Wonkette
Man, our Monday news is just such a bummer! You got your lost French airliner, your dead abortion doctor, a venerable car-maker going bankrupt, and now the Republicans have quit shouting “racist bigot” at the nation’s first Hispanic Supreme Court nominee, so there is pretty much nothing fun or funny to talk about today. Thankfully, Bill Kristol is still around for laughs.
North Korea — why not start a war with these people, anyhow? Give it a whirl, see what happens.
Why do we have a software mogul as our Secretary of Defense when this guy is waiting in the wings?
Kristol and Hume Call for Targeted Air Strikes on North Korea [Matt Yglesias]
Kristol says “it may be worth doing some targeted air strikes” in North Korea, Hume agrees [Media Matters]
I suspect that the North Koreans agree with Mr. Kristol, as I imagine they would respond with targeted air strikes on downtown Seoul and Tokyo.
It’s not like anyone Bill knows would die. Just poor kids and gooks. What’s the problem?
You know, he just doesn’t seem like he’s trying that hard these days. Where’s the heart, you cock-gobbling warmonger, where’s the heart?
I, for one, would be happy to see Bill Kristol strapped onto the first nuke dropped in his proposed “war.”
I’m betting he thinks DMZ stands for Department of Moored Zeppelins.
Let’s send Kristol and Hume on a fact finding mission to North Korea, with one way tickets.
Mark Sanford: As a cock-gobbler, I resent the implied resemblance.
restart the Korean War!!! FTW!!
this is the kind of outside the box thinking that has served us so well for the past 8 years; it is hard to stop when you’re on a roll. Do the planes fly on to bomb Iran or is that the day after?
Last time Bill Kristol was happily touting a war, everything was just tits!
Oh and by all means let’s gin up that lame missile-defense/pork-distribution system to protect us against No Dong missiles loaded with Dont Work nukes. Jeff Sesssions’ll be so happy!
How do people this stupid make it into adulthood? Even the morons running national security during the Cheney administration understood that there were no good military options vis a vis North Korea.
Phone call from Obama to Kim:
Now then Jong-ily. You know how we’ve always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. The bomb, Jong-ily. The nuclear bomb. Well now what happened is, one of our deranged journalists, he had a sort of, well he went a little funny in the head. You know. Just a little… funny. And uh, he went and did a silly thing.
(listens)
Well, I’ll tell you what he did, he ordered US planes… to attack your country.
(listens)
Well let me finish, Jong-ily. Let me finish, Jong-ilyi.
(listens)
Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you imagine how I feel about it, Jong-ilyi? Why do you think I’m calling you? Just to say hello?
(listens) …..
octupletsmom: Or anything else!
Kristol has a face that’s just begging to be slapped. With a tire iron, preferably.
Kristol is so last century. Air strikes? C’mon, Newt Gingrich has already called for frickin’ laser beams to take out North Korea, so unless Kristol has something to top that, I’m not interested.
Hey, Bill, why don’t you propose we drop the Nude Bomb on them or something?
4tehlulz:
“I suspect that the North Koreans agree with Mr. Kristol, as I imagine they would respond with targeted air strikes on downtown Seoul and Tokyo.”
Which, when you think about it, may be just the thing to happen to get GM back on their feet. They do make Toyotas in Tokyo, don’t they?
And now the Chinese have cut diplomatic relations with the North Koreans. Jesus fuck, Cheney’s cold, skeletal fingers reach into the most unlikely places. Oh, well, let’s get our war on. This two front fighting is for pussies.
Bill & Brit: Why can’t we resume fire bombing Tokyo? That’ll certainly send a message to Little Kim.
Downtown Seoul is in artillery range of North Korea. Kristol should at least be standing there during his no-big-deal airstrikes.
ManchuCandidate: I’d like to really, really, punish the North Koreans by dropping Charles Krauthammer on them from about 20,000 feet, wheelchair, Sippy-Straw, urine bag and all.
From the North Korean side of the DMZ they can reach Seoul with artillery and the NKs’ have a a fucking shitload of heavy artillery, as well as tunnels to hide it in if we choose to launch “targeted airstrikes”.
We also have about 35,000 soldiers stationed in SK and only the boy scouts available for emergency deployment if the NKA decides to “re-engage” with our GI-Joes.
In short, it’s a good time for the right wing to shut the fuck up before their mouths write a check our National ass can’t cash.
