of Uighur Land, is chiefly known for being the place on the earth farthest away from an ocean. So this should work out well.
dijetlo: “You needed that island, and you were the best qualified. But they had to give it to a minority because of a racial quota. Is that really fair?”
Abu Skipper! Abu Skiiiippeeeeeerrrrrrrr!
qwerty42: Are you thinking of the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Spere? I don’t mean to be pedantic, but you led me to look it up since I hadn’t heard of it before.
And it was phosphate that they mined the crap out of, not phosphorous — so basically I got all of my facts wrong. Tricky things, facts.
Now, about sending the wiggers to Tuvalu. Is Enya going with?
If I’m allowed to say something serious about this: I hope someone does a documentary on what happens next. This is like some bizarre reality TV sitcom goes haywire.
SayItWithWookies: Just watch the fur fly when Obama sends Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to Oahu.
Lucky them! And all they had to do was endure a few thousand waterboarding sessions. Where do I sign up?!
user-of-owls: They took Imelda Marcos, so they’ve handled worse.
Palau … isn’t that the guy who married Mary Kay Letourneau? So instead of virgins they have old, but pretty, teachers awaiting them?
Oh, laugh now, but once exiled, those Uighurs are going to grow stronger and stronger in order to survive and fueled by anger, will vow to kill Obama. If they seek their revenge by capturing some sort of super-secret American weapon and trick Obama into chasing them down and if it all ends with Joe Biden sacrificing himself because of his belief that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, you can only say you’ve been warned.
Hey, Wonketteers, what’s up with the reported shootings at the Nat’l Holocaust Museum? Could you do some snarky insidery reporting on that? kthxbai
thefrontpage: [wingnut mode] You mean I work hard every day bring home da bacon and all I can afford for vacations is trips to the local casino. And all I hadda do wuz be a convicted felon to get sent to a tropical paradise? I also resent getting taxed more for being in a higher income bracket. They’re punishing me for working hard, I tell ya. [/wingnut mode]
The stoopid Washington non-Post is going to fart around all afternoon trying to determine the “facts”, and how fun is that? Better to get some hard-hitting, two-fisted reporting in in a truly timely fashion;
‘Ruthless, heavily paintball-armed Shriners stormed the National Holocaust Museum this afternoon in a bid to raise Shriner awareness. The be-fezzed assault team opened fire on innocent tourists and docents as well as a party of Masons who were on a guided tour. Spraying hot paint over the crowd in the Hall of Remembrance, the assailants shrieked “We’re NOT Muslims!! We just like moon-shaped jewelry!!” before making a daring escape in their iconic go-carts.’
jfruh: Right, but keep their scary muslim asses off Murikan soil. We might catch Mohaqmmed cooties from them.
freakishlystrong: Mmmmm….wasabi nutballs!!
Hooray For Anything: I think Jack Stiles is still posted on Palau. If the Daring Dragoon can defeat a garrison of French soldiers every week, keeping 17 Uighurs under control should be no problem.
SayItWithWookies: Don’t feel bad, I had the same reaction at first. I’m seriously considering a documentary on how these guys settle in. Mind you, my Uighur is pretty much limited to “hello” and “no”, but that got me by in China, so should work in Palau.
On a related-but-not-really note, ‘palau’ is the Uighur name of one of two dishes that Uighurs are particularly found of - pilaf.
total sausage party
sorry Uighurs
just a thought - could we send ‘wiggers’ there, too?
AnnieGetYourFun: Well make sure they’re not too bitter before you hang out with ‘em. I mean, how aggrieved could they be just because they were captured, imprisoned without charges, probably tortured, then declared innocent and still kept in a miserable hole because nobody would take them?
Seems like the Obama admin is hell bent on out spending and out stupiding the Bush Admin. And perhaps out crazy the Bush Admin too. BTW is the $200 million bribe to Pulau for real? The best deal those clowns in the State Dept could get was this?
How many of you here know anything about Uyghurs? Do you know the real story of those Uyghurs in Guantanama? Do you know their situation in their homeland-Occupied Eastern Turkistan(1949 by China)? Then why do you so much hostile feeling about them? Do not you think they deserve to survive?
Uyghurs plight started about 250 years ago, sometimes from the Chinese sometimes from Russia since we are living between these two nations. The plight has been getting worse and worse since 1949 after the occupation by the Chinese communist Regime. Hundreds of thousands of scholars, bussinessmen, teachers were killed including both of my grandfathers. Uyghurs againd started to flee to neighbouring countries-Kazakistan, Uzbekistan, Krygizistan, Afghanistan and India on foot. In China HanChinese people get passports at the post office by paying 200 rmb(30$) but Uyghurs, if they want to get a passport they have to pay at leaset 40,000 rmb(6000$) plus a lot of stamps and letters they have to collect. This is just a small example how differently Uyghurs are being treated and how they are being controlled by the Chinese. Chinese governement has been using all kind of ways to assimilate Uyghurs. Killing, force them to only speak Chinese at schools, forcfull abortion, employment descriminaion, breaking down Uyghur traditional, historical architectures, legelising the trafficing of young,underaged Uyghurs girls into Chinese cities, Mass HanChinese immigration etc.
Those Uyghurs at Guantanama escaped in order to save their lives where ever they could get to and it happened to be Afhanistan at a wrong time.
Chinese gov has been very successfull to make people believe that Uyghurs are terrorists but they failed to lable Dalaylama as terroris but seperatist. Uyghurs plight is identical to the plights of Tibets. Why do they get more sympathy and support from the world and not Uyghurs? Those Tibets escaped to Inda are protected by Indian gov and UN but why are the Uyghurs?