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HEALTH NEWS

Robert Byrd is the missing link.PREHISTORIC SPECIMEN CONFINED TO HOSPITAL: Ancient Robert Byrd is in the hospital battling a staph infection, which is precisely the sort of infection that old people tend to pick up in hospitals. SOMEBODY GET HIM OUT OF THAT SWAMP OF GERMS. P.S.: He is so very old. [Roll Call]


9:57 AM on Tue June 2 2009
By Sara K. Smith
519 Views

  1. memzilla says at 10:02 am, June 2nd, 2009

    So they’ll be putting him in a Ku Klux Klean room?

  2. Mr Blifil says at 10:04 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Bacterial infections are often picked up from clothing. He probably got sick after he accidentally put on somebody else’s Klan robes.

  3. pondscum says at 10:06 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Complete win on the photo and alt-text.

  4. memzilla: Win pondscum: naw, but a close second.

  5. donner_froh says at 10:18 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Headline + alt-text = all anyone will ever need to know about this story

  6. But who will take his place?!?

  7. Larry McAwful says at 10:27 am, June 2nd, 2009

    When President Cleveland needed secret lip cancer surgery they did it on a boat. You’d think Senator Byrd would have remembered that, what with his having been there and all. (He’s, like, really old, get it?)

  8. BillyClubb says at 10:30 am, June 2nd, 2009

    SOMEBODY GET HIM OUT OF THAT SWAMP OF GERMS

    Yeah, get him the hell out of D.C.!

  9. the problem child says at 10:35 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Larry McAwful: Old. Got it.

  10. Barry White Zombie says at 10:45 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Clearly somebody is a little worried about Norm Coleman losing his epic court case and resorted to biological warfare.

  11. Come here a minute says at 10:48 am, June 2nd, 2009

    If he made it thru the Spanish flu, he can make it thru this. (He’s really that old).

  12. SayItWithWookies says at 10:52 am, June 2nd, 2009

    That protohominid thingy sorta looks like the Montauk Monster. And you make KKK jokes, but at least Byrd was capable of evolution.

  13. Gorillionaire says at 11:07 am, June 2nd, 2009

    My mother’s family is from the exact same part of the planet that Byrd grew up in, and I have to say, KKK membership there in those days must have been on par with being in the Boy Scouts or the Rotary Club. You probably “joined” because your grandpa signed you up for your 16th birthday or something. I give the old coot Byrd credit for at least quitting the damn club on his own volition.

  14. BigBrainOnBrad says at 11:08 am, June 2nd, 2009

    I remember reading that byrds were the closest living descendants of dinosaurs.

  15. Scarab says at 11:11 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Sorry Senator but to everything - turn, turn, turn. A time to be born, a time to die… and you’re way past due.

  16. Fox News Light says at 11:15 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Ok, I am cool with making fun of Republicans because I know I will never become one…but making fun of old people just seems to have bad karma written all over it.

  17. jagorev says at 11:33 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Something tells me David Denby isn’t going to approve of this heartless “snark”, Sara.

  18. Lascauxcaveman says at 11:51 am, June 2nd, 2009

    Scarab: Naw, he’ll come out this just fine, really. He’s gotten a lot tougher since surviving severe dehydration in that whole ‘flight from Egypt’ thing, with the Hebrews.

  19. hobospacejunkie says at 2:28 pm, June 2nd, 2009

    Fox News Light: If only there were such a thing as karma, or jesus, or allah, or any of that silly fooferaw, then yeah. Since there isn’t, let’s all pile on the olds!

    Frankly I thought it irresponsible of Sen. Byrd to run for another term. It was pretty obvious then that he could hardly move and would end up missing lots of votes from a hospital bed.

  20. Jukesgrrl says at 4:55 pm, June 2nd, 2009

    Numbers-wise, Obama’s in a world of trouble if Byrd kicks, since these days all the KKK members in West Virginia are Republicans. His only hope is to get Bill Clinton to move to the Mountain State and run for Senate. It’s not so hard to believe. There are a lot of chubby chicks in West Virginia and Bill’s never been prejudiced against doing it in a trailer. And maybe Hillz could get them some foreign aid.

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