Wonkette
- WE HAVE A NATIONAL FURRY PROBLEM: “A Washington state man has been sentenced to 30 days in jail for having sex with his two dogs… Prosecutor Michael Golden said Whitson is a member of a group known as Furries who identify with animals and dress the part in makeup, ears and tail.” And there appear to be some nasty internal politics at play, among the Furries: “[Golden] says two of Whitson’s Furry friends witnessed the animal sex and turned him in.” [AP]
Please post the recording of the 911 call.
“Furries gather for social events but having sex with animals is not part of their normal behavior.”
Republicans gather for social events but having sex with animals is not part of their normal behavior.
Fixed.
“Troy Whitson entered an Alford plea Monday in Lewis County Superior Court, meaning he admitted no wrongdoing but acknowledged he’d likely be convicted.”
I am going to plead “Alford” to anything that my boss yells at me for from now on.
Wow. The Republicans are even more desperate than I’d imagined.
But that article was fucking hilarious. I thought ‘furries’ was a wonkette thing. I didn’t know that it was a real, not-born-in-snarkville thing.
Texan Bulldoggette: Please. This is a journalistic news site.
New Hampshire enacts marriage equality.
Man has sex with two dogs.
Q.E.D.
So this guy had to fuck both dogs before his friends turned him in. Liiiike if it had been just one dog they woulda been okay with it?
And one more question — at any point in that evening, did one of the two friends turn to the other and say, “He’s giving furries a bad name?” Because that woulda been hilarious.
Texan Bulldoggette: Sorry, Jim. I’ve been properly chastised. I just could not comprehend that adults could BBQ, drink wine/martinis, watch a football game or play Scrabble all while dressed up as animals (outside of Halloween). But, hey, if you are going to dress up as an animal, why not have sex with one … when in Rome, right?
Great, now we’re living in a Monty Python sketch. “Uhm, yeah. We dress up like mice…”
I know I’m old-fashioned, but I sort of think having sex with animals is not part of anyone’s “normal behavior.” Sure, when I was a teen I was a republican for a while - but I grew up in the midwest; I didn’t know any better. I liked our dog a lot, but I did not have sex with that bitch. At least, not if “is” means what I think it does.
suchsweetthunder: Ducks aren’t furry.
Hey hey! What a man does with his dog and his other dog in the privacy of his own home is nobody’s business!
But next time maybe someone should hide the peanut butter.
yo we need a FURRIES SEX : BIG NEWS PAGE in big blue letters ASAP.
The idea of having sex while wearing a hot, unventilated costume made of fake fur (or real, for that matter) is pretty sick regardless of who the sex-ee is. I think this all started with the Disney franchise. Although Minnie had a tight little ass.
And besides, who lets their friends watch them fuck a dog? This isn’t the South, it’s Washington state for God’s sake!
…New Hampshire legalized gay marriage today and now people are fukking dogs, Rick Santorum did warn us about this!!!
When winguts said legalizing gay marriage would lead to polygamy and marrying animals, I didn’t think they meant both at the same time. One perversion at a time people!
Oh my!
gjdodger: Cookie Guggelman: Come here a minute:
SONIA SOTOMAYOR
Being a judge would be so nice -
AXELROD
One look at her, they’ll say “No dice!”
SOTOMAYOR
Barack says that I have been chosen!
PLOUFFEMEISTER
Not so, says Jeffrey Rosen!
ALL TOGETHER
She’ll replace Sout in Ame-ri-ca
Pissing off Newt in Ame-ri-ca!
Socialist judge in Ame-ri-ca
Right wing won’t budge in Ame-RI! ca….
SOTOMAYOR
I’m woman, I’m wise - and Latina…
BIG JOHN CORNYN
Please don’t let her serve subpoenas!
SOTOMAYOR
Legislating’s what I won’t do -
MICHAEL “DA MAN” STEELE
Course not, cuz we gonna stop you!
ALL TOGETHER
Justices rule in Ame-ri-ca
Prayer in school in Ame-ri-ca
Roe vs Wade in Ame-ri-ca?
Questions evade in Ame-RI! ca….
SOTOMAYOR
The committee’ll call me to testify -
SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE
How many times have you been high?
SOTOMAYOR
But they’ll approve my nomination…
MIKE HUCKABEE
What? For some lady Haitian?
ALL TOGETHER
Work very hard in Ame-ri-ca
You might get far in Ame-ri-ca
Unless Limbaugh scoffs in Ame-ri-ca
Then all bets are off in Ame-RI! ca…
SOTOMAYOR
All my dreams are bout to come true
THOMAS SOWELL
Empathy’s come back to haunt you -
SOTOMAYOR
Callate, damn, right wing liars!