Good sweet Muslim Christ, what the fuck Bill Kristol? It’s like the laughter of children, the smiles of young lovers, the sound of music, and the absence of gunfire are all things that hates, since he is Hell’s stupidest demon. Every word that comes out of his mouth must be directed toward his goal of insuring that every human alive has shrapnel wounds or white phosphorous burns.
Life was better in 1950’s America. There, I said it.
HomoPolitico: Fair point, but Bill is the wrong kind of cock-gobbler: the warmongering kind.
S.Luggo:
General “Buck” Turgidson: Hmm… KrautHammer? What kind of a name is that? That ain’t no US America name is it, Stainesey?
Mr. Staines: He changed it when he became a citizen. Used to be Chickenhawk.
Bill Crystal remakes a classic:
I said, war, huh
Good God, y’all
What is it good for
Just about everything
Say it again
War, whoa, Lord
What is it good for
Just about everything
Listen to me
War, it ain’t nothing
But a funmaker
War, leads to profit for the commentators
Ooooh, war
We need to start more, even if we have to lie
Then we can drop bombs, and tell the enemy goodbye
We’ll get to enjoy explosions, and the smell of napalm
And only the foreign and the poor die!
Aaaaah, war-huh
Good God y’all
What is it good for
Just about everything
Crab1:
Does that include the 36,516 ‘Murikans who died Over There?
dijetlo: I have been there and you are correct, the South would be overrun past Seoul before we could respond with any force to make a difference.
I don’t know for sure but I would guess he is not a military veteran as were shrub, darth channey, rumpls, limpbaugh, as are the typical neocon.
Blood, guts, not his, and heroism, his of course, it takes bravery to want others to shed blood.
With these guys the solution is either cut taxes or start a war.
Is there no White Christian Man who will teabag this Krauthammer? For FREEDOM and JESUS.
I always look to Bily Kristol and Brit Hume for guidance. And thank God we have some American white men to keep a clear head about what direction we should go in these trying times of muslim dictatorship.
Hell, we couldn’t even whip little old Iraq.
I say we send Kristol across the DMZ with the weapon of his choice. That should satisfy him.
You people dishonor Dr. Kristol’s brave military service (in the KISS army). Bill knows that Lil’ Kim’s missiles will be able to hit Alaska soon enough, and his bff, Caribou Barbi, lives there.
S.Luggo: Are you trying to punish Charlie Krauthammer or North Korea? If it’s the latter, you’d see to it that Mr. Cockknocker SURVIVES the landing. Give it a couple months. They’ll decommission their shit just so we’d take him back.
Because the last war those two mongered us into went so well….
WadISay: Agreed. If Kristol and Hume really believe what they are saying, they should be on the next plane to Seoul, so they can stand in the middle of downtown when the North Korean response comes in.
Bill Kristol would only agree to be the Secretary of Defense if they changed the name back to the War Department.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Right, but given their pantswetting when confronted by uppity women, I’m not sure they’d survive to see the first shells hitting the ground, They’d soil themselves and die the second the raid sirens sounded.
Bill Kristol, a walking, talking Doomsday Machine.
dijetlo: If the NKs can hit downtown Seoul with a mere several thousand artillery rounds per minute for the first several hours of the war, then those are just a few hours that must be willfully ignored in the mind of noted human fecalith Bill Kristol. All the death and carnage that comes after too. But we must have our airstrikes!
Barry White Zombie: True dat
The problem is, we’d be back here inside of a month, and then we’d have to start doing this.
A month, however, is much, much longer than the average conservative can imagine so…let’s do it, it’ll make excellent TV and we can just move the dead soldiers from the Pusan perimeter to Afghanistan before turning them over to graves registration, thus making them “War on Terror” dead instead of “We fucked up” dead.
We should just parachute Bill Kristol in there and he can bore them to death. Wait, never mind–WAR CRIME.
I think he should move to South Korea and say that again.
It’s interesting to note that almost all (if not all) the people who always want to go to war never served a day in the military.
Com’on, people - think about it….North Korea being one big glassy parking lot for all those new cars the Chinese are buying….I vote we send in the snowbillies to handle this. They’re close.
I agree that targeted air strikes WOULD help with the problem, so long as they’re targeted at Bill Kristol’s house.
CockedAle: Well, boys, I reckon this is it. Nookler combat, toe to toe with Kim Jong Il.