Wonkette
MOOOOOM, CAN… CAN MY IRANIAN DIPLOMATIC EQUIVALENT SPEND THE NIGHT, PLEEEEASE?: “In a new overture to Iran, the Obama administration has authorized U.S. embassies around the world to invite Iranian officials to Independence Day parties they host on or around July 4th. A State Department cable sent to all U.S. embassies and consulates late last week said that U.S. diplomats could ask their Iranian counterparts to attend the festivities, which generally feature speeches about American values, fireworks, and, of course, hot dogs and hamburgers.” Slip ‘n’ Slide? Super Soaker proxy war? SPARKLERS? Don’t get cheap, embassies. This is Iran. Pressure. [AP/TPM]
All will go well till US America diplo-dunks sing “Allah Bless US America.”
Maybe Uncle Walter can slip off his lawn chair in a mid-afternoon Pabst stupor, while cursing out all the Gooks and Spicks, just for authenticity.
Don’t forget to invite the Furries. Iranians love the Furries. Just make sure you state on the invites that they are to wear their flame retardant suits. Nothing is funny about a flaming furry.
And get the brand-name icecream. That store-brand crap you usually buy is all gummy and disgusting.
The State Department still sends cables? Maybe that’s why Obama hasn’t pulled troops out yet.. he wants to, but in sandland they haven’t decoded the Morse Code yet.
And now American diplomats everywhere are just thrilled about being invited to the Iranian embassies for Ashura. Just a little BYO-Barbed-Cat-O-Nine-Tails get-together, nothing fancy.
“In trying to identify the pivotal turning point leading up to the US war with Iran, most historians refer to the moment when the US Consul General offered the Iranian Ambassador a Hebrew National hotdog.”
The will probably pee in the pool.
And invite the Beach Boys to sing “Bomb Iran”.
user-of-owls: As long as they’re really made of Hebrew nationals, I don’t see how an Iranian diplomat could take offense.
They’re just inviting Iran for the awesome fig and pistachio snacks they will bring to the party.
user-of-owls: Eh, probably better than offering a standard pork hot dog. Oh, and beer.
trondant: Hoo hoo! Touche!
I can’t imagine anything more boring than sitting through a speech about hot dogs and hamburgers.
user-of-owls: trondant: Well, it couldn’t be worse than offering the usual pig anus ones (Horsley’s faves).
Its the old ‘Bait n switch,’ where the Iranians will be forced to watch a few episodes of American Idol so they can finally understand our real American values.
All of you are not thinking this through. How humiliating will it be when all of those cool Iranian diplowonks don’t show up for our party. Awkward!
This really isn’t a step forward at all, just a correction of a shining example of Bush’s peurile, childish diplomatic policies.
“Whereas: we don’t like your policies on nuclear proliferation and Israel, and you say some mean things about us.
Therefore, be it resolved that: 1) Iranian representatives are TOTALLY not invited to our BIRTHDAY PARTY, which was going to have clowns and a moon bounce and everything. 2) Iran is a bunch of stupid doo-doo-heads.”
I’m going to warn everyone NOW that when Middle Eastern guys fall in love they FALL HARD!
Example in point:
http://news.aol.com/article/man-cuts-off-penis/505512?icid=main|htmlws-main|dl1|link6|http://news.aol.com/article/man-cuts-off-penis/505512
So, when you go inviting Iranians to your fireworks celebrations, remember those middle eastern guys PLAY FOR KEEPS! This is just in case anyone thinks they can get in some casual snogging with one of them…
That guy SURE showed everyone, huh?
In a new overture to Iran, the Obama administration has authorized U.S. embassies around the world to start friending Iranian officials on Facebook.
This is what I love about OBowMa. He’s definitely fucking with the wingers.
He’s counting on them to come out and say he’s pallin around with turrists.
Serolf Divad: Indeed. The Iranians should go to the Scottish consulate for Burns Day instead and be regaled by the 3-hour “Reflections on Haggis.”
user-of-owls: Or the All Pork Ballpark Frank, also.
Do Mooselimbs eat?
What could possibly go wro–?
IRANIAN DIPLOMAT SEIZES U.S. FAMILY OF FOUR HOSTAGE
THREATENS TO EXECUTE BEAVER, WALLY, IF ISRAEL DOESN’T VACATE WEST BANK
It’s a pretty easy decision actually as the Iranians don’t eat pork byproducts and don’t drink so it’s not like we have to spend that much money on them.
So the entire Noobama candidacy was predicated on this plot to stage a huge Muslin/Persian fuck-n-suck in the Oval Office? For the sole purpose of soiling Dubya’s snappy new rug? They better count the Remington sculptures after it’s all over.
He just did that because he knows on July 4 giant alien saucer-ships will hover over the embassies and then blow them up.
How do you say, “oooh, I LOVE Herbrew Nationals! Pass the ketchup! ” in Farsi?
El Pinche: Or Obama could really fuck with the reichwingers and offer a menu of fried chicken, watermelon & sweet-tea, foods beloved by Black people and Middle-easterners…
All part of a CIA plot to lure Iranian diplos into buttsecks “honey” traps to force said diplos into working for us.
“So, Ahmad, get us the latest on Iranian missle developements or these pictures of you and ‘Bruce’ go straight to the Ayatollah. Hope you like being stoned to death and buried in a stone wall.”
See, Bush and his people, being anti-the gay and not understanding the Muslin world, always used female hookers in these traps and the Clerics back home were like, “Ahmad, way to score with that blonde infidel!”
Seeing as this auspicious date in American history, minus one day (7/3), is also the 21st anniversary of the Ticonderoga-class AEGIS missile cruiser U.S.S. Vincennes shoot-down of Airbus A300B2 Iran Air Flight 655; what is Hillary and the State Dept. Bureau of Near Eastern Affairs getting at?
Try waiting about 1000 years before a rapprochment over S’mores and hand-churned stawberry ice cream. NOMNOMNOM!
Still waiting to hear about the NK ice-breaker shindig; kimchi slaw dogs RAWK!
Hmmm. TET OFFENSIVE MUCH??
Will “Shaved Iranian Diplomat Hearts” be on the menu?
hope they ordered all beef hot dogs
schvitzatura: Hey, if you think that there is a North Korean who wouldn’t jump at the chance for free food and the opportunity to release toxic gas bombs out their butts at US diplomats, the you have not been following the news, my friend.
Bearbloke: Throw in some malt liquor, the new Dr. Dre, and I’m there. I hope Rush’s webcam is on so i can watch his fat head explode.
user-of-owls: Actually, Muslims will often eat kosher meat if they can’t get halal. Same God, close enough, better than filthy Christian vittles.