JONAH GOLDBERG
You’re the next Harriet Miers!
ENTIRE CITY OF WASHINGTON, D.C.
Who’ll sit on the Court in Ame-ri-ca?
And who will fall short in Ame-ri-ca?
She’ll rule on law in Ame-ri-ca
Or else she’ll withdraw in Ame-RI! ca…
ALL (ad lib)
Yippie! Yahoo!
THE END
AngryBlakGuy:
Who do you think the perp is?
Crap, wrong thread
Anyway that is the death of that meme, forever and ever, amen, also.
Who played the active roll? A dog in the passive role could raise issues of its ability to consent. Is anyone familiar with animal rights philosophy and ethics? Also, peanut butter and erectile drugs for the dog should be off limits, too, in my opinion. Of course, people who spend their kids college money on antidepressant drugs for their dogs are the real perverts.
What if he dressed the dogs like people? Maybe a costume like sexy nurse, sexy librarian, sexy fireman or sexy republican? Would these “Skinnies” then be technically legally fuckable? ‘Cause the way they dress they’re asking for it.
I have a friend who’s a furry, although not a pedophile or a dog fucker. Every time something like this comes up in the news I ring her up to point and laugh.
That’s pretty swell and special that the two Furries are, what, trying to uphold the integrity of the Furry community as a whole by ratting the guy out. Must be that this recent spate of unwholesome behavior we’ve heard of from that quarter is an unusual aberration.
There was an entire cautionary episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force about this.
You know, there’s always one guy who takes the honorable practice of being a Furry, dressing the part in makeup, ears and tail, and has to go and ruin it for everyone by fucking his Labrador.
He’s being prosecuted by a dude named Michael Golden - as in Retriever? My irony alarm is going “arooogah, arooooogah!”
Perfect example of AP style/content:
Five short paragraphs, the lede is sex with dogs and it gets more strange with each graph.
Those guys are good.
Now, don’t any one get any wrong ideas but here is some sophisticated artwork from an imported graphic novel:
http://maxcreager.free.fr/Blogs/Tibots/images/wallpapers/blacks%20wall%20love2.jpg
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/889/598/320/guarnido09.jpg
http://ddlf.hautetfort.com/images/medium_blacksad3.jpg
http://www.chakatsden.com/sfl/images/Cover33.jpg
Wait, that last one is just some furry slut porn.
SayItWithWookies: But were they male dogs or females? If the latter, then he’s not gay, at least as rednecks I know figure things.
Zhu Bajie
oldguy: I’m assured that back in the highly morals 1930s and ’40s, when girls did not put out, sex with the family’s chickens or whatever was not too rare. The parents pretended they didn’t hear a lot of squawking from the henhouse.
Zhu Bajie
It would be a lot easier if this were October or July or something, cause then it could be Furtober or Furly. Geeez, I’d even be in for Furvember. June? Whadayado with that? Frun?
I can’t believe I’m reading this…I feel unclean.
typo, last sentence, last word: “in.”
octupletsmom: Yeah, they probably thought they were going to preserve their image. But if its our own introduction to the reality of the Furries here at Wonkette, where the beat is sex perversion (or “D.C. gossip”) then you know everyone else is saying “OMG, there’s a bestiality subculture called the Furries?” But either way, it’s kind of just an identity issue. And sometimes you do get the feeling that you have to live like a dog here in the USA. Just make sure you have the dog’s teeth pulled before it gets down to business, trust me.
Are there any photos to be suppressed, then leaked?
Zhu Bajie
Did this take place at G’tmo or Abu Ghraib?
Zhu Bajie
I thought all dog owners had sex with their dogs. Isn’t that the point of having a dog?
Pilate: Still gets a golf clap. Make that two!
~
الكلاب الجنس
Summertime,
And the skritchen’ is easy
Pandas humpin’
And the highschoolers cry
Oh your daddyfur’s rich
And your other caretaker’s good lookin’
So hush little babbyfur
And don’t let the KY go dry
One of these late nights
You’re going to end up screeching
You’ll spread your cheeks
And realize your dry
When you squick online
No one can hear you
With your daddyfur and caretaker standing nearby
Summertime,
And the skritchen’ is easy
Pandas humpin’
And the interns cry
Your daddyfur’s a bitch
When he gets to two dog humpin’
So hush little babbyfur
Don’t drop a dime
naveed: What is that…”decadent Americans…” I’ll handle the America-hating around here, thx.
Like I said this morning on the OTHER furry thread…. Where the fuck do these people COME from?
Pilate: Wrong thread indeed, but the best of that particular meme I’ve seen. For this particular thread, I’d love to see someone with this kind of talent redo “Talk to the Animals”
So, the friends of this guy were members of FETA?
Alas, Babylon. Alford, too. But this is what happens in a Democrat socialist economy, where a date omce meant: dinner, a movie, and a bottle of California wine, it hsa all been reduced to can Alpo and a doggie chew.
But not to worry.
Even in these diificult Marxist times, Neal Horsley is for the defense.
zhubajie: Yeah — those queer zoophiles — now that’s disgusting.
I still want to know, though, if his friends wouldn’tve turned him in if he’d only fucked the one dog. Except I don’t really care to think about furries anymore, period.
The terrorists. They hate us for our furry-dumbs. Too.
katrina: No, as Libertarians they knew the sanctity of intra-species yiffing between two consenting adults in stifling hot animal suits.
Fuck 2 dogs: go to jail, eat some shaved seal heart: get on TV.
Moral of the story: start fucking seals.
What is about Washington… Remember the man who got his colon punctured while playing bottom to an Arabian stallion?
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002382718_horse15m.html
Mr Blifil: That’s why Canada will ever remain another country, besides having an inordinate number of people who speak something simulating French.
thursday: “Deputies don’t believe a crime occurred because bestiality is not illegal in Washington state and the horse was uninjured”
The rider was using his horse, eventually, to cast an absentee ballot for McCain in the 2008 election. Hell, here comes another RNC lawsuit.
zhubajie: Actually, Kinsey did report a lot of animal fucking back in “the good old days”. 17%, but still I would like to think some folks did not brag/admit to it, and well, 17% is still a bit too high as far as I am concerned.
glamourdammerung: Here’s a pattern I’ve noticed: Single men with little frou-frou bitches “for companionship”, and single women with big dogs with big cocks “for protection”. Petsmart is safer than Craigslist.
Joshua Norton: But next time maybe someone should hide the peanut butter.
As I wrote elsewhere, nowhere has any retelling of this story mentioned the involvement of chocolate sauce or peanut butter. Having a limited imagination, I can’t imagine how this furry managed to coerce his dogs into having sex with him without one or both of these enticements.
AngryBlakGuy: Hey, welcome back. You were missed.
Favorite grafitti in a Seattle bar?
Enumclaw is for horse lovers.
Goddammit. Beaten by thursday.
Now recently I have been somewhat confused by the lack of knowledge regarding yiffies, furries, bulemiaresources.org, and double-wetsuited-dildo-packing-stranglers. Does someone ACTUALLY have to explain lemonparty or goatse.cx? You’re supposed to learn these things as part of your internet training. It’s a part of growing up.
Joshua Norton: As in showers. Deviant sex acts are notorious for their infighting.
Later, according to a local news outlet, in what can only be considered a below-the-belt remark, “[Judge James]Lawler said the sentence may have been more substantial if Whitson had any other charges under his belt.”
…having sex with animals is not part of their normal behavior.
I had no idea I was engaging in abnormal behavior by having same-age, heterosexual, monogamous sex without a fur (or any other) suit. I’m doin’ it rong.
WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE PUPPIES??!!
A dog in the passive role could raise issues of its ability to consent.
Funniest comment in the thread, and I’m not even sure if it was meant to be.
I blame the dogs. They were Alaskan Malamutes, weren’t they?
The Republicans really screwed the pooch this time.
Hey Wonkette the furries are going to have a convention July 2-5. Why dobn’t you go and tell us about it. http://www.anthrocon.org/
After looking through their web sites, I have developed a grudging respect for them, particularly their craftsmanship. I just figured they bought fursuits off the internet, Nooooooo.
The creatures outside looked from Republican to Malamute,
and from Malamute to Republican,
and from Republican to Malamute again;
but already it was impossible to say which was which.
(nods to George O.)
Hey, everybody, the speechmaker in chief just made a speech in Cairo, probably in Arabic, in front of gazillions of cheering muslin terrierists.
Why are we talking about dog fucking?
Great Caesar’s Ghost! Rick Santorum warned us this would happen!
I hope the new owners of the Malamutes have a carpet cleaner. I suspect those dogs will be dragging their asses across the floor for some time. I also love that the prosecutor has the name of a retriever.
gurukalehuru: This is not just a story about dogFucking my friend. This is a story about FurrydogFucking. As for teleprompterz(tm) reading a terrorist speach in Cairo (to Muslins) that sort of stuff excites them over a redstate and pj. Wonkette is proud to concentrate on the core issues.
Golden Deceiver.
The dogs were asking for it seeing they were wearing fur, wagging their tails, had their tongues hanging out and stuff.
gurukalehuru: Why are we talking about dog fucking?
Cause the Furries are taking over. Fuck that half-Nigerian bastard, running off to Egypt the moment the Republicans go full ‘tard and start banging schnauzers, he ought to be here, with a broom handle and a bucket of scalding hot water guarding our pets from conservative defilement.
I payed five hundred dollars for that damn rottweiler, I aint letting no damn conservative dig under the fence and leave me with six or seven half-republican pups to get rid of.
2 dogs 1 furry?
Texan Bulldoggette: Republicans gather for social events
butand having sex withanimalsprepubescent boys isnotpart of their normal behavior.Really Fixed.
OK, does anybody know WHEN this “Furry” thing started? I know that people have always been weird, but now we’re achieving new levels of weirdness that I never imagined.
Kingbee: It happened when the Furriners came into our country.
“two of Whitson’s Furry friends…” Haha, great line, I hope it made it into the indictment.
Bummer about the guilty plea though- affidavits and witness transcripts would have been fucking hilarious.
You know what they say…there is no honor among furries.
“Furry” shouldn’t really be capitalized like that. We’re not an organized secret society like the Masons (as far as you know).
But what is the difference between a pig with lipstick and a pit bull with lipstick? The hockey stick, that’s what. The hockey stick shaking right in front of your face, waiting for some un-real-american elite comment to come out.
Think about it.
19kevin8: Furries, people who think Civil war re-enactors and ren-faire participants are too normal.
Damn, the guy is only 21. How warped is your world when you’re porking the pooch at the tender young age of 21. I assumed most furries are middle aged white men with fat smelly wives who would do almost anything to avoid having sex with their balding loser husbands. In that framework, furry-ism is an adaptation, a way of coping. At 21? At 21, there has to be an emo slut somewhere in Washington State willing to help a brotha out.
These so called friends broke the first and second rule of Furries, whihc is “You do NOT talk about Furries”
@pdiddycornchips: Actually, most furries are teenagers with no social skills and no friends, just like most trekkers and most libertarians.
Jim Newell: “This is a journalistic news site.” When did that happen?!?!
Naked Bunny with a Whip: Live long and prosper, dude.
… but do they call me Newt, the lawmaker? No. But you fuck two dogs!!!
suchsweetthunder: Precisely. Santorum tried to warn us, but we wouldn’t listen. Now these poor dogs are paying the price. I hope they at least got a can of Alpo out of the deal.
Min: Peace and long scritches.
pdiddycornchips: Once you’ve tried bitch, you never will switch?
Once you’ve tried pooch, forget human cooch?
Judas Peckerwood: With the recent banhammer purge by Stalinist-red Newell and now the return of AngryBlakGuy, Wonkette comments = Saved!
doloras: Liar! Furries don’t have friends, only things they haven’t yiffed on or been mocked by.
LittlePig: Once you go Beagle you’ll never be legal?
chascates: Haven’t spent much time in rural Washington state, have you? The third congressional district is like Deliverance, except for the accent.
Paul Tardy: I don’t know. After looking at their Flickr page, I’m thinking Sarah Palin is on to something with the helicopters…
http://www.flickr.com/groups/anthrocon/pool/
Did the guy take them out for dinner and movie first, or did the cheap bitches give it up for free?
Texan Bulldoggette: google encyclopedia dramatica and it will tell you everything there is to know about furries.
@The Schadenfried PAC: Swing and a miss. Try the Wikipedia page or browse Wikifur instead. ED’s only a good reference if you’re the kind of person who dropped out of high school and still thinks recycled /b/ tard jokes are funny…
brianxsmith: Hey, watch it with the sexy librarian talk.
jetjaguar: Does this make them a triad or a Vee?
Buck1962: Best comment ever!!!
From the Furry con website:
“Today, Furry fandom is instead an artistic and literary genre that is practiced and enjoyed by tens of thousands worldwide. We count among our ranks professional sports mascots, animators, cartoonists, puppeteers, artists, illustrators, and writers, as well as those who simply think that it would be a wonderful thing if animals could walk or talk like we do.”
That would be awesome.But please don’t boink them.
Are we absolutely sure that the dogs in question weren’t just really convincing furries themselves? Did someone check for a zipper or velcro